Chapter Fifty-Five
The Caged
Soft fingers brush my face. I relish in the feel as I stretch in the bed, my limbs heavy and tired.
“You came back.” He says softly and I open my eyes to Nithe’s. He has a surprised smile on his face.
“Kass found me in the library and made me.” I respond quietly.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I am. I shouldn’t have said those things. I know you are not Tobias and I have been comparing you against him. It’s not fair to you.” I admit, shame coating my voice.
“Yeah, well I could have been nicer too.” We are quiet for a second and then he smiles. “Did you really fall asleep in the library dressed like that?” I nod and bite my lip. “Thank gods no one saw you.” My eyes widen as I release my lip and roll onto my back.
“Well, someone did see me. Three people actually.” I admit reluctantly.
“Who?” He says, his voice a little rough.
“Mama Collette and Kass.”
“You met Mama wearing a nightgown? I bet she thought you were one of the—wait. You said three people.”
“Nero.” His silence is palpable as he slowly sits up and slides off the bed.
“Of course.” He clears his throat.
“Nithe.”
“Don’t.”
“Stop acting like this is a relationship.”
“Stop acting like it’s not!” He snaps. I sit up and watch him step into the dressing room, his bare back flexing, scales and swirls of dark ink coating the tan skin.
“Name only.”
“No. Stop fucking saying that.” He steps out of the dressing room pulling a shirt on. “You want to go around and screw every guy here? Fine. But the second you do that; I can’t protect you. I can’t keep you safe.”
“I don’t need you to keep me safe!”
“Yes, you do! You think you are safe in here? Safe with Nero? You’re not.
Nobody knows him, he just appeared. What about with my father?
You think your little stunt was enough to keep him checked?
It wasn’t . You are so gods damn strong, Elaenor.
But you are untrained in magic and combat and court affairs.
I am trying to help you, but you are too damn stubborn to see that. ”
“I know you are trying to help me. I know that, Nithe.” I scoot over to his side of the mattress and sit up on my knees, making us level.
I reach out for his face, and he slaps my hands away.
“I know.” I try again and he lets me. His stubble pokes into my hands, but I just hold his face tighter.
He reaches up and grabs my wrists. “I don’t know how to act or what to do.
I don’t know how to be anything other than scared. ”
“Let me help you.” He whispers, pleads. I hold his gaze, light purple eyes meeting mine. “Let me be there for you.” He releases my wrists and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. “Let me help you heal.” My eyes search his as he hesitates.
“Okay.” I whisper, my heart racing. His lips brush mine softly, and I lean back.
He pulls me tighter against him and when his lips brush mine again, I let him.
He kisses me slowly, softly. No sense of urgency, no carnal need.
Just softness, gentleness. His arms stay wrapped around me, his hands brushing underneath my breasts.
My fingers slide into his silky hair, getting caught in the small tangles.
The kiss doesn’t deepen, it doesn’t escalate.
It just stays pure, and when he pulls away, I’m not left in pain.
I feel almost whole.
“No expectations. A kiss doesn’t have to have expectations.” Our foreheads touch and I nod. “We can do everything and nothing, whatever you want.” I nod again. One of his hands slides off my back to brush my stomach, his fingers skimming over the barely there bump.
“I’m estimating at least 2 or 3 months.” I whisper. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be showing.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He says.
“It does, because if it’s been a few months then I know without a doubt that it’s his, and not one of theirs.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Scared. Kassius and I spoke.”
“And?”
“He thinks we should have Enzo end this.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the shadows? About seeing him?” He presses.
“I didn’t know if it was real or not. I thought it was just in my head.
No one has even attempted to teach me how to use this aether.
Nobody is doing anything. Enzo says when we get to Labisa someone can help, but I need help now.
And I can’t even properly use it if I have Tobias’s shadows flowing through my veins.
” He opens his mouth to speak but the door opens, and Enzo’s voice replaces his.
“Why the hell did I just hear from a kitchenmaid that the queen fucked the general?” Nithe’s head whips around, his arm tightening around me.
“I did not!” I yell, my mouth falling open.
“Well apparently Mama Collette saw you two together last night with you dressed, well like that, holding hands.” Nithe turns back towards me and drops his arm.
“Enzo, shut up!” I snap. “Nothing happened, Nithe. I swear. I found myself downstairs after our fight and ended up in the kitchen. Mama Collette gave me some food and asked which one of the guys brought me here. I didn’t want her to know who I was, so I lied.
” My words come out rushed and panicked as I try to get him to look at me.
“She knows who you are!” He snaps and I bite my lip. “She was at the wedding, Elaenor. She’s brought you food. You have white hair, of course she knew who you were.”
“I was trying to not get caught.”
“Sneaking around with Nero?”
“I was not! He brought me to the library, and I told him he was getting too comfortable, too outspoken so I made him leave. I promise.” My voice raises an octave as I beg for him to believe me. Things just got better. Things just started to feel right.
“That’s not what I heard.” Enzo pipes up.
“Shut it!” Nithe says this time. I reach for his face.
“You have to believe me.” I whisper, holding his forehead to mine. Tears well up in my eyes as he stares at me.
“Enzo get out.” He snaps and I glance up to see him roll his eyes and shut the door. “You don’t speak to him or see him.” I push him away.
“No. That’s not how it’s going to go. You can’t order me not to talk to people—"
“I’m not ordering, little witch, I’m asking. You can say no and you can tell me to fuck off, but I am pleading for my sanity, just stay away from him. Something feels off. I don’t trust him.” I stay silent and hold his gaze. I don’t answer, I just reach up and press my lips to his.
He kisses me back, hungrier this time. I can feel his need for me as he pulls me against him, as his hands dig into my hair.
His teeth bite my lower lip and I wince.
My hands slide down his chest before I grab the hem of his tunic and pull it up.
He needs this. I need this. His lips break from mine for just a second as he rips his shirt off.
They slam back into mine, his hand coming around my back, holding me as pushes me onto the bed.
My legs wrap around his hips as he grinds into me.
I gasp against his mouth, and he takes that as his chance to explore my mouth with his tongue.
My legs tighten around him as he moves again, my back arching as heat pools deep in my belly.
My nails dig into his back, and he flinches.
I do it again, this time harder, and he groans into me.
He slides his hand in between us, lifting my dress.
His lips part from mine as he kisses his way down to my abdomen.
He tenses and I lift my head up. His eyes are on the brand, the letter carved into my stomach.
He bends down and brushes his lips across the flesh-colored bump.
“Never again.” He promises as his tongue flicks out and touches my skin. A sickening feeling rushes through me and I sit up, nearly throwing him off of me. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t.” I whisper, my voice pained as I try to inhale. I gasp trying to inhale sharply, my hands going numb. I force another inhale and a raspy squeak happens instead.
“Hey, it’s alright. You’re just having a panic attack.
” He brushes hair from my face as I start to hyperventilate.
“Breathe. It’s alright.” He breathes with me for a second and I dig my nails into his arm.
“In and out. Nice and slow. Whenever you feel this way, just breathe in and out.” I copy his breathing and he smiles.
“That’s it, come on little witch. You got it.
” I blink away the tears as I hold his gaze.
My heart calms and I take my first full deep breath.
“That’s my girl.” He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose .
I have breakfast with everyone in the library.
Scar sits between Emery and Enzo, both of them touching her any chance they get.
I almost feel sorry for one of them, and then she gives them equally loving glances.
I don’t pity them in their little relationship, but I don’t ever foresee her giving either of them up. Maybe she doesn’t have to?
Erik and Laenie are quiet and oddly sitting on opposite sides of the room.
Neither of them will look at each other and I catch Scarlett watching them too.
She shrugs and goes back to eating. I’m sitting on the floor in front of the table and Nithe is sitting behind me on the settee.
His knees cage me in between his legs and every time he leans forward, his free hand touches my face or my hair. Any part of me.
I keep flicking between enjoying it and feeling suffocated. But he doesn’t expect anything from me. Only what I am willing to give, and I can live with that. For right now.
I meet Kassius in the training room after breakfast. He stopped by and said we had to start training, and I was quick to accept.
Across the line that separates the stone floor and the grass, targets are set up. Canvas and hay made to look like chests and arms. I stare at their figures, ten of them lined up and ready. Ready for me to aim at? Hit?
I don’t know.
“I need to see them.” I spin around, my boots squeaking against the floor, to face Kassius.
“See what?”
“The shadows. Call your aether.” I sigh and look down at my hands. Pale palms stare back at me and I dig deep, searching for the spark. A tiny tingle starts in my palm, but nothing appears.
“I can’t call it.”
“Try harder.” He snaps and I look up at him.
“It’s not for a lack of trying, Kassius.” I snap back and he glares.
“Again!” He yells and I stare back at my hands. I dig my nails into my palms and then throw them open. A spark appears and is quickly snuffed out. I groan and try again. Another spark appears and this time I feel it in my arms.
Stars explode out of my hands, shooting straight to the ceiling. I squeal and throw myself back as debris rains down.
“Again.” He repeats. I stare up at him with renewed energy and open my palms. The sparks come easily, and I feel my entire body light up. I laugh as I stare up at the sparkling light in front of me.
“It’s so beautiful.” I whisper. I will for more power, more strength and then I spin, shoving my hand through the air and towards the first dummy. A bolt of star-filled lightning hits the target in the arm, the entire thing going up in flames.
“Again.” Kassius repeats it time after time until every target is burnt to a crisp. Men with buckets come and extinguish the flames before righting them back up on their stands. I smile and spin to look back at him. His eyes widen and he takes a step back.
“What?” I whisper.
“Your face.” My hand reaches up, but I feel nothing.
“What is it?” I say louder, panic coating my tongue like venom.
“Your veins, your eyes. They are black.” He stutters and takes a step forward. His fingers press to my cheek, and he gasps. “Gods, it’s true. It is the curse.” Tears prick my eyes, and he grabs my arm. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“You can’t keep this thing inside you.” He snaps as he drags me into the hallway.
“Kassius, wait!” I snap and pull myself to a stop.
“It will kill you. I can feel it. It feels just like her—Amaya. I don’t know what will become of you if we don’t deal with it now.” His voice is rushed, urgent.
“I’m scared.” I whisper and he grabs my arms.
“I won’t let anything happen to you.”