Chapter 19
“What do you mean?” Gage’s thumb traced the shell of my ear, his body pressing more firmly against me.
My couch was too narrow for two people, but neither of us seemed in a rush to move. This was the first time I’d had sex on it, or anywhere else in my bakery. This place had always been all mine. My sanctuary.
Somehow it felt right that Gage was the one I broke the place in with. Not in a frantic, heat-of-the-moment rush, but knowing exactly what risk I was taking.
His fingers slid into my hair, brushing damp strands off my temple. “It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me, baby. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do or say anything you aren’t ready for.”
My throat felt tight, like the words were stuck behind the wall I’d spent three years building. But they needed to be said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
My voice was barely audible, but Gage heard me. “You aren’t?”
It felt odd to be having a serious conversation with him while he was still inside me but also somehow right.
As though we were both at our most vulnerable while our bodies were tangled together, the world narrowed to just the two of us.
“I wouldn’t be here with you like this if I was planning to walk away. ”
“That’s good to know, baby.” We were close enough for me to feel the way his breath hitched. “Because I’m not going anywhere either. Not unless you tell me to leave.”
I gave him a quick kiss. “How about you move away just enough for us to get cleaned up and dressed?”
“Yeah, I can do that.” He captured my mouth, his tongue sliding against mine until I was breathless. Only then did he pull his still semi-soft dick from me. “Stay there, baby. I’ll be right back.”
I watched the muscles in his butt flex while he walked out of the room, grateful that the route to the employee bathroom couldn’t be seen from any of the windows.
He quickly returned with a wad of paper towels and helped clean me up before he pulled on his boxer briefs, pants, and shirt.
When I had my bra, panties, jeans, and top back on, he sat down and tugged me onto his lap.
“If you’re not going anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere…
would you be open to us being exclusive? ”
Maybe I should have been careful. Pulled back and put distance between us. Reminded myself that love didn’t erase the pain he put me through three years ago. But my defenses felt paper-thin when I was with him like this.
And being with anyone else now that I’d spent so much time with Gage again wasn’t something I could picture.
Something I’d already known deep down inside when I ended things with Jace.
Before Gage had shown me over and over again that he’d changed.
Beyond the thoughtful dates, how well he handled being forced to step down as CEO, and stepping in as my delivery person for the past week.
He was still going to therapy once a week, continuing to build on the skills he was learning there.
“Yes,” I whispered, twisting in his hold to meet his eyes. “I’d like that.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded.
He buried his face in my hair and held me tightly as he rasped, “I never thought I’d get to call you my girlfriend again. Fuck, Tessa. Thank you.”
He didn’t hide his relief or gratitude. The man who used to be so controlled let me see exactly how much my answer mattered.
And the rest of the wall I’d put up to protect myself came tumbling down. “I still love you.”
Although I’d admitted my feelings to myself, I hadn’t planned to say those words yet. It was too soon, but it was already out there now.
For one terrifying second, I thought I’d ruined everything, but then his hand cupped my cheek, and his gaze burned into mine with so much emotion.
“I love you too. I never stopped. Not for one goddamn day.”
His eyes glistened, and he didn’t bother blinking the moisture away. He just let me see the unvarnished truth.
We stayed like that, breathing each other in, until his thumb brushed my lower lip, and I felt the tremor in his hand. “I need to tell you something.”
I tried not to let the fear show in my expression. “Okay.”
“Back then, before everything went to hell…” His chest expanded on a deep sigh. “I bought you an engagement ring.”
The air left my lungs in a rush.
He had been planning to ask me to marry him.
All the what-ifs crashed over me at once. Where we would be right now if he’d made a different choice during that meeting with Rupert. If Vanessa hadn’t interfered in our relationship.
His arms tightened around me. “I carried it with me for months after. Didn’t matter that Vanessa had gone out and bought her own ring.
I still couldn’t bring myself to get rid of the one I’d chosen for you.
Even though I knew I’d lost you. Not until the day I made the second biggest mistake of my life and married her. ”
I liked that he hadn’t gotten Vanessa a ring but had bought one for me, but something else he said piqued my curiosity. “That was only the second worst?”
“I hit rock bottom the day I lost you.”
His answer made me equal parts happy and sad. It showed how much I meant to him, but it also made me think about the years together we’d lost.
I pressed my palm over his heart. “You have me back now.”
He grinned. “I do.”
His word choice was unfortunate. “But I’m not ready for a ring.”
“I get it.” He brushed his lips against mine. “Take all the time you need.”
I was glad that he understood we couldn’t rebuild trust overnight. That it might take a while to heal the damage left behind.
“I’m enjoying getting to know you all over again.”
“I am too. And I’m not going to drop to one knee anytime soon, baby,” he reassured with an understanding smile. “No pressure. I’m beyond fucking thrilled that you agreed for us to be exclusive. I just didn’t want to keep any secrets.”
“Thanks.”
Letting him back in was still risky. It still scared me. The memory of that voicemail still played on a loop in my head sometimes. So did the engagement announcement. But we’d come a long way in the past couple of months.
Maybe love wasn’t supposed to feel safe. All I knew was that being with Gage felt like coming home after being away for far too long. And my mom had taught me to be brave enough to unlock that door and walk through it.