Chapter 12 #2
“I understand.” Caleb’s calm, but there’s anger under the surface.
“We were married, and Malcolm had told my parents he’d take responsibility for the baby. And he did. But he never let me forget that the baby wasn’t his, and he’d talk endlessly about how he’d ‘saved’ me and that I owed him.”
Noah shifts his gaze to Caleb. “I always knew I wasn’t his. He made sure of that. I tried to find out about you, but Mum—”
“It was all too painful to think about. When I started my plan to leave years ago, I always knew we’d come here. I wanted to tell you, and I was working my way up to it …”
“But I came home and ruined everything.” Noah grins. He looks so much like Caleb, it leaves me breathless.
Caleb chuckles. He must see what I do. “There’s clearly no need for a paternity test.”
“I can’t believe you’re taking this so well.”
He squeezes my knee under the table. “I took the job at your house because I wanted to be here. After the way things ended, I needed to know you were okay.”
My throat tightens.
“And I knew there was more to the story than you’d told me. I can’t say I’m happy that I didn’t know I had a son out there, but I can see that life’s given you a battering, Emma.” He shifts his gaze to Noah. “Seeing you. I don’t know where to start.”
Noah frowns. “What do you mean?”
Caleb holds up his palms. “Nothing bad. It’s just that seeing you is like looking in a mirror. And I know you’re a grown man, but I’d like to get to know you.”
Noah’s shoulder’s relax. When he was growing up, all he wanted was a father who actually loved him. Malcolm made it clear that was never going to happen.
“This is all a lot to deal with.” He pushes away from the table. “I need some fresh air.”
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He grips my shoulder. “I will be. It might’ve helped if you’d warned me …”
“I didn’t know what to say to either of you.”
Noah nods. “I’ll leave you two to talk for a bit. Want me to do the school run?”
My gaze shifts to the clock and I gasp. I’d usually leave in about five minutes but hadn’t considered the time at all. Bailey and Kiera walk home now, but I walk to the nearby school to pick up Jason.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Noah bends and kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll be back.”
He eyes Caleb again on the way out.
“Are you okay?”
Caleb’s voice shakes me out of my thoughts.
“I’m glad it’s out. But I’m still scared.”
He reaches for my chin and pulls my gaze to his. “What are you scared of?”
“Noah’s had enough trauma in his life. Is this adding to it?”
“Trauma he could have been saved from if I’d known about him. Why? You’ve had years.” He swallows hard. “I didn’t want to do this in front of Noah, but I’m so pissed at you.”
Tears well in my eyes. “If you don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll understand.”
He hesitates a moment. “You really mean that, don’t you? The time I’ve spent here, I thought we were getting closer.”
I shift my gaze to the ceiling. “I chose Napier to bring Noah closer to you. I never thought that we would reconnect.” Blowing out a long breath, I look back at him.
“I don’t have any expectations where you’re concerned, Caleb.
For all I knew you were married and had children of your own.
But I needed time to get myself in a place where I could tell you about Noah. ”
“You had twenty-seven years.”
Shaking my head, I sigh again. “No, you don’t understand. Even after we left the church, I was so scared of Malcolm.”
“I get that, but surely—”
“No. You don’t get it.”
His eyes search mine. “Did he hit you?”
I shake my head. “No, but he did everything else. I spent years being mentally and emotionally abused. And that wasn’t all.
By the time we left the church, I was a shadow of the girl you knew.
I had Noah, but I also had a baby who needed me.
He’d threaten to take all of them away from me.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I just couldn’t see a way out. ”
His jaw sets, and in that moment, I see so clearly where Noah gets his expressions.
“Okay. I can accept that. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I missed out on everything. From his first words, to his first steps and every single thing after that. So, I’m not going anywhere.”
I blink back tears. Seeing Caleb again has reawakened feelings in me that I forgot existed. I was so in love with him at sixteen. And forty-three-year-old me doesn’t seem to feel that much different.
But he’s so worldly in a way I’m not, and the hope that sparked between us is fizzling out right in front of me.
“You could have told him where to find me. He’s not a child.”
“I know.” Tears roll down my cheeks. “I was still scared. If Malcolm found out—”
His eyes soften. “He was real bastard to you.”
“Yes, he was.”
Caleb pulls me into his arms while I sob on his shoulder. He gives me comfort even though he must be angry with me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” I whisper.
“You have other children, but there’s a big gap.”
I nod. “After Noah was born, Malcolm didn’t want any more children for a while which was fine by me, and then when he decided it was time …”
Caleb’s nostrils flare, and I know what he’s thinking. And he’s right. I had no control over anything back then—even less than I did in later years.
“I had a couple of miscarriages. I was still in my early twenties, and then he decided to take a break which I was really relieved about. I don’t know if I could have taken much more.
It was nearly ten years after Noah’s birth that I got pregnant again with one that stuck.
And two years after that, we had our second daughter.
” I take a deep breath. “I thought that was it, but Malcolm always thought ahead, always planned to keep me with him for as long as possible. Kiera was six when he decided it was time for another baby.”
“Emma.” His tone’s so soft. I don’t think he’s going to push me to go into any more detail, and I don’t think I can. “I wish I’d known.”
“I know.” I sniff. “It was the thought of you that kept me going—the thought that one day I’d introduce you to your son.”
His eyes search mine. “I’m looking forward to getting to know him. If he’ll let me.”
Tears roll down my cheeks, and he pulls me closer again.
“I’d love that. He’s never had a real dad.”
Caleb presses a kiss to my temple. “I know you’re a package deal. But I’m here. And I don’t plan on being anywhere else.”
“It’s a lot to ask. I know that.”
He chuckles. “We can take our time. Get to know each other. But I want you to know the fact that you have children isn’t going to stop me. Wait until you meet Chloe’s mob.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I’m hoping you’ll let me in. Especially now I know you’re the mother of my child.”
I turn my head toward him. “He’s a grown man. I’m not expecting—”
“I don’t want to spend time with you because of him. I want you, Emma. I’m not sure I ever stopped.”
Caleb presses a long kiss to my forehead.
“Caleb, I …”
“I’ll get out of here before your kids come back. I think we’ve all been through enough for today. The door is done. I’ll see you again early next week.”
I’m numb as he jogs up the stairs to grab his things, and before I can even react, he’s gone.
The silence won’t last.
Before long there’ll be laughter and all the wonderful noise my children couldn’t make in our past life.
Now it’s unbridled.
Caleb’s words churn through my thoughts. He wants me? I never saw that coming.
He’s ridiculously attractive—even more so than when we were younger, but me?
When I look in the mirror, I see an older version of me—one who had the life sucked out of her. I can’t say the spark is fully back, but every day I get a little further away from everything I went through.
And now my father threatens to drag me back.
I’ll fight tooth and nail if I have to.
He can’t win.