Chapter Twenty-Seven
Erin loved the feeling of the wind blowing through her hair as they drove out to Point Lobos in Jay’s SUV. The dogs were in the back, and a sense of deep contentment she’d never known before spread through her as she contemplated an afternoon walking the dogs along the nature trails.
They walked hand in hand, chattering about work and mutual friends, and then books they were both enjoying. At one point, Jay stopped and pointed down to where a trio of otters were playing in a cove. They were as playful as puppies, untroubled by the world. Just the way she was feeling. They kept walking, the trails familiar to Erin, and she pointed out her favorite trees and views. They squinted, looking out over the ocean, where she told him sometimes you could see whales sounding as they traveled back and forth, but no such luck today. It was a beautiful hot day, and they passed families, other couples holding hands, and a group of three women, obviously close friends, chatting up a storm.
At an especially picturesque viewpoint, hot from the afternoon sun, they took a seat on the wooden bench and drank deeply from their water bottles. Jay pulled out a collapsible water dish for the dogs and they lapped happily, then Buzzy and Nelson curled up at their feet, panting.
Because it felt right and she knew it was time, she said, “Jay, you told me a lot about your past and I really appreciate that you trusted me.”
He looked slightly surprised at her serious tone. “Of course. And I’ll trust you to decide when you want to write that story.”
She took a breath of the salt-tinged air. She needed to get this out, needed to tell him. “It’s not that... it’s that, well, I have a story too.”
Almost as though he knew she needed his support, he put an arm around her and pulled her against him. “Okay. I’m listening.”
The cocky, joking Jay was truly gone, and in his place was the thoughtful one, the guy who read poetry and chose a scrappy rescue dog and made love to her as though she was the only woman in the world who mattered.
She said, “When I was in college, I had a really bad experience, and I think it affected me for years. No, I know it did.” She paused. “Remember when you claimed that I always choose geeky guys who don’t challenge me? There’s a reason why.”
He didn’t say a word, just squeezed her shoulder. His eyes on hers were serious, clear, understanding. She had to glance away. She watched the ocean while she told him, haltingly, everything she’d told Mila. The charming, cocky student. The three dates they’d been on, and then how he’d forced his way into her bedroom, how he had tried—and failed—to force himself on her.
“All these years I’ve felt like it was somehow my fault,” she concluded. “Like I’d led him on—I’ve been so ashamed.”
She didn’t cry, but her voice shook a little. He turned her to face him, tipped her chin up until she met his gaze. His eyes were clouded with emotion—a mix, it seemed, of tenderness toward her and anger at the man who had tried to harm her.
His voice was rough. “First, no man who has the right to call himself that would ever, ever treat a woman the way that no-account piece of crap treated you. I’ve known men like that. They give the rest of us a bad name. You are honest and decent and nothing that happened was your fault.”
Even though she now knew how true that was, with the benefit of hindsight, it was still good to hear him say those words.
Then he said, looking now like steam might start coming out of his ears, “What’s his name? Whoever he is, I’m going to find him and kill him.”
The note of deep sincerity in his voice almost made her think he might. She shook her head and then gave him a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. “You’re too good to even go near a guy like him. He’s not worth going to jail for. He’s nothing.”
“You’re right there,” Jay agreed. “He’s less than nothing.”
“Besides, I managed to fight him off myself.”
“You sure did.” He looked proud for a moment.
Erin sighed, but it was a happy sigh. She had felt much better after she’d finally shared her story with Mila, but now that Jay knew too, she felt a thousand times lighter. “I honestly had no idea how much keeping this inside hurt me. How much it held back my heart.”
And then he kissed her, a soft, sweet, understanding kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other and just held on. They didn’t talk about it anymore. They didn’t have to. What had begun with Mila, in a kind of letting go of the awful shame and self-loathing Erin had felt all these years, was feeling even more significant now that she’d shared her story again, with Jay.
They stood and walked on, and then Jay said, “I can’t believe the guy’s still alive anyway. How did Howie and your brothers not take him apart?”
“Because they never knew. I never told anyone, until I told Mila a few days ago.”
Once more he stopped and turned her to face him. “Are you saying I’m only the second person you’ve ever told?”
She nodded mutely. He pulled her in again for a hug and whispered in her ear, “I am so honored.”
If she’d had any doubts about her feelings for Jay, they all melted away in that moment.
She loved him. Wholly and completely, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. But after the day’s confession, she wasn’t ready yet to tell him so. Things between them were already moving too fast. Besides, there was the not insignificant issue of her brothers, especially Arch, all of whom would have something to say about their choice of each other.
For now, she just wanted to enjoy their newfound intimacy. Now there was nothing she couldn’t say to him. Nothing he wouldn’t understand. Nothing he couldn’t say to her and know that she would also understand. It was bliss. Pure and simple.
By the end of their walk, they were both famished, so he took her to Cannery Row for lobster rolls. She loved his suggestion, which was about as far as they could get from an uptight, exclusive restaurant.
As they took a seat, he told her that he’d been doing a little more research on romantic comedies, even talked to a couple of screenwriters he knew. And here she’d thought the script he’d begun was more of a joke or a kind of a romantic gesture than something he was actually taking seriously. But she should have known that once Jay got an idea in his head, he didn’t let it go until he’d brought the thing home. It was, she realized now, one of the qualities she most loved about him.
She smiled to herself at the thought, and then took a fry from the basket that had arrived along with their lobster rolls. They shared a pool of ketchup, both dipping their French fries into it, and when he chomped into his lobster roll, he got a little mayonnaise on his cheek. She leaned forward and wiped it away with her thumb. This meal probably cost about a hundredth of what the fancy one had, and she enjoyed it so much more.
In fact, everything felt so right and so easy it scared her a little. She just hoped that Jay’s feelings for her were as strong as hers for him.
After dinner, they agreed that they didn’t want the day to end, so they drove back to Jay’s place and the pair of them settled in the library. She couldn’t decide which was her favorite room in the house. Was it the upstairs bedroom, with its amazing view and the Barbara Hepworth sculpture? Or in fact this room, with its beautiful bookshelves crowded with so many amazing books, and the stylish but comfy furniture that simply insisted a person curl up, flip the gas fireplace on, and read. She was looking along the shelves for something new, picking up books, some of which she’d either read or always meant to, and putting them back. And then she spied a shelf of board games.
She turned to him. “I love Scrabble.”
He took off his reading glasses and grinned at her. He’d been reading the Sea Shell . Adorably. “Ever played strip Scrabble?”
She put her hands on her hips and stared at him. “Strip Scrabble? Is that even a thing?”
He said, “I don’t know. Should we find out?”
It turned out they were both pretty good at Scrabble. He came up with exudate , which gave him the X and a whole bunch of points. But she countered with nexus , using both the X and a U. They figured the best way to play strip Scrabble was to take off a piece of clothing every time they tried to play a word that didn’t exist in the Scrabble rulebook.
She added a little extra spice by suggesting that whatever part of herself she revealed, he should crawl over and give it a kiss or lick. There was the inside of her wrist when she took off her shirt, her ankle when she took off a sock. Then he had to help her off with her jeans, kissing his way from the bottom of her foot, to the inside of her knee, and up her thigh. But even though she was wet and aching for him, he stopped when he got to the barrier of her panties. She was dying to come up with a new, unheard-of word. And then her imagination, along with her body, fired up and soon they were both naked. She got everything she wanted as they made love on the floor, then with her bent over one of the leather club chairs, until finally, exhausted, they collapsed in a heap on the sofa.
He bent to pick up some of the letters scattered all over the floor. He found an E and placed that on one of her nipples. The R went on the other nipple. Then an I between her breasts and an N right on top of her navel.
She glanced down at herself. “Is this so you can remember my name?”
“That’s good. We should use this scene in our movie.”
She laughed, then had to stop and gather up all the boldness inside her. “Jay, I’m scared. I’m not your usual girl and you’re not my usual guy.”
He turned and kissed her softly. “I’m scared too. But what I feel for you is unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life.” He was so much more open in his response than she’d ever thought he’d be that she softened.
She would trust them both to follow their hearts.
They collected their clothes and Erin realized she was hungry again. “All that lovemaking really works up an appetite.”
Jay agreed and said he’d throw together a light supper. In the kitchen, he was in his underwear opening a bottle of white wine, when the doorbell rang. “I’m expecting a delivery—do you mind getting that?”
“Not at all.” Since they kept tearing off each other’s clothes anyway, she hadn’t bothered putting all hers back on again. All she wore was Jay’s shirt, which she loved because she had to roll up the cuffs and it hung down on her like a dress. She figured she was decent enough to answer the door.
She opened it, ready to sign for whatever Jay was expecting, when she got the shock of her life. Her brother Damien stood on the step. It was all she could do not to slam the door in his face and run back inside.