Chapter 7
. . .
Reuben
Sunshine Boy—no, Xavier—looks like he wants to laugh as he reaches out to shake my hand. I swallow hard, feeling panic tear at the edges of my brain. This cannot be real. I must have fallen asleep and dreamed up this fucking nightmarish scenario.
“Reuben?” Jez prompts.
Xavier still has his hand outstretched. “Sorry,” I say, setting my bottle down and clasping his hand. That spark flares again, and I’m uncomfortably aware that I am currently wearing the sticky remains of his come on my belly.
“How lovely to meet you,” he says decorously, his eyes sparkling with pure enjoyment of the situation.
“Likewise.” I stop and clear my throat. “It’s nice that you’re here.”
“Oh yes. Definitely,” he says in a very serious voice, completely spoilt by the pisstaking air that surrounds him like fairy dust.
Jez’s gaze is traveling rapidly between us, and I realise I’m still holding Xavier’s hand. I immediately drop it like he’s radioactive.
A silence falls that Xavier completely fails to bridge. His eyebrows rise as he looks at first Jez and then at me, and I feel a shaft of admiration for his complete lack of giving a shit.
“Oh,” Jez says, jerking his chin towards the door. “I booked a table. I’ll just go and check if we can go in.”
He vanishes from the bar, and for a few seconds, there’s silence. Then Xavier says in a chatty voice, “Well, I must say this isn’t how I thought today would go.”
I groan and rub my face hard. “Fuuck.” He snorts, and I glance at his face. “Is this funny to you?”
He grins. “You have to admit the whole situation has a certain amount of piquancy.”
“Did you swallow a dictionary this afternoon?”
“No. Just a huge amount of sem—”
“Oh my god, look at that,” I interrupt him loudly as Jez returns.
Jez looks around, eyes wide. “What?”
“Oh, erm, just that stag’s head on the wall. I’ve never seen anything so big.”
“I think I’ve said that a couple of times today myself,” Xavier says solemnly.
I fight the twin urges of shoving him into the fireplace or laughing. I do neither. The fire isn’t lit, and if I start laughing, I might not stop.
Jez frowns. “You are behaving very weirdly,” he informs me.
“You are not wrong,” I say grimly.
Jez gestures in what I presume is the direction of the dining room. “Table is ready.”
“Great,” I say through gritted teeth.
He walks away disappearing into the dining room, while we slowly follow, Xavier falling in at my side. He’s plastered a demure look on his face that manifestly does not suit him.
“Nice hickey,” he whispers. “Whoever did that must have been very talented with their mouth.”
“Shut up,” I snap, fighting the urge to laugh. “As it happens, he was very inexperienced and quite crap at intimate contact.”
He snorts. “You are the biggest liar that ever lied.”
I shake my head. “Elderly relative? That’s who you said you were meeting.”
He laughs. “Well, I wasn’t wrong.”
“And what does that make me? I’m the same age as your father.” I suck in a deep breath. “Oh my god, I fucked Jez’s son.”
He stops walking, and for the first time, I see anger on that sunny face. “I am not his son. I’ve never been that, and I probably won’t be in the future. I’m my own person. Xavier Conway.”
I nod. “I’m sorry,” I say gravely. “You’re right.”
His crossness vanishes, and he smiles at me, sunny once more. “You can’t help it, daddy.”
“Please do not ever call me that,” I say, horrified.
He laughs. The sound is lovely—full of life and humour.
Jez reappears. “Are we eating in this century?” he snaps, his mouth turning down sulkily.
I sense the beginning of one of his moods. “Chill out,” I warn him.
Xavier’s watching him thoughtfully, and I usher him into the dining room, following Jez. I only realise my hand is on Xavier’s back when I feel the warm skin beneath the cotton of his T-shirt. I immediately drop my hand as if he’s scalded me.
The waiter seats us at a table overlooking the grounds.
Fairy lights have been strung across the patio, and in the distance, the Sturgeon Moon hangs full and round, bathing the countryside in a silvery glow.
I mentally frame the shot, and my fingers twitch as if searching for my camera. When I look up, Xavier is watching me.
I immediately reach for the menu. “I’m starving. What’s everyone having?”
The next few minutes are spent ordering food and drink, but when the waiter has left, an awkward silence falls. Jez stares moodily out of the window. I kick him hard on the ankle.
He jerks. “What the hell?”
I nod at Xavier, who’s currently watching the room with bright eyes.
Jez grimaces. “So, how are your grandparents?” he asks.
Xavier meets his gaze. “Oh, do you know them?”
Jez coughs and runs a finger along his collar. “Well, no.”
“Well, Cynthia and Brian are fine, thank you. Hale and hearty and running the local branch of the conservative association as if it’s their own personal fiefdom.”
I snort, and Jez directs a fulminating glance at me. “Well, that’s… That’s good,” he finally says.
Xavier props his chin on his hand. His ocean eyes are wide and sparkling with mischief. “So, you and my mum? Was it a love story to rival the ages? I’m sure it was.” He flutters his eyelashes.
Jez blinks, and I bite my lip to hold in my smile. “Have your grandparents told you anything about us?” Jez asks after a moment.
Xavier shakes his head in a very slow exaggerated fashion. I mouth at him out of Jez’s sightline, Don’t be naughty.
“Well, erm, it wasn’t really a big love story,” Jez mumbles. “No shade on your mum, of course.”
“Of course,” he replies gravely.
“We met at a club and had a bunk-up over a weekend.”
“Bunk-up?” I say, flabbergasted. “Bunk-up?”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up. Xavier knows how it is.”
“Not really,” he replies. “I’ve had a surprisingly innocent childhood considering that my grandma was a famous jewel thief.”
Jez blinks. “Cynthia was a burglar?”
“Oh yes. She fed me cabbage soup and then tried to steal the crown jewels.”
I narrow my eyes. “That’s the plot of Gangsta Granny. It was on TV at Christmas.”
He starts to laugh, and I join him. I sober when I see Jez glaring at us. He has never liked being the butt of jokes. Never stops him from doing it to others, though.
Xavier pats Jez’s arm. “Relax. I know you were just a hookup of my mama’s.”
“Did your… Did your mum ever speak about me?”
“No. I don’t think you were that memorable, to be honest.”
Jez’s eyes kindle, and I look up in relief when the waiter arrives with our starters. “Thank Christ,” I say loudly. The waiter freezes before setting down the plates and scurrying off.
Xavier starts to laugh. “You must have worked up an appetite today, Reuben.”
Jez rolls his eyes. “He hooked up today. Only been here a couple of hours and pulled.”
“Wow. Fast worker,” Xavier says solemnly.
I focus intently on my plate. If I look at him, I will laugh.
Xavier stirs. “I’m curious about something, Jez. You were really insistent about meeting here. Why this hotel out of all the hotels in England?”
Jez looks at me and I shrug. He turns back to his son. “We’ve got a funeral next week.”
“But you both look so spry.”
I bite my lip to hold in a smile. Jez doesn’t look amused.
“Not us. It was an old acquaintance of ours—a man called Sean. Reuben had already booked a room in the hotel because he was going to visit Sean who lived nearby, but then he died.” He shrugs.
“It didn’t seem worth Reuben losing his deposit, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and meet you here. ”
“Oh my god,” I breathe.
Xavier looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “Well, I do like a man who can multitask.” He sobers. “Were you close to this Sean?”
Jez shakes his head. “Not really. He was more friendly with Reuben.”
He stops talking so I elaborate. “He was sort of a mentor to me when we entered the profession. Sean was a brilliant photographer, and he helped me a lot when I needed it.”
Xavier’s face is absorbed, his eyes serious for the first time since I met him. “What was he like?”
I consider that for a long beat, my memories suddenly startlingly vivid.
“He was clever. There wasn’t anything he didn’t know about world politics, and he shared his knowledge easily, unlike some others who store it like gold to be parcelled out in small portions.
He was kind too. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.
” I hesitate. “I think the job chewed him up, spat him out, and left him with nothing for himself in the end. He committed suicide.” I stop talking, unable to believe I just spewed that many words.
Jez is looking at me incredulously and I feel my cheeks redden.
“I’m so sorry.” Xavier’s voice is heartfelt and I give him a crooked smile.
“Thank you. He was a good man. I miss him already.”
Jez shudders. “Christ, stop with all that gloomy shit.” He has a superstitious fear of talking about the awful effect our job can have on us. He seems to think that if he doesn’t talk about Sean’s fate, it won’t happen to him. He turns to Xavier. “So, how did you know to get in touch with me?”
He shrugs. “My mum left a diary. I read it and found out about you.” He runs his fork down the tablecloth idly.
He hasn’t touched his food yet. “Turns out my mother was a lady in the street and a freak in the bed, as Usher once said. I had to read through way too many chapters of random sexual encounters before she even mentioned your name.” I wince, and he shrugs.
“She could have had a career as the next EL James if she’d wanted. ”
Jez coughs. “You understood about the blood test I asked for, then?”