Chapter 14 #2
I make my way down the steep road past a shed selling snacks and coffee. I end up at the water’s edge on a small, tarmacked area looking out over the loch. I can hear the sloshing of the water against the shore and the sigh of the wind in the trees.
A bird calls out a lonely sound, and I suddenly feel like I’m the last man on earth. It makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable. I haven’t liked my own company for a long time. Quiet places make my doubts louder, and my whole life I’ve tried to fill these moments with wildness to drown them out.
When I exhale, my breath is a cloud on the air, and I shiver, but I’m held captive by the view and don’t move on.
The sky is huge, and it feels like I’m standing at the edge of the world.
Overhead, dark clouds skud briskly, offering occasional glimpses of blue sky and a ray of sunshine.
In the distance, the mountains stand tall, looking ancient.
They’re dressed in their brown and green winter colours and have been softened by a low-lying mist so they resemble a watercolour painting.
Footsteps sound behind me, and somehow, I know it’s him. The rope that’s always bound us together is still there, still intact. All my efforts have done nothing to fray it. As soon as he’s near, I feel the tug and pull in my bones.
Something heavy and warm falls onto my shoulders. The blanket from the car.
“It’s cold,” he says gruffly.
“Thank you. Originally, I looked fashionable. Now I just look like I’ve escaped from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
“You frequently act like it, too.”
I snort and pull the folds of the blanket around me. The ferry is crossing the loch towards us. It’s painted white and black with bunting flapping jauntily.
“Come on,” Reuben says. “Let’s head back to the car.”
I sneak a last look at the view and traipse after him.
Within a few minutes, the ferry has backed up, and cars are slowly making their way onto it. Reuben waves to the man in the kiosk.
“You’re known here?” I say, feeling too weary to resist asking him a personal question, as I usually have done.
“I take the ferry a lot, and Mull is a fairly small community.”
Soon it’s our turn to drive onto the ferry, and Reuben manoeuvres the car into the spot that a man in an orange, fluorescent jacket is indicating. Reuben turns the engine off and looks over at me. “Do you want to sleep in the car or go up top?”
“Up top,” I say immediately. “I need more fresh air.”
He nods. “Hang on. The deck isn’t enclosed, and it’s cold today. Dean got you some stuff because you only had an overnight bag with you in Edinburgh. I’m sure I saw a coat somewhere in amongst the stuff.”
He exits the car and I hear him going through items in the back. He returns in seconds, toting a navy Canada Goose parka with the tag still on it.
“Good grief. I don’t need that,” I say, climbing out of the car as he gestures with the parka. “It’s for polar conditions.”
“You certainly do and will,” he immediately says, his voice very firm. “It’s October, and it’s fucking freezing on Mull, Xavi.”
His mouth snaps shut, and I freeze. The last time I heard that nickname was in a hotel room in Prague. I’d threatened to get up from the bed and never see him again if he repeated it, and I haven’t heard it since. Until now.
“Sorry,” he says quickly.
I roll my eyes. “Oh, please. If you start apologising, we’ll lose the daylight.”
He snorts and holds out the parka so I can slip into it. He fusses with the zip and gets the hood correctly positioned, but I hop from foot to foot impatiently. The cramped surroundings amongst the other cars, combined with the smell of diesel and petrol, make my stomach roil.
When I make a small sound of distress, he looks up at me and blanches. I’m pretty sure I’m a faint green colour.
“Fresh air,” he says quickly. He reaches into the car and grabs two paper cups from the cup holders.
They have steam coming from them that I didn’t notice before.
He stuffs a couple of packets of biscuits in the pocket of his own parka and then ushers me up some steep iron steps.
We come out into a seating area with red plastic seats fixed to the floor. I inhale the cold air greedily.
“Reuben,” an old man in a cap says. “How are you?”
“Oh, you know, Fergus,” Reuben replies, smiling easily.
“Going to be a choppy crossing,” he says cheerfully, and I groan.
“Wonderful,” I whisper, directing a furious glance at Reuben. This is all his fault. I could be recuperating in a luxury hotel room right now if it weren’t for him.
“Had business on the mainland, did you?” the man asks, giving me a curious look.
I smile sweetly. “Yes, he had to pick me up. Oh dear. I hope the ferry isn’t delayed, or he’ll find his bill climbing a bit steeply. I charge by the hour, you know.”
The man blinks, and Reuben smiles at him. “Nice to see you, Fergus,” he says placidly.
He guides me towards some seats at the front, which are blessedly private. I sink into the seat, and he falls in next to me. For a second, we’re silent, and then I hear a soft snort. When I look over, he’s laughing silently, but so hard that there are tears in his eyes.
“Oh, shut up,” I say, and he laughs harder.
“That’s done wonders for my reputation,” he announces.
“Which is probably akin to something grumpier than the Grinch.” He snorts again. “You’re very welcome,” I add sweetly. “You know I exist to make you happy.”
“You always have.”
“Pardon?” I direct a startled look at him.
He gazes serenely out over the water and doesn’t answer.
There’s a grinding noise, and the ferry sets off. I look around curiously. “I don’t think I’ve ever been on a ferry before,” I say.
“Really?” His attention is like a living thing. He’s always been interested in me. Even when he was being cruel, I knew he was fascinated by my every response. Odd that the bad memories don’t have as much power today.
An alarm sounds, and I blink. “Oh, dear. Are we going down?”
“Not something you’ve ever complained about before,” the smart alec replies.
“I don’t usually vomit when I do that,” I reply mildly.
“It’s just the engine. Everything is fine.”
The ferry is open to the elements, and a strong breeze picks up, blowing my hair back as we pick up speed. I can hear the slosh of the water and the chug of the engine, and I might enjoy the trip if I didn’t still feel so fucking sick.
“Concentrate on the horizon,” Reuben says, shifting closer. His thigh is warm and hard against mine. He always seems to have a thermostat that’s set higher than anyone else’s.
I huddle into the parka. “Why? Is that where heaven is?”
His lip twitches. “This is the Sound of Mull.”
I open my mouth to either say something snarky or vomit. The jury is out on which one.
His phone rings, and I sit back in my seat and watch as he lifts it to his ear. “Pip?” he says.
I smile, and he offers me a crooked grin.
I can hear the tinny sound of Pip talking, but I make no effort to ask to talk to him.
Instead, I concentrate on the horizon, feeling my belly turn over ominously.
Reuben taps my arm and hands me one of the paper cups he was carrying.
He puts his hand over the phone. “Tea. It’ll settle your stomach. ”
I take a sip while he goes back to Pip, tasting green tea with lemon and something sweet.
A harsh note in Reuben’s voice drags my attention back. “No, I don’t give a shit. Let him do what he wants.”
Somehow, I know this is about me. I gesture to his phone, and he stares at me for a long second before handing it over.
“Pip?” I say.
“Xavier Quaver. How are you?”
His voice is so warm and familiar that I feel a pang of homesickness, which is ridiculous because I don’t currently have a home to be sick about.
“I’m doing okay for a kidnapping victim.”
“If that man kidnapped me, I would demand that no one ever pay the ransom.”
“Each to their own, I suppose.”
“I think it’s his hands. He has those long fingers and all those veins, and when he lifted you into the car, he had a vein running down his arm too.”
“Have you got a fetish?”
“Babe, I’ve got so many of those I don’t even have the time to itemise them.” I laugh, and his voice turns serious. “Are you okay, though? I can come and get you if you want. Spring you from the pokey and your extremely sexy jailor. Did you get the bit about the sexy element?”
“Like I took a bat to the face. You’d really do that?”
“Stage a jailbreak or hit you in the face?”
“The former.”
“Of course.” I feel a pang of gratitude for having him in my corner. “But I think maybe this is the right way for you.”
“Do you really?”
“Yep. I think the paths of your life have finally merged.”
“You sound like a cross between the Highway Code and a rather florid fortune teller called Magic Molly.”
“Best not to talk too much about molly, babe.”
I laugh and Reuben shifts beside me. I steadfastly ignore his gaze but can feel it on my face like a heat-seeking missile. “What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Pip.”
“I’m not supposed to tell you.”
“Well, that’s Reuben’s opinion, and as he doesn’t own me, feel free to ignore him.”
“Ouch,” Reuben says mildly. I ignore him.
“Robbie’s threatening to sue Reuben,” Pip says in a rush.
I stay very still for a second. I think I can actually feel the steam coming out of my ears. “He’s doing what?” I say in a deadly voice.
“I can take that now,” Reuben says quickly, reaching for his phone. I slap his hand away.
Pip groans. “I know. He’s such a little cunt.”
“Well, you can tell that fucking shitweasel that if he even thinks of calling a lawyer, I will ring the police and file a report. If he so much as touches his fucking phone, I will come down on him like a bag of bricks. Then I’ll contact my own lawyer, and I’m going to sue him so far into the ground he’ll be meeting koalas on the other side.
” Reuben signals something, and I frown.
“Make sure you tell him that. He won’t have a pot to piss in when I’ve finished with him. ”