Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Jackson
I can’t fucking let her go. Not after clawing my way back to her, after three years of suffocating without her. Not now that I can finally breathe again. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I’ve never pretended to be anything else. Selfishness is the only honest thing about me.
“I can’t let you leave,” I say, my voice heavy, but firm.
“Jackson—” She shakes her head, then turns and heads for the door.
I’m right behind her, and before she can leave, my hand shoots out, fingers locking around her wrist. “Ava, Wait—”
She looks up at me, tears filling her eyes. “Let go of me.”
“Just—” I tighten my grip, not enough to bruise, but enough to remind her that I can. That I always can. “Give me a minute to explain—”
“Explain what?” she snaps, jerking against me. “That you’re keeping me here for my own good? That you know what’s best for me?”
“Someone wants you dead, Ava,” I remind her, tightening my grip. “I’m not letting you walk out of Rush House unprotected.”
“There it is,” she says. “You’re using protection as an excuse to control me. Again.”
“That’s not—” But I pause, the words catching in my throat.
Fuck, maybe she’s right.
I’ve spent three years convincing myself that every lie, every manipulation, every choice I made for her was about keeping her safe. But standing here now, feeling the way her pulse hammers beneath my fingers, I’m suddenly unsure. And I’m never fucking unsure.
“You can’t keep me here against my will and call it love,” she says quietly. “That’s not how this works.”
I release her.
The absence of contact feels like losing a limb, like phantom pain where something vital used to be.
I itch to grab her again. Every instinct in me screams to lock the door, drag her back to my bed, and make her understand that leaving me means death for us both.
That the only good thing in this fucked up world is us.
But I can’t.
Because she’s right.
I’ve been so fucking focused on protecting her that I never stopped to ask what she wanted. I took her choice away the moment I dragged her into that van. Every decision since has been mine—the ceremony, the marriage, keeping her here. I convinced myself it was all necessary. That I knew better.
That she’d love me again eventually.
Still, when it comes down to it, there’s one truth he can’t ignore, no matter how hard I try. “I can’t let you leave,” I repeat. “Not when someone out there—”
She takes a step toward me, and for a split second, hope flares in my chest. “Then put security outside my apartment. Install cameras. Do whatever you need to do.” Her eyes search mine. “But let me choose. Don’t force me to stay, Jackson.”
Let me choose.
Those three words feel like bullets straight to my chest.
If I let her go, maybe she’ll come back on her own. Or…maybe she won’t. Is that a gamble I’m willing to take?
“And if you don’t come back to me?” The question comes out raw, stripped of every defense I usually hide behind.
“Then, I guess you’ll know I was never really yours to begin with.”
That truth slices through the last thread holding me together. Love isn’t a cage. You can own someone’s body. You can break their will. But you can’t force a heart to love, no matter how badly it’s wanted.
I look at her, really look. The girl I knew is still there somewhere, hiding beneath the damage I helped create. I’m the reason she learned to protect herself. I made her need the armor.
“Okay,” I hear myself say, the word foreign in my mouth. “Okay.”
Her eyes widen, like she’s shocked I’m giving in so quickly. Same. I’m just as shocked.
“I’ll have someone take you home.” I pull my phone out and shoot off a text to the guys. “But I’m stationing security outside your apartment. And I’m ramping up the surveillance.”
I already have cameras inside her apartment. When she moved in a couple of years ago, I had hidden cameras installed in her living room. Nothing in the bedroom, or the private spaces—which is my idea of being gentlemanly—but a few to keep an eye on her.
“Jackson, I wasn’t really serious about the cameras…”
“It’s non-negotiable.” I meet her gaze. “Someone tried to take you from me once. I won’t give them a second chance.”
She nods slowly. “Okay.”
Silence stretches between us, heavy with everything still left unsaid. I want to pull her close, bury my nose in her hair, and kiss her until she forgets why she ever wanted to leave. But I don’t. Because that would be taking her choice away again.
“When you figure out who you are without me—” My throat tightens. “If you decide you want this, want us...”
“And if I don’t?”
That question fucking terrifies me, but I force myself to answer honestly. “I don’t know. I can’t promise I’ll ever be capable of letting you go…”
She reaches up, her fingers grazing my jaw, soft, tentative, like she’s memorizing the shape of me. I catch her hand, press a kiss to her palm, then turn to the fireplace. Lifting the hidden panel, I take out the new phone and hold it out to her.
“This is to replace the one I broke. Your apps, your contacts…everything is already set up.”
She accepts it with a nod.
Then she’s gone, and I’m left standing in the wreckage of my own making. I wanted to protect her. Instead, I just proved why she needs saving from me…