17. Emerson Last Man Standing
emerson: last man standing
I WAS PACING AROUND OUR small New York living room when Kyle and Carter got home from ballet practice.
Carter ran to me and I scooped her up in the air and covered her with kisses, which admittedly made me feel a little better.
She rested her head on my chest and played with the diamonds on my necklace, which also made me feel better, reminding me that no matter what, my family was close to my heart.
It was a gray day and not even the floor-to-ceiling windows were letting in much light. Sometimes I really missed LA. I put Carter down and she said, “Mommy! I made something for you!” and scurried off to her room.
“She didn’t even offer,” I practically erupted at Kyle. He looked around, confused. Okay, so maybe I didn’t feel that much better.
“I’m sorry. What? Who didn’t offer what?”
“Caroline. When I told her about the test results. She didn’t even offer to carry a baby for me or use her egg or anything.”
Kyle sat down on the pale blue banquette and said, “Em, that’s a really big thing to ask someone to do.”
“She is my sister! I would do it for her in a heartbeat!”
Kyle rubbed his temples, which made me realize I was being very loud and, yes, a little hysterical. But I had been bottling this up for like hours now, and I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“I know, Em, but Caroline had a really tough time getting pregnant, so maybe she just thought it wouldn’t work anyway. Plus, she’s older now, which would make it harder.” He patted the couch beside him, and I sat down.
“Nope. Because when we were on our way to Peachtree and Sloane thought she was having a miscarriage, Caroline was all I should offer to have a baby for her.” I said it in a very whiny voice that didn’t sound at all like Caroline. But whatever. I was mad. “Does she love Sloane more than me?”
Kyle laughed. “Yeah. Right. Emerson, no offense, but Caroline is unreasonably devoted to you.”
I knew he was right. And it’s not like having a baby was like helping me get an audition. I knew I was being selfish and unreasonable. But this is how I felt. And being able to feel all these things all the time was kind of what made me a great actress. Right?
Kyle pulled me to him. “Sweetheart, I can see that you’re upset. And I don’t want to upset you further. Are you in a space where you can hear what I am saying to you and process it reasonably?”
I wanted to mime back to him what he was saying in an obnoxious voice like I would have done to Caroline when I was five. But I refrained. I sat up straighter and shifted to look at Kyle. My hot, hot almost-husband. I nodded. “I will do my best.”
“We are getting married in two months. You are in the middle of shooting the biggest show of your career. I am considering opening a third Peachtree Perk in New York. We have a beautiful bundle of small-child energy. You are super young, and things change, and what if we just take a step back from the second baby for right now, get some clarity? We might decide one is enough. We might want to adopt. This whole family might look different from what we thought.” He put his finger under my chin and raised my eyes to his.
“I just want you to know that, for me, the three of us is perfection. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now.
And if you don’t feel that way, fine. But we don’t have to rush. ”
He kissed me, and I kissed him back. This was why I was marrying Kyle.
This was why I fell in love with him. I was a spinning top, and he was the calm center.
He just had such perspective on life. I wanted everything now.
Kyle was content to sit back and wait. And that was what made us work.
You needed a little initiative and a little inertia in every couple.
I kissed him again. “You’re right. You’re totally right. I’m going to get dinner started and have a glass of wine—because I can—and we will worry about all this after the wedding.”
Three hours later, the dishes were cleared, my girl was asleep, and I was slowly sipping the second glass of said wine, laughing heartily at The Mindy Project, which I had seen every episode of like three times. I’d said it before, and I’d say it again: No one could write comedy like Mindy Kaling.
I jumped up at a light rapping on our door.
Kyle put his hand up. We lived in a doorman building, but, even still, you never knew.
I was hoping it was Caroline. I was kind of mad at her, but I was also dying to hear about her date.
Then again, if her date was over at nine thirty there wasn’t much to hear…
But then I heard a voice I recognized before I saw him. “I mean, what kind of example does she think she is setting for our daughter?”
James thrust his phone screen in my face, and it took me about three seconds to realize that the leg up in the air I was looking at belonged to my sister.
And the man she was smooching was my costar.
I put my hand to my mouth and gasped. Then I grabbed his phone and zoomed in.
“Whoa,” I said out loud. “That is some kiss.”
James crossed his arms. Oh, what a joy it was to be living in the same building as my sister and her estranged husband.
“Are you, like, wanting me to comfort you? You had an affair on a reality show with a famous model, James. This is, like, a scented candle and that was a forest fire.” I immediately regretted the comparison after what my beloved LA had faced. But, at any rate, I stood by the simile.
“But we were in such a good place. We were coparenting perfectly, and it just felt like she was…” He trailed off.
I sat up on my knees. “It felt like she was what?”
“Never mind.”
Kyle sat back down beside me. “It felt like she was forgiving you?”
“Something like that,” James said.
I laughed. “It felt like she was falling in love with you again.”
James snapped and pointed at me. “See! You felt it too!”
Kyle gave me a speculative side-eye. “That is not what you were going to say. Was it?”
“Kinda. Look, she has never said one word to me, but I will agree that it seemed like she at least liked you again. Sloane and I had a few side conversations wondering what might happen there. But I know my sister really, really well, and I don’t see her moving forward after you blew up her life.
” I paused. “Oh. And that thing you said about me having an affair with Chase Aarons—”
“I’m sorry, what?” Kyle interjected. Aw. I loved that he could get worked up and jealous when I needed him to. I patted him and made my best yeah, right face.
“I’ll explain the context later, Kyle.”
“Yeah… That didn’t go over great,” James said. “I felt it right away. But it was just a bad joke.”
I shrugged. “Maybe to you. But to her it was indicative of how you feel about cheating.”
“But that’s not how I feel! I was having a midlife crisis, and Caroline was in the crosshairs.”
Kyle nodded. “Yeah, but, like, you could have afforded a Ferrari. You should’ve maybe gone that route.”
James rolled his eyes at Kyle. “Dude, I thought we were friends.”
“We are friends. Friends tell each other not to cheat on their wives and blow up their marriages. Had we been closer then, I would have advised you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
James looked distraught. I patted his leg as my phone dinged.
It was a People news alert about Caroline and Chase’s new “situationship,” citing me as Caroline’s sister and Chase as my costar.
They had even quoted “anonymous sources” on how the two got together, claiming I’d set them up.
Which was, I mean, true in a roundabout way but not really that true.
I bit my lip.
“What?” James asked.
“Well, this story is really blowing up. You might want to stay off the internet for a little while.”
Now James grabbed my phone. “Is Chase going to let Caroline use his plane every thirty minutes?” he asked.
I shook my head and said, quite seriously, “I’ve heard he’s very generous with his plane.”
“I do everything she wants. I tiptoe around her every whim and emotion. I have been a model separated husband, and I just want her back. Why can’t she see that?”
Kyle and I shared a look, and what I loved about him was that I knew he was reading my mind.
“No offense, man, but have you met Caroline?”
James crossed his arms again. He was pacing now too, and the combination of the crossed arms and pacing made him look like he was in some sort of very formal but very bizarre parade. “I’m not really in the mood to be criticized, so why don’t you two just say what you have to say.”
“James, my sister loves to be challenged. Nothing is as exciting to her as a challenge. She wants to start a franchise, climb a mountain.”
“Yeah,” Kyle agreed. “So, like, doing whatever she wants is not making her fall in love with you. It’s making you a great personal assistant, though, so probably saving her some time there.”
He stopped pacing and looked at us. “Huh. Yeah. I hadn’t really thought of it like that. She does love a challenge.” He paused. “What if she thought I was dating someone?”
Men were so dense. I said, “Oh my God, James, no!” as Kyle was saying, “Dude, we need to have a talk about the basics of women.”
“She isn’t a sixth grader, James,” I said. “The father of her children dating someone new will only make her write you off permanently after all she has been through.”
Kyle looked at me and nodded. “It’s like you need to figure out a way to convey that you are all hers, and you made a mistake, while still being, like, an alpha male who challenges her.”
He scrunched his forehead. “And how will I do that?”
I shook my head. “I have absolutely no idea. But if you figure it out, please do let us know.”
He took a deep breath. “But are you saying that, underneath all this, you think there’s still a tiny chance she would take me back?”
I opened my Life360 app. Caroline was definitely at Chase’s.
Go, Caroline. Man, I couldn’t wait to hear all about this date.
And that gave me pause. What I wanted for my sister was real, true love.
Happiness. Light. A partner who would be all the things she needed.
And I hated it more than anything I’d ever hated, but, right now, deep in my soul, as thrilled as I was about her fling with my studly costar, I thought James was her person.
I sighed. “I’m scared of you,” I said. “I’m scared that you will get back with my sister and break her heart all over again.”
“I won’t,” James said. “Being without her makes me feel seriously, physically ill every day. I will only ever be the man she needs if I’m ever lucky enough to have her back. But I guess what I need to know from you is, do you think she has slammed the door?”
Kyle looked at me again, and it made me smile that he was the one who answered. “James, if Caroline had slammed the door, she would have had your divorce finalized in Florida in three months.”
“But we don’t live in Florida.”
I made an annoyed sound. “It’s a metaphor. You would be scraped off her shoe if she wanted you to be. You know?”
He bit his lip and nodded. I studied him. He was a beautiful man. I knew why she fell for him in the first place. And I did believe he was sorry.
My phone dinged again with another Google Alert about Chase and Caroline. I couldn’t help but smile.
“You are loving this, aren’t you?” James asked.
“Oh, honey, you have no idea. I hope she marries him, and ABC is the highest bidder on her televised wedding for the whole world to see. And I think she needs this right now.”
The pacing again.
I decided to throw him a bone. “But, when this blows over, if you can be patient, if you can play the long game, I think you’ve got a shot at being the last man standing.”
“Final rose, man,” Kyle said.
The Bachelor was our guilty pleasure.
He stopped again, looking determined.
“But you’re going to have to outsmart Caroline Murphy Beaumont,” Kyle said.
I had never meant anything so much in my life when I added, “Which is pretty much impossible to do.”