27. Ansley So Biblical
ansley: so biblical
THIS WAS AT LEAST THE fifteenth time I had chaired the Halloween Hoedown, which was always held the weekend before Halloween, a fun fall moment before the costumes and candy.
I shouldn’t have been nervous. But the sheer number of details that were involved in its production were kind of mind-blowing.
Sure, I had a committee, and, sure, they were supposed to help.
But someone’s kid got sick, and someone forgot the auction items, and then I had to have fights about things like whether the cake walk could become the cookie walk.
In the end, it was honestly just easier to just do it myself.
Well… myself with a whole bunch of family.
Taylor, AJ, Preston, and Carter were all safely ensconced at church.
The high school kids split small children into groups and led them around the hoedown all day to face painting, bowling, etcetera.
The older kids got community service, the little kids got the undivided attention of their heroes, and everyone was happy.
Speaking of happy, Caroline, thank goodness, was here to take charge and assign everyone their jobs. They would still complain, but, with her at the helm, they would complain less. So that was something.
“Jack!” she said gleefully. “You’re up first. You’re doing the cake walk with Mrs. McClasky.”
She looked meaningfully in my direction when she said cake.
“She might have won the battle, but I will win the war!” I said triumphantly.
“I’m not doing that,” Jack said. “There’s nothing you can do to make me work with her. I will not, under any circumstances, spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary.”
Caroline reached down behind her to a huge bag and handed it to Jack. He pried it open. It was full of dozens and dozens of cookies. He smiled, kissed me, and said, “See y’all. I’m off to avenge my wife’s honor!”
We all laughed. “My hero!” I called.
Things had thawed between us, I was happy to say.
Or, rather, we were just both avoiding the topic of this huge life decision that was barreling toward us.
I was hoping it would go away, and, if I had to guess, Jack was hoping I would magically change my mind and decide Chicago was the place for me.
I looked over at Lake, who was leaning against the arm of the couch.
Vivi was leaning against him. He was cute and polite.
And she had obviously brought him here today to make sure they ran into Tyler so he could see that she was winning their breakup.
I was so curious about how she was feeling about the breakup, but, obviously, I hadn’t had any time alone with her.
To Lake’s immense credit, he somehow resisted looking like he had been thrust into an alternate universe, which this most certainly was.
“Emerson, I’m going to need you at the dunking booth.”
Emerson scrunched her pretty nose. “The dunking booth? I don’t want to do that.”
Caroline sighed and lowered her clipboard to her side. “Family, have any of you met me? Are you all aware that I have assigned each of you a job for a specific reason that you will be very happy about? Has anyone considered that at all?”
Emerson rolled her eyes. “Fine, Caroline. Fine. I will do the dunking booth and learn what mystical fortune-cookie fate you have for me there.” She paused. “Wait. Who’s inside the dunking booth?”
“Principal Simmons,” Caroline said, a devilish gleam in her eye.
Emerson laughed. “I hate that old bastard.”
“Emerson!” I scolded.
She looked around. “What? There aren’t any small children in the room.”
“But I am in the room!”
Emerson shook her head. “Okay, Mother. I apologize. And I am off to watch the man who refused to let me play the lead in Our Town because of a D in art get dumped into a disgusting vat of water all day.”
She skipped off.
“Adam,” Caroline said, “I have volunteered you to help Kimmy with the hayrides.”
“Yes!” he said.
Caroline gestured proudly to him. “See, everyone, a family member who appreciates my efforts.”
“But Adam loves the hayride,” Sloane said. “So that’s a technicality.” She crossed her arms, probably in fear of what her sister was going to assign to her.
“Sloane, my love, you have face painting.”
Sloane gasped. “Really? I love face painting!”
Chase, to his immense credit, said, “So what about me?”
“Oh, honey, I would never leave you out.”
I wondered if I was the only one who caught James’s eye roll.
I still couldn’t figure out why he would have come here.
Why would he put himself in the miserable position of watching Caroline carry on with her new boyfriend?
And she was carrying on. She was—dare I say—happy.
The happiest I had seen her in a long time.
And I got the feeling that James was just a little bit jealous.
I had thought this romance was a quick fling.
Caroline’s next Wes. But it was clear she adored him, and he thought she’d hung the moon.
What’s more, Vivi and Preston clearly loved him, which blew my mind.
Preston maybe wasn’t so hard. Coach his soccer team, take him to the movies, buy him some candy, and he was probably sold. But Vivi didn’t like anyone.
“Mom,” Vivi said, “you can’t give a famous movie star a job at the Halloween Hoedown.”
James with the eye rolling again.
“Honey,” Caroline said, “I’ve been giving famous movie stars jobs here since before you were born.”
“Right,” Vivi said, “but everyone knows Emerson here. They are used to her. Chase will be, like, swarmed by mobs of old ladies wanting selfies.”
Chase puffed his chest and said, “I am up for the challenge.” He walked to Caroline and put his hands on her hips.
It was like he couldn’t not touch her. He always had his arm around her, his hand in hers.
At first, I thought he was affectionate.
But the more I watched them, the more I realized he was protective.
He was protecting her. And maybe that was why she seemed like such a weight was off her shoulders.
I suddenly felt guilty because I was partly to blame here.
We didn’t protect Caroline. Ever. She was our protector.
She solved all our problems, from the big—like Sloane’s house—to the small, like who would work the caramel apple station.
And we just let her because she was so darn efficient at everything.
And she never made mistakes. But here was this man, this young man, who seemed to instinctively understand what we did not: If you worked it just right, Caroline would let you take care of her. She might even like it.
My heart raced uncomfortably at the idea that this could be short term.
Because what else could it be, really? She was older, with two kids, and he was the hottest thing in Hollywood.
But, well, it had worked for Ashton and Demi.
At least for a while. I would never want another heartbreak for Caroline, but I bet Demi wouldn’t take any of those days back…
“You, my love, get the ice cream cart.”
Chase kissed Caroline and lifted her into the air like he had just won an Oscar.
You couldn’t help but laugh. And that’s when I realized it: Chase was Emerson.
Not just because they were both actors. But because they shared the same enthusiasm over the little things.
And because they understood this prickliest daughter of mine in a way that eluded the rest of us.
“The ice cream cart!” Chase said.
“I know you love your ice cream,” she said.
He kissed her again. “I like ice cream very much,” he said. “I love you.”
I glanced over at Vivi, who was chatting quietly with Lake and seemed completely undisturbed by the PDA in the living room. Interesting. First, the momentary McClasky détente. Now Vivi not going nuts over her mom and another man? What was happening? Was Mercury in retrograde or something?
“I love you too,” Caroline said. “And I will join you at the ice cream cart in just a bit. But I’m going to help Mom with the rounds first.”
“I will make you proud,” Chase said. And off he went.
“What about me?” James asked.
“What about you?” Caroline said. There was no malice in her voice.
“What’s my job?”
“Oh.” She looked down at her clipboard. “Well, I didn’t know you were coming, so I didn’t give you one.”
“Well, I’m here. I can help.” He gave her his most appealing grin. But she didn’t seem to notice. I’d long suspected that these two would end up back together. But had James’s charms finally worn off? Was Caroline out from under his thumb—and his spell? So much to unpack.
“Great,” she said. “Can you help with the T-shirt booth? They are very short-staffed.”
“Can I help with what you’re helping with?” he asked.
She squinted at him. “No. Because you don’t have a clipboard.”
We both laughed. “But I’ll come check on you soon,” she said. She was appeasing him. James walked out the front door as Vivi was trying to sneak out of the room.
“Vivian Louise and Lake I-don’t-know-your-middle-name!” she said, stopping them in their tracks.
“Mo-om,” Vivi whined.
“I am granting you two the day off so that you don’t have to hide from me, and Lake can get a taste of Peachtree Bluff.”
Vivi smiled. “Don’t you ever break up with Chase Aarons. Do you hear me?”
They left out the back. “And then there were two,” I said.
Caroline sighed and walked out the front door. I followed. She sat down briefly on the porch swing, and I sat beside her. “Your kids love him,” I said.
She turned to me. “I know, Mom. I know I did a bad thing. I didn’t mean for them to meet him, but we ran into Lake and Vivi, so she sort of had to meet him, and then he wanted to help with Preston’s soccer and that was so sweet—”
“Honey,” I interrupted, “you did a great thing. I’m praising you. I’m happy they are so happy. I’m happy you are so happy.”
She looked at me nervously. “I am so happy,” she whispered. “But is there any way this ends well for me?”
I laughed. But this was new too. Because Emerson and Sloane were vulnerable.
Emotional. They wore their heart on their sleeve.
I almost always had to intuit what Caroline was feeling because she would never just straight-out say it.
“That boy loves you, Car. I can see it. He has taken this ownership of you like you’re his to protect. ”
She nodded. “I know he loves me. But I just wonder if being with me is taking away his chances at a family and all the things he really wants. I love him. I don’t want to make his life worse.”
“I get that. I broke up with Jack because he didn’t want a family.”
“And he gave you one anyway,” she interjected.
I smiled. “Well, yeah. But I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes things aren’t meant to be.
But, then again, sometimes we make sacrifices for the people we love.
That’s part of being in a committed relationship.
You won’t always see eye to eye, and sometimes you’re the one making the sacrifice, and sometimes you’re the one being sacrificed. ”
“So biblical, Mom. I feel like I’m being burned at the stake here.”
I laughed, but I was thinking of Jack, who had willingly fathered two of my children, never imagining he’d get anything in return, who had moved to Peachtree Bluff for me, who had moved into my house even though the house next door was supposed to be ours, because I just couldn’t bear to let go of my family home.
Jack had mostly done the sacrificing here. It was my turn. I sighed.
“What?” Caroline asked.
“Nothing.” I patted her leg. “And so you’re all done? No babies for you? That’s not on the table?”
She shrugged. “Well, actually, I know it’s crazy and too soon, but I could imagine having a baby with Chase. I weirdly already want this whole life with him…”
She trailed off. “So what’s the problem?”
“It’s just that I know the clock is ticking, and I have a sister in need of a surrogate.” She paused. “I haven’t offered or anything, but I feel like it would be the thing to do. Plus, I mean, who knows if I can even get pregnant again? Preston was nearly impossible.”
“Car, you are the best sister in the world. You have always mothered Emerson in ways that I could not. But part of motherhood is knowing when to let go; it’s knowing when you’ve given enough.
” I paused. “Honey, I would never tell you what to do in your relationships or your life. But Emerson will be fine. She has that sweet, perfect Carter, and she is the busiest little bee in her job, and she has the world’s best man—”
Caroline interrupted. “He is the best. Kyle is the only man in the world for Emerson. I am sure of that.”
“And if they want more babies, they can adopt. They can hire a surrogate. I feel like sometimes putting aside your happiness for ours is sort of what you do. So, I’m telling you, on behalf of Sloane, Emerson, and myself, to be happy, Caroline.
Do what you want to do for once. We all need to start handling our own problems.”
I knew that we did; I knew that was true.
Something about seeing the way Chase cared for my daughter had broken something in me.
Just because she could handle everything didn’t mean she should have to.
I blamed myself for letting her handle too much.
I was the mother. It was time to shift that responsibility back to me.
“I know, but it isn’t like an oven. It’s the egg too, and she doesn’t want a stranger’s egg.”
I studied her, feeling what she wasn’t saying, and responded to it. “Chase really loves you, hon. He’s in this. Don’t push him away.”
She gave me a sideways glance, and I laughed. “He might know you, but I know you too. Don’t sabotage this because you’re scared.” I squeezed her arm. “Okay, come on. Let’s go. Hay bale mazes and pumpkins and scarecrows await us.”
I walked through the gate and she followed me. As we walked down the sidewalk, Caroline said, “I really brought him here this week so you could talk me out of this relationship.”
I nodded. “Oh, honey, I had fully planned to do so.”
We both laughed. The sun shone bright over the water, and the music and happy voices and smell of funnel cakes wafted toward us from the town square.
It was a happy time, a happy day. I didn’t want to ruin it; I wanted to savor every minute.
But I had to wonder—just for a second—if I could ever feel like this in Chicago.