29. Miller
“Hey, have you seen Becca?” I try for a casual tone as I reach for another piece of garlic bread to dip in my spaghetti sauce, but I’m not sure I nail it. Because I’m, to use a Becca term, freaking out here.
After last night, I thought we were on a new page with our relationship. That there was a relationship. I don’t do stuff like that with just anyone. But she looked distracted when I waved to her at breakfast. She didn’t answer a text I sent her during cabin clean-up time. And now it’s lunchtime, and she’s nowhere to be seen.
“Uh, I think she had to leave,” Jackson admits. He twirls spaghetti on his fork, puts it in his mouth and chews before continuing. “Jana is moving into the cabin with Vivien for the week.”
My stomach bottoms out. I do my best to school my features, because the campers don’t need to know that I’m about to lose my shit. “Like, left camp? For a few days or what?”
Jackson shrugs, the picture of casualness and lack of concern. “Don’t know. I don’t think Brett is planning on her coming back, but you never know. Why?”
I take a deep breath and let it go, then force myself to take a sip of my water. “Just wondering. We’re friends, so I was worried when I didn’t see her at lunch.”
Lies. All lies. We’re more than friends, and I’m pretty sure that damn near everyone at camp knows I’ve liked her since the minute I saw her.
So why would she just leave without saying anything?
“Do you like her?” Noah asks from beside me. The red juice has given him a pale pink mustache above his upper lip.
I nudge him with my elbow. “I like her as a friend. Go away.”
Jackson raises his eyebrows. “As a friend. Got it.”
I pile spaghetti onto my garlic bread and add another slice, turning it into a spaghetti sandwich, and bite into it. How could she just leave? And why?
* * *
Rest hour is perfectly timed after lunch. I let Dave know that I’ll be back soon and detour to the office.
“Can I help you?” Lois asks politely from the front desk.
I walk past her, straight into Brett’s office, without knocking.
“Where did she go?” I ask without preamble.
Brett looks up from his computer. “Hey, Miller. How’s it going?”
“Shitty. Where is she?”
Brett looks supremely amused. “Who is it you’re looking for?”
I want to reach across the desk and strangle him by the collar of his stupid golf shirt. “Becca, you asshole. Did she leave? Did you fire her? What did you do?”
He holds his hand up. “Whoa, there. I didn’t do anything. But why do you care?”
I glare at him.
“Did something happen between you two?” A smile plays on Brett’s lips, making it clear he knows every detail of what happens at his camp.
I slam my hands on his desk. “She finally gave me a fucking chance, that’s all. And now she’s gone? What the fuck happened?”
“I knew you liked her,” Brett says, smiling triumphantly. “If you two geniuses hadn’t lost a camper, I’d say that overnight was a resounding success.”
I don’t want to be reminded of that right now. “Seriously, Brett. Where is she?”
Brett straightens in his chair. “She had to leave camp. That’s all I can tell you.”
“Did you fire her?”
He shakes his head. “It was her choice to leave, and her reasons. If you want to know more, you’ll have to reach out to her.”
Damn right I’m going to reach out to her.
I grab my phone as soon as I get back to the cabin. Being detached from technology has its advantages, but it also means there are piles of emails and texts to go through every time you actually pick up the phone.
I pull up Becca’s number and start a new text.
What do I say? Where did you go? What happened? I thought we were on the fast track to falling in love and now you left without saying a word?
None of those seem like good options, to be honest.
At a loss, I finally pull up the group message with the guys while I think.
CARD SHARKS
Hey, how is everyone?
Cam: Generally good, Addie is in a mood. How are things at camp?
Maddox: Ooh, Hurricane Addie. Good luck with that, man.
Blake: Still single, still loving it. How’s the girl you were obsessed with?
Uh, things were looking up. We went on a camping trip this weekend. I kissed her.
Maddox: *party emoji* Admirable work! And?
Cam: Did she kiss you back?
Yeah, she kissed me back. And we talked a ton. I thought we were heading the right direction. We spent time together last night, too.
Blake: That sounds promising. Why do you say you thought you were headed the right direction? What happened?
Um, no idea. I haven’t seen her in two days and then today I found out she left camp.
Cam: You drove her away?
I’m really fucking hoping that’s not what happened. But I don’t know why she left.
Maddox: Did you text her? You have her number, right?
Yeah, I’ve had her number since before the summer started. I think my texts to her before we met are what made her hate me to start with, honestly.
Blake: Yeah, you can come across like a jackass over text if people don’t know you.
Thanks for the heads up.
Cam: So, have you texted her yet?
No. I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid of fucking everything up again. Fuck, I think I’m falling for this girl.
Maddox: It’s been a week, dude.
When you know, you know. And how many times did you meet up with Holly before you knew she was the one?
Blake: He has a point.
Maddox: Send her a text. Tell her you’re missing her and hope she’s doing well. THAT’S ALL.
Cam: Agree with Maddox. Under no circumstances should you profess your love for her over text.
Blake: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I’ll think of you all fondly while I’m living the single life in Vegas.
Yeah, as soon as you meet the right girl, all that’s going to go out the window, man. I didn’t believe it either.
Maddox: Good luck.
Any input from Holly?
Maddox: She’s at work. Want me to add her to the chat?
Cam: Dudes only.
Blake: Agree with Cam.
Fine. Just wanted a woman’s perspective. Talk soon.
I stare at the blank text to Becca, typing a few words and then deleting them over and over. I finally settle on Maddox’s suggestion—Hey, I miss you. Hope things are going well—but before I can send it, the bell rings.
“Time for activity periods!” Dave announces.
The campers bounce off their beds and pull on shoes and bathing suits as they head off to their first classes.
“You okay?” Dave asks as we head out, closing the cabin door behind us. “You seem like you’re in a funk.”
I run my hand over my face. “Yeah. Kind of. Did you know Becca left camp?”
Dave frowns. “Like, left left? I figured she was gone for a few days, but I guess it makes sense that Jana took over her spot in the cabin if she’s gone for good. She get fired over you guys losing a camper? How come you’re still here?”
I shrug and step over a root. “No idea. Brett won’t tell me. I don’t think he would have fired her over that and not me, would he? It seems a little excessive.”
Dave pauses at the fork in the trail. “You think she left cause of you?”
Fuck. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I mean, we kissed and talked. That was it.” As far as Dave needs to know. “You think that would have scared her off?”
He shrugs. “No idea. I’m not exactly a guru when it comes to the ladies.” He looks down the path toward the Sports field. “I’ve got to get going. Let me know if you hear from her, okay?”
I wave as I turn the opposite direction, toward the Nature barn. I’m feeling like a rebel with my phone in my pocket, but I don’t think Mary will care. We’re the only two counselors in the Nature department, and she always has her phone on her.
Some days in Nature, we go on outings, like hikes up the hill to the ridge behind the Bumblebees cabins to look out on the lake. Some days we do scavenger hunts, looking for various nature-type things around camp.
And some days we just sit in a big fucking circle playing with the animals.
First period we only have to deal with the rabbits, which is fine with me. Bonnie and Clyde have grown on me, their little noses twitching in joy when I give them treats.
“What happens to them at the end of the summer?” I whisper to Mary, as she lowers Clyde into the circle in front of me.
She shrugs. “They go back to the animal shelter, I think. Sometimes they get adopted by one of the counselors. Why, you want to take them home?”
“Uh, no,” I say, too quickly. I don’t need rabbit turds all over my apartment. I’m pretty sure there’s a clause against pets in my lease.
She laughs and heads back to the barn to grab Bonnie.
The campers love these days, when they just get to watch rabbits hop around. Sometimes the rabbits jump into their laps and they get to pet them, which really makes their day. I usually like these days, too. Low mental bandwidth needed.
Today, however, I desperately need something to distract me. I wish we were hiking up Winnie Ridge, or on an expedition looking for anthills by M-Hall. Anything to keep me from ruminating on Becca and why she left and what to say to her.
“Miller, can we get Lucy out?” The camper next to me tugs on my sleeve.
“No,” I say, a little more sharply than I intended. “Sorry. No, we’re not getting Lucy out. There are only about ten minutes left of class. But tomorrow we’ll play with Lucy, okay?” I hate that I’m promising anything to do with this damn goat.
Somehow, I manage to make it through all three activity periods without losing my cool.
“You doing okay?” Mary asks as she sweeps the barn.
I shake my head. The campers are gone, so there’s no need to put on a front now. “I’m kind of freaking out. I thought I was starting something with this girl, and she left camp. I’m not sure what to do.”
Mary looks thoughtful. “I don’t know the whole story. I don’t know that anyone does, even though everyone knows Becca is the one who left. Have you talked to her?”
I shake my head. “What do I say? I don’t know if she left camp because of me, or for some totally unrelated reason.”
Mary purses her lips. “Well, you know what they say.”
I don’t. I wait for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t. “What? What do they say?”
She laughs. “Lots of things, actually. ‘Go for what you want’. ‘You don’t know unless you ask’. Also, my personal favorite, ‘When you assume, you make an ass of you and me’.”
I consider. “You may have a point there.”
We walk out of the barn together and Mary clicks the lock closed on the door. “Just make sure you know what you want before you ask her for something. Okay?”
I nod, standing still as Mary walks away. With a sigh, I pull out my phone.
Becca
Missing you since you left camp. How are you doing?
I stare at the phone as I walk slowly back to my cabin, waiting for a response.