41. Dan
DAN
I wasn’t sure if I’d even slept. Maybe I’d fallen unconscious for a few minutes.
Neil had forced me to go back to the hockey house because apparently, I needed to be surrounded by my friends while he and my mum investigated.
It was the last place I wanted to be, and yet here I was, curled into a ball on one of the huge sofas, with my housemates tiptoeing around me like they were afraid I’d suddenly detonate if they dared to make any noise.
It felt as if I were cycling between rage, sadness, and humiliation.
I’d believed Lincoln Bellingham. I’d fallen for his words, hook, line, and sinker, and now here I was, with an overwhelming ache in my chest and a stabbing pain beneath my ribs that wouldn’t go away.
Why hadn’t I questioned him sooner? Why had I allowed myself to get so caught up in him that I’d refused to face the truth that was right in front of me?
Why had I willingly buried my head in the sand instead of confronting him with my concerns?
I hated him. Hated him. Hated him.
“Dan?”
“Fuck off,” I snapped, burying my head in my arms.
“I brought you some of my mum’s jalebi. I’ll put it in the kitchen if you don’t want it yet.”
“Jalebi?” My head rose. I rubbed at my eyes, Jay appearing in my blurry vision. When he nodded, I cleared my throat, attempting to act normally, although it was a lost cause, given that he’d already seen me falling apart. “Oh. Uh. Thanks.”
“Nova and Liana are here,” Jay continued, handing me a plate. “They were worried about you.”
This was so fucking embarrassing. I didn’t do this. I rarely even got upset, especially not recently. Except that one time last year when I accidentally ran over a squirrel, and I felt bad for days. I even gave it a funeral.
But that was nothing compared to this. This was my heart bleeding out, and there was nothing I could do to make it better.
“Daniel.” Liana spoke my name softly.
“Kill me now,” I mumbled around a mouthful of sweet jalebi. Crumbs scattered across my thighs, and I brushed them onto the floor. Normally, I hated mess, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
The door opened and Neo entered, all sweaty from his morning run, with a pair of huge headphones covering his ears. He took in our pitiful group congregated on the sofa, and his brows flew up. Pulling off the headphones, his gaze flicked between me and Jay. “Did I miss something?”
I swallowed the last of the jalebi, swiping my tongue across my lips. “You missed me being a fucking idiot.”
“What was that? What did we miss?” came another voice from behind me.
I was still watching Neo, so I didn’t miss the way he winced before pasting on a smile.
Footsteps sounded on the wooden floor, and then Toby came into view, his arm slung around the shoulders of one of the girls from his uni course.
A girl who, uh, enjoyed the company of hockey players. A lot.
I shot Jay a pleading look, and he gently shifted Nova from his lap onto the sofa next to him. Brushing a kiss over her temple, he rose to his feet and then moved to stand in front of me. “You didn’t miss anything,” he said, folding his arms across his chest and staring our teammate down.
Toby got the hint, giving him a brief nod before steering the girl towards the door.
“House business,” Jay said to Neo in response to his uncertain look, and Neo glanced between Liana and Nova, the question clear in his eyes.
I scrubbed my hand over my face and then cleared my throat. “Li’s one of my besties, and Nova…” Turning to her, I attempted a smile. “Yeah, you’re one of them too, like it or not. Plus, you’re basically my surrogate sister, since me and King are practically brothers.”
“It’s true,” she said, giving me a genuine smile in return, and it eased something inside of me.
I turned back to Neo. “So. I’m having a fucking crisis here, okay? We don’t need outsiders getting involved, and Wellsy’s one-night stand definitely counts as an outsider.”
“Okay.” Neo sucked his lip between his teeth, shifting on his feet. “Do you, uh, want me to stay?”
“Nah, you’re all good, bro.”
He nodded, already moving towards the door. “Alright. I’m gonna shower, but if you need me, just knock on my door, okay?”
“Thanks,” I said sincerely. When he’d disappeared, I slumped back onto the sofa, closing my eyes.
Without the distraction of Neo and Toby, everything was coming back to me.
I inhaled shakily, willing myself to keep it together.
Why the fuck had Neil sent me back here instead of leaving me to stew alone in my bedroom?
A sudden loud grinding and whirring broke the depressing silence that had descended, and my eyes flew open. “Sorry,” Neo called from the kitchen. “I forgot my protein shake.” Switching off the blender, he decanted the gloopy mix into a cup and disappeared. Again.
When he was gone for good this time, or so I hoped, I turned to Jay. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Good fucking question. Where’s Ryker? He needs to be here for this.”
As if on cue—and honestly, I wouldn’t put it past the asshole to time his entrance for maximum effect—the door burst open, revealing my best friend, standing there with a dark expression on his face. “What the hell is going on?”
“I went to get your answers,” I croaked out, meeting Ryker’s hard gaze. “But what I found was so much fucking worse.”
Ryker exchanged glances with Jay and subtly shook his head.
“What?” I stared between them, instantly on alert.
“Nothing.” At my huffed exhale, Ryker groaned. “Bellingham came to my room last night, wanting to speak to you. He seemed…agitated.”
My heart beat faster. “What did you do?”
“I made him leave.”
“It doesn’t matter now, anyway. Lincoln Bellingham is fucking dead to me. And I’m gonna make sure he pays for every single bit of his betrayal.”
As I gave the four of them a rundown of my situation, the pit in my stomach grew. All the signs I’d willingly ignored hit me, one after the other.
Lincoln picking up my phone in the middle of the night and unlocking it when he thought I was asleep, the first time I’d been to his apartment.
Lincoln showing up at a random petrol station in the middle of nowhere after my payback operation at the warehouse with Neil.
Lincoln showing up at the offices in an out-of-town deserted business park during a mission.
Lincoln having a fucking file on me, and those fucking papers…
I couldn’t even think about that part without it feeling like my heart was cracking down the middle.
Lincoln hating me. Always hating me, all my life.
How far had he been willing to go? Far enough to fuck his enemy.
Far enough to get me to trust him. To want him.
To go against my own fucking friends just so he could turn around and stab me in the back when I least expected it.
If I hadn’t broken into his apartment, how much further would he have taken it?
I’d put everyone important to me in danger, all because I was completely fucking stupid over someone who’d been stringing me along this whole time.
Fuck Lincoln Bellingham. Fuck. Him.
I rose to my feet. “Put away anything breakable. Tonight, we drink to forget.”
My knuckles were bleeding. I blinked, staring blearily at my reflection. Why was it all jagged?
I stumbled to the side, falling into the wall, and my shoe crunched on broken glass. Shit. I’d smashed the hallway mirror.
I staggered towards the kitchen, collapsing over the sink as I sucked in deep breaths. Groaning, I clutched at my stomach. I felt so sick.
“Oh, Dan. Are you okay? Let me help you,” a sweet, suggestive voice said, running a hand down my arm.
I immediately recoiled. “Don’t touch me!” I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching me, and I hated that Lincoln had ruined it.
The woman’s eyes went from suggestive to hard in a millisecond. “Sorry to bother you,” she snapped, spinning on her heel and stalking away. Immediately forgetting about her, I fumbled for the tap. Why wouldn’t it turn on?
“Dan. Are you okay? Let me help you.”
The words were the same, but this voice was firm. Low. Safe. “I cut my hand,” I mumbled. My tongue felt too thick for my mouth. “Think I punched the mirror.”
“Fucking hell,” Ryker muttered. “Stay still.” I felt him move, and then I was vaguely aware of running water.
Ryker directed my hand under the flow, and I leaned into him, something I’d never ordinarily do because I tried to respect his boundaries.
But my brain wouldn’t work, and everything hurt, and I just wanted it to stop.
“Make it go away,” I whimpered into his shoulder.
“The cuts are shallow. You don’t need stitches. What you need is to lie down. No more drinking.”
“But I need to forget.”
“No more. C’mon.” His body was a solid, reassuring presence next to mine as he helped me towards the stairs. But by the time we reached the landing, my stomach was churning, bile rising in my throat.
I lurched towards the closest bathroom “I’m gonna be—”
“Urgh. Fuck.”
“Back with me?”
I cracked open one eye to see my best friend seated on the floor, leaning back against the bath with his legs stretched out in front of him and his phone in his hand.
“I feel like death.”
“You look like it.” He handed me a glass. “Drink this. Slowly.”
I sipped the water, draining a third of the glass before carefully placing it down on the bathroom tiles. My head was still spinning, and I was still nauseous, but at least my vision was clearer.
I licked my dry lips. “Sorry.”
“Cleaning up your puke from the bathroom floor wasn’t on my agenda,” Ryker said drily, “but you don’t need to apologise.”
“Love fucking sucks,” I croaked. “Or hate. Whatever it is, I just want it to stop.”
“Yeah.” Ryker stared down at his hands. “I don’t think I’m qualified to help with that.”
“Please don’t go after him.”
“I won’t.” His eyes rose to meet mine. “I want to fucking kill him for what he’s done, but I know you’d never forgive me.”
“Even now, I don’t want to believe it. Even though I’ve seen the evidence with my own eyes and the truth is staring me in the face. I’m a fucking mug, I know, but I can’t turn off my feelings. I wish I could.”
“I know.”
“I’m gonna make him pay, Ry.”
Ryker leaned over, knocking his shoulder against mine in an unprompted contact that was so out of character, all I could do was stare at him.
“Yeah. I know you will.”