Chapter 13
CAM
“All these years of friendship and I never knew this side of you, never thought you’d be like this during .
. .” I trail off, not wanting to make things awkward, and keep combing my fingers through his soft hair.
It’s what I’ve been doing for the past half hour since I slid out of him, cleaned us up, then snuggled him right up.
“During sex?” he asks. His voice still has that perpetual tone full of laughter, but it’s quieter now, more happy than teasing.
“Yes.”
“I don’t think sex has been like that for me before. It’s like I was in a trance.” He sounds almost distracted, but I know he’s anything but.
He’s reliving it in his head the way he does very good games or very bad games.
I know it’s for a good reason, but I still need to ask . . .
“In a good way?”
He turns his head, resting his cheek on my shoulder and smiles up at me. “In the best way.”
Again, his smile is still sunshiny and very much an easy smile, but also serene.
It hits home, that maybe what we just experienced changed something in him just like it shifted my world.
That would make me pretty damn lucky.
Sex has always been a big part of relationships for me, it’s how I feel a connection solidifies, how I start to trust that relationship. I know that might not be the healthiest way of going about it, but it’s the way I am, and now . . .
There are still so many unknowns, so many reasons to be cautious, but last night, when he proved how much he wanted me, and this morning when he did it again and blew my mind, he showed me he’s more invested in us than I ever thought he could be invested in anything but football.
Maybe that’s unfair of me . . . No, I know that’s unfair of me, but the scars of my insecurities run deep.
“I want to do it a million times more, Cam,” he whispers like a confession, and I know I’m in for it when his smile turns into a smirk.
“And I want to suck your cock until you come in my mouth, at least once, and I don’t know if you’d be up for it, but I also want to bend you over and fuck you hard. ”
I snort at how blunt he is, actually loving that he’s not mincing his words.
“I’m vers,” I confirm, and realize I need to explain when he only looks confused. “I like it both ways.” Then I shift my voice into a teasing whisper. “And I would very much like it if you bent me over and fucked me.”
I lean in for a kiss, and he cups my cheek and deepens it before I can try to pull back. That’s how we spend most of the day—kissing, cuddling, trading orgasms in new ways, since his ass needs a rest and I don’t actually have another condom.
It’s how the rest of our time at Quick Ranch goes actually.
Of course we make our way to the kitchen occasionally, and we go out for at least one ride a day. I check on my clients when he goes to check on the ranch hands, and then we repeat the process again.
“I really love it here,” I tell him on our last ride.
He brought me to the highest hill on the property to watch the sunset.
It’s close enough to the house that we’ll make it back with some light still out if we leave just as the sun disappears over the far mountains, at least that’s what he said.
Looking at the spectacular show Mother Nature is putting on, I don’t even care if he’s correct or not.
“We can come back whenever you want, though I doubt we’ll get to have the whole place to ourselves for at least another year.”
“Yeah, where is Julia, by the way? I thought you said she lived here and I keep forgetting to ask?”
“She and her family are on vacation too. I sent them off to Disneyland for the week. The jet’s bringing them back as soon as we touch down in LA.”
I can’t help but laugh in delight.
“You’re a genius. So you wanted the place all to yourself, huh?”
“I did.” He lets out an audibly happy sigh. “I wanted you all to myself.”
“And you got me, hotshot.”
He’s the one laughing then.
“I really like that nickname.”
“I knew you would.” He loves praise, and honestly I love praising him. “You’re gonna have to find a kickass nickname for me too, you know?” I’m only teasing, but he nods seriously.
“I’m already thinking of some options.”
“You are? Like what?”
“Stud,” he says with no hesitation whatsoever, then turns to look at the descending sun with that smug grin of his. “You’re definitely a stud.”
I’m speechless for a good minute, and then I have to give it to him.
“I don’t hate it,” I mutter, and he laughs loud and free.
“I’m not the only one with an ego in this relationship.”
“You’re the only one with a giant one,” I counter.
He snorts like a little kid who just heard a dirty joke.
“If anyone here is giant,” he says in a conspiratorial tone. “It’s you, stud.”
“God, you’re ridiculous.” I shake my head at him, even with a smile I can’t make go away, and turn to look at the sunset too.
“That might be, but I’m still your boyfriend, so that says more about you than me, doesn’t it?”
“Shut up,” I mutter, but I still can’t stop smiling.
“Shit,” I hiss.
“What is it?” AJ’s fingers, which have been constantly playing with the fabric of my pants for the last three hours of the flight, squeeze my thigh none too gently.
“I have like thirty million notifications.”
We just landed in LA and I turned my phone on . . . I didn’t connect it to the jet’s Wi-Fi because I wanted just a few more hours with that peace AJ and the Quick Ranch gave me over the last week. I wanted to enjoy the last few hours before we have to come back to real life.
And clearly that was a mistake.
“Who is it?” he asks quietly.
I appreciate him trying to be discreet, but I’m sure the flight attendant isn’t listening in. He’s more than likely busy checking that everything is correct while we make our way to the hangar where Julia and her family are waiting.
“It’s Richardson.”
And God fucking dammit, I’m gonna have to get on a flight right away and it’s going to go almost exactly back the same route.
“In Kansas?” AJ asks. His shock is more than warranted, and I’m not about to give him any details, the Kansas Leopards are one of his rivals, but . . .
“Yeah, I need to fly out right away.”
I let out a sigh and make a call to my assistant, Jan, before I go back to reading all my texts.
“Take the jet,” AJ says, and interrupts the five trains of thought I have going at the same time.
“What?” I’m confused. “But it’s taking—”
“Yeah, but it’s just a forty minute flight from home to Kansas. It’s still gonna get you there faster than if I take you home and then you go to the airport.”
He’s right, I know he’s right, but . . .
“Thank God you finally looked at your phone,” Jan’s relieved voice comes from the speaker of my phone.
“You’re on speakerphone,” I tell him on autopilot. “Hang on a sec, Jan. Are you sure?” I direct the question at AJ.
“Yeah, I’m sure the kids will be exhausted enough from the week’s fun that they’ll sleep all the way back and you can probably get some work done on the way.”
“That’s not why I asked. I mean, it’s a big favor—”
“There are no favors between us.” The grumble in his voice and his cute as hell pout make me forget, even if only for a moment, that a young man’s life just changed in a second and it’s my job to help him through it.
“You’re right,” I tell him, and though some part of me still doesn’t feel like it’s real, I accept it without further question.
“I’m back, Jan. I got a flight already, but please let Richardson know I’ll call him in a few if he calls you again.
I just landed in LA so it’s going to take me half an hour or so to fly back out. ”
“Uh . . .” Clearly I’ve confused my unflappable assistant—and damn, I wish I could see his face right now.
The king of organization just got bested.
“All right.” He recovers quickly. “Most of what you need to know is already in your inbox, but I’ll put everything in a new email so you don’t have to go looking for anything, okay? ”
“Thanks, talk in a bit.”
“You got it, boss.” He disconnects the call without another word, and then I’m faced with the sad truth.
We really are back in the real world, and I’m still not sure how our brand new relationship is going to survive it.
When I wake up in the hotel bed the next morning, I feel like I didn’t sleep at all, even though it’s already nine and I got here around midnight.
I spent three hours working after I got here, coordinating surgeons, travel arrangements for Richardson, and putting together a press release with the Leopards.
Yesterday was officially the longest day of my entire life, and yes, that includes the Saturday of the reunion where every second I kept dodging having a conversation with AJ felt eternal.
I hurry to check my phone, and see a few messages but nothing urgent, and when I check, I see the Leopards’ post is up as well as Richardson’s.
He made a video from his hospital bed—which I guess will help keep the fans on his side for some time.
The thing that we need to make sure of is that they’re still on his side in a year when he’s healed up and ready to take the field for the last year of his rookie contract.
I really hate it when they get seriously injured so fucking young.
There was an air of despair around him when I made it to the hospital last night.
His older brother is the only family he’s got, and he was there with him, which I’m hoping means he’ll help.
When I get back to my messages I can’t help but go right to AJ’s.
AJ:
Glad you got there all right.
Let me know when I can call you, please.
Miss you.
God, he’s sweet.
Cam:
Miss you too.
Just woke up and I need to check on a few things, but I’ll call you in an hour or so if that’s okay?
I’m surprised when he answers right away, but then I realize it’s already seven in the morning, and it’s not unusual for him to be up early.
AJ:
Whenever you can, I’ll keep my phone close.
I don’t think he knows how much that simple statement means to me.
But he keeps it up for the rest of the week. He’s there for me every morning in texts, midday when I take a break for lunch, at night before I go to sleep. He always answers my calls, he always texts back quickly.
It’s not really surprising from AJ.
He’s always been very quick to get in touch with me when I’ve needed to talk to him about something, but I know for a fact he was a master avoider when it came to his previous . . . conquests.
I hate that I’m comparing myself to those girls. Yeah, most of them were eager gold diggers, but there were . . . no, there was one good one. I think? Maybe.
In any case, comparing AJ to every jackass I’ve ever cared about texting me back is an even worse idea because then I start to sweat.
By the third day, even with AJ keeping in touch as much as before, I’m a mess. I’m sure he’s going to tell me he can’t live like this, always waiting for me to come back to the city, always putting my clients first.
I’m braced for it Saturday morning when I fly back to LA, ready with my armor around my heart firmly on. I know what’s coming. I freaking knew it was too good to be true and that what we shared at the ranch would never survive when we came back to our real lives.
Gomillion, the reunion, our fake relationship, and yes, the ranch, all of it wasn’t based on reality.
I need to find some way to salvage our friendship, though. The agent-client thing . . . well, that I can live without, but having AJ in my life in some way is more important.
That’s what I tell myself from the moment the plane touches down at LAX, through the airport, during the cab ride home, and when I walk into my house.
I stand in my foyer for a minute, and something feels off, like this isn’t . . . like I’m not supposed to—
What sounds like a pot bangs against something in the kitchen and my heart starts to race uncontrollably.
Someone’s in my house.
“Shit.” The furious hiss doesn’t ease my fear, it increases it, because it’s not an intruder or a robber.
I round the corner and come face to face with the man I was sure a second ago was going to break my heart today.
“Oh, hey, you’re home.” Somehow his bright smile and the happiness in his eyes only make the ache in my chest grow. “Sorry for not giving you a head’s up, but I wanted to surprise you.” He holds up the pot and I see a creamy soup filling it.
“Y-you wanted to surprise me?” My voice comes out in a croak, my throat and mouth suddenly completely dry.
“Well, yeah.” AJ puts the pot down on the stove on the island then turns quickly and opens the refrigerator, talking again with his head shoved inside.
“I know this week probably sucked balls, and not the good kind.” He laughs at his own joke, but I don’t.
I . . . can’t. “So I figured you’d probably want to stay in, and I didn’t wanna wait to see you again, so here I am. ”
He’s holding up a big piece of cheese and that same perfect, sunshiny smile of his.
“You’re here,” I tell him quietly, and finally let go of my suitcase.
“Yeah, I am.” He tilts his head to the side. “Is that . . . okay?”
I hate that I made him hesitate. I hate every single man in my past who made me doubt the kindest person on the planet.
Viciously.
I hurry around the island and cup his cheeks, kiss his lips hard, then pull back just as fast and shake my head.
“It’s perfect.”
In that moment, when the voice comes back, the one that’s been mocking me for more than two decades . . .
No one’s going to wait around for you.
You’re not worth waiting for.
No one’s ever going to love someone as needy as you.
The only response in my brain to that stupid ass voice is laughter, and in fact, I also laugh out loud.
Finally free.
Then I kiss AJ again, because he’s the right man.
I’m not unlovable. I’m not too high-maintenance, too needy.
I’ve just been looking in all the wrong places, and if it wasn’t for that damn reunion, well then, I probably still would be.
“Thank you for waiting here for me,” I murmur.
“Of course.” That serious way of talking of his will never be normal, and I get he’s probably worried because I’m acting like a lunatic.
I don’t think he’d blame me if he knew why, though, but this moment is too happy to ruin with all of that.
“How can I help?” I ask instead.
“You don’t help at all,” he declares firmly, but that happy smile is back. “Go take a shower, put on some comfy clothes, then come back here and we’ll watch a movie, okay?”
“Okay.” I think for the first time ever, I’m smiling as widely as he always does.
That’s how much he’s changed my world. I know I love him already, I’ve loved him for years, but it’s still too soon to say anything, so I kiss him again to stop my lips from forming the words, and promise myself I’ll show him later instead.
And every day he’ll let me.