13. Gilli
Gilli
T he day certainly did not go the way I thought it would.
By a long shot.
I drove to town for a distraction, for research, and found way more than I bargained for.
Full dark covers the land by the time I make it back to Savage Gardens, exhausted and oddly satisfied. My feet ache and my arms feel like lead weights instead of functioning limbs.
But I got to do something I know I’m good at. Something that doesn’t make me feel like a freak or a failure.
I helped .
And Tase said he might be able to accept my assistance. I grin at the memory. It’s something . It’s a bright spot in an otherwise bleak outlook of fear and confusion and frustration.
I’ll take the win. Even if it’s temporary.
Even if it won’t help me figure out who’s behind the break-in at my apartment or why they’ve targeted me. It’s a glimpse of things lining up in just the right way.
The wheels rattle over the rutted dirt road toward the driveway to the cabin. Now if only I can get some sleep .
I squeeze my car beside Aiden’s truck in the minuscule amount of space left in the driveway. Two of my wheels are on the grass.
As I get out, I breathe deeply, drawing in the fresh, wet scents of the lake and the surrounding trees, the sweetness in the air. The breeze picks up and scatters leaves across the lawn.
A few aches and pains are a small price to pay for some mental clarity.
My stomach gives a plaintive gurgle. But yeah, skipping lunch was a bad idea.
You could use a few skips .
I block out the familiar nasty voice and hold my head high on my way into the cabin.
Aiden and Soren are both in the kitchen, evidenced by stomping footsteps and the slam of the fridge door. Both stand still as statues when I drop my bag on the island, glancing between them.
Neither is willing to meet my gaze, but they aren’t leaving, either.
The air goes thick.
“Hi?” I venture.
It’s like plucking the pin off of a grenade. The second the word lands, Soren turns from the counter with his brow furrowed and twin red rage spots on his cheeks.
“Where the fuck did you go? You were gone all damn day. And not a fucking word before you take off? Seriously?”
Surprise flickers through me.
“I didn’t think you’d care. You were happy enough for me to walk away.”
Probably even eager to get rid of me.
“There’s no way to reach you! How would we even know if you needed help when you don’t have a cell phone?” he asks darkly. “You just want to sneak around and use mine.”
“I told you why I don’t have a phone?— ”
“No, actually, you didn’t. None of this makes sense, Gilli,” Aiden interrupts. “We’re just trying to understand why you’re around, and why you took off like you did.”
“Where were you ?” I toss back at Aiden.
Is this how teenagers feel?
Soren lets out a bark of laughter. “Immature. Trying to take the attention off of you by focusing it on him. We’re not playing these games. You can’t act like you’re worried about your safety and then disappear half the damn day.”
“Without telling someone,” Aiden adds, to remind us both of the point.
Once again Aiden is caught bobbing between us. His eyebrows pull together in a worried expression.
I tense, bracing for the verbal assault, but I don’t move away or back down. It’s stupid, really. And it is immature, even though a part of me feels guilty. They’re right.
The cabin’s four walls are a sanctuary for all of us and it’s the least I can do to let one of them know if I’m taking off. Even a simple note would’ve sufficed.
“We had no way of knowing where you were. The locals might be friendly, but people are people,” Aiden reminds me.
I shake my head. “What does that mean?”
He taps his fingers on the counter behind him, his arms bent at the elbows, showing off muscle. “It means you’re a single woman and it’s nighttime. Being out there alone is asking for trouble.”
I know .
I know, better than they’re aware of, the danger of being a single woman alone. Even in the safety of my own apartment, I hadn’t been able to keep myself protected.
Those are the things I should say, what a rational adult would say to end the argument before it began. I appreciate their concern. That’s what it is. They’re worried about me .
Instead, I act like the immature fool Soren tells me I am. “ Look,” I begin with a sigh. “You're not my keepers. You’re not my brother.”
His eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”
“I understand the risks. I live in the city. I know what to do and I’ve got pepper spray on my keychain,” I tell them slowly.
“Then stop acting stupid,” Soren fires back. “Maybe I’m not your blood kin, but I know what happens to people when they refuse to pull their heads out of their own asses. Like you .”
“Okay, I’ve had a long day. I’m dead on my feet.” I lower my voice in direct contrast to his bluster. “If you want to scream at me some more, then we’ll pick this up again tomorrow.”
“Absolutely not.” His arms band around my torso before I’m out of the room and Soren hauls me off my feet.
“What are you doing?” I screech when my feet lift off the ground.
“Sorry, but I’m sick and tired of you storming off rather than having a conversation.”
My gut plummets, my heart leapfrogging into my throat. “Stop touching me like you’re going to physically toss me in my room and lock the door.”
He drops me abruptly and I land hard enough to lose my balance.
I swirl on him, a snarl ripping out of me. “I’ve dealt with enough pawing men in my life.”
“Wait.” His eyes widen. “You?—”
I push back out the door and storm around to the front of the cabin overlooking the lake. It’s another clear crisp night—it would have been utterly perfect if not for the outburst.
It’s too dark to see far without the moon, and the forest ringing the water’s edge is nothing but a wall of darkness. It doesn’t matter.
None of it matters .
I stalk to the edge of the lake and step in, shoes and all. The cool water immediately seeps through the canvas fabric and floods my Toms.
I bend, fumbling around for a stone and lifting it, only to toss it across the water.
It plops rather than skips across the surface. The second one is much the same. I grab a handful the next time, keeping them in my left hand and throwing them as far as I’m able with the right.
One after the other. I send my thoughts with the stones.
Soren has a lot of nerve. After the shit he said earlier today… He’s always been a pain, but grabbing me? It’s not okay.
Gravel crunches behind me. A quick glance over my shoulder gives me relief that Soren hasn’t followed me out. It’s Aiden, with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders lifted in a shrug.
“If you want to keep playing peacemaker, let me save you the trouble. I’m not in a good place to hear it,” I say as he approaches. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you aren’t. But I figured maybe you’d like a little silent company while you turn our beach to sand and send all the rocks out to the center of the lake.”
“I’m not ready to come inside yet. I need a little more time.”
“Totally understandable. And there’s no excuse for Soren. He comes from a good place…” Aiden trails off.
“But?”
“But I agree with him. He means well and the execution falls short, but he’s right. You do need to be more careful.”
He says carefully .
My throat swells and needles prick at me. “Say whatever you want to say, Aiden, then please do whatever it is you want to do besides talk to me.”
Except I’m not ready to send him away yet. If Soren is gasoline on my flames, then Aiden is the fireplace, making sure the flames remain together and safe, warming for the soul.
Fucking weird, Gil.
I’m nothing but a mess. And the longer I stay, the easier it is to get sucked into a whirlpool and over my head.
Aiden is close enough to touch if I reach for him. I’m not reaching. “Whatever you did in your life back home, it isn’t the kind of thing you can do here,” he says.
“Meaning?”
He simply shrugs again.
“But it’s a small town. Why is there so much fear?”
“Like Soren said. People are people.”
“It sounds like we’ve all had experiences with shitty human nature,” I mutter.
My fingers clench around another stone and I let it go halfheartedly. It sinks down to the murky bottom.
Aiden brushes the back of my shirt, grabbing hold, and slowly draws me out of the water.
“Look, I know things are tense right now. We’re getting used to each other and learning to live together, for however long.
It might be a week, it might be a few days, we don’t know.
We’ve got to get along. So we look out for each other. ”
“Soren doesn’t care,” I argue. “He’s made a show of telling me how much he wants to punish me.” I shiver. “You weren’t with us today.”
“No, but we’ve been in each other’s lives for a very long time,” Aiden replies. His eyes sharpen “I know him better than you do. And I know neither of you is going to apologize to the other. We’ve just gotta move past it.”
“I don’t have a phone, it’s true. But I wasn’t in danger today. I went to town and I ended up helping Tase at the clinic.”
Do I owe Aiden an explanation? My shivering intensifies, the chill spiraling lower. I don’t know anymore. I?—
I stop breathing when he wraps his arms around me and squeezes .
“You’re trembling.” His breath is warm and tickles the hair around my ear.
“And you’re holding me.”
He chuckles and asks, “Is it a problem?”
When he hugs me, there’s none of the crush and electricity of Soren. Maybe because Aiden doesn’t wear his anger as openly.
“No. It’s not a problem.”
His embrace has a different feel to it. There’s comfort and a strange sense of familiarity, and I lean into him. The night has gotten colder, and his body is putting off heat like a furnace.
So he holds me against his chest, leaving no room between us, and I let him.
“I’m trying to be careful,” I admit. Also trying not to read too much into the hard lines of his body and how they fit oh so deliciously against mine. “I’ve always done my best to survive. Now it seems a little tougher.”
“Are you not used to people caring about you?” he ventures.
I stop, an outburst on the tip of my tongue. I swallow it down and it tastes like burned toast and old jelly. “My sisters have always cared. Suz did her best. And my coworkers at the old clinic, they were great. I chose to isolate myself. It felt safer.”
“Safer from what?”
He presses but it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to peel away my layers when I’m not ready.
“Take your pick. I’m a walking bag of trauma and bullshit.” I try to laugh but the sound never comes. “I’ve got debt, nightmares, and a boogeyman waiting for me to make a wrong move.”
“Sooner or later, you’re going to realize that isolating yourself isn’t going to get you the life you want. Take it from me. Maybe you don’t trust me, but I’ve lived it, too, Gilli.”
Aiden slowly turns me around, keeping hold of my arms .
His hold is light and his touch barely a graze as he stares down into my eyes. “It’s exhausting to keep running. Eventually, you have to face yourself.”
He brushes a lock of hair away from my neck, staring at the strands. I’m not sure where to look.
“That’s hard to imagine.”
“Really? You have so much imagination.” He trails his hands from my biceps to my elbows before moving higher again and skimming his hands to my shoulders.
I catch my breath.
Aiden’s face is close enough to touch and his gaze hooded. “Everyone has their bullshit. It all boils down to what you’re willing to do about it. Do you want to stay stuck? Or do you want to fight?”
My legs press together. He’s standing there, looking at me expectantly. Waiting for me to—what?
He suddenly grabs my hand, bringing it to his mouth, and presses a kiss to my thundering pulse.
“Well?” he pushes. “Are you going to fight, Gilli?”
All I do is fight .
He kisses my wrist again then lifts his face. And kisses my lips. It’s a peck, a little thing. A barely there kiss meant to offer comfort more than anything else.
The small press of one mouth to another before the tip of his tongue grazes like he’s asking permission for more. His eyes never leave mine.
I slowly open for him, tilting my head to the side in invitation.
Our tongues brush and a low moan works its way up my throat. His arms band around my waist, and he’s not pressing. Not really.
He’s holding me and giving me enough rope to hang myself if I so choose.
His kiss is light and sweet and there’s a question in every caress of his tongue. Do I want this?
I should push him away .
But I can’t move, my skin going tight and my nipples pebbling. His mouth comes down on mine a little harder, and I swallow back the low thrumming in my throat.
Aiden rolls his hips and suddenly I’m breathing hard, biting down on his lip and sucking at him.
Delicious heat curls my toes. I’m a second away from lifting my arms to grip his shoulders and feel his muscles for myself when Aiden breaks the kiss.
His eyes go black as he straightens, coming up for air and regaining his senses. He flashes me a smile without any meaning and limps off.
Wordless. Breathless.
My lips throb in time with my pulse and I feel it everywhere .
The strongest desire to call him back and ask him to stay, to see where that small kiss takes us, overpowers logic.
Is that wrong?
He’s not my family.
He’s barely my friend, but Aiden is…friendly.
Confusion nearly splits my skull in two. What the hell just happened, and why is it enough to shake me to my soul?