17. Gilli
Gilli
T he boys went out for the evening and I thought I’d be able to breathe easier with them gone.
Unfortunately, they’re phantoms in my head, and I think about them more often than not.
Specifically, I think about what happened in the woods with Soren. I let him touch me. I wanted him to touch me.
To make myself useful, I scrub the floor in the kitchen on my hands and knees until the linoleum shines.
I don’t want to look for Maxxx8U stories online anymore. I’ve seen enough to occupy my night terrors for the next ten thousand years. And I’d promised Aiden I’d stay in the house while they’re gone.
But when I asked him what time they’d be back, he only shrugged and teased me about missing him already.
Not the case.
I’m good on my own. As long as I have direction, I’m able to take the first steps.
Only in the cabin, I’m out of my element. There are no texts to study for school or videos to plan out for my online account. There are no costume changes. There’s only me and my fantasies which have no business staying as long as they have .
Once I finish with the floor, I head to bed. A reasonable hour, really, so maybe I’ll finally get some decent sleep.
I peel off my dirty clothes and exchange them for sleep shorts and a loose tank. The cleaning spree bordered on manic.
And it’s probably the reason why I drop right into sleep.
A deep breath takes me from half asleep to full awake, my mouth as dry as a bone. The clock flashes five minutes after midnight but it takes me a second to make out the numbers, my vision blurry.
I always bring a bottle of water for the nightstand but my palm slaps against empty space. Ugh .
A line of light filters in from underneath the bedroom door and I fumble for my glasses. The guys must be home by now, and one of them is still awake.
Which means I need to stay put.
My dry mouth makes it impossible.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, toes touching down on the cool floor. The light’s coming from the tv in the living room instead of one of the bedrooms.
A glance down the hall shows Soren’s door is shut. It’s gotta be Aiden.
I pad down the hall and stop, narrowing in on him sprawled across the couch with one arm thrown over the back. His legs are splayed and he twists his head to lock eyes with me.
“Can’t sleep?” I ask.
My voice echoes strangely in the quiet. He’s got the TV volume down so low I barely hear anything despite the action scene and the massive explosion on screen.
He moves suddenly, drawing the blanket across his knees further up his lap and setting his phone aside.
My stomach flips.
“It’s nothing new,” he answers hoarsely. “It’s one of my many talents. I avoid sleep like the plague.”
And apparently comes out here to touch himself. I’ve got a pretty good idea that the action flick is only a ruse while he watches the real show on his phone.
Heat spreads from my chest, and the tips of my fingers start to prickle.
I’m entirely too aware of the thin shorts and tank top I’m wearing. Embarrassment heats my cheeks and neck.
“I guess I’m not the only one in the house with insomnia,” Aiden adds.
I’m drawn to his lap. Aiden’s eyes bore into mine and I feel it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, my skin going tight. An ache settles between my legs.
My mouth is drier yet.
“I’m just getting some water,” I whisper. “Thirsty.”
Now I’ve got a feeling I’ll be thirsty for something else. I force my gaze away.
Aiden’s still wearing the Henley he changed into for dinner but traded the jeans for his comfortable pair of gray sweatpants. His feet are bare.
What kind of view will I have if he ditches the blanket?
Is he hard? Or was he just playing a game on his cell?
His throat bobs and I drag myself into the kitchen.
“How was dinner?” I ask, just loud enough for him to hear me. “Did you have fun?”
I flip the tap and fill up a glass, waiting for him to answer. This is my attempt to keep things light when my mind goes straight back to places it doesn’t belong. Is it working?
Not one bit.
“It’s always a good time when the guys get together,” Aiden replies. He clears his throat. “We ate great food and got shit-faced from whiskey shots.”
Needles of awareness drag across the back of my neck. He’s still watching me.
“No trouble in town? You know, from the terrifying locals you’ve warned me about. ”
I can’t help the little razz and I’m rewarded with laughter.
“They know better than to mess with us. Doctor Walton is a pillar of the community. One look at that lanky bastard and they turn tail and run,” Aiden says.
My hand trembles on the glass. “And what are you and Soren? The degenerates?”
“Why don’t you tell me.” When I turn back, Aiden pats the space beside him on the couch. “You don’t have to bolt away so quickly. You can chill. I’ll be civilized.”
I’d been slowly inching out of the kitchen, I realize. But not because of him. Because of me .
Because I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the windows. The skimpy sleep shorts and a black tank do nothing to hide the fact that I’m not wearing a bra and leaves a whole lot of my legs exposed. Legs I’d rather Aiden not see. Not with their cellulite and stretch marks.
We’re friendly with each other, agreeable. I don’t want to ruin it with my crappy insecurities
He keeps tapping until I cave.
His smile is infectious. “My buzz has faded, if that’s what you’re asking,” he says as I slither closer. “I’m not having that kind of fun now.”
I perch on the side of the couch, take a long sip of water and set the glass down. “I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ll leave you to whatever it is you consider fun.”
He reaches out to grab my ankle and tugs me off the couch arm. With a yip I topple over, my head dangerously close to his lap and laughter bubbling up.
“Sorry, Gilli—you’re not going anywhere. I don’t want you to leave,” he tells me slyly. His eyes narrow pleasantly, his hair still arched over the top of his head and held in place with gel. “I can use the company.”
I right myself and smooth my own hair back. Our thighs touch but the blanket provides a barrier once I tug it halfway off of him and across my own lap, snuggling underneath.
“You were surrounded by people all night,” I remind him. “I’m sure you’ve had enough company. Besides, isn’t that the reason you guys keep coming to the cabin? To get away?”
“Yes, but it was boys’ night. You weren’t there. You would have been welcome, you know.”
My head tips back. “This is the first time you’ve lied to me.”
He chuckles softly. “You’re right. I’m sorry Soren is still being a prick. Next time, if you want company yourself, we’ll go and have a nice meal.”
Like a date .
The idea of sitting down with them, no fights, just good food and drinks and jokes, releases the tightness around my heart. But what I tell him is, “I usually get my socialization out of the way at work.”
“Work is work. It’s not fun. It’s not letting your hair down.” Aiden reaches over and rearranges the strands.
Goosebumps rise where he skims against my skin. I let him touch me, holding my breath. Let him push my hair away from my face and smile at me.
“It’s the only time I have,” I say. “There’s no other chance to let my hair down.”
“Until now. You know what they say about all work and no play?—”
“It gets you to your dreams faster,” I fill in.
He holds my gaze a few seconds longer, a smile still tugging at the corner of his lips. It holds none of his normal humor, though. There’s a tension to his shoulders and his eyes are like living flames.
“You should be out with friends, dancing and drinking and dressing in tight little outfits designed to make people drool.”
I open my mouth but quickly zip it shut. I wear those outfits any day of the week, for an audience of hundreds or thousands—tens of thousands, if I’m lucky .
“I’m not interested in it,” I admit.
His gaze drops to my exposed legs, the blanket only covering my upper thighs. An eyebrow wriggle breaks the tension before it has a chance to grow roots.
“Then you’d be the first woman I’ve met who prefers to isolate this way rather than having fun with friends.”
“One needs to have friends in the first place.”
I glance over him toward the doors leading outside, seeing nothing of the night-drenched world beyond. There’s only our reflection.
“It’s a choice we make, for sure.” He doesn’t sound as though he’s mocking me, either. “Sometimes it’s a real mark of growth to carefully choose who you have around you. Small circles.”
“I haven’t been as careful as you have.” I lean toward him, absorbing his warmth. “Or maybe I’ve been too careful and I’ve isolated myself from people who might be able to help me.”
“You have your sisters.”
“Sure, and I know they would do anything for me. But there are some things you have to handle yourself. You know?”
Aiden ducks his head. “Yeah, I get it.”
He curls the arm closest to me around my shoulders and draws me against his body tighter.
“Please.” The earnestness of his tone freezes me in place. “What are you doing, Gilli? What are you running from?”
“I want to tell you. I can’t.” The truth shocks me.
I do want to tell him.
“Then maybe you should just leave. Would it be safer for you to find another place to hole up?”
“It’s a bad situation, Aiden. It’s something I don’t want you involved with, otherwise I’d ask for your help.”
Huh .
His fingers clench against me, his chest rumbling. “I have a feeling you rarely ask for help. It can be a bad thing, you know. To take on too much and refuse to share the burden. Trauma response, or some type of therapist jargon.”
“I know. In this case…trust me. I have to be here. There’s nowhere else for me to go.” I nibble on my lower lip.
The words are there, ready to erupt.
It’s a surprise to want to tell Aiden what’s going on. He’d surely have some opinions about how to handle this mess. Maybe he would have a better in with the cops. I’d feel a whole lot better if the local law enforcement took me seriously.
I say nothing.