23. Gilli
Gilli
T he radio station belches out classic rock.
“Radar Love” pours through the car speakers. My windows are down, my arm thrust outside despite the slight chill.
But the sky is clear, a smattering of clouds floating above the tree line. The streets are familiar and comforting, the turns easy to make without having to think about them.
Life at the cabin, it’s soft. Not easy by any means but I see how it could be.
I whistle along with the tune before pulling onto the main street. The warmer weather has steadily brought more tourists in to enjoy the sights of small town spring. It’s nice, I gotta admit.
Trees are budding, the general store has switched out the flags in front, and a welcome banner at the diner flutters in the breeze and tempts passersby to stop for fresh pies and coffee.
Despite the early hour, there are already cars lined up in front of the clinic and I know there won’t be any space behind the building. There’s nothing available near the store.
Rather than driving up and down waiting for that to change and hoping to get lucky, I head down to the steakhouse to park and walk back.
As much as I hate to admit it, I can see myself in this place.
I always thought once I made it to the big city, I’d want to stay. There was so much more to do and I craved the excitement, the anonymity of blending into a crowd of people who were just as hungry as I was.
Who am I kidding? I never go anywhere.
If I’m not at my own clinic, I’m inside the apartment, making media content and saving money. I’ve never taken advantage of any of the sights Baltimore has to offer.
I’ve never even been to the aquarium.
It’s not a stretch to imagine me and Soren walking down the street in Holly Brook. Or me and Aiden at one of the little tables on the sidewalk outside the general store, diving into a shared piece of pie on a hot day.
Or Tase greeting me at the clinic door with a smile and a kiss.
The images in my mind are so real my heart flutters. My pussy clenches, and I’m brought back to the other night in an instant.
My body is sore from being fucked so well, but I love the ache. Soren made me feel beautiful, desirable. So much more than any of the other men I’d been with or the random anonymous dudes online. They might offer up easy compliments and cash tips but they don’t know me.
Not the way he does.
Soren sees me, sees every flaw and virtue.
If someone had pulled me aside last week and told me this would happen, I’d have laughed and called them a liar. But here we are, and something has changed between us.
Not just the sex. The sex was great, but it’s more than that.
It’s the way Soren cradled me tightly to his side afterward, our fingers entwined. It’s the small kisses he pressed to my forehead and the way his beard tickled my skin. The way he looked at me, when he’d dropped the protective mask of rage and frustration.
I draw in a breath colored with fresh flowers and an undertone of roasting coffee.
Or maybe I’m deluding myself.
Things are changing and, for the first time in a long time, not in a bad way. I don’t have to curl in on myself and brace for the other shoe to drop. Which makes this even weirder.
Soren and I— I have no idea what we can be if we give it a chance. I’m past asking myself if I want to. I do. I want to see if there is something besides the fierce animalistic pull toward him. And Aiden, Tase…
I’m selfish, because I want them, too.
I want them all. The three of them with their history and connection, piled on top of me in bed and touching me, making me laugh.
Definitely deluding myself . I should seek psychiatric help. But the fantasies sure are pleasant.
With spring everywhere I look and my body still feeling deliciously used, it’s going to be a good day. A great day, I correct, heading down the sidewalk toward the clinic.
Until apprehension suddenly prickles the skin at the base of my neck and I stiffen, turning. My nerves fire.
There are plenty of people out this early in the day and maybe I’m just not used to seeing so many at once. I’ve gotten to be too much of a homebody for my own good.
Trying to shake off the uneasy feeling, I pick up the pace. A dull heavy sensation twists at the bottom of my stomach but I ignore it.
Stop being paranoid . It’s nothing.
The sensation refuses to leave though.
The further I walk, the more certain I am that I’m being watched, and every time I turn around I see nothing suspicious, only tourists I don’t know and locals I wouldn’t recognize anyway. No one is even paying the slightest attention to me.
I hustle on, aiming for more speed without being too conspicuous about it.
Someone is watching me .
Not just watching but stalking.
I can’t see them, but they see me. I know it.
My chest tightens, my stomach taking a dive and my toes going numb. The pleasant atmosphere of the day has changed on a dime.
I’m out of breath.
The general store is only a few buildings down from the clinic. I duck quickly inside the front door and head to a shelf of magazines, burying my face in the nearest one as if hiding.
It’s the same feeling I got on the street that night after the break-in, running for my life barefoot and terrorized—waiting for the shadows to reach out and snatch me.
Ridiculous ?
It’s possible someone followed me all the way out here, but it’s morning and blindingly sunny. I’d see them trailing me, I’m sure.
I keep my face hidden by the magazine, only peeking over the top to survey my surroundings. But no one suspicious comes in the store, like those two dudes who broke into my place. There’s no one suspicious outside. Nothing happens.
A throat clears and I glance over to see one of the cashiers eyeing me strangely. She’s got an apron looped over her neck and her brown curls pinned to the top of her head.
You okay, honey?”
The thick New York accent seems directly out of place with the small-town resident image.
I nod. “Yeah, just checking out the latest issue of…”
I glance at the magazine I’d hastily grabbed as a shield and am mortified to discover it’s a guns and ammo publication. Also I’m holding it upside down.
Feeling incredibly foolish, I give the clerk a quick smile. “I’m fine.”
I bolt out the door toward work.
Kayla is already inside by the time I get around to the back of the building and pull open the door. She shrugs into a pair of scrubs and shoots me a pleasant look over her shoulder.
“Morning, Sunshine. You look chipper.”
An odd thing to say, considering I just freaked myself out about being stalked. “How can you tell?”
Score one for me, my voice holds firm.
“Because you’re glowing.” Kayla winks. “Something interesting happen?”
“Uh…”
Oh, lord, I’m not going to tell her I had sex with my stepbrother. I clear my throat and hang my purse on the empty peg on the wall along with my jacket.
“Sounds to me like you need to get out more, girl. Live a little. In fact, this Friday.” Kayla stops and points a finger at me. “Belle and I are going to head out for burgers and grease and girl time. Come with us.”
“I’d love to—” I start to make an excuse.
“We’re not going to take no for an answer.
Keep it in mind. We get out here around five, so we can meet back in town at six.
I’ll drive.” She smiles before reaching into her bag and grabbing a second pair of scrubs.
“Thought you might need these, too. Didn’t figure you for a cartoon lover so I grabbed the purple parrots instead of Mickey Mouse. ”
Her consideration warms my heart. “You’re awesome, Kayla. Really.”
“Gilli, get changed. Kayla, I need surgery room 2 set up for a spay this morning, and we’ve got three cats coming in for boarding at nine.” Tase blows past us from somewhere down the hall, staring straight ahead. “There’s no time for chitchat.”
Saved by the doctor.
My stomach flips again. Tase is gone before I have a chance to even say good morning .
The scrubs fit decently well. After stowing my clothes in my purse, I head out to the front desk where Belle is organizing patient files for the appointments of the day.
“Watch out,” she tells me in an undertone. “Someone is in a mood today.”
I give her a questioning look.
“The doc,” she clarifies and drops her voice to a whisper. “He’s humming Wilson Phillips.”
My nose scrunches. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“Whenever he gets upset or stressed, he starts humming Wilson Phillips songs. I had no idea what they were until I Googled it. He caught me doing a search and he nearly bit my head off for it. It just means we have to be on our A game.”
Belle’s stage whisper carries through the empty office and I wince. “Which song is it today?” I’ve got to know.
“‘Impulsive’.” Belle rolls her eyes. “It’s going to be a great day.”
The sarcasm isn’t lost on me. It goes along with the feeling of being watched. Perhaps that was my internal warning to brace for the worst.
I’m trying to remember the lyrics to that song—something about acting on the moment, spontaneous—when the doctor blows into the room like a hurricane.
A dark cloud trails him. “I need the Hawkins file.”
I’m not sure who he’s scowling at or if the room in general pisses him off with its brightness.
“Her appointment isn’t until noon,” Belle reminds him.
Tase clearly doesn’t care and stands rooted in place until Belle scurries to give him the file he’s asked for. He is pointedly not looking at me, with his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket.
“Morning,” I attempt.
Mistake. Huge mistake.
He grows taller, bristles, his eyes shifting to dark chocolate rather than whiskey. He grunts out a word that I guess can be construed as morning but sounds like a curse.
A smarter person would take it as a sign to fuck right off and find somewhere else to be.
I’m not too smart this morning. I work a smile onto my face and get closer, like I’m one of those people who thinks a wild animal will be friendly because I’m special.
“How are you doing? Sleep well?” I ask.
He glances at me sideways. “Is surgery room 2 prepared? Let’s get to work.”
Dodging my questions. Okay then, so professional and cold are the themes of the day.
“Yes, sir.” I give him a small salute but he never looks up from the file.
I never expected things to be weird with Tase but I guess I’m not using my head. He’s okay through the rest of the morning but distant, how he acted when we first met each other but with an added layer of barely maintained civility.
This has to do with Soren. I know it in my bones but I’m not sure how those pieces fit together.
I’m not stupid enough to ignore their connection, though.
Things changed last night between me and my stepbrother, but things have also changed with Tase. I barely saw Aiden this morning before I took off for town, only a glimpse of him rushing to the bathroom on my way out the door.
Is my hookup with Soren enough to?—
Scratch that. I know it is.
Tase disappears into his office right before we break for lunch and I scurry after him, closing the door behind me before he has a chance to take off in the other direction.
I lean against the door. If he wants to get around me, he’ll have to physically move me out of this spot. “What’s wrong, Tase? You’re acting strange.”
Tase works his jaw. “Maybe I’ll take a page out of your book and tell you everything is fine.”
I fight back a wince. “Then I'll know you’re lying. Talk to me. Please.”
I expect him to shut down. Most men do when you confront them.
Tase groans, swiping a hand through his short hair. “I probably should have left after dinner last night, instead of sticking around.”
I swallow compulsively and stand firm. Thankfully, the door is strong, because it’s taking the brunt of my weight.
“Look, I understand what happened and why you did it. Why you…slept with Soren.” Tase’s voice is small, almost plaintive. “But it doesn’t stop me from being jealous, because I wish it had been me in your bed and not him.”
My nerves are wracked by adrenaline and every part of me goes tight and pulsing. It’s so different from anything else because this, I realize, is fear.
A fear of alienating Tase but also of making the wrong choice.