Chapter One #2
My uncle is referring to the dishes I just used to start the roast and breakfast from this morning.
My uncle knows I never wash them the second I’m done cooking because they’re way too hot for them to be washed.
I always wait for them to cool down before starting to work on them.
This has been the way I’ve done things for as long as I can remember and no one has ever complained before.
Today must be a horrible day for my uncle and he probably lost a ton of money at the casino.
The beating lasted forever until my uncle finally got tired and I collapsed to the floor at his feet.
If I thought I was dizzy before, it’s nothing compared to what I’m feeling now.
My vision is fading to nothing as he kicks me in the stomach and makes his way into the living room.
He’ll stay there until he passes out and I have to clean around him.
I’ll get in trouble for that too because it wasn’t done before he sat down.
Problems to worry about as I try to fight against the overwhelming pain and need to sink into the bleak nothingness calling me like an old friend.
After finally winning the struggle, I pull myself back up to my feet and continue cleaning the house and getting the laundry done.
It takes a lot longer than normal and my aunt comes home before I’m done.
Thankfully, my uncle doesn’t wake up again before I manage to sneak out of the house and make my way to the barn where I sleep and spend all of my ‘free’ time.
I only give myself twenty minutes to clean up before I get to work on the nightly outside chores.
The animals won’t take care of themselves and I actually prefer to spend my time with them versus being in the house with my aunt and uncle.
Kreed has found me passed out in the common room of the clubhouse when I couldn’t fight against the dizziness.
Instead of being mad or beating me, he took care of me and made sure Doc was in the medical room to examine me.
I’ve known for a long time I have an eating disorder, now I have an actual name for it though.
It stems from years of being starved as a form of punishment and only allowed scraps a few times a week the rest of the time.
When I do eat, I barely take a few bites before I can’t eat anymore.
And I have to watch what food I eat because some of it upsets my stomach and I don’t want to get sick and lose the only food I’ve consumed for the day.
Or make anyone angry because I’ve wasted their food and the money it cost to buy.
The other reason I tend to clean the clubhouse at night is because that’s when it’s essentially empty.
I have no reason to go into the rooms of the members and only clean the public areas of the clubhouse.
Ones I haven’t been told are off-limits when Kreed gave me a tour shortly after arriving here.
During the day, I tend to remain in the room I was given with the door locked.
Kreed is the only one who has the key and only enters after I allow him to.
He never takes advantage of this being the home of the club members and respects my privacy and need to remain alone when I become too overwhelmed.
Especially if I’ve recently had a panic attack or one of the flashbacks that haunt me at extremely random moments.
Most of the men here are a lot bigger than I am and it wouldn’t take very much at all for them to seriously hurt me.
I’m talking about making the beatings from my uncle look as if they were done by a toddler.
They all have muscles larger than I’ve ever seen before and most of the time they appear as if they’re seconds away from hurting anyone who looks at them wrong.
Rationally, I know they aren’t really bad men and wouldn’t hurt me for any reason, but it doesn’t change the thoughts in my mind that circulate when they’re in the same room with me.
All I see is them hurting me for no reason other than something they’ve made up in their own mind.
For something I’ve supposedly done to wrong them or the club as a whole.
The second anyone other than Kreed or Reckless enters the room, I freeze until they pass me and then I leave the room.
The only other person I’ve been able to stay around is a man named Viper.
He shared with me his real name is Luca and he’s only been patched in for a short period of time.
Luca told me his story one night when he found me in the common room cleaning.
His stepdad and mother beat the hell out of him much like my aunt and uncle did to me.
They used him for everything possible and treated him as if he were lower than the dirt they constantly tracked in the shack they lived in.
The only reason he’s no longer with them is because the club pulled him out and gave him a place to live in the clubhouse.
They have become his family and given him the confidence and safety he’s craved his entire life.
Something I hope to have one day. He’s a nice guy and has done everything in his power to help Laurie and myself as we adjust to life now that we aren’t locked in a cage and treated worse than animals.
I still witness moments with Luca where he relives the past and can relate when he seems to shut down.
The members of the club are there to pull him out of his head and remind him he no longer lives the life he previously did with his so-called parents.
They’re the two people in the world who are supposed to love him unconditionally and support him no matter what.
Instead they treated him like shit and tore him down piece by piece every day of his life.
The same way my aunt and uncle did for me.
Laurie’s story isn’t as bad as ours, but hers is just as rough and horrible.
It’s simply not mine to share with the world.
As I clean the common room, the haziness starts to take over and I can’t stop myself from collapsing against the closest table.
The chair digs into my stomach and causes pain I’ve never felt before.
It’s worse than the cramps I’ve had countless times over the years from hunger.
The last thing I hear before everything goes completely black is my stomach rumbling in hunger.
Something I rarely hear these days because I’m so used to going without food.