Chapter Five
Annistyn
I’VE STAYED AT the compound for the last week.
Kreed said he wasn’t mad at me when I stayed gone longer than I anticipated and he had to come find me only to discover I was talking to someone he doesn’t know.
Not just anyone, but a guy at that. I’m not sure I can trust him though.
If I had done anything similar when I was with my aunt and uncle, it would have resulted in a beating and being starved for at least a week.
Kreed hasn’t done anything to me and has acted as if everything is normal, but I still don’t trust that something won’t be done to punish me when I least expect it.
I’m trying to force those thoughts aside, but it’s not easy when that’s all I’ve ever known.
In fact, everyone has acted the same as they always do and it’s truly confusing because I’m not used to it.
Cali is sitting in the common room with me while Kreed and Reckless are outside with the kids.
The girls wanted to play on the small playground out back while Bryce wanted to ride his dirt bike.
I’ve gotten pictures of him riding around the compound for his parents and I hope I managed to capture the pure freedom and excitement lighting up his face as he zoomed past me every single time.
I don’t know that I’ve ever felt as free and excited to do something so simple a day in my life.
If I did, it was when my parents were alive and I can’t remember it happening.
As soon as I can, I want to find a library or somewhere I can print the pictures out and give them to Cali and Reckless.
I just hope they enjoy the photos as much as I did taking them.
Bryce isn’t the only one I’ve taken pictures of, though.
When the kids are outside playing, I’ve taken pictures of them running around, swinging, going down the slide.
Each and every time, they have large smiles on their faces and are enjoying the time spent with their parents and Kreed.
It’s not just the kids who are truly enjoying making those memories though.
Reckless, Cali, and Kreed are having as much fun as the kids.
They’re existing in that moment and letting the rest of the world fade into nothing.
Each adult is relaxed and not thinking of anything other than the children they’re with.
This is how I imagine I lived when my parents were alive—living my best life with no worries or fear clouding every single day I woke up.
I can tell Cali wants to say something to me as we sit at the table they usually occupy in the back of the common room.
She hasn’t spoken up yet and I’m just waiting for her to say whatever is on her mind.
I just hope it’s something I can talk about and not anything to do with my past because I’d rather keep those memories locked in the vault in my mind.
“You really enjoy taking pictures, don’t you?” she finally asks me as I stare at the table in front of me.
“I do,” I respond, my voice still hardly above a whisper. “I found the camera I use in a trunk of my mom’s things and have enjoyed learning how to use it ever since.”
“You taught yourself how to take pictures?” she asks, causing me to look up to find her truly looking interested in talking with me about this.
“I did. Um, I wasn’t allowed to go to school when I was growing up.
My aunt and uncle told the school they were homeschooling me and forged documents whenever they needed to turn stuff in.
I never got taught anything unless I taught myself.
That’s how I learned to read, clean, take photos, and cook,” I tell her, sharing just a small taste of how I grew up with the woman sitting with me.
Cali doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and I can see tears filling her eyes. There isn’t any pity though. It’s as if she understands where I’m coming from in a way I don’t know about.
“Caleb and Kreed have been my best friends for a long time. I met them when we were in fourth grade and they didn’t let me push them away like I did with everyone else.
At recess, I would sit on my own and watch everyone else have fun or play games.
Caleb and Kreed would sit with me some days and try to pull me out of my shell.
They were my protectors and always ensured I had everything I ever needed or wanted.
The two of them, mainly Caleb, gave me an extended family who are truly the best people I’ve ever met in my life.
“I wasn’t always physically abused when I was growing up, but my dad wasn’t the best person.
Everything was my fault and my mom would cower in front of him instead of living her life.
She still chooses to stay with him and stay out of my life.
I cut them out as soon as I could. All they ever wanted was my money and for me to remain the obedient daughter who never stirred up trouble or chaos.
I had absolutely no freedom growing up. Then I married Darren who was Caleb and Kreed’s other best friend.
My life became a living hell for the years I was with him.
“I was essentially a single parent even when he was home on leave and the only times he was ever nice to the kids and me was if Caleb and Kreed were over. At least in the beginning. We thought he was killed overseas on a mission and I lived as a widow for a year. Darren wasn’t dead though.
He faked his death and stalked me. The point of me telling you the shortened version of this is because if you ever need to talk, I’m here.
I might not have suffered as much as you have, but I’ve definitely had my moments where I wish I were anywhere else in the world,” Cali says as I remain looking at her for the first time ever.
“Caleb and Kreed helped you through it all, didn’t they?” I ask her, already knowing the answer deep in my heart.
“They did. Those two have been there for the kids and me more times than I can count. Caleb isn’t Bryce and Rory’s biological dad, but he’s the only one they’ve truly ever known.
Darren never did anything for Bryce when he was around.
We were nothing more than an inconvenience he had to stay with because of an accidental pregnancy at the end of our senior year.
Kreed has always been the best uncle to my children and they adore him.
Both Caleb and Kreed have amazing role models in their lives and I’m sure you’ll meet them all one day,” she answers me and I can’t help but smile because it doesn’t surprise me at all when it comes to Kreed and Reckless.
“Is this the first motorcycle club you’ve been involved with?” I question Cali as Carly makes her way over to us.
“No. Caleb’s dad is a member of a club called the Phantom Bastards.
His grandpa is the President of that club.
That was the first MC I was ever around.
The Phantom Bastards are close to a club called the Wild Kings and that’s the second club I was around.
Actually, one of the Wild Kings is married to Caleb’s aunt so the clubs have combined families in that way.
There’s a lot of kids between all the members and the ol’ ladies are some of the best women I’ve ever met in my life.
Some of them will understand your past more than you think.
It’s okay to talk about what you’ve been through, Annistyn.
No one here will ever judge you for trauma inflicted on you.
You’re the victim in all of this and none of it was your fault.
That’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to learn about it,” Cali says, a knowing tone to her voice as she remembers her own past.
I let her have a minute as she shakes off the memories haunting her. Cali offers me a small smile before lifting the bottle of water in front of her to take a sip.
“Can I ask you a question about Kreed?” I ask her after she’s done drinking.
“You can. I don’t know if I’ll answer because he is my best friend, but I won’t hide anything either,” she responds as Carly remains close enough to listen to us with a beer in her hand.
“He told me he wasn’t mad about the other day at the park. Is he being honest about that? I’ve been waiting for some kind of punishment to happen and it’s exhausting waiting,” I ask her as my voice breaks with emotion and I have to look down at the table in front of me.
“He’s not mad or upset with you, Annistyn.
Kreed will tell you honestly if he is. You’ll know without him saying a word if I’m being honest. He only wants you to learn to cope with your past and be happy.
There’s more but I won’t spill his secrets.
Just trust me, and I know that’s hard for you, when I say he’s not mad at all,” Cali answers me with a smile on her face as we look at Carly who steps up next to the table we’re at.
“Annistyn, have you ever had a drink?” Carly questions me, her voice having a mocking tone to it I can’t help but pick up on.
“No, I haven’t. Why?” I return, my voice so low she leans closer to hear what I’m saying.
“I think we should change that. Evan, bring over some shots for Annistyn,” Carly calls out and I feel myself starting to shut down.
Every memory I have of someone drinking around me until I came here is filled with pain and loathing.
My uncle drank heavily when he was losing and always took it out on me.
When I was a very young girl and would smell the alcohol on him, I learned to hide and stay away from him for as long as possible.
I also made a promise to myself that I’d never drink for any reason.
If I could possibly turn into the horrible person he was, I want nothing to do with it.
My heart starts to race and sweat covers my body as my breathing gets stuck in my chest. There’s a heaviness weighing down on my chest that borders on pain as my vision starts to fade into nothing.
Everything around me becomes muffled and I can hardly hear anything.