Chapter Seven
Annistyn
IT’S ANOTHER NIGHT I can’t sleep in the bed Kreed made sure I had at the clubhouse.
Too many nightmares and a feeling of absolute dread when I close my eyes.
The knowledge that I’ll relive every past trauma while I sleep means I won’t get any at all.
I’ve been through this way too many nights throughout my life to know what will happen.
What Kreed doesn’t know is I realize how many nights a week he climbs into bed with me and holds me so I can sleep while he remains awake in order to prevent another nightmare from happening.
He’s been at my side every time I needed him whether I was awake or sleeping and battling the demons that haunt me every single time my eyes slide closed for longer than a second or two.
I rarely dream about anything good because I can’t remember a single good time in my life with any clarity.
Every memory from when my parents were still alive is nothing more than blurred images I can’t clear up no matter how hard I try.
That’s the only reason why I cry in the dead of the night.
I want to remember the happy times so badly and I can’t make it happen.
Instead, I see the monsters who haunt me daily whether I’m awake or sleeping.
Images I don’t need to see again because they’re burned in my brain and play on repeat like a horrible movie I can’t get away from.
Walking into the common room, I take in the complete destruction before me.
There was a party which meant I spent the hours when everyone was drinking and doing whatever they do at a party in my room all alone.
Kreed made sure I had dinner and he even ate with me before joining the rest of the men and women.
It’s what he does every single time there’s a party.
Those are the nights I know I truly won’t be able to sleep because I feel as if I’m holding him back from living his life the way he did before he walked into that building for the auction.
It’s nothing I’ve ever brought up to him because I can’t voice the words that need to be said, but the feeling I get every single time he sits in my room with me breaks another little piece of my soul.
Heading for the bar, I turn on the music very quietly.
The one thing I’ve done is start listening to music.
There’s no particular station or playlist I put on when I clean, I simply let the music play.
It’s not like I really know what kind of music I like to begin with.
I’ve never been allowed to listen to anything until coming to the Feral Dragons clubhouse.
They play music constantly and I’ve learned that I like a lot of different kinds of songs.
Sometimes, if one has been played often enough in the common room, I find myself singing along with the lyrics.
No one’s around when that happens though because I know I don’t have a good voice.
Not that anyone can truly hear me sing since my voice is so soft from years of it being unused.
With the music on, I walk to the small closet where all the cleaning supplies are kept.
Grabbing everything I’ll need to clean the common room, I get started on wiping off the tables and chairs.
I used to do that last but quickly realized it makes no sense when I’ll have to clean the floor again.
So, now my routine is always to start with wiping everything down and letting it add to the debris on the floor.
Then I’ll sweep the entire room before working on clearing out the dirty dishes and taking them to the kitchen.
Once that’s done, I’ll mop the floor to get rid of anything sticky and then I’ll head for the kitchen while the floor dries.
It’s pretty much the same thing I do every single time I clean in the middle of the night.
Another thing Kreed doesn’t realize is that I know when he’s gotten out of bed and keeps an eye on me as I work in the clubhouse.
He tries so hard to remain in the shadows, but I can feel him watching me.
After years of keeping a close eye on my surroundings so I don’t accidentally get hit or beaten by my uncle or whoever had me at the time, there isn’t a single time I don’t know when someone else is near me.
Kreed lurks in the shadows and simply keeps an eye on me while I clean and move through his home.
Through the home of the club he helped build with his best friend.
Tonight, he’s not watching over me. At least he isn’t yet.
Sometimes it takes a few hours before he gets up to check on me and realizes I’m once again not in my bed.
As I get to work wiping down the tables, I let the music wash over me as I listen to the words of the singer.
The words penetrate my soul and I can’t help a few tears that slide free and drip down onto the table I’m cleaning.
This one is about losing someone you love and I can’t help but think of my parents and the life I could have lived with them.
A life where I wouldn’t have had a single ounce of pain or trauma.
One where I was truly happy and loved instead of beaten down so badly I can’t remember a single good thing about myself.
With every table I clean, I can feel myself becoming weaker.
My heart is starting to race faster with every move I make and the dizziness that plagues me is making it hard to remain upright and able to see what’s right in front of me.
This is something I experience on a daily basis from simply walking out of my bedroom and coming downstairs.
Rationally, I know and understand why it happens.
I still can’t do anything to pull myself out of the way I now eat and live my life.
There’s something holding me back and I can’t seem to get past myself in order to start eating more to get the nutrients I need in order to function like a regular person on a daily basis.
Taking a second to allow my heart rate to lower, I don’t move as I hope for the dizziness to fade into nothing like normal.
Only, nothing happens. Tonight, the pausing of my movements does absolutely nothing to calm my racing heart or clear the dizziness from my head.
I feel myself start to sway as I bump into the table hard enough to push the chair off to the side.
It’s not long before my legs start to give out and I know I’m about to fall if I can’t pull out the chair enough to sit in.
My body won’t cooperate with what I want it to do though.
Before I can get my hand to reach out for the chair to pull away from the table enough for me to sit in, my legs give out and I know I’m about to hit the floor of the common room harder than I anticipated.
“Annistyn!” I hear a female scream as everything fades into nothing and the words become muffled in my mind.
***
Waking up, I slowly blink my eyes open to a pounding in my head that wasn’t there to my knowledge.
I look around me and realize I’m in a hospital room.
Not one of the ones you get put in when you’ve been admitted, but an exam room in the emergency department.
There’s an IV in my arm and I can feel something on my forehead.
When I go to reach up, I understand how weak I truly am.
My arm doesn’t want to move and I look down to make sure there’s nothing wrong with it.
However, I find it in a brace of some kind.
I don’t even feel pain from that part of my body.
“Annistyn, you’re finally awake,” I hear from the side of me and I slowly turn my head to find Cali sitting in the chair at the side of my bed. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“What happened?” I ask her, my voice coming out a harsh whisper as if the words are being ripped from me after weeks of not saying a single word.
“I went to go to the kitchen for a drink when you passed out in the common room. You were cleaning and just collapsed right there in front of me. I was too far away to get to you before you hit the floor. You hit your head on the side of the chair and then the floor and I think you landed on your wrist. Blood work has been done and you’ve been on the IV since I brought you in.
Doc is handling everything instead of any of the other doctors here.
He’s treated you since Kreed brought you in and I thought you’d be more comfortable with someone you know,” Cali answers me with a small smile on her face as she moves closer to me.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her as I look away and tangle the fingers of my good hand in the blanket covering me.
“I thought it would pass like usual and it didn’t this time.
How much longer will I have to stay in here?
I really hate hospitals. You didn’t tell Kreed, did you?
” I ask, fear filling my voice because I don’t need him to know what happened.
He’ll drop everything to rush here and it’s not necessary.
“Kreed doesn’t know yet. I can’t guarantee he won’t find out though.
I had to tell Caleb when I woke him up to help me get you loaded in the SUV.
He’s also the one who called Doc to meet us here.
I just didn’t think treatment at the clubhouse was gonna work this time, Annistyn.
You need to have the proper tests run and needed to have imaging done on your wrist to make sure it’s not broken.
I have a feeling Caleb will tell Kreed the second he asks where you are,” she informs me honestly as I start to tremble in the hospital bed at the same time a knock sounds on the door of the room we’re in.
“Come in,” Cali calls out and I watch the door to find Doc and Kreed walking through. I drop my eyes once again and don’t look at anyone in the room.