Chapter Nine
Annistyn
I’M FINALLY FREE! I ended up staying in the hospital for a little over a week.
I got things I needed through my IV such as potassium and magnesium because I couldn’t take the pills, managed to eat something each time a tray was brought into me, and was kept on a heart monitor the entire time.
At one point, one of my nurses ran into the room because apparently my heart rate was really elevated and she was concerned.
I had only gone to the bathroom and walked back to the hospital bed.
That’s apparently how weak I am that a short walk makes my nurses freak out because my heart rate is sky high.
When I didn’t want to eat anything from the hospital, Viper, Cali, and Reckless were ready to go to the diner for me.
Roger was too. He didn’t leave my room and was there every second of the day with Kreed.
The two of them have been my rocks when I wanted to close my eyes and not deal with anything around me.
Cali was there most of each day and Reckless showed up when he was done with work for the day.
The five of them have become my support system and promised Doc they’ll keep a close eye on me so I don’t end up back in the hospital again.
This has honestly been a wake-up call for me.
Getting the blood transfusion was my rock bottom.
All of this because of my eating disorder.
I guess I really never truly understood how much of a toll this is taking on my body and life.
Mentally, physically, and emotionally I have to work on myself and learn to eat again.
This is not going to be something I can fix overnight and I’m going to have days where I still revert to the way I’ve been eating and thinking.
Those are the days I’ll have to be stronger than ever before so I don’t slide backwards and fall into old habits.
Kreed and Roger have been talking about ways to help me and don’t do anything unless I’m okay with it.
Roger has been helping Kreed learn how to get me to eat a few more bites when I feel as if I’ve eaten enough.
Cali has been learning what to do when she’s in the room with us.
The one major shock I did get while I was in the hospital was learning Roger isn’t just some random man I met in the park a few weeks ago.
He’s actually my cousin. His mom and my dad were brother and sister.
My dad was disowned from the family when he married my mom because they didn’t feel she was good enough for him.
They didn’t care that the two of them were in love and wanted to be together.
That they made one another better than they were single.
My dad’s family didn’t care about their feelings at all and I’m the one who paid the price for that decision.
I was sent to the only family that could be found and was tortured every day for a choice I had no part of.
Roger spent hours telling me about his side of our family.
Some of his stories made me laugh while others upset me.
I missed out on so much and will never get that time back with people who were supposed to love me unconditionally.
Instead, I got an aunt and uncle who used and abused me simply because they could.
It made me wonder how much different my life would be if I were sent to Roger’s family or one of the other aunts and uncles on that side.
Would they have loved me?
Would I have been treated like a servant?
Would I have been sold off to the highest bidder?
Would I have been able to live a normal life with friends, school, and finding out who I am through growth and independence in a loving environment?
So many questions race through my mind with the knowledge of an entire family I know nothing about.
Apparently there’s a lot of family members I can get to know when I’m ready.
Roger knows now isn’t the time when I have so much healing to do before I can even think about putting myself in a situation where I’ll be treated like shit because of who my parents are.
Roger did ask if he could tell them about me and I said yes.
As long as he makes it clear I don’t want any of them to approach me or anything until I’m ready.
I know he won’t spill my secrets and will still get them to understand the need for this to happen on my terms and timeline.
Kreed held me as I cried while Roger went to answer a phone call about work.
Not the photography but about his ranch.
Somehow, Kreed knew exactly what to say to calm me down and reassure me that my family would not only welcome me with open arms but love me unconditionally.
He makes me feel as if he truly sees me.
Not just the broken pieces and shell I’ve become over the years but every single inch of me and deep into my soul.
I’ve never had anyone make me feel this way before and I don’t know what to think or feel about it.
Maybe it’s something I can talk to Cali about when we’re alone.
If we’re ever alone again. Kreed has already told me he’s not letting me out of his sight anytime soon after being so scared when he learned I was brought to the hospital.
Anyway, today I’m finally being discharged and will follow-up with Doc at the clubhouse.
As long as I continue eating, he doesn’t see this happening again.
I have a feeling I won’t have a problem eating because there’s a quiet determination in Kreed that makes me feel as if he won’t let me slide backwards again.
That he’ll make sure I eat even on my bad days when I don’t want to because I’m scared of being punished for some reason.
Doc did mention it might be a good idea to see if I can find a counselor to talk to.
Not just to help me work through my eating disorder but to help start my road to recovery from all of the trauma I’ve suffered over the years.
Right now, I don’t know how to talk to anyone about what I’ve been through and I don’t want to burden them with the details of years of abuse.
Especially Kreed. He’s already taken on so much and I’m worried he’ll treat me differently once he learns how truly broken I am.
Of everything that’s been done to me over the years.
He’s the last person I want to look at me differently or stop talking to me because of what’s been done to me.
“Pixie, I have to head into work for a few hours today. Caleb is backed-up and needs me to lend a hand with the time I’ve taken off over the last week.
Roger is on his way over to hang out with you.
Will you be okay while I’m gone?” Kreed asks as we pull into the compound from the hospital and he parks near the door.
“I’ll be okay. Roger will make sure I eat lunch and have a snack before dinner time. He knows Doc’s orders as well as you do. If you’re not back for dinner, I’m sure he’ll make sure I eat whatever is made at the clubhouse. Or he’ll take me out for dinner,” I assure him as he shuts the engine off.
“Do you need anythin’ before I change and head out?” he questions me before getting out and coming around to my door to open it and help me out.
“I don’t think so. Doc said to take it easy and not do too much just yet.
I still have to wear the brace on my wrist so that takes out cleaning and a lot of cooking.
Though if I have help, I’m sure I could make dinner and lunch,” I answer him as he laces our fingers together and leads me inside the clubhouse.
“Not gonna cook, Pixie. Doc said rest so you need to rest. Your body has been through a lot and needs time to recover. Please rest and sit down today. If you have to hang out in your room, then that’s what you do.
Or you can sit out back with Roger and enjoy the sun.
It’s a nice day today,” he says, stopping to look at me so I can see how worried he is.
“Okay. Roger won’t let me do anything I’m not supposed to. It might be nice to sit outside for a while,” I say as Viper walks in behind us and heads for the kitchen.
“I’m makin’ lunch, Annistyn. How about a sub and chips today?” he asks, pausing long enough for my answer.
“That sounds good. I can’t eat a whole sub though,” I say remembering my attempt at the hospital to eat a full one.
“I know. I’ll make you a small one. Ham and cheese on toasted bread?” he asks, his voice full of laughter because I tried to eat so much that day I almost got sick. My stomach hurt for a while after that and I didn’t eat for a few hours.
“Yes, please,” I respond as Kreed leads me to the bar where Laurie is already working.
“Annistyn, it’s good to have you back,” she greets me with a large smile on her face.
“It’s good to be back,” I return, my voice slightly louder than normal as I give her a small smile back.
“Auntie!” I hear yelled from behind me and I turn to find Cali walking in the common room with her kids. Rory, her oldest daughter races over to me and stops just before colliding with the stool I’m sitting on. “Are you better?”
“I am better. Your mommy brought me your drawings and they brightened up my room so much. Kreed said I could put them on his refrigerator so we can see them all the time,” I tell her as she starts bouncing in front of me and laughing.
“Unca, you’re so funny! Pictures go on the fridge,” she says as if we should already know that. “Drawings go on the wall.”
“Is that right, Little Miss?” he questions her, kneeling down on her level as she hugs him.
“Uh-huh.”