Chapter Sixteen
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Eighteen months later
EVERY FUCKING DAY is pure torture for me and has been over the last year and a half.
It’s been exactly one year and six months since Annistyn left in the middle of the night to go with her cousin to his ranch.
I’ve missed her every fucking day and have yet to hear her voice or see her with my own eyes.
Annistyn made the decision not to allow me at the ranch during her stay there because she wants to focus on her recovery and doing what she has to do to heal and overcome her past. Roger updates me twice a week and says she’s thriving, but I won’t believe it until I see it with my own eyes.
I remember my first call from Roger. It was about two weeks after she left the clubhouse and I was drowning in my own thoughts and wondering if she was truly okay.
I’m sitting at the bar with a bottle of Jack and a beer in front of me.
I haven’t really started drinking yet, but I plan on getting fucked up so I don’t climb on my bike and head for the ranch.
Master got me the location and I’ve just been sitting with it in my phone because the need to see Annistyn and make sure she’s okay is overwhelming and consumes every aspect of my life.
It’s so bad I dream of her every night and think I see her every day no matter what I’m doing.
I’ll be sitting in the common room and imagine seeing her cleaning the mess everyone has made as she typically does every night when she can’t sleep any longer.
I’m going out of my mind and everyone around me realizes it.
They give me a wide berth and rarely talk to me.
Cali, Caleb, and Luca are the only three who dare to spend time with me.
As I go to pick up the bottle of Jack, my phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out faster than I thought possible. Roger’s name fills my screen as I answer the call.
“How is she? Did somethin’ happen?” I question him because her safety and well-being are the only thing I care about.
“She’s doing okay, Kreed. It’s still early and Annistyn has been trying to find her footing.
Her therapist said she’s just starting to really open up about anything she went through over the years.
Until two days ago, she’d sit in the office and cry but wouldn’t say a word.
Instead, she listened as her therapist started to talk and share parts of her own story.
It’s a way they build trust with their patient.
Annistyn doesn’t trust anyone easily and you know this.
I hear her every damn night crying in her room but leave her alone.
She locks the door and won’t let anyone close to her,” Roger informs me as I leave the common room and head for my office so I can have privacy for this conversation.
“Is it affectin’ her eatin’?” I ask him because that’s something she can’t afford to slide backwards on.
“I don’t allow it to affect her eating,” Roger says as I listen to him move around on his end of the conversation.
“The first day she was here, Annistyn didn’t want to eat at all.
She kept saying she’d eat later and I knew she was lying.
I forced her to eat but didn’t push her too hard because I knew it could hurt her in the long run.
We sat down together after I prepared her something to eat and she took a few bites.
It wasn’t as much as she was eating before leaving the clubhouse, but it’s more than what she was eating.
This is all new for her and there will be an adjustment period.
My medical team has taken blood work at least once a week from her to ensure she doesn’t need to be taken to the hospital again.
So far her numbers remain steady and still need a little improvement before they’ll be comfortable and stop doing the blood work. ”
“What about snacks so she can eat in the middle of the night? I’m not sure she’ll make the effort if things aren’t already in her room,” I ask him because I’ve spent hours learning her routines and what makes her happy. Especially all of the food she likes to eat I tend to keep on hand for her.
“The stuff you sent has been put in her room and I check it every day. She’s getting low on some stuff and could use replacements.
I’ll pick them up later today when I head to the store,” he says as I open one of my apps and start shopping to have a delivery made to the ranch.
“We have learned one thing in the two weeks since she’s been here. ”
“What’s that?” I ask while continuing to shop for my girl.
“She’s terrified of horses. That’s one thing they didn’t have on her aunt and uncle’s farm so she’s never been around them.
The first time she got close to one of the horses, Annistyn lost her mind and froze on the spot.
It took her almost a half hour to work up the courage to back away from the horse.
Thankfully, the horse didn’t move an inch.
She could sense how nervous and scared Annistyn was.
Now, she tries to stay away from the barn, but it’s not possible because that’s where the puppies are and she loves spending time with them.
I’ve never had someone here spend as much time with them as she does.
Always with her camera too. I did give her the memory cards you bought her as well.
She’s definitely using them,” he informs me and I wish I were with her even more so I could help her overcome her fear.
“What else does she need, Roger? Toiletries? Books? Notebooks and pens?” I ask him, already searching what I can have delivered for her.
“She’s good on all of that. Right now, she’s trying to figure out how to get through each day and try to forget everything she left behind at the clubhouse.
She dreams of you every night. I hear her say your name while she dreams. The last few nights she’s had a lot of nightmares and has to fight through them on her own because I can’t get in the room.
I won’t betray her trust by knocking in the door when she clearly doesn’t want anyone to invade the space I’ve given her.
I’ve talked to her therapist about the nightmares she’s having again and have been informed it’s because Annistyn is finally starting to work through her trauma.
She’s reliving everything she’s been through as she slowly begins to talk about things.
Right now, the focus has been on the accident and learning she was going to live with her aunt and uncle as a toddler.
Annistyn really doesn’t remember much of that time because she was so young, but it’s enough to have made an impact on her,” Roger says and I worry it will all be too much for her to deal with on her own.
“She’s bein’ safe? You’re keepin’ an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t do anythin’ rash?” I question the man I’m entrusting with her life.
“She’s being safe, Kreed. None of us here believe she’d do any harm to herself.
She wants to work through everything and learn to deal with it all in a way that makes sense for her.
When she gets too overwhelmed, that’s usually when Annistyn heads to the barn or one of the gardens.
She really loves to work with the plants and flowers.
I’ve found her out there first thing in the morning just taking in everything around her.
She’s also starting to journal when her feelings become too much and first thing in the morning she does yoga as the sun rises above her.
Things her therapist has suggested she do to keep her thoughts from becoming a jumbled mess.
The yoga will help her focus on learning how to breathe and focus her attention.
There are a lot of benefits to yoga and I feel Annistyn will truly benefit from making it a regular part of her routine,” Roger says as I place the order after adding a leather-bound journal to the cart with a camera and flowers on the cover. It’s perfect for my Pixie.
“Okay. Please keep me updated and let me know if anythin’ changes.
I keep my phone on me at all times and will never not answer a call from you.
She’s my entire world, Roger. Don’t let anythin’ happen to her,” I say, looking at the pictures I have of her on my desk.
I’ve printed out more and they fill the edge so I can look at her whenever I want.
There’s also some in my room now too. “Got a delivery comin’ your way.
It should be there in an hour or so. I’m not hidin’ that it’s from me if she asks.
I just want to make sure she has everythin’ she could want or need while she’s there. ”
“Okay. I’ll make sure she gets it. I’m about to make dinner and will be out at the grill when the order should arrive.
Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, Kreed.
She’s gonna need you before you even realize it,” he says before hanging up the phone and I’m left in a silent room with nothing but my thoughts.
I can’t keep drinking the way I have over the last few days.
Roger is right. I have to remain clear-headed and alert in case Annistyn needs me.
If I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be ready for her when she comes home.
And she will be coming home. My girl will not live anywhere other than with me and if it takes years for me to make her see that, I’ll do it.