Chapter Seventeen
Annistyn
SITTING AT THE table with Kreed’s family because that’s what these men are to him, I’m immediately at peace.
There isn’t the overwhelming need to disappear and fade into the background I used to feel before going to Roger’s ranch.
They all welcome me back with open arms and I feel truly seen and treasured for the first time in my life by someone other than Kreed.
Dakota climbs up in my lap the second I’m sitting down and wraps her little arms around my neck as if she’s scared I’ll disappear from her sight again.
My heart hasn’t stopped beating out of my chest since I pulled open the door and my eyes landed on Kreed for the first time in a year and a half.
I drink in the sight of him and knew I’d never leave this man again for any reason.
I almost broke several times while I was gone and begged Roger for my phone or left in the middle of the night to come back here.
Those were the really hard days and nights and it took every ounce of strength I now possess to remain on the ranch to continue my treatment so I could heal and become this new version of myself.
Kreed’s hair is a little longer than when I left and his clothes are rumpled as if he climbed out of bed and threw on the first thing he found.
There’s a bit of grease under one of his eyes from working at the garage all day long as well.
For a minute he doesn’t move as his eyes roam every inch of me.
Then, it’s like he finally realizes I’m standing here and he jumps out of his seat to make his way to me.
Being wrapped up in his strong arms again feels as if I’ve finally come home and a feeling of complete peace washes over me.
I can’t stop the tears from falling in happiness this time.
It’s not because of my past but because I’m finally where I’m meant to be—back in Kreed’s arms and in his world.
Kreed doesn’t take his eyes off of me as he takes the seat next to me and moves it as close as possible.
Our legs are touching and his shoulder brushes against mine.
I’m not going to complain at all because I’ve truly missed him and need to know he’s right next to me and I’m not on the ranch and just imagining this.
“How have you been?” Tank asks me, a smile on his face as he watches me.
“So good. A lot better than the last time I saw you,” I answer him, not sure I’m ready to talk about my time away yet.
“I can tell. You look really good, Annistyn. I was worried about you when you left but I can see you made the right decision. So fuckin’ proud of you for doin’ what you had to do,” he says as I tear up once again because this man really doesn’t know me and yet is proud of the steps I’ve taken on my road to recovery.
It does nothing but heal another piece of my soul that couldn’t be touched until this very moment.
Kreed healed another piece the second he touched me.
“There’s my girl!” Kreed’s mom says walking up and pulling me into a side hug with the largest smile on her face. “I’ve missed you so damn much. Kreed didn’t tell me anything other than you were okay while you were gone.”
“I’ve missed you, too. All of you if I’m being honest. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life but the best one.
This is what I needed to do and I don’t regret a single second I was gone.
Well, I mean I regret the way I left and not contacting any of you while I was gone.
I just wasn’t strong enough then to do things any other way,” I say as I look around the room to include everyone in that statement.
Even the guys I didn’t really interact with before the ranch.
“None of us blame you at all, Annistyn. You know yourself better than anyone here and did what you had to do,” Luca says walking up and giving me a smile. “I would have done the same thing if I were you. I’m glad you’re back.”
“He’s not wrong, Annistyn. I’m glad you’re back and can’t wait to spend time with you,” Cali says, sitting next to Reckless as he places his arm over her shoulders and kisses the top of her head. “Do you have to go back to the ranch?”
“No. Everything now I can do with a video call. My therapist, Debbie, is happy with my progress and wants me to live my life. Going to the ranch every week or when I need her wouldn’t allow me to live because everything would have to revolve around those appointments.
Now I just need a quiet place for the video call and then I can go about my day when we’re done,” I answer her honestly because this was the best option for me moving forward.
“Are you hungry?” Kreed asks me, already preparing to get out of his seat and head to grab me something.
“No. I ate lunch before heading back here. I don’t really snack as much as I used to, but I keep my favorites on hand.
I’ll be ready to eat again when it’s dinner time,” I answer him knowing he’ll like how much I’m able to eat at one time now.
“I have a journal to write my meals down in and it seems to help me keep track of when I have good and bad days. It’s something my therapist did when she was really bad with her own eating disorder.
I typically use my phone and keep track of each day in the notes app. ”
“That’s great!” Cali says as I look at her and can’t help but return her smile. “Are you wanting anything specific for dinner tonight? We can make you anything you want.”
“Not really. I’ve been adding a lot more food to my diet very slowly and have a pretty good range at this point.
Sweets are still my favorite thing but I’ve added a lot of fruit and vegetables to my diet as well.
I’ll try anything once and if I don’t like something, I just avoid it in the future.
The doctors and my therapist are happy with the progress I’ve made because my portions are bigger than before and I eat almost everything in front of me.
I’m doing everything slowly but I can see the progress I’ve made as I track my food intake each day.
So, I’m good with whatever you guys had planned already.
Whatever you’ve started honestly smells amazing,” I tell her as the aroma from the kitchen fills the entire clubhouse.
“We’re making roasts with mashed potatoes, peas, biscuits, and there’s pie for dessert tonight. We might have overdone the pies, but there’s definitely more than enough for everyone here,” Sam says as she leaves the kitchen and joins us. “Good to see you, Annistyn.”
“It’s good to see you, too.”
Looking down I take in Dakota in my lap.
She’s got her little thumb in her mouth and her eyes are closed as she sleeps on me.
I really don’t mind being her place for a nap because it means she trusts me.
Reaching up, I brush a few stray strands of hair out of her face and Dakota doesn’t even stir.
Smiling down at her, I let my mind wander to what my kids will look like.
Something I learned during therapy is that I really want to have a family of my own someday.
When the time is right, I would like to have a couple of kids and maybe a dog.
Roger still has puppies and I wanted to bring one or two of them home with me.
On top of realizing I want a family of my own, I fully understood the only man I want to have at my side is Kreed.
It’s one more conversation we’ll need to have once the time is right.
“What are you thinkin’ about?” Kreed asks me, leaning over to whisper so only I hear him as the conversations in the room surround us.
“How much I like when Dakota falls asleep on me. Of knowing she’s putting her complete trust in me to take care of her,” I answer honestly because I was thinking about that as well.
“She’s missed you so much while you were gone. Their birthday is coming up and she wanted you here for her party,” he informs me as I look back down at the sleeping angel in my arms.
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world,” I say as I look back up at him and take in his amazing smile. Kreed has the best smile I’ve ever seen and I want to make it happen every day.
“Is there anythin’ you need us to get here for you, Annistyn?” Reckless asks me as I turn my attention toward him. “Things you need to continue your treatment or anythin’ like that?”
“I don’t think so. Well, can I use the gym here in the clubhouse?” I ask, not sure if that’s allowed.
“Of course you can. You’ve been workin’ out?” he asks, sitting up and looking completely interested in my response.
“I mainly do yoga at this point, but I would love to start a workout routine and maybe learn some boxing or self-defense of some kind,” I say while looking between the men around me.
“Any of us will work with you, Annistyn. Kreed will be the only one to touch you though. The rest of us can help you put a workout plan in place if you’d like.
Manic and Force run the club’s gym and can see where you’re at and then figure out what would work best for you when they’re done if you’d like,” Reckless says as he looks around the room to find the two men in question.
“I’d really like that. I can go to the gym if I need to. That’s not a problem. I’ve been working a lot on getting out of my comfort zone and doing things in public since it’s all so new for me,” I say as the two men make their way over to our table.
“What’s goin’ on?” Manic asks, looking at us all.
“Annistyn is interested in gettin’ a workout routine in place.
I was just tellin’ her the two of you could give her an assessment and then put somethin’ together for her.
She also wants to learn boxin’ and self-defense.
Kreed can handle that because he’ll be the only one to touch her.
You guys got any time to do somethin’ like that?
” Reckless asks the men in front of me and they both immediately nod their heads in response.
“You come to the gym anytime you can and we’ll make sure to work with you, Annistyn. You’re family and will always come first,” Force says, making me smile once again because these men and women are my chosen family and I couldn’t be happier.
“Thank you. I’ll be there some time this week,” I say as Cali looks at them.
“I’m gonna join her. If Annistyn is gonna start working out, I will too. We can go for walks around the compound instead of using the treadmill and I think it would be nice to workout with you,” she says as I look at her.
“I’d really like that. Thank you, Cali.”
“No thanks needed, Girl. You’re my best friend now and we’ll start this journey together. I’ll get in the ring with ya too. When Caleb pisses me off, I can get in the ring with him and put him on his ass,” she says, making us all laugh at her.
“You think you’re gonna put me on my ass, Reina?” he asks, a smirk on his face as he looks at his wife.
“Yeah, I do. You have no idea how often you piss me off in one way or another,” she states while looking up at him with a large smile on her face.
“I can think of better ways to get rid of that aggression and rage you feel when I piss you off,” Reckless says and I feel my cheeks heat with a blush because it’s the first time one of them have talked that way in front of me.
“Caleb!” Cali admonishes him with a look of complete shock on her face. “You can’t say things like that in front of everyone. Your dad and uncle are sitting right here.”
“Sweetheart, you know we’ve said worse in front of all of you more than once,” Playboy teases her as Sam walks close enough for him to smack her ass.
“You act like this is new for him when you’ve been around him since elementary school.
Caleb has always talked this way and it shouldn’t surprise you at all. ”
“You men are something else,” Sam teases her husband before she heads back to the kitchen and Cali gets up to follow her and Kreed’s mom.
“You stay here, Annistyn. Spend time with Kreed and I don’t think Dakota is gonna let you up anytime soon,” Cali says as she disappears from sight.
“Not gonna let you out of my sight anytime soon, Pixie. Went a year and a half without seein’ you or hearin’ your voice. I’m gonna be all up in your business for the foreseeable future,” Kreed whispers as Dakota finally stirs before settling back against my chest.
“Figure that was gonna happen. You’ve got the next week off, Kreed.
Don’t wanna see you at the garage. Dad and Tank were gonna stop in.
They can help us deal with everythin’,” Reckless says as he stands and walks over to take his daughter in his arms. “She’ll be wakin’ up soon and I’ll need to get her to the bathroom.
She’s almost completely potty trained now. ”
“That’s great news! I’m so proud of her,” I say as I hand over the little girl to her daddy.
For the rest of the day, I hang out in the common room with everyone.
The need to run away and disappear never once shows as I join in on conversations and try not to be as socially awkward as I feel.
This is something I have to work on and I could only do so much on the ranch.
It’s just something I’m going to have to learn as I find myself in each new situation.
The entire club eats dinner together in the common room and music plays as we all talk and laugh.
No one really asks me too much about my time away and I’m thankful for that.
It’s not long before I’m ready for bed though.
I’ve had a huge day and Kreed can tell. He takes me out of the clubhouse after we say goodbye to everyone and we head to the house I knew he had on the compound.
It’s the first time I’m seeing it and I can’t wait.