Chapter Nineteen
Annistyn
I’VE BEEN BACK at the clubhouse for three weeks now and everything is better than I anticipated.
Kreed and I spend time together every single day and we’ve started cooking dinner together at the house instead of eating at the clubhouse with everyone else.
I do still go down there and hang out with Cali and everyone each day.
I’m slowly getting to know the guys I never really spent time with before.
During the day when Kreed’s at work, I head outside and take pictures around the compound.
Some days I go into town and hang out at the park for a while taking pictures.
Those days Roger meets me and we spend a few hours together.
He’s been talking to me more about taking pictures of something other than nature and everyone at the clubhouse.
Roger has done a few photoshoots for book covers and thinks it’s something I’d do really good at.
It would definitely be out of my comfort zone, but I’m seriously thinking about doing it.
I might practice with Kreed at the compound and see how they turn out before I make a final decision.
Cali and I went to Feral Fights the first week I was back and worked with Manic and Force.
They put us through our paces and ended up giving us a workout plan we could definitely do at the clubhouse.
I don’t mind going to the gym because everyone there is really nice.
They’ve seen me with Kreed so they tend to leave me alone.
The same with Cali because Reckless has been there with her.
Most days we end up staying at the clubhouse and working out there during the day though.
I really am enjoying being in there and building myself up even more.
Kreed has also been working with me on boxing and self-defense.
There’s a ring in a separate room at the clubhouse and we spar in there every night for a while after dinner.
By the time I shower and climb into bed each night, I’m thoroughly exhausted and ready for sleep to claim me.
Not to mention my body is sore from working out every day and I’ve discovered a great outlet when I can’t get out of my head.
Playboy, Sam, Tank, and Kreed’s mom are still here.
They just informed us last night all of the clubs will be showing up again this weekend because they want to celebrate my return and just get together.
I don’t think they truly need a reason to get together and party.
Especially the single guys who are younger and they take full advantage of the Feral girls when they’re here.
Not that I’m judging because everyone has the right to live their lives anyway they choose.
I kind of envy them if I’m being honest because that’s how I’d love to live my life and I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet.
“Are you gonna take pictures again today?” Kreed’s mom asks as she walks up to me where I sit in the kitchen.
Roger got me a new camera before I left the ranch and I’m still figuring out how to use it to its full capacity. I love it, but there’s something about using the camera my mom once used when she was still alive.
“Yeah. I’m still trying to figure out the new camera and this weekend will be the perfect opportunity for me to try different things,” I answer her as she pulls out the chair next to me and sits down.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can,” I respond, giving her my full attention as Luca enters the clubhouse with several bags of ice in his hands.
“Why are you always the one taking the pictures? You’re never in any of them,” she questions me, her voice a whisper as more people enter the common room.
For a minute I don’t answer her because I’ve never really thought about it.
I just know there was never a reason for me to be in front of the camera.
There still isn’t one if I’m being honest with myself.
I’ve seen a picture or two Kreed has taken of me and I don’t really like them.
Maybe I’m being too harsh on myself or it’s just because I’m not used to being in pictures.
There were never any taken of me when I was growing up.
It would mean my aunt and uncle actually cared about someone more than themselves.
That won’t ever happen because they’re selfish as hell and always will be.
The only reason they ever took me in is because of the money they got for me.
“I don’t need to be in the pictures. I’m happy to be behind the lens and take the pictures of everyone else,” I finally say in a quiet voice.
“What do you see when you take pictures?” she questions me as Cali takes a seat with us at the table.
“I see everyone happy, laughing, and living their best lives. I capture the memories they’re making so they have them for a lifetime,” I say as I look between the two women sitting with me. “I guess you could say I’m camera shy.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re living your best life or making memories, Annistyn,” Cali says with a sad smile on her face.
“I am though. I really enjoy taking pictures of everyone and watching the kids with such pure innocence as they race around the compound. I love seeing how protective the boys are of the girls already and how they all look up to the adults around them. That’s what makes me happy,” I say, trying to justify my love of taking pictures and being in the background instead of the center of attention.
Not that anyone here is trying to be the center of attention because they aren’t.
“Today, I’m gonna take pictures of you and show you how amazing you look,” Cali says as an arm wraps around me from behind and I don’t have to look to know it’s Kreed.
“Hey, Pixie. You doin’ okay today?” he asks because he knows how I was the last time everyone was here at the clubhouse.
“I’m good, Kreed. Do you want something for lunch? I was getting ready to make myself something,” I ask him, tipping my head back to look at him as he keeps his arm around me.
One thing that has changed is the way Kreed always touches me.
It’s not just holding hands like before.
If he walks by, he’ll gently run a finger down my arm or lean into me when I’m in the kitchen so I’m caged in against the counter.
He goes out of his way to reach above me for things, letting his hand linger on my hip or the small of my back.
Every morning he presses a kiss against my forehead before getting out of bed.
Even when I’m barely awake, he makes sure to give me a kiss before leaving the house for the day.
Each gentle touch from him only serves to work me up and feel things I’ve never experienced before.
I want to touch Kreed, but I’m not that experienced and don’t know what I’m doing so I keep my hands to myself.
Even when he doesn’t make it easy to do.
Kreed walks around the house without a shirt on more often than he wears one.
He’ll come in the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else until he grabs his shorts and goes back in to change.
He won’t be completely naked in front of me and I’m grateful because I’m not sure how I’d handle it.
“I could eat,” he says, removing his arm from me and pulling me out of the chair. Together we walk in the kitchen and I head for the refrigerator.
It’s been fully stocked with everything we could possibly need while the other clubs are here. And it still won’t be enough to last the entire weekend. That’s one thing I learned the last time everyone was here.
“Ham sandwich okay? There’s some fruit I can cut up and chips,” I ask Kreed as he leans against the counter and watches me.
“Sounds good, Pixie,” he responds as I pull out what I’ll need to make our lunch.
Kreed helps me put everything together and we take a seat at one of the tables in the kitchen while we enjoy our meal.
I still have a hard time eating in front of others at times.
Everyone knows this and gives me the space I need.
There are only a select few who sit at a table with me and none of them ever comment when I struggle.
They simply help me quietly and don’t make me feel horrible about my situation.
***
Everyone has been at the clubhouse for hours now.
I’ve taken so many pictures of everyone and captured a few moments I’m sure people won’t want to remember.
These guys are funny as hell when they get a few drinks in them and they believe they’re above getting hurt.
I literally watched two guys light a bonfire early just so they could see who could jump through the flames.
Thankfully, neither one of them needed to go to the hospital for injuries and both were successful in jumping over the fire before being led inside and away from anything else that could hurt them.
“Need you to come over here for a minute,” Cali says right after I take a picture of Reckless and Kreed playing with the kids.
“Okay. What’s going on?” I ask her, my voice almost hoarse because of the amount of laughter I’ve done today. It’s not something I’m used to doing and sometimes my voice becomes strained and I lose it.
“Take a seat right here,” Cali says, pointing at a chair that’s all alone in the middle of everything. “Please don’t freak out. I know you hate being the center of attention, but today is special. You should be the center of attention.”
I’m confused as hell because there’s no reason I should ever be the center of attention.
The last time I was the center of anyone’s world was when my parents were alive.
I found a journal that belonged to my mom and she wrote about how she changed her entire life because I deserved to have her full attention and her world now revolved around me and ensuring my happiness.
My dad rearranged his life too. They quit going out with friends every week and started taking me places like the zoo, playgrounds, and everywhere else kids love going.
I only just found the journal in a box of things Roger gave me.
He found it when he was cleaning out the attic of the house on the ranch.
We were both surprised as hell because he didn’t realize my parents were ever on the ranch.
I take the seat Cali pointed out and wait to see what’s about to happen. Kreed’s mom, I have a hard time calling her Mom still, takes my camera and holds it close to her chest as if she’s protecting something precious. To me, it is. It’s one of the few possessions I have and use every day.
Before long, I hear everyone start singing ‘Happy Birthday’ and look around to figure out who’s birthday it is today.
It makes sense everyone is here to celebrate a family member.
These men and women go big and party hard after a week of work.
Kreed and Reckless are carrying a cake between them.
It’s the largest one I’ve ever seen in my life and they’re heading straight for me.
“What is all of this?” I ask, not knowing what to think because I don’t remember when my birthday is, but I’m not sure it’s today.
“Today’s your birthday, Pixie. We weren’t gonna do anythin’ because we weren’t sure how you’d react.
However, today you’re twenty-five and it’s a big birthday.
You deserve to be celebrated by everyone who cares about you,” Kreed says as Tank and Playboy place a table in front of me so the cake can be set down.
Reckless lights the candles on the cake while Kreed moves to stand behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. I can’t stop the tears from falling because this is the first birthday I’ve had since my parents died.
“We didn’t mean to make you cry, Sweetheart. This is supposed to be a happy moment,” Kreed’s mom says as Sam walks up next to her.
“These are happy tears. I promise,” I say as Kreed rubs my shoulders and leans down to press a kiss against the top of my head. “I’ve never had anyone celebrate my birthday since the accident that changed my entire life.”
“Sweetheart,” Sam says, covering her own mouth as tears fill her eyes and I look around to see all of the women with the same reaction while the men have clear outrage filling their faces.
“We’re gonna change everythin’ for you, Annistyn. Treat you how a real family treats a loved one. You won’t ever have to go without again. And if this asshole ever hurts you, call me and I’ll put him in his place,” Tank says with a smile on his face as he looks at me with pure tenderness.
“We’ll take you home with us without hesitation,” Tank’s wife Maddie says, stepping up and standing next to her husband. “I’ll prepare a room at the house just for you, Annistyn. You’re welcome with us anytime without question.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I say, trying to stop the flow of tears as Kreed pulls me up and wraps me in his arms.
“You’re right, we don’t. We want to because regardless of what you might think, you mean somethin’ to everyone here.
We know you’ll make one of the best ol’ ladies here and Kreed doesn’t deserve you.
You’re way too good for him, but we can’t help what the heart wants,” Tank says as everyone starts laughing while Kreed flips him off.
“You’re not goin’ anywhere, Pixie. Your place is by my side and nowhere else. You leave here, I’ll be goin’ with you,” Kreed states loud enough for everyone to hear. “Now, go ahead and blow out your candles. Skylar made the cake so we know it’s the best thing you’ll taste.”
“Don’t forget to make a wish,” Cali calls out as she lifts Dakota in her arms.
Closing my eyes, I make a wish that I can be as happy as I am in this moment.
Surrounded by people who choose to keep me in their life every single day when they could easily overlook me.
Kreed loosens his hold on me when I lean forward to blow out the candles.
I hear the click of several cameras but I don’t look up.
Instead, I keep my eyes closed for a minute and just savor the moment.