Chapter Twenty-Five
Annistyn
WALKING INTO THE house, I instinctually know Kreed isn’t here.
I got back really late from the park with Roger.
Later than either one of us intended but the light was way too good for me to leave without trying all the settings I’ve been wondering about on my camera.
Plus, the flowers are in full bloom and looked amazing.
I love flowers of all kinds and could never choose a favorite one.
Each one is different and beautiful in its own way and deserves to be captured when it looks its very best. I tried explaining it to Roger when he asked me why I’d rather photograph flowers than anything else.
I’m not sure if he understands where I’m coming from or not, but my thoughts are valid.
That’s one of the many things my therapist, Debbie, made sure I learned when she was first working with me.
Not only are my thoughts and opinions valid, but my feelings are too.
Everything about me deserves to be heard by those around me even if I don’t clearly know how to express myself.
Pulling out my phone after setting my camera bag on the stand just inside the door we recently added, I pull up my message thread with Kreed. I haven’t gotten anything from him since earlier today when I was still at the park.
Me: I’m home and gonna start cooking dinner. If there’s anything specific you’d like let me know.
We usually talk during the day about what we’ll have for dinner but it didn’t happen today.
I could tell he was busy as hell or distracted because his messages were short and he didn’t answer after a message or two.
That never happens when we’re going back and forth.
Kreed is really good about answering any question I ask him.
Even if it takes time for him to respond again.
For now, I’ll start preparing dinner and wait for him to get home.
Before starting dinner, I head up to my room and change into a pair of shorts and a tank top.
Before I leave my room, I grab one of Kreed’s hoodies he gave me because while I’m home alone I don’t mind showing a little more skin than normal.
It’s only when Kreed is home or someone else is here that I cover my scars as much as possible.
I’m not comfortable with anyone seeing them and hated when Kreed touched my back under my sweater and felt them.
He only touched the smaller ones and it was enough to put me on edge.
Though, he did tell me they don’t change a damn thing and I’m trying hard to believe him.
Debbie says it’s going to take time for me to become comfortable with exposing things that happened to me when I was at my most vulnerable and all alone.
After changing and washing up in the bathroom, I head back downstairs and get to work in the kitchen.
I pull out hamburger, the eggs, and ketchup.
Meatloaf sounds really good right now. Once I have everything I need to make it, I start putting it all together while the oven preheats.
As soon as I have the meatloaf ready for the oven, I grab the potatoes and start washing and cutting them before tossing them in a pan filled with water.
It doesn’t take me long before they’re on the stove cooking and I grab the fresh asparagus we bought because I prefer it over the canned stuff.
The last thing I grab is the can of biscuits from the refrigerator and grease a cookie sheet to place them on.
With nothing else to do, I make my way to the pantry after turning on music.
I’ve started a playlist and select Lost Without You by Freya Ridings.
The playlist is on shuffle and there’s a ton of different songs on it.
Some of them Kreed added for me because they’re some of his favorites.
I listen to them all when I’m home doing anything.
The only time I don’t have music playing is when I’m watching TV or streaming something.
In the pantry I find chocolate chips and know what I want to make.
I’ll make them into a cake instead of cookies and then add peanut butter and chocolate frosting to them.
It’s something I made once before at my aunt and uncle’s and loved it.
They hated it and instead of throwing them out as they demanded, I kept the pan and took it to the barn with me.
One of the few times I disobeyed them and managed to get away with it.
I sing and dance to the music playing through the speaker in the kitchen as I prepare the batter.
The biscuits still have to cook and it will take time before I can put the cake in the oven, but that’s okay.
It will cook while we eat. Kreed and I can have this as a snack while we watch a movie tonight.
***
Dinner and dessert have been sitting on the table for four hours now.
Everything is cold and I didn’t eat a bite of the food I put on my plate.
Kreed should have been home hours ago. I already heard Reckless came home a long time ago and several other bikes pull in after they finished their jobs for the day.
Those who have houses here usually head there before going to the clubhouse for the night.
I usually listen for the various bikes to pull in at the end of the day if I’m not engrossed in work or cleaning the house.
Sighing, I blow out the candles that have burned almost completely down.
Wax is all over the place and I’ll have to clean it all up before I figure out what’s going on.
Taking the plates to the counter, I cover them both with tin foil and place them in the refrigerator.
Then I move on to taking care of everything else.
Once the food is put away, I work on cleaning the table and removing the wax from everywhere it dripped while the candles burned.
The last thing I do is rinse off the dishes and load them in the dishwasher before I start it and grab my phone.
There’s still no message or call from Kreed.
With nothing else to do, I head for the front door while putting on the hoodie and sliding on a pair of sandals.
Kreed just got them for me and I love them.
They’re comfortable and easy to slide on as I wander around the compound.
Grabbing the keys from the hook inside the door, I leave the house and make sure the door is locked.
I don’t set the alarm because I’m still unsure of how it all works and the last time I tried I set it off.
Master had to come up and shut the thing off because he was the only one on the compound when it happened.
Now, I don’t bother using it and leave it for Kreed to deal with.
Since he’s not home, the alarm can remain off.
I walk to the clubhouse as the sun sets and take in the clear sky with all the stars shining bright.
Usually this would be one of my favorite times of the day because everything starts to go quiet and the world around me settles in for the night.
I listen as animals scurry away in the forest at my side and imagine what they are.
More than likely it’s squirrels or rabbits, but it could be something else entirely.
That thought is sobering because I have no clue what kind of animals live in the forest surrounding the compound.
There’s no howling of any kind that I’ve ever heard so I’m hoping it means there aren’t any coyotes or wolves in the area.
I heard them on the farm at night before and it always scared me because they could get in the barn where I lived.
Instead of walking in the back door of the clubhouse like I normally do if I’m with Cali or Kreed, I make my way around to the front where the main entrance is.
Before I open the door, I already hear the music blaring from inside and can hear laughter from the men and women.
After taking a deep breath, I pull the door open and step inside.
I come to a complete stop at the sight in front of me.
Men aren’t wearing a shirt and the Feral girls are wearing next to nothing.
A few of them are sitting on men’s laps with no top on and I can tell sexual things are happening in the common room of the clubhouse.
Including the tables I’ve cleaned more than a few times since I’ve been here.
This is disgusting and very eye opening.
I’m seeing things I’ll never be able to unsee and looking at men and women I’ll see again in very compromising positions.
I guess this is why Kreed never lets me come to the clubhouse at night on my own.
I always believe Kreed when he comes down here alone at night and says nothing ever happens between the Feral girls and him.
He’s never lied to me so far and I don’t think he would about this because they love running their mouths about the guys.
I’ve overheard more than a few conversations during the day when the guys aren’t around.
I try not to listen, but when the girls are talking very loudly it’s all you can hear.
My eyes dart around the room until I find Luca and Master standing at the bar.
I see red because I know Luca is seeing Maysen and here he stands without a shirt covering his chest and his jeans are unbuttoned.
I don’t see her around the common room at all and know she would never have sex in the open like this.
While I don’t really know Maysen, from what I’ve seen, she’s extremely shy and doesn’t like saying a lot about herself around others.
There’s a pain I know better than most in her eyes and I understand she’s a private person because of the pain she’s been through.
I walk straight over to the two guys, anger overflowing because of Kreed not coming home and now this with Luca.