Chapter Twenty-Seven
Annistyn
I’VE SPENT THE last week crying and being so angry I could barely sleep.
It didn’t happen until I was absolutely exhausted and collapsed in bed after working on the ranch and talking to Debbie about things.
My appetite has been non-existent but I’ve been forcing myself to eat.
Debbie explained it’s the one thing I can control right now and I need to continue keeping track of my food intake and how often I’m eating.
It’s the only way to truly ensure I’m eating and not falling back into old habits.
She’s seen it happen before and been through it herself.
Debbie knows how well I’ve been doing after looking at my journals and seeing my continued progress.
I’ve had a session with her every day to explore my feelings and how I can handle them in a constructive manner instead of letting them derail everything we’ve worked on for so long.
That’s the last thing I want to happen because it would mean letting everyone else around me win and control me even if that’s not their intent.
During the day, I work on the ranch and spend time with the puppies.
My favorite one I’ve named Oreo is still here and Roger and I have been talking about me adopting her.
Oreo is all black with a few white spots on her little body.
One of the spots is around her right eye and another is on the tip of her nose.
For some reason, I started calling her Oreo and it stuck.
Everyone now calls her that name and she listens to it.
The night I came back, Roger brought Oreo in to me and she slept in bed while I lay awake, petting her small body.
I looked at all the pictures of Kreed I have on my camera while Oreo snoozed and kept her body plastered against me.
Meditating and yoga isn’t helping me the way it does because I’m consumed with thoughts of Kreed and what went wrong.
What signs I missed telling me things had changed between the two of us.
I think of the signs I missed with the rest of the members in the club telling me I wasn’t someone they wanted around.
Kreed and I haven’t really talked about the club so I don’t know all of the rules and regulations they have in place.
However, I never once believed the men I was starting to get to know would steamroll me and lie for Kreed.
I thought they would be honest enough with me to tell me if something was wrong.
Instead, I got blindsided by the fact that I’m not an ol’ lady and don’t deserve to know anything about the man I lived with.
It was a hard, bitter pill to swallow and one I don’t know how to overcome.
I’ve been cooking and baking for Roger and everyone else on the ranch.
There’s one girl here named Ivy. She’s young and has a young daughter named Charlotte.
Her ex-boyfriend is very abusive and has put her through hell.
She showed up on the ranch covered from head to toe in bruises and blood, cradling her daughter to her chest. Neither one of them were dressed to be out in a rainstorm.
Ivy trusted me to hold her baby girl while she had an exam done, got her wounds cleaned and taken care of, and then showered and changed into clothes I gave her.
Another parent there gave us clothing for Charlotte so I could bathe her after her exam.
Ivy literally had nothing for her daughter and Roger ran out to get what we needed for them.
Since then, Ivy has been following me around the ranch and I don’t mind it at all.
I help her take care of her daughter. Charlotte is only two months old and the best baby I’ve ever been around.
I’ve been teaching Ivy how to cook and bake because no one ever taught her the basics of life.
Her parents were older and set in their ways.
They gave her the necessities but ignored her the rest of the time.
While they weren’t cruel or abusive, they were neglectful which is almost as bad.
So, I’ve been teaching her everything I know.
Ivy is a quick study and picks up everything the second I demonstrate something to her.
I almost think she has one of those minds where the second she hears or reads something, it’s never forgotten again. A photographic memory.
One of the other puppies, Beast, has taken to Ivy and Charlotte.
He follows them around and it’s adorable.
Roger has let her take him in the house with her because it’s the only way Ivy feels safe.
Beast is a smart dog and has protected the young mom and her daughter when anyone else gets too close to them.
I’m the only exception. Beast and Oreo get along great as they follow us every day.
Today is a huge day though. My family is coming to the ranch to meet me. We’re having a cookout and everyone is invited because I’m not about to exclude anyone. Especially Ivy. We’ve been cooking all morning and have a ton of food ready to go.
“Um, should I stay in the house with Charlotte?” Ivy asks me for the fifth time. Her ex-boyfriend never let her go in public with him and made her feel small and as if something were wrong with her.
“No, you shouldn’t, Ivy. Today is for everyone here and that includes you and Charlotte.
There is no reason for either one of you to hide away.
You’re a great mom and one of the best women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in my life.
I don’t say that lightly because it takes a lot for me to let anyone in.
My past makes it hard to trust anyone and it’s already bitten me in the butt once since I got rescued from my situation,” I tell her, not going into detail because Ivy already knows my story.
A few nights ago she found me sitting on the porch crying as I held the hoodie I took from Kreed.
Oreo was at my feet, whimpering and it woke her and Beast up.
They joined me and I explained everything to her.
Ivy let me purge and then she held me close as I cried.
Debbie has taught me that crying doesn’t mean they win because I’m showing emotion.
It means everything is overwhelming me and that’s one of the ways my body purges all the emotions filling me.
So, I cried while Ivy opened up about her own story and I know I’m the first person she’s completely opened up to.
“Okay. It’s just the people already here and your family, right?” she asks, a nervous edge to her voice because crowds make her anxious like they do with me.
“As far as I know. I was going to have Kreed here with me, but you know how that ended,” I tell her as Roger pulls up and I hear the distinct rumble of a bike following him. “Let me go see who’s here.”
I walk outside, leaving Ivy in the house with her daughter and the dogs to find Roger talking to someone wearing a Feral Dragons cut.
I can’t tell who it is because his back is to me.
My heart races in my chest because none of them should be here.
I honestly have no clue why Roger would be talking to any of them when he knows what happened.
“Annistyn, what’s going on?” Roger asks me when he notices me on the porch watching him. The biker turns around and I realize it’s Manic.
“Why is he here?” I question my cousin, completely ignoring Manic because he doesn’t deserve a second of my attention.
“We need extra security and the club is gonna cover it,” Roger answers as he steps closer to me. “I know you don’t wanna talk to any of them, but there was someone on the ranch last night, Annistyn. I think it’s Ivy’s ex and we have to protect Charlotte and her at all costs.”
“He was here?” I question Roger, still not looking at Manic.
“He was. Please don’t be upset about this.
If I knew anyone else, none of them would be here.
Viper is also on his way over. There will be three guys here at all times.
You don’t have to talk to anyone and they all know that.
They do have to meet Ivy and Charlotte though.
One of them will be close to her at all times.
I refuse to let either one of them be hurt by this asshole.
Ivy has had enough,” Roger says as he steps up close to me on the porch and I take a few bags of ice for him.
“As long as they leave me alone, I’ll be okay,” I say as Manic remains on the ground, far away from me.
“We’re all really sorry, Annistyn. Kreed already chewed Viper a new ass and gave us permission to tell you what’s goin’ on,” Manic finally says as I turn to walk in the house.
“I don’t care. Whatever he does has nothing to do with me,” I state, letting the door close behind me as I find Ivy holding her daughter close and listening to our conversation.
Fear fills her eyes as she looks at me and I take in how badly she’s shaking.
“It’s okay, Ivy. These men will protect you.
I might not like them right now, but that doesn’t mean they won’t keep you and Charlotte safe.
You can trust them as far as that goes.”
“Okay,” she whispers while following Roger outside to meet Manic as I hear two more bikes pull up.
The last thing I want to do is see anyone from the club. However, I won’t ever put anyone’s safety at risk to ensure my feelings aren’t hurt. Ivy and Charlotte are important to me and if this is what she needs, I’ll suck it up and ignore anyone who’s here.
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