24. Autumn
twenty-four
Autumn
So… That happened.
In the decade that had passed since our breakup, I had moved on, but our conversation had brought up old wounds that hadn’t fully healed.
His openness about what had happened brought me the clarity I needed to get to this place with him, and I was glad to move past it so we could enjoy ourselves in the time we had left.
“Meet me at the naked tree at noon,” I said. After our heart-wrenching conversation, we could use a little fun.
He tilted his head, looking down at me quizzically. “Where you’ll make all my wilderness dreams come true?”
I gave him a sweet kiss. “I’m taking you out.”
“Like a date?”
“No, like an unsanctioned outing.” I patted him on the chest. “Don’t tell Hazel or Leo. Camp insurance will not cover this.”
I applied tinted lip balm, popping my lips in the mirror.
Grinning wide, I remembered how well Jamie fit in as we teased Jack during bird-watching.
How he’d laughed when I told him why we called it the naked tree, and no, it wasn’t just because the bark was peeling but for the campers who had christened it during our first session.
His face had said it all, excitement and anticipation showing through his voice.
Everything about him gave away that he was looking forward to our date just as much as I was.
“Whoa,” Lola exclaimed, taking a step back to give me a generous head-to-toe, and I knew I’d made the right choice with my low-cut royal-blue romper.
Cinched at the waist and tight in all the right places, it was the ideal balance between comfort and dressy.
“Who are you, you glamorous lady, and what have you done with our Autumn?”
“Shut it.” I smiled. “Do you want a hand with that?” I reached for the boxes of wine she held precariously on her way to unload in the bar.
“Alcohol is flammable,” she teased. “You touch that, combustion .”
I smiled at the compliment, indulging her with a twirl.
“So, who’s the lucky person?”
“It’s just lunch and…”
Her eyebrows raised sharply, but she didn’t push, likely knowing I’d cave soon enough anyway. I wanted to brag about him. I wanted to pretend he was mine to keep this time.
“Jamie hasn’t been to the slide yet.”
“Oh, I see.” And I loved her even more when she didn’t make a big deal over it.
“Figured it was time.” I ignored the way my hands got a little clammy. Just pre-date nerves.
Ten steps away in profile stood the most handsome man I’d ever seen. He was effortless, classic charm on full display standing with his back up against our infamous naked tree. He looked so at peace as he gazed down the two-lane road that had brought him here only five days ago.
“You look incredible.” He lifted my hand and pressed me up against the tree, kissing me as if we always did this.
The duality of this man stunned me. It was easy to imagine him committed to achieving his goals in a suit and tie from a high rise in the city, but I couldn’t get rid of the idea of him in my cabin wearing flannel pajama pants by the fire, reading a thriller under my patchwork quilt.
“Hi there,” I said timidly, after being jolted from my daydream.
“Hey.”
“Fresh air sure does suit you.”
He had a little bit of stubble, and there was a serious set to his jaw and a light in his eyes as he took me in.
Jamie radiated not just his usual confidence and bravado but a bone-deep satisfaction.
Satisfaction with where he was, what he was doing.
His smiles were growing more and more frequent, and it was clear that he was enjoying these moments.
We made our way to the parking lot, and I tossed my keys to him.
“You’ll let me drive Starla?” he asked in disbelief, as if I’d deny this man anything. He looked at my trusty blue Volvo I’d been babying since high school. “You never let me drive her before.”
“You still get carsick?” I was surprised when he came around to open my door, kissing my cheek before I got in.
He seemed stunned that I remembered how sick he’d get when he wasn’t driving, but how could I not after that time we road-tripped to Pacific Cove Beach?
I’d made him roll the window down in the hopes that the breeze would do him some good, and he’d vomited on the side of my car.
Thankfully, I was a little less hardheaded now.
Four minutes later, we pulled up to the Wildwood Ski Resort—a mountain staple.
Attractions such as skiing, snowboarding, and snowshoeing offered an array of winter entertainment.
Different lifts would take adventurers and families to different levels of ski routes from the bunny hill to the double black diamond runs.
During the offseason, the Alpine Slide was the main attraction.
Wednesday afternoon around noon was the sweet spot, apparently. No lines for the ticket booth. No line for the slide.
Jamie’s head tilted up toward the mountain peak. I maintained my forward gaze, leading him toward the ski lift that would take us to the top of the slide.
“We’re going up there?” His voice was equal parts fascination and excitement.
I reached for his hand, not thinking about it. Dark brown eyes snapped to mine as our fingers interlaced. He held on to me and lifted the back of my hand to his lips.
I resolved to do this. Together, we sat down on the lift as the attendant nodded at me. Jamie didn’t let my hand go. He held on like we might never part, like everything would end if he did. Indulging him, I gave his warm hand a little squeeze.
“Amazing. Autumn, check it out.” He waved over the tree line.
“Uh-huh.” My gaze locked onto the man at my side. His eyes crinkled playfully as he took in the scenery. I felt us lift and didn’t move. One hand on the ski lift’s sidebar, the other holding on to the man who suddenly looked ten years younger. Fun and foolish and all mine.
“You’re giving me a lot of eye contact right now.” His amusement was clear.
“In order to know that, you’d have to be giving me a lot of eye contact.” I willed my voice to be steady, breath calm.
“Autumn, are you all right?” His eyes searched mine. I wondered if he could feel my clamminess. If not that, he definitely felt the shiver that went through me as the lift took us higher and higher.
“I’m just enjoying the view.” It wasn’t a lie. But not wanting to admit the reason I hadn’t been up to the slide in my time on this mountain.
Then I saw the recognition on his face that I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t think it would happen like this. I thought I’d get over it. But the last time I’d been on a ski lift, I’d been left up for an hour because the lift had stopped working. And I hadn’t gotten over that fear with age.
I glanced at my shoes and watched my toes as they dangled… Dangled. I was going to be sick.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” Jamie’s lips pressed gently to my temple, then my cheek. Calm enveloped me at his tender words.
I squeezed my eyes shut, and he took my hand. “Yup, I like you here.”
He shifted us closer. “I like being here.”
I couldn’t believe my stupid anxiety-ridden brain. Tempted to look around, to gauge how close we were, but I forced myself not to. Instead, I took a deep breath before focusing on him again.
“I’ll let you know when it’s time,” he said, not making a big deal of it. He really did know me.
After that harrowing experience, we made it to the top. I’d never been so happy for my feet to hit the ground.
With jagged reluctance, we finally unlocked our hands when we were told it was one adult per slide.
But I held on to that warm feeling as he settled onto the toboggan.
It was a sled-like cart with wheels and a single handle riders could use to go faster or slower.
The slide was set up for racing. I lined up in my cart in the lane next to his, prepared to launch at the same time.
Jamie’s smile told me this was a date he’d never forget.
I settled into my cart, all fears gone. Turned out, I was only afraid of heights when I was on a wobbly, open-air ski lift.
Being up on this devastatingly tall hill about ready to slide down the mountain filled me with the nervous kind of energy but not fear.
Energy that made my stomach swoop and tumble, like it did whenever he smiled at me like that.
We took off, and his smile swallowed up any residual nerves.
“I’ll be waiting for you at the bottom,” he called over to me, but he was underestimating my competitive nature.
I blew him a kiss before leaning back and slamming my control handle to make the cart go as fast as I could. His rapturous laughter told me he was close but not ahead of me.
My body jostled from side to side. Tilting my head back, I soaked in the rush of adrenaline, and everything felt liberating.
A scream of elation left my lungs as I plunged down faster and faster.
Adventure called, and I let it lure me. Laughter spilled unbidden the whole way down, even as my stomach rode high in my chest. My heart thundered, and dampness gathered in the corners of my eyes as I reached the bottom just behind him.
I felt myself being pulled up, then out of my cart.
He tucked me into his warm muscular chest and I took in his spicy scent.
Insatiable, I looked up at him. His eyes were alight and full of joy.
“Again?” I asked, and Jamie nodded into my neck.
Three rides down the slide later and my cheeks hurt from smiling.
My voice was slightly raspy already from the yelling and cackling that came with each exhilarating plunge down the slide.
Every time we rode up in the ski lift, our hands locked together, and Jamie’s lips coaxed me into comfort.
I felt all the security I needed to try again, but I reminded myself that I couldn’t fall for him.
I hoped that wasn’t a fool’s errand.
He looked at me honest and open and like he might just have the same thought that neither of us was brave enough to whisper.