Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
Adam and I sit in the garage after Dad leaves to go back to his place.
“He has his own apartment. How weird is that?” I ask, mostly to myself.
“You really had no idea?” Adam looks to me again like I should have known and warned him. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t.
I shake my head. “I didn’t know. Dad was in Scottsdale for work when I got here earlier this week.
” I think back, not only to the days since I got home for Thanksgiving break, but over the last few months.
“They were going on trips and…” It hits me then that those trips were probably a last-ditch effort to save their marriage, and I feel like throwing up.
At some point, my brother grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen and we are well on our way to finishing it off.
Adam’s drunk the lion’s share. He seems to be taking this harder than me.
I feel numb, but he… well, I haven’t seen my brother so devastated since the day I got locked inside the pantry.
He’d been nine then and took on the big brother protector role with a dedication second to none.
Since then I’d thought of him as unbreakable.
He can’t protect me from this though, and I can’t protect him. Everything is going to be different whether we like it or not.
Rauthruss walks outside with his hands in his pockets about the time Adam is tossing the empty wine bottle in the trash. “Are you guys okay?”
“Getting there.” Adam holds up his wine glass and takes a healthy drink.
“We thought you might want to stay another night, head back in the morning?”
Adam nods and his expression softens. “Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it. Sorry for the family drama.”
Mav and Heath walk out. Heath’s blue eyes fixate on me.
“You guys wanna go out?” Adam asks. “I need to get away from here for a bit.”
They all agree, and I stare down into my wine.
“You coming, Little Scott?” Mav asks.
“I think I’m going to stay.”
Heath hangs back as the rest of the guys head for Adam’s Jeep. Rauthruss climbs into the driver’s side, thankfully. I know he’ll make sure they’re safe.
“Do you want me to stay?” Heath offers.
“No. I think Adam needs you more than me right now. I’m going to check on my mom.”
He squeezes my hand and drops a kiss to my forehead. “Sorry, baby doll. Text me if you need me and I’ll come back.”
I offer the biggest smile of appreciation I can, which probably isn’t that big. He jogs off, hops into the Jeep, and I watch them pull away.
I find Mom in the kitchen wiping down the counters. She stops when she sees me and offers a sad smile. “Are you okay?”
I slide onto the stool in front of her. “Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing.”
She lets out a sigh and nods. “Yeah, it’s the best thing for your dad and I, but I know that’s not easy for you and Adam to understand.”
“What happened? Is that weird to ask?”
Her smile is soft and warm, and she holds her arms out. I hop off the stool and go to her, stepping in and letting her wrap me into a reassuring embrace. “It wasn’t one big thing, honey. We grew apart and started seeing our futures differently.”
I tilt my head up to look her in the eye and she runs a hand along the back of my head like she did when I was a little girl. “I love you. Your father loves you. We’re still a family, even if it looks a little different now.”
“It’ll be weird to go back to Valley and not think of you and Dad together here.”
“I so get that. It’s taken some getting used to being here by myself.”
I glance around the kitchen wondering if she’ll even stay here in this big house without him. I’m not brave enough to ask. I can’t take another blow today.
“I promise that we’ll both still be there for you and that we won’t be those awful parents who can’t be in the same room together.”
My heart hurts imagining any scenario that looks different than what I’m used to. Everything’s changing.
“Adam’s wrecked.”
“Your brother is a romantic.”
I huff a small laugh. “Adam?”
“It’s true. He is. From the time he was old enough to talk, he’d tell everyone he wanted to be a husband when he grew up, just like his daddy.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Middle school happened, and that’s when he decided he wanted to be a doctor, but he hasn’t changed.”
“But he goes through girlfriends faster than anyone I know.”
“He’s a romantic, but he’s still a young man.” She smiles and I notice how tired she looks and wonder how I didn’t see it before. “I should talk to him.”
“They went to the bar.”
“Even Heath?”
“Yeah, he offered to stay, but I figured Adam needed him more than me.”
She touches my face. “You’re a good sister. I’ll talk to him before he leaves, but he’ll be okay. We all will.”
I hope so.
“I was going to have some pie in bed and watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Want to join me?”
“Is there any pumpkin left?”
“You didn’t really think I put all the pies out on the table earlier?” She smiles and shakes her head as she goes to the oven and pulls out a pumpkin pie.
I barely ate earlier and my stomach growls at the delicious smell of pumpkin and nutmeg. “In that case, I want two slices.”
Mom and I eat pie curled up on her king-size bed. As I lay there, I can still smell my dad in their room and wonder if she can too. I’m sad, but I know my parents didn’t come to this decision lightly, so I do my best to not let it show too much.
Mom falls asleep right after the movie, and I head to my own room. The guys aren’t back, and the last text Heath sent said he thought they were in for a late night.
Adam’s always been my protector. I never thought I’d need to repay the favor, but it seems like now might be the time. I can be the strong one this time.
I doze off sometime after one and wake up to the bed dipping with Heath’s weight. His familiar scent mixed with alcohol wraps around me.
“You’re back,” I say, voice thick with sleep. “How’s Adam?”
“Took all three of us to get him upstairs. Rauthruss is sleeping on the floor in there to keep an eye on him.”
“I’m really glad you were here.”
“Me too.” He pulls me tight against him and rubs my back in long, soft strokes. “How are you doing? I hated not being here for you tonight.”
“Well, I’ve had better Thanksgivings, but I ate my weight in pie, so I’m okay for the moment. It doesn’t feel real yet. Twenty-three years… can you imagine?”
His head shakes almost imperceptibly. The TV is still on and his face illuminates with flashing colors. His warmth heats the space between us.
“You can turn off the TV if it bugs you,” I tell him.
“It doesn’t bother me, and I know you prefer it.”
“Being scared of the dark is embarrassing. Maybe even more embarrassing than my parents announcing they’re separating over Thanksgiving dinner, but I’ve gotten used to sleeping without the TV since going to Valley.”
“I realize it probably doesn’t help, but you don’t need to feel embarrassed in front of me. Not for any of it.”
“It does help, actually. Thank you. What also might help is knowing your deepest darkest secrets and fears.”
He chuckles. “I’m scared of all kinds of things.”
“Like?”
“Worms.”
“What?” I laugh. “Why worms?”
He shudders. “We used them for bait when fishing. I never liked touching them and once Nathan noticed, he started chasing me around dangling the little slimy fuckers in front of my face.” He shudders again.
“Worms are gross but not scary.”
“Fears don’t have to be rational.”
“That’s true.”
“Why are you scared of the dark? Did something happen or have you always been?”
“When I was five or six, me and Adam were playing at my grandparent’s house.
It was this old house with creaky wooden floors and doors that somehow no longer fit the frame, so you had to put all your weight into them to close.
They had this great back yard with a treehouse and a trampoline.
Before my grandmother passed away, the whole family on my dad’s side would get together.
The adults would sit outside in lawn chairs and the kids could run wild. ”
“Sounds like something out of a fifties TV show.”
“Well, it wasn’t quite that idyllic. Uncle Walter showed up stoned more often than not, and my cousin Tillie was always teaching us Urban Dictionary slang.
My mom almost had a stroke with some of the words I learned.
Anyway, one day, the whole family was over there, I think it was one of my cousin’s birthdays.
Everyone was outside and the cousins decided we would play hide and seek.
I’m the baby of the family and I really wanted to prove that I was a good hider, so I’d been scoping out places for weeks and finally found the best hiding spot.
In the pantry there was this extra closet where grandma kept brooms and mops.
It was really small, and I knew I was the only one who could fit in it and that no one else would think to look there.
So, when everyone took off to hide, I hung back so not to give away my spot and then went and shut myself in. ”
Heath strokes my arm as my voice wavers.
Part of the memory is so real I can almost smell the dust and Pledge mixture of that tiny closet.
Other things I only remember like I watched someone else go through it, like the way I wrapped my arms around myself, squeezing tight and sobbing through the screams.
“I don’t know how long I was in there. For a while I was so careful to be quiet.
I didn’t want to give myself away. I could hear Adam calling my name and I just felt so proud, you know?
He’s always been a total know-it-all. Cocky and just better at everything, so I was really excited to have beaten him at something.
Anyway, eventually my cousins grew bored of the game and when I was certain I’d waited long enough that they were never going to find me, I pushed the door open ready to show off my awesome hiding skills, only I couldn’t get out.
The outside of the door had one of those hook latches and it’d fallen in place when I shut the door.
I screamed and screamed until I lost my voice. It was so dark and so small.”
“Fuck, Ginny.”
I nod. “By everyone’s best guess, I was in there for two hours before my mom noticed she hadn’t seen me in a while and went looking for me.
They called an ambulance because I couldn’t get my breathing under control.
Adam freaked. He knew I was missing but didn’t think it was a big deal, so it really hit him harder than anyone.
He didn’t leave my side for weeks.” Heath’s hold tightens around me and I snuggle into him.
“I know I probably should have gotten over it by now.”
“I don’t think fears work like that. I think they hang on until you face them in one way or another, poking holes in the pain and letting good shine through.” He pulls the sheet up over our heads and smiles at me in the near darkness. “Let’s make some good memories in the dark.”
The thin sheet doesn’t really block out the light of the TV, but it’s a step and I take it.