Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
DECEMBER
DECEMBER
I’m sitting at the bar at The Hideout waiting for my friends and brother. Reagan’s the first to show.
“Hey.” I stand to hug her. “Where’s Dakota?”
“She wasn’t done studying for her biology test. She said to tell you she was sorry and that she’d make it up to you.”
“Well, boo. I was hoping she’d come. Adam’s running late and the rest of the guys didn’t feel like going out. It feels like everyone is bailing.” Monday night was a bust after Maverick and Heath got sick, but I was hoping tonight we could all finally hang out.
“Actually, I’m glad I have you alone. I need to talk to you.”
“Okay.” We sit and when the bartender comes over, she orders two shots of RumChata.
“You’re making me nervous, Rea.”
The shots come and she downs one without waiting for me.
I start to chuckle. “Woah, there, it can’t be that—”
“I like your brother.”
Her words hit me slowly, but she doesn’t give me time to respond anyway.
“I’m sorry I lied, but we’d just met, and I didn’t want you to think I was some weirdo or that I was pretending to be your friend because of Adam.”
His name makes it all finally click.
“Your crush, the hockey player, is my brother?”
“Yes, and I’m going to tell him tonight, but I wanted to tell you first.” She eyes the second shot. “Do you need that or do I?”
“I’m not upset. Adam would be lucky to have someone like you, but you can’t tell him tonight.”
“Why not?” Her brown eyes crinkle at the corners as she draws her eyebrows together.
“Because I invited Taryn and she just walked in. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” As I stand to greet my brother’s girlfriend, I see Reagan down the last shot.
“Hey,” Taryn says tentatively.
“Hi, Taryn,” I say and we hug. “Thanks for coming.”
She laughs lightly. “You didn’t leave me much choice. You said it was life or death.”
“Maybe that was a little dramatic, but it is important.” I glance to either side of me, but there’s nowhere for her to sit.
Reagan hops out of her seat. “Here, you can have mine. I’m going to… go. I just realized I need to be somewhere.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. I feel awful, not that I could have predicted this.
“I’ll call you later.”
Taryn takes a seat and I blow out a long breath. Best to just dive right in. “Whatever my brother did or said… he’s an idiot. He’s going through some things right now, so he’s not to be trusted.”
Her face twists into a surprised expression. “You mean your parents separating?”
“He told you?”
“Yeah, of course. He’s really torn up about it.”
“Exactly. Don’t let him push you away because of it. I think he just needs some time.”
She smiles sweetly. “I agree, but that’s not why we broke up.”
“It’s not?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “It probably was the catalyst, but it wasn’t the reason.”
Well, shit. I guess this is what I get for meddling. “Oh.” I slump in my chair. “You’re sure? You two seemed great together.”
“We are. Your brother is fantastic, and I really like him, but I’m transferring at semester and neither of us really wanted to try to manage a long-distance thing.”
“Oh.” Well, shit. “I didn’t know.”
“I just decided before Thanksgiving break. I got into a really competitive design program at my dream college.” Her face lights up.
“Wow, well, congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
For the next half hour, I listen as she tells me about her plans and the program at her new school.
The more we talk, the more I like her and the sadder I am that she’s leaving.
We part with a hug and a promise to keep in touch.
I don’t know if we actually will, but it’s more than I can say for my relationships with most of Adam’s ex-girlfriends.
I’ve got a bunch of texts from Adam apologizing for not being able to make it. This night is a giant failure.
I call Heath on my way to his apartment, but he doesn’t answer. Since he got sick, he’s been keeping me away for fear I’d catch it, but right now, I’m willing to risk it to lay in his arms.
Noise filters out, laughter and loud voices, as I head up the stairs to their door.
I knock twice before walking in. Rhett, Maverick, and Heath are in the living room.
All eyes are on the TV and whatever video game they’re playing.
Beer cans line the coffee table. It’s far from the scene I was expecting.
When they finally notice me, Maverick and Rhett’s glassy stares and big smiles give me some idea of just how drunk they are. Heath doesn’t look drunk, but I’m still a little irritated that they’re all hanging out together when I tried to plan a night out with all of us.
“Genevieve!” Maverick calls. He’s got a bottle in one hand and a controller in the other. “Come be on my team. They’re kicking my ass.”
Rhett puts his controller down and runs a hand through his dirty blond hair. “You can take my place. I’m out, boys. I need to call Carrie.” He stands and heads to his room, leaving me with Heath and Maverick.
“Need another?” Mav stands, sways, and then walks to the kitchen. He grabs a beer and holds it up.
“No, thanks,” Heath says. He motions me over to him and holds his arms out.
I go to him and climb into his lap. As he wraps his arms around me, I snuggle in close and breathe him in.
“Hey,” I whisper into his jaw. He’s unshaven and I love the way his scruff feels against my smooth skin. “Feeling better?”
“Mhmm.” He places a thumb under my chin and lifts my mouth to his and places a quick kiss on my lips. I melt into him. “I only had two beers and look at me, I’m a lightweight now. Sorry that we didn’t make it out. How was it?”
“A total bust. You didn’t miss anything.”
“You two wanna cuddle?” Maverick asks. “Make a little Mav sandwich?”
“No chance,” Heath says and stands, holding me in his arms. He’s unsteady on his feet, but somehow he carries me without falling or dropping me.
“Night, Mav,” I call over Heath’s shoulder.
He kicks the door closed and deposits me on his bed and lies on top of me, burying his head in my neck. He kisses the spot. “You smell nice.”
“You feel nice,” I say, lifting my hips into the hard bulge in his pants.
I slip my hands under his T-shirt and up over his pecs. He leans up enough for me to pull the material all the way over his head. I love Heath’s body. Every muscle and every ridge. The light smattering of hair covering his chest and the defined abs and V that disappears into his jeans.
A shiver of pleasure shoots through me as he kisses my neck and collarbone, first on one side and then the other.
I unbutton his jeans and slide the zipper down. As my palm meets skin, I chuckle.
“Had to freeball it,” he says and leans up to give me a sheepish grin. “Haven’t done laundry since I got back.”
I free his cock from his pants. “Convenient.”
He hisses and then moans as I slide my hand down his length. “I may never wear boxers again. Fuck. I missed you.”
My insides are total mush when he voices his feelings. Even if I am touching his dick while he’s saying it.
“It’s only been a few days.”
“And your point is?” he asks, eyes closed and hips bucking into my palm.
I pause and his eyes open and lock onto mine. It’s an opening to tell him how I feel, but instead of taking it, I slide down the bed and wrap my lips around the head of his cock.
Afterward, we’re lying on the bed curled up together. Heath’s eyelids keep shutting even as he tells me he’s not tired.
“Let me get you some water and Tylenol.” I start to stand, but he captures my hand and tugs me back down.
“No. I don’t need you to do that. People are always trying to take care of me. I just want you to lay here with me.”
“You are very stubborn.”
His mouth pulls up into a smile, eyes still closed.
“You know, it’s okay to let people do nice things for you.
It doesn’t mean you’re incapable. That’s how relationships work.
” I bite at the corner of my lip. “Speaking of, I’ve been trying to talk to you since we got back from break, but with everything that’s happened, we haven’t had a chance.
Maybe tomorrow we can hang out, just the two of us? ”
His lids flutter open and those dark blue eyes focus on me. “It’s okay, Ginny, I already know. I overheard you talking to Adam.”
“You know what?”
“At your parents’ house. I was in your room that morning before we left, and I overheard you tell Adam that you… how you feel about me.”
“Oh.” Crap. Embarrassed, stilted laughter slips out and I sit up. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“I didn’t know what to say.” His lips turn down at the corners and then his tongue darts out to wet them. “Ginny… I like you a lot.”
All the blood drains from my face. The way he says it and his expression—it’s excruciating. Like. He didn’t tell me because he doesn’t feel the same.
I’m absolutely horrified, and fleeing is the first thing that comes to mind. Get out of here before I start crying.
“I forgot how honest you are when you’ve been drinking.” I try to laugh it off, but tears sting my eyes. I stand and look for my clothes. “I’m going. Let’s talk tomorrow when you’re sober.”
“Please don’t go. This is why I didn’t bring it up before.
I didn’t want you to say it and be hurt if I didn’t say it back.
What we have is great and it’s just a bullshit word.
” He runs a hand through his hair, making the dark strands stand up, then the other hand joins it.
I love his hair. It’s always such a beautiful mess. Even now when he’s breaking my heart.
“Love is a bullshit word?” I shake my head in disbelief.
“This is why I told Adam and not you. I thought it might be too soon and I didn’t want to pressure you or make things weird.
I had no intention of telling you that I love you.
” I swallow. I can’t describe how much I hate that the first time I utter those three words to him, it’s like this.
I feel completely shattered that I’ve been his unknowing pity case while he’s been secretly trying to figure out how to let me down easy.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. It isn’t that you…” He pauses. “Wait, you weren’t? But you said that you wanted to talk. I just assumed that’s what it was about. I’ve been worrying about it all week.”
“Oh my god.” I glance to the ceiling and try to calm the anger rising. When I look back to him, I can no longer keep my eyes from welling. Hot, angry tears.
“Fuck, that came out wrong,” he says.
“I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend, you big jerk.”
His brows draw together. “Oh.”
“But it’s really nice to know you’ve been stressing about me using the L-word, heaven forbid. What an awful thing for you to cope with.”
Anger. Yes, I need more anger to keep from feeling the sadness.
He gets to his feet. His jeans are on but unbuttoned and they slide down on his hips as he starts toward me. “Fuck, Ginny. I thought I already was your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve never talked about it. Hence, the talk.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? Not loving me or thinking the whole concept of it is ludicrous?” My voice cracks.
He groans and he runs those big hands through his hair again while he struggles to find the right words.
But it’s too late. What could he possibly say now?
Any illusion I had that he might feel the same way, today or someday in the future, is now gone.
Dating a guy who isn’t ready for a serious commitment is one thing, but once you tell them you love them (even by accident), there’s no going back and pretending it’s just a casual fling.
“This isn’t going to work.”
“Don’t say that. Forget everything I said in the past five minutes. Start over. Ask me to be your boyfriend.” He closes the distance between us and frames my face with his hands. “Ask me, Genevieve,” he pleads.
He makes a strangled sound deep in his throat as I pull away and finish getting dressed, tossing the T-shirt of his I was wearing on the bed, yanking on my own clothes, and slipping into my shoes.
I think he might say something else to try to stop me, but he doesn’t.
He just watches me prepare to leave, looking helpless.
Before I go, I have to say it at least once—out loud and to him, if only for myself.
“I love you, Heath.” He flinches. “I’m sorry if that’s too much for you to deal with, but I do, and I don’t want to just forget it.”