Chapter 40
FORTY
Ava was still asleep when I woke up. She looked so peaceful—more peaceful than she’d seemed all night. I’d felt her tension the moment I’d shown up at her door, rain-soaked and desperate to finally say the words I’d been choking on for far longer than I cared to admit.
I love you.
I’d shouted it on the ice like a goddamn idiot. In front of everyone. In front of her brother, who’d just punched me in the face. And then I’d come here, kissed her in the rain, and I don’t know what I’d expected but it wasn’t what I’d gotten.
She’d been quiet and distant, especially after our kiss in the rain.
I thought finishing the bucket list would’ve made her happy.
But instead she’d just looked worn down and exhausted. Like someone had let all the air out of her balloon.
I’d been tempted to push—to say the words again, properly this time when it was just her and me, like it always should’ve been the first time I confessed how I felt.
But something in her eyes had stopped me.
She’d seemed fragile in a way I’d never seen from her before, and I’d told myself it could wait.
That we’d talk in the morning when she was rested.
But now morning was here, and she was still out cold, and I had another problem I needed to deal with.
Drew.
I checked my phone. There were two texts from Foster asking if Drew and I were going to be able to play tonight, and one from Coach Maxwell saying if Drew and I could come to him together and prove we could work together, he’d let us play the game.
There was nothing from Drew.
The silence was almost worse than the fury.
I looked at Ava again, memorizing the curve of her cheek, the way her hair spread across the pillow.
Part of me wanted to wake her up—to have the conversation we should’ve had last night.
To tell her I loved her when I wasn’t soaking wet and emotionally wrecked from getting my ass kicked by her brother.
But she needed sleep. And I needed to fix things with Drew before tonight’s game.
I’d tell her after. Once I’d talked to Drew and everything was out in the open.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering there for a moment longer than I probably should have. “I’ll be back, Sunshine,” I murmured.
She didn’t even stir.
The hockey house was quiet when I got home, which was strange for midmorning. Usually someone was blasting music or arguing about something stupid. Or, most likely these days, Rory was squealing or crying.
Today there was nothing.
I found Drew in the living room, sitting on the floor with Rory propped up against his legs. She was gnawing on a teething toy, her big eyes tracking a stuffed elephant Drew was waving in front of her face. The scene was so normal that for a second I forgot why I was dreading this conversation.
Then Drew looked up, and his expression went cold.
“Hey,” I said carefully.
“Hey.” His voice was flat, but there was an edge to it that gave me the impression he was holding back the anger that was still simmering under the surface.
Harper appeared from the kitchen, a cup of Cheerios in her hand. Her gaze bounced between us, reading the tension instantly.
“I’m going to take Rory over to my place for a bit,” she said, already moving toward Drew. “Give you guys some time to talk.”
Drew’s jaw tightened, but he nodded, pressing a kiss to Rory’s head before Harper scooped her up. The baby babbled happily, completely oblivious to the shitstorm brewing between her father and his best friend.
“Text me when you’re done,” Harper said to Drew, shooting me a look I couldn’t quite read. Then she grabbed Rory’s diaper bag that we kept stocked and walked out, the front door clicking shut behind her.
The silence that followed was suffocating.
I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to figure out where to start. Drew and I had been in fights before, but never like this. “You know, I almost wonder if Rory should’ve stayed. Less likely you’ll beat the shit out of me with the baby here.”
Drew didn’t laugh. He didn’t even crack a smile.
Okay, so that’s how it was going to be.
“I’m not going to hit you again,” he said, his voice still eerily calm. “I got it out of my system last night.”
“Well, better to be sure. My jaw still hurts like hell.”
“Good.”
I deserved that.
I moved toward the couch, keeping a careful distance between us. Drew stayed on the floor, his back against the armchair. His knuckles were still bruised from last night—purple and swollen, but I doubt he’d ever admit that they still hurt.
“Drew, I’m sorry,” I started. “I should’ve told you—”
He cut me off, and his eyes were hard, searching. “I heard what you said on the ice and again in the locker room. But I also know you, Liam. I know how you operate. So forgive me if I’m having a hard time believing that you suddenly love her.”
The words hit harder than his fist had.
“I do love her.” My voice came out rougher than I intended, my subtle accent thickening. “I know that’s hard to believe. I know my track record is shit. But this isn’t…it’s not like before. She’s not like anyone else.”
Drew was quiet for a moment, studying me like he was trying to see through to my soul.
When he spoke again, his voice had lost some of its edge.
“Li, you and I have talked a lot and you always made it clear there was a reason for the way you were with women. That you thought you were too much like him and you refused to hurt someone the way he hurt your mom.”
I didn’t have to ask who he meant. He was the only one who knew about my deepest fears; I hadn’t even told Ava about my complicated relationship with my dad.
“Yeah.” The admission scraped its way out of my throat. “And I’m still scared about that.”
His gaze narrowed. “So you thought my sister would be your guinea pig to see if you could handle a relationship? You thought her heart was worth risking?”
I was already shaking my head before he’d even finished his sentence.
“No. It didn’t start out like that. It…” I scrubbed my hand over my face.
“Look, I don’t want to go into details with you about how it started because that’s not fair to Ava.
But no matter how it started, it shifted.
I can’t tell you when exactly. Maybe from the beginning it was different and I was too oblivious to realize, but if you think falling in love with her was a choice I made, then you don’t know your sister.
And if you thought for a second I’d risk her heart if I wasn’t sure, then you don’t know me. ”
“That’s the problem, Liam. I do know you.
I don’t think you’d do it on purpose. Despite your fears, I’ve never believed you’re like your dad.
But you’ve also never put it to the test. You’ve always run before it got too hard.
So how do you know you won’t hurt her? How do you know you won’t wake up one day and decide this was all a mistake? ”
“I don’t.” The honesty burned, but I forced myself to hold his gaze.
“I can’t promise you I won’t fuck this up, Drew.
I can’t promise I’m not going to be exactly the disaster you think I am.
But I can tell you that I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
And the thought of walking away from her—” My chest tightened.
“I can’t do it. Believe me, I would if I could because the thought of breaking her heart hurts worse than your fist to my face. But I can’t walk away from her. She’s…”
Everything.
The word sat unspoken between us.
Drew ran a hand through his hair, looking suddenly exhausted, his anger replaced with understanding. He’d had his own wakeup call with Harper. He knew what it was like when you found the woman your world revolved around, even if it was inconvenient. But then his expression shifted to concern.
“I know Ava. She acts tough, nonchalant sometimes, but she feels things deeply. If you hurt her—”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because she’s spent her whole life feeling like she comes second. To me, to everyone. No matter how many times I’ve tried to tell her she doesn’t.”
I moved closer, needing him to hear this. “She’s not second to me. She’s never been second. She’s the only thing I see, Drew. She has been for a long time.”
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity. Then he let out a heavy breath, some of the tension draining from his shoulders.
“I’m still pissed at you.”
“I know.”
“And if you hurt her, I will end you. Best friend or not.”
“I’d expect nothing less.”
Another long pause. “So what now?”
“Now I go back to her apartment and tell her properly. Without the audience.”
Drew’s eyebrow lifted. “You haven’t told her you love her yet? Weren’t you with her last night?”
“Yeah, but she was…” I frowned, remembering the way she’d pulled away and gone quiet. “Off. I don’t know. She said she was tired, and genuinely seemed exhausted, so I figured I’d wait until today.”
A look flickered across Drew’s face—one I couldn’t quite read—and he was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. “Don’t wait too long, okay? Ava’s not good at asking for what she needs. She’ll convince herself she’s fine when she’s anything but.”
“Like I said, I’m going right back there. I just wanted to make sure we were good.”
Drew stood. “We’re good enough to play tonight. I still don’t like how any of this went down, and I’m still worried about her.”
“I know you are. And I give you full permission to beat my ass if I ruin this.”
He scoffed. “As if I needed your permission.”
He held out his hand—not for a handshake, but for the grip we’d been doing since we were kids. I clasped it, and for a moment, it felt like things were almost back to normal.
“Don’t make me regret not killing you,” he said.
“I’ll do my best.”
I headed for the door, my mind already on Ava. On all the things I needed to say. On the fear I couldn’t quite shake and the hope I was finally letting myself feel.
I was still terrified of becoming my father. Still scared of the damage I might do. But Ava was worth the risk.
She was worth everything.
Except when I got back to her apartment, she was gone.
“Where’d she go?” I asked Sydney.
She shrugged. “She didn’t say. She had her backpack with her, so maybe she went to study somewhere.”
Well, fuck.
I didn’t like this hanging over my head. She needed to know the truth.
That I was hers. If she’d have me.