13. Violet
VIOLET
By some miracle, I am able to mostly forget about Gavin lying next to me and focus on the movie. It isn’t one of my favorites—the movie, I mean. In fact, I rarely rewatch it, but I love the story of Persuasion. And some of the lines. Swoon.
They’re separated for years and never stop loving each other.
Maybe it isn’t realistic for the modern world, given all the technology that would make it the longest ghosting of all time, not to mention people seem incapable of waiting more than a week or two before jumping to the next relationship, but Captain Wentworth’s dedication makes him my favorite Austen hero.
When it’s over, Gavin taps the spacebar and looks over at me.
“What did you think?” I ask.
“I don’t understand some of the characters. Like what was the deal with Louisa?”
I knew it. I knew he wouldn’t like it. It just confirms that Gavin and I are two people with completely different ideas about love.
“But Wentworth?” A grin lights up his face. “That was some epic hero shit right there.”
A laugh spills from my lips. “Epic hero shit?”
“That letter. You pierce my soul.” He lets out a low whistle. “I bow down to Jane Austen. I get why it’s your favorite now.”
“Who said it was my favorite?”
He points up to the framed quotes—both from Persuasion.
“As you said, it’s some epic hero shit.”
He smiles at me. “What's next?”
“More? Really?”
“I am hooketh.”
“What?” I laugh, and then start coughing again.
Gavin hands me my glass of water from the nightstand. “Hooked. Hooketh? Whatever. You get the idea.”
“Pride and Prejudice, the one with Keira Knightley, and after that Pride and Prejudice, the miniseries.”
“What’s the difference?”
“So many things. Colin Firth is Darcy in the miniseries. He’s so good, and I just love it.
It’s six hours so you really get the full story.
Daisy prefers the Keira Knightley one though because of the Darcy hand flex, and the walk across the field to get to her at the end.
Which I will admit is pretty fantastic.”
Gavin has a stunned, overwhelmed look on his face. “Six hours?!”
“No one is forcing you to watch them with me, Leonard.”
“I’m invested now. Plus, I need to know what a hand flex is. Sounds kinky.”
I push the covers back and sit up straighter. His gaze drops to my legs. The chills are gone, and I think my fever has broken too, but warmth spreads through my cheeks at how intimate this feels.
“Do you feel like eating yet?” Gavin asks, averting his eyes and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“No.” I shake my head.
“All right.” He goes to the door, and then stops and wags a finger at me. “Don’t start without me.”
While Gavin is downstairs getting food, I go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my tangled hair. There’s no use in trying to look good, but I’ll settle for not looking like death. When I get back to my room, Gavin is already seated on the bed with a plate on his lap.
“Do not get crumbs in my bed,” I say as he takes a big bite of grilled cheese.
“I won’t,” he speaks, mouth still full.
The aroma of cheese and bread hits my nostrils and makes my stomach growl.
“Not hungry, huh? Or were you just afraid I couldn’t cook?”
“More like you’d poison me and blame my death on the flu.”
His lips lift at the corners as he continues to chew.
“It does smell better than I expected.”
He hands me the extra grilled cheese on his plate.
“Are you sure?”
“I can always make more.”
“I just want half.” I start to tear it into two diagonally.
His brows lift, and his eyes widen. “What are you doing?”
“I’m cutting it in half.”
“Who cuts a sandwich like that?”
“Grilled cheese has to be cut diagonally. It’s a rule.”
“I don’t think it’s a rule,” he says, laughing at the mangled half I hand back to him.
“Well, it should be. It’s how my dad always made it.”
The sandwich tastes delicious, but as soon as I’ve finished eating it, my stomach protests.
“Uh oh.” Gavin’s expression goes grave. “I swear I didn’t poison it.”
I take off for the bathroom at a run. I barely make it. Sweat beads on my forehead and heat courses through my body again.
Before I realize he’s with me, Gavin is tucking the strands of hair that have fallen from my messy ponytail behind my ears.
There’s barely anything in my stomach, but even after I’ve emptied the contents, I continue to heave and tears stream down my face.
I’m delirious by the time I finally slump over against the wall. Gavin wets a washcloth and presses it to my forehead.
“I can’t believe you just watched me throw up. Again.”
“Doesn’t bother me. I have a strong stomach. Ready to get back in bed?”
I nod and don’t bother protesting when he lifts me to my feet. He wraps an arm around my waist, and I let him walk me back to bed. I’d like to say it’s some sort of payback making him take care of me like this, but I’m too sick to hate him right now.
He pulls the comforter over me and sits on the edge, facing me. The look in his eyes makes my pulse quicken.
“Try and sleep.”
Impossibly, I do, and when I wake up again, the sun is setting.
“Hi,” I croak.
“How are you feeling?” He pulls out an ear bud and hits pause on the movie.
“You watched it without me.”
“I had to see the hand flex.”
“And?”
He does it with his hand and smiles. “So good.”
Gavin closes the laptop and sets it on the end of the bed. “You should drink something and it’s time for more medicine.”
He gives me the awful red medicine first and then holds out a glass. “It’s 7-up.”
I sit up and sip it slowly. “I can’t believe I spent all day in bed, and you stayed to watch Jane Austen movies.”
“I had a good time. Also, why do you have four copies of Persuasion?” He picks up the top one from the stack on my nightstand.
“I told you I like the story.”
“So get one copy.”
“They all have different covers.”
The look he gives me tells me he doesn’t understand. “But the story inside is the same?”
“Yes, but the covers are all so beautiful.”
He sets the book in his lap. There are several bookmarks stuck in various points in the first fifty pages. He flips to each one. “Are these like your favorite pages or something?”
“No.” I take the book from him and open to the first page. “I’ve probably read this page a hundred times, which correlates to about how many times I have attempted to read this book.” I go to the last bookmark. “This is the farthest I’ve ever gotten.”
“You’ve never read it all the way through?”
“Nope.” I sigh.
“But you said…”
“I know what I said, okay?” I snap. “It is my favorite story. I know what happens and I’ve read chunks of it.”
“But you’ve never read the entire book?” He still seems confused. “And you bought four copies of it anyway?”
“Haven’t you ever wanted to do something or be someone slightly different than you are?” I shake my head. It’s foggy, and the only explanation for me sharing so much personal insight. “Like in the best version of me, I work out five days a week and eat vegetables daily.”
He snorts. “Okay. And how does reading this book play into that?”
“I love watching historical romance, especially Austen. The dialogue and the costumes, it’s perfection. I have seen every version of Pride & Prejudice about a million times, and this story, Persuasion, in particular, just speaks to my soul, but every time I sit down to read it, my eyes glaze over.”
“Lots of people don’t like to read.”
“You don’t get it,” I whine and turn onto my side. “I’m an Austen phony.”
The bed dips as he shifts his weight, and when I open my eyes, he’s sitting closer to me with his back resting against the headboard.
“Sorry,” I say. “I think my fever is back.”
“No, I think I understand, actually.” He still has the book in his hands. His long fingers splay out over the cover and it’s seriously sexy in ways my brain can’t comprehend right now.
He opens the book and clears his throat. And then he starts reading.
“You aren’t really going to read this entire book to me, are you?”
“I don’t think I’ll finish it tonight, no, but maybe we can beat your last record.”
“Gavin—” I start, voice breaking. I’m not even sure what I was going to say, but Gavin stops me.
“I’m having a hand flex moment here, Vi.”
A small laugh escapes, and a lump forms in my throat. I close my eyes. I feel like crying, which is so not me. Two days of being sick and Gavin being here and acting so nice, plus all the Austen, I’m a sappy, emotional mess.
I don’t know how long he reads. At first, all I can concentrate on is his voice. Deep and smooth. He’d make a great sports broadcaster. It takes him a few paragraphs to get into it, but once he finds the flow, I escape into the story.
I’m so enthralled that the ringing of my phone on the nightstand makes me jump. Gavin stops and reaches for it. “It’s Daisy.”
“I texted her earlier and told her I was on the brink of death. I should let her know I’m going to live.”
He hands it over. “Okay. I’ll make us some more food. Anything sound good?”
“You don’t need to do that. I’m okay. Really. I feel better than I have all day. Go home. You’ve done enough.” I need him to go. This truce was a mistake.
I press accept on the call before he can protest then get up and walk over to the window as I answer.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” Daisy’s voice is soft. “How are you feeling?”
“A little better.”
While she apologizes for not being here, Gavin’s footsteps cross the room and then the door clicks shut, announcing his departure.
I let out a slow breath. “It’s fine. There’s nothing you could have done. How was meeting Jordan’s parents?”
My head is still a little fuzzy, but for the next few minutes, Daisy fills me in on her boyfriend’s family and all the things they’ve done in the two days since they left. The Valley U hockey team had their final game of the season, and she watched it with his parents.
“Anyway,” she says. “We were just heading out to dinner. Are you sure you don’t want us to come back?”
“No, of course not. I’m sure I’ll be better tomorrow and then I need to work on my design.” My design, groan. I still have nothing.
“Promise to call if you change your mind?”
“I promise.”
When we hang up, I crawl back into bed. The copy of Persuasion rests on my pillow. I open it to where Gavin left off and placed a cough drop wrapper as a bookmark. Page fifty-five. A new record.
I smooth the wrapper out with a finger. A light knock on the door is followed by Gavin’s voice. “Violet?”
“Yeah.” I get up and pull the door open. “I thought you left.”
“I did, or I started to.”
“Okay.” I turn back to look at the bed and nightstand. “Did you forget something?”
“Just this.” His right hand reaches out and caresses my hip, then he seems to think better of it and pulls it back. He rubs at his palm with his other hand. “I like you, Violet. I’ve always liked you.”
I open my mouth to speak, but I’m at a loss for words.
“Can I come back tomorrow? We can watch six hours of Darcy and Elizabeth, if you want, or I’ll read some more Persuasion. I want to spend more time with you.”
My heart is racing in my chest. “I really appreciate everything you did last night and today. Especially considering what’s happened between us in the past, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why not? Call it a permanent truce. Look how well we got along today.”
“It was one day.”
“Then we’ll take it one day at a time.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Why not?”
I cock my head to the side. He knows why.
“I fucked up. I know I did and I’m not making any excuses. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I’d given up any chance of us working past what I did, but these past twenty-four hours, I felt a connection with you again. You can’t tell me you don’t feel this.” He motions between us.
“Last night, I walked in on you making out with some other girl. Which is fine. You can hook up with whomever you want to, but I’m not the kind of person who can pretend that we’re just two friends hanging out over spring break.
You’ve seen me naked. You broke my heart.
It’s complicated…” I trail off, aware I’m rambling.
I take a deep breath. “Besides, I have to work on my design and… I just can’t. ”
“All right.” His voice is soft and low. “Yeah, okay.” He shuffles his feet. “If you change your mind or if you need anything, you know where to find me. Anything you need. Any time. I’m there.”
“Thanks.” I rub the hem of my shorts between my thumb and pointer finger. Somehow this feels like the end all over again.
He takes two steps backward, gives me a sad smile, and then disappears down the hallway.