Chapter 2
Atlas
I’ve been looking forward to this day for a while now.
As the wedding procession begins to play, I watch my fiancé walk down the aisle in a modern style white satin slip dress. The only reason I know the type of dress is because it’s all she talked about for weeks.
She’s beautiful.
Her chestnut hair has streaks of caramel when the sun hits it just right.
The normal wavy strands are twisted into an updo.
This is probably the most dressed up I’ve ever seen her, but even on a day like today her vibrant, emerald eyes still swirl with pandemonium. I vow to myself to never let that chaos die out.
There’s a weird pressure in my chest when she smiles at me, but I brush it off. I clasp her hand in mine when she meets me at the end of the aisle.
The officiant says something I don’t hear.
She has my full attention.
I can’t take my eyes off her.
My eyes keep moving over her, trying to memorize every single detail of this moment.
I can’t believe this woman agreed to marry me. Her hand gently caresses my cheek, causing the world to rush back in around us. I give her a sheepish smile before finally turning my attention to the officiant.
We take turns reciting our vows, then the officiant says the iconic line, “You may now kiss the bride!”
My hands wrap around her waist as we both lean in and, right before our lips touch, my eyes snap open, and my heart shatters all over again.
Reality always crashes in when I’m awake.
That dream was new.
Instead of a memory, it was a future I’ll never get. I’ll never get to kiss my bride.
It’s been four weeks since I last saw her and it’s pretty clear that I’ll only be happy again if I’m asleep.
I still haven’t told anyone about her.
As far as Gavin knows, she was just a job we couldn’t crack. I also know if I tell my mother what happened, she would probably think less of me because she raised me better than to treat women as I treated Maizyn.
Unfortunately, the longer I sat in my thoughts, the more lost I felt.
When I met her, it was the first time in my entire life that I knew what emotions felt like. Happiness felt a lot better than feeling nothing. I felt warm and giddy around her.
Can you believe that… my black icy soul felt warm.
It no longer felt like I was living in shades of grey.
She gave my life color and meaning.
Those small glimpses of happiness she blessed me with will continue to haunt me because I was fucking stupid and took it for granted.
I thought I would have more of it– more time, more her.
I didn’t think I’d lose my yellow….I didn’t think I’d lose her.
I didn’t know what I thought I’d accomplish by brushing her off and letting her leave. But I do know one thing, if I could go back and rewrite our story, I already know what I’d change.
I wouldn’t have let her walk out the door that day. I’d have told her the truth. I would explain the reason for the tracker, and I’d spend every free second of my time soaking up the love she tried to give me.
Now that I’m without her, I wish I was lucky enough to feel numb. Being numb would be a fucking blessing right now. I thought this fight would blow over and she would be back later that day.
I couldn’t do this shit anymore.
I needed to tell someone before I drove myself crazy.
So I do the only logical thing I can think of.
I caved and called my mother.
Even though I didn’t want her judgement, she’d know what to do next. She’s the most level-headed person I know.
“Hey MaMa, I need some advice…”
“What happened, hun? Why do you sound sad, is everything okay?”
I spent the next thirty minutes going over the details. I tell her everything.
From how Maizyn and I met– everything in between– up to how I let her leave that day. My voice cracked as I explained the voicemail I received. My words scrape my throat on the way up as I tell my mother I couldn’t find her anywhere.
“Aw, sweetheart! I’m so sorry. I imagine you’re so heartbroken right now.”
Heartbreak is a funny thing… It’s strong enough to be a physical feeling. It felt like I was shot in the heart.
A bitter chuckle slips out. “Yeah, mom. Imagine finding out you have a heart the moment you feel it shatter into a million pieces. I don’t know if I can stay here much longer, everything reminds me of her.”
“You could always come stay with me, son. I still have your room made up just the way you left it. Have you talked to Gavin about it yet?”
“While I appreciate the offer, I’m going to decline. I have to do this on my own. I’m too old to run home to mommy just because I’m hurting. Also, no. You’re currently the only person who knows.”
“You know you have to tell him, sweetheart. If you’re going to leave town, you at least have to tell him why.”
“You’re right, mom, I’ll talk to him. I’ll let you go so I can have him swing by.”
“Okay sweetie, you know my offer still stands, if you need it.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I end the call, then text Gavin.
Atlas
Hey man, if you have time, can you swing by?
I got some shit I need to talk to you about.
Gavin
Yeah. I can be there in half an hour.
The minutes seem to tick by slowly as I try to figure out how to tell Gavin I lied about Maizyn. I also have to figure out how to tell him I need to leave.
I’ve never lied to him before, I never had a reason to. We don’t tell each other about the women that we see unless we think it’s serious.
Gavin, on one hand, has never been a serious relationship guy. He jumps from one girl to the next without remembering their names. I, on the other hand, wasn’t much better. I avoided most women. It wasn’t worth the hassle when my hand could get the job done perfectly fine.
Well, until her.
The only problem is, the fact that I didn’t know how serious it was with her until she was gone. I ultimately had to lose her, to know the difference.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. Knowing it’s Gavin I go to let him in.
I don’t say anything when I open the door, just gesture for him to follow me. While he knows this is an odd behavior for me, he doesn’t say anything. He follows me into the living room and plops down on the couch. Instead of joining him I remain standing, locked in thought.
“Atlas man, what’s up? Why did you ask me to come here?”
“Look I…fuck.” I start off, pacing the length of the room before handing him my phone.
“Just listen to the last voicemail on my phone. We can start from there.”
He takes the phone from me and listens to the voicemail. I know he heard the wreck when his eyes flick to me and he grips my phone tighter.
“Atlas what the fuck did I just hear? Who the fuck was that, and why is it on your phone?”
“That was Maizyn Lewis. She…she meant a lot to me and I fucked it all up. That night we had a fight. In short, I told her I didn’t need her in my life, so she left and went to that bar.
It’s not the first argument we’ve had. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard that voicemail.
It’s some random number, so I didn’t answer it that night. ”
I pause for a second. Trying to formulate the right words as my composure cracks a little further with each passing second.
I take a deep breath before continuing, “I figured whatever it was, I could deal with it in the morning. If I would’ve answered, maybe she wouldn’t be missing right now.
I… I told her I didn’t need her and it’s like she fucking disappeared.
She could be dead and I wouldn’t fucking know! ”
“Man, just sit down and we can figure it out.”
I sigh but plop down next to him.
“It sounds like this is important to you. Why didn’t you ever tell me about her? How long were you two seeing each other?”
“I met her like six or seven months ago, at Elixirs actually. You left the bar with some chick right before she came over to me. I planned to tell you, if it became something real. I didn’t understand how important she was until it was too late.
At that point, I didn’t realize she was the one for me.
I completely ruined it, and I was embarrassed to tell you, or anyone for that matter. ”
“What else are you not telling me Atlas? I know that look.”
“I can’t stay here Gavin. This house, this city, it all reminds me of her. Until I figure out what happened, I can’t be here.”
“If you’re leaving, I’m coming with you man. We can find a little office space and relocate Torres Security for the time being or let Ramos run shit here while we’re gone. We can start looking for places now.”
“I didn’t ask you to drop everything and move your life around for me.”
“You didn’t have to. So, where’re we going?”
“I haven’t figured that part out yet.”
We spend the next hour scouting out possible office locations, when I come across one that captures my interest.
“I found one in the next state over, about three hours from here. Close enough to the main office that we can get here if anything goes wrong. I sent you the listing. Can you get it taken care of while I search for housing options close to it?”
“Okay. I’ll look at it. Also, don’t worry about looking for a house. I’ll reach out to a realtor to see if the company has any houses in the area. That way we only have to deal with one company for both properties.”
“Yeah, that’s smart.”
A few minutes go by before Gavin says,“I emailed the realtor now and sent an offer worth more than the listing price. I’ll let you know when it goes through. Do you need anything else taken care of on my end?”
“You’re good to go. Can you let Ramos know the plans? And uh, thanks. You don’t have to come with me. Just because I can’t stay doesn’t mean you have to leave too.”
“Yeah, I got you. I’ll text you later with all the details, plus I’m sure Ramos will be happy with the promotion.” He chuckles softly.
As he walks out the door, he throws over his shoulder, “You’re my brother. Of course I’m going with you. Who else will keep your ass out of trouble?”
I just laugh as he slams the door behind him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.