Chapter 7
Emily
I questioned my sanity a little more each day.
If I wasn’t working or at the book shop, then I magically appeared wherever he was.
I never thought about it anymore; it was subconscious at this point.
Thoughts of him invaded my every waking moment.
If i didn’t have eyes on him, then he was on my mind.
It felt more like compulsion than a choice.
My feet always carried me to him without even trying.
It felt as if my soul was tethered to his, and the rope attached between us would pull me towards him against my will.
I’m not saying I didn’t want to watch him and learn everything there was to learn, just I no longer had the choice to stop even if I wanted to.
My obsession with this man was starting to control my life and I did absolutely nothing to attempt to stop it.
This obsession with him has become a living, breathing thing, and I fucking bowed to it like it was my master. What does that say about me?
What does it mean for me to be this obsessed with a man I only met once?
Simply for the fact it felt like he looked at me and really saw me, instead of looking through me like everyone else always does.
Am I really that broken? I know this isn’t healthy but, this is the least fractured my mind has felt in years.
Maybe it’s the opposite though. Maybe I am too far gone.
If the voice that’s always screaming at me to be heard finally took over, then I truly am losing it.
I’ve spent years trying to keep it locked away.
I pushed it down over and over again because I was told she wanted too much.
Every time she has ever been allowed to lead, we’ve ended up broken.
Every time someone said we were too much, we fractured a little more.
I’m so tired of being invisible, of making myself smaller to be accepted. Maybe a psychotic break is what I need to pick up all the scattered pieces and stitch them back together. What if that voice was right all along?
The further my obsession pulls me, the harder it becomes to ditch Trevor.
It doesn’t matter how many times I brush him off, he keeps showing back up.
He’s persistent, sure and yes, I know I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, but he’s not Atlas.
Trevor is nice and cares a lot about me.
He says he loves me, but he doesn’t make me feel anything close to what I’ve felt in the few seconds I had with Atlas.
Trevor also refuses to talk about my missing memories.
He says it’s for my safety and he’s just doing what he thinks is best for me, but I know he’s keeping secrets.
I wish he’d take the hint and just leave me alone.
The more time I spend sneaking off to be with Atlas, the more Trevor seems to show up and push boundaries I’ve tried to put in place.
He never fucking listens. He keeps brushing everything I say aside like nothing I say matters.
He makes me feel like I don’t matter. Every time I ask about the events that led me to being in the hospital, or why I can’t remember things, it gets worse.
He’s resorted to ignoring me completely when I bring it up.
He’ll ignore me like I’m a ghost, or like I don’t exist until it benefits him.
Take today for example. I wanted to do some more research on Gavin because of his connection to Atlas, and I needed to stock up on groceries and other things for my apartment.
I can’t really do research with Trevor there, and as far as the store goes he refused to let me go by myself.
He showed up randomly this morning and pushed past me when I opened the door, like he belonged here. In a way, I guess he did.
His name was on the lease, but I didn’t want to be near him.
I told him I was leaving to head to the store, hoping he’d take the hint and leave, but instead, he insisted he needed a few items as well and would drive me there.
As infuriating as it is, there isn’t much I’m able to do about it.
I’m pretty sure he got the hint but chose to ignore it.
He doesn’t seem to care much about what I want, so I’m not surprised.
I no longer like being stuck in a car with him.
It feels like there are too many secrets between us.
I just hope that whatever he’s keeping from me is small in comparison to what I’m actively trying to keep hidden from him.
It’s pretty hard to have a secret bigger than stalking a man while you have a boyfriend, or whatever Trevor is to me at this point.
Our entire ride to the store is masked in silence.
It’s awkward and heavy, but neither of us attempts to break it.
Turning my head towards the window, I watch as the buildings pass by.
It would be peaceful if I wasn’t trapped in this car with him.
The ride is uneventful until his hand suddenly lands on my knee. My body flinches involuntarily. I hope he didn’t notice my reaction because the last thing I want to do, is try to explain myself to him.
I tell myself it’s because I wasn’t expecting the touch, but in truth lately, his touch has been making me feel sick to my stomach. It feels wrong and makes me want to crawl out of my own skin.
Any attention from Trevor feels like a betrayal to the man I only met once.
There’s also a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that my body knows something my mind no longer does.
I don’t push his hand away, the last thing I need is for him to question my reaction and focus more of his unwanted attention on me.
As soon as the truck is in park, I open the door and head in the store.
I didn’t want him near me so if he refused to respect that, I wasn’t going to make it easy for him.
I grab a shopping cart, rushing to the back of the store.
I wanted time to myself before I had to deal with his annoying presence again.
I go through each aisle, grabbing anything that looks interesting.
I should really start planning meals. I always end up with mismatched ingredients that don’t go together to make a meal and I always wait until my fridge is completely empty before I go to the store to restock.
I’m pretty sure my meals yesterday consisted of pepperoni and trail mix. Not very filling or healthy, sadly.
As I reach for a bag of chips, something in my peripheral stops me in my tracks.
Maybe the better word would be someone. I catch sight of a tall man with familiar black hair.
I abandon the chips on the shelf, letting my feet carry me towards the same pull I can never resist. I walk past a few aisles with no sight of him.
Did I imagine him being here? The heat rushing beneath my skin tells me there’s no way this was my imagination.
I almost give up looking when I finally spot him.
He was dressed in simply black jeans and a white t-shirt.
He looked very different dressed like this compared to the dress clothes he was in when we first met, or the clothes he usually wears to work.
He almost looked hotter this way. The dress clothes look amazing, don’t get me wrong, but seeing him in jeans just hits different.
He looks more relaxed dressed this way. Don’t even get me started on the way his arms look when I finally see the tattoos that cover them.
His entire right arm is covered. I can’t tell what each one is from this far away, but it’s captivating.
Something about the way each design swirls together to create a cohesive sleeve makes me want to trace each one.
Black ink peaks under the sleeve of his left arm, hinting at more artwork.
I wonder how many tattoos he has. I’d give anything to see all of it.
This man is mouth-watering, and unfortunately, my mouth isn’t the only set of lips he makes drool.
This man has too much control over my body without even knowing it.
It’s really not fair that this stranger has such a strong hold over me.
I lose all control over my own body anytime that he’s around, and he doesn’t even know it.
We’re strangers, yet I’m drawn to him like it’s fate.
I peek around the corner of the soda aisle so I can continue to watch Atlas as he walks to the checkout line.
“What the hell are you doing, Emily?”
I jump from his voice, spinning around to face Trevor. Fuck! I completely forgot he was here with me. I have to start being aware of my surroundings. It’s becoming pretty clear I make a shit stalker, but it’s like every time I’m around Atlas my brain malfunctions.
“Nothing, let’s just go.”
His eyes flick towards the direction I was looking, but he doesn’t say anything before grabbing my arm and pulling me into the opposite direction. I really hope he didn’t see too much. I’m not sure how he’d react to finding out about Atlas.
Atlas
The feeling of being watched continuously follows me around.
It’s not all the time, but it’s often enough to be concerning.
I have no idea who’d be keeping tabs on me.
I check with Gavin, and as far as he knows, we haven’t accidentally made any enemies, so that eliminates that option.
It’s starting to get to me. I don’t like not having control over the situation.
There were too many unanswered questions and unknown variables.
I’m at the grocery store when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up again. My skin warms, and I already know whoever it is has to be the same person who’s been watching me. My body reacts the same way every time.
While I don’t like the idea of being watched, I can’t help but be intrigued by the way my body reacts to it.
It’s different. I glance around while trying not to be obvious about it.
I don’t want to tip off whoever it is. I don’t want them knowing I’m on to them.
If I’m going to catch them, I don’t want them to see me coming.
I feel the eyes follow me as I make my way to the checkout area.
I really want to know the motive. They haven’t seemed to try anything to harm me, but that doesn’t mean they won’t try to eventually.
I couldn’t think of any men I’ve interacted with lately that would have a reason to stalk me.
I needed to talk to Gavin about this. I needed to figure this out before this person decided to escalate the situation.
I didn’t need them catching me by surprise.
As I begin scanning my items, I hear a commotion behind me.
I can’t make out the words, but from where I’m standing, I hear what sounds like a man’s angry voice growling something with venom.
I snap my head in the direction it came from and catch a glimpse of a man about 6’ 2 with blonde hair, pulling a woman down the soda aisle in the opposite direction.
He’s average-looking. Nothing I see is worth noting until my eyes land on the woman he’s pulling behind him.
I can’t see her face from this angle, but my heart skips a beat in my chest. The hair and height immediately make me think it’s Maizyn.
I look away and shake my head, clearing my vision.
I know it’s not possible for her to be here, but I see her everywhere lately.
I turn back to confirm what I saw but they’re gone.
I think I’m slowly losing my mind. I look for her everywhere I go.
I need to get to the bottom of this stalker and learn how to move on.
I rush through bagging my items and cashing out.
I can’t wait anymore. I need to take action now if I ever want to move past this.
Maizyn Is gone, I know that. I just need to stop my stalker and get over it.
I text Gavin as soon as I finish paying.
Atlas
I got another favor to ask. You got time to discuss it?
Gavin
You know I’ll always have your back. How can I help?
Atlas
Can you open a secure text thread?
Gavin
Yeah, give me one second.
Gavin
Okay. The line is secure. What’s going on, Atlas?
Atlas
This may sound crazy, but I think someone
is stalking me. I keep feeling like I’m being
watched, but I can never figure out who it is.
Gavin
I guess that explains your weird question about
enemies the other day. When did you first notice it?
Atlas
It started right after I ran into Emily and had you
look her up. So I’m starting to think whoever he is,
he’s connected to her.
Gavin
That’s possible, I’ll look into it.
Atlas
Thanks. Just let me know whatever you find out.
Gavin
Of course, man. Just be careful.
Atlas
I will be.
I really hope he finds something. The last thing I need is to be caught off guard by whoever has been following me around. I need to know what they want, so I can plan accordingly. It’s bad enough I lost Maizyn. Now I have a stalker to deal with. Will I ever catch a break?