Chapter 9
Emily
Even though Atlas is aware I do a little light stalking every now and then, it’s still pretty fun to keep up the ruse.
It’s become a game of sorts. He knows I’m probably following him and I try not to get caught.
I’ve only been caught a few times so if you ask me, I’m winning.
I know his schedule well enough, I can beat him to a location and hide before he even shows up. That’s my plan today.
It’s Tuesday, which means he should be heading to the book store this morning like he’s been doing every Tuesday lately.
Instead of walking to his office and following him all the way to Pages I decide on heading straight there.
No point in wasting time if I don’t have to.
Plus the only way to get inside the bookstore without being seen is to get there first. I’m pretty sure he sticks to his schedule because he wants me to stalk him.
I still can’t wrap my head around his reaction to finding me.
He called me Darling Chaos like I belonged to him.
The crazy thing is, for those few minutes with his fingers wrapped around my throat, it felt like I did.
Something about that entire moment felt like déjà vu.
Without having any memories of the last year, I don’t even know if there’s a reason for it.
Why did I smirk even though he could’ve easily snapped my neck?
Even with him angry and me pinned to the bricks, I felt safe.
My body’s entire reaction to him was a contradiction.
Being scared never crossed my mind, excited I was finally caught, turned on from being pinned to the wall, yes, but not afraid.
I should’ve been at least worried for my own wellbeing, but I didn’t care.
All I could focus on, was the way this man looked at me, and that fucking nickname.
The way it sounded when it rolled off his tongue.
The words dripped with venom and love at the same time.
My thighs clenched, and my heart raced at the simple phrase.
It still echoes in my mind. I can’t stop the endless loop from playing in my head.
I felt my sanity slip a little more each day.
Who was this man? And why did he feel like home?
Once again my thoughts keep me occupied until I reach my destination.
I really hope I never make any enemies, I’d be too busy talking to myself to even notice someone before they killed me.
It’s like I completely black out. I can’t tell you how I got here, just that my feet know where to go even when my mind checks out.
Entering Pages, I rush to my beanbag in the corner, knowing I don’t have much time before he arrived, and I wanted to enjoy the moment.
I sink into the seat and it engulfs me like a warm hug.
The scent hits me immediately. That scent that belongs to my obsession and feels like home.
All the questions about the events I can’t remember swirl in my mind.
But all I have to do is close my eyes, and let this space shut the world out.
His scent grounds me, the only sound I hear is the turning of book pages.
All the unanswered questions don’t matter.
For just a few seconds, it’s peaceful. I take one last soothing breath before opening my eyes again.
Unfortunately, I have a target to hide from and stalk so, I can’t sit here much longer or he’ll definitely find me this time.
I slip behind the book shelves as I hear the door chime open. Perfect timing.
My eyes follow him as he makes his way inside.
He does exactly what I expect him to do and plops down in the chair I just vacated.
His lips twitch just a little, like he’s fighting a smirk.
He must sense me watching him. He always seems to know when I’m around, even if he doesn’t always know exactly where I’m at.
I would love to know what gives it away every time.
I pretend to browse the shelves for a book.
You know, trying to act like a normal person.
I wouldn’t want to draw too much attention to myself.
A good stalker is supposed to be invisible right?
Unmemorable? I see movement in my peripheral vision so I glance back in his direction but don’t see him.
How did he somehow manage to vanish in the short time I had my head turned?
I felt him before I saw him. His breath on the back of my neck was the first thing I noticed. I froze. The closest he’s ever been to me was the first time he caught me, before we started this game we were playing. This was different.
I felt the heat of his body through my clothes before he even touched me.
He stepped closer, pinning my body between him and the shelf in front of me.
One of his hands lands on the bookshelf next to my head.
I can see he’s holding himself back based on the way his knuckles whiten from his grip on the shelf.
What’s he stopping himself from doing, and what would it take to make him snap?
I’m not sure if it’s the smartest idea, but I want to watch this man unravel, and I want to be the reason for it.
My heart was beating out of my chest. I think he’s close enough to hear how fast it was beating for him.
His lips brush against my pulse point before he lets out a soft chuckle.
Chills race down my neck and all the way down to my toes.
My entire body breaks out in goosebumps.
Fuck, he knows my body has a reaction to him.
He can freaking see it. If only he knew how far my reaction really goes.
He owns my body without even trying. His proximity alone has my knees weak, and my panties soaked.
It’s not fucking fair. His lips move closer to my ear.
“Who are you looking for, Chaos?”
The man was good, but he was as cocky as he was charming. It was infuriating. I both loved it, and it pissed me off.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I wasn’t going to give in that easily. This was a game after all. I’m not going to just let him win.
“So you’re not here for me?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m here to buy a book. This is a book store after all,” His free hand grips my hip at my response. My skin feels like it’s on fire, his touch burning. His grip on my hip tightens as he pulls me tighter against him.
“Ahh, I see my Darling Chaos is feisty today. Good to know,”
My brain malfunctions. He said his Darling Chaos like I was his to claim.
If he wasn’t holding me against him right now, I would be in a puddle at his feet.
There’s no way he meant to call me his. He didn’t even know me, no matter how badly I wished he did.
At my lack of response, he swings me around to face him, but I refuse to make eye contact.
The last thing I need is for him to be able to see everything I was thinking written across my face.
I don’t even know why he’s entertaining this.
Am I just a joke to him? Not even in my dreams will I ever be enough for a man like him.
He lets go of me and takes a step back. I expect him to leave, but I’m starting to learn he may never react in the way I expect him to.
Instead of leaving me standing there, he asks me a question. “What’s your obsession with books? It seems too calm for you. You’re always getting into trouble or doing something crazy. So why? What’s it about books that piques your interest?”
No one has ever asked me that, so it catches me off guard when he does. I take a book from the shelf, taking a seat at a nearby table. I need armor for this conversation. I open the book and hide my face as I bare my soul to the only person who ever asked me to.
“Books don’t judge me. It’s okay to be invisible or to not be important enough to matter to anyone else, because books will always be there.
It’s okay to not be loved in the real world when I can escape to thousands of beautifully brutal love stories.
Books quite the chaos. They’re the only safe place to feel every emotion they inflict.
So why not books? The books see me and let me be unapologetically myself. Why would I want to be anywhere else?”
I didn’t glance up at him. I didn’t want to see the judgement in his eyes, so I kept my face buried in the book. His silence made it pretty clear he was shocked by my response.
“Well, if you’re going to stalk me, very badly might I add, the least you could do is let me take you out on a date.”
Did I just hear him correctly? I peek over the top of the book looking to see if he’s joking, but he looks serious. I play it off like my heart isn’t beating out of my chest at the possibility that he may be interested in me the same way.
“Not interested.” I didn’t fucking want his pitty, and I didn’t need it either. I can survive without it. I’ll be better off if we don’t pretend that this could ever be more than what it currently is.
“Hmm. So you’re not interested enough to go on a date with me, yet you’ve been stalking me for weeks?”
“What’s your point, Atlas?”
“Ah, someone has done a little research, because I don’t remember ever telling you my name.”
I duck back behind the book, trying to hide my reaction to this frustrating man. “I would be a shitty stalker if I didn’t know your name, still doesn’t mean I’m interested.”
“It either means I intrigue you or you are plotting to kill me,” He uses his index finger to pull the book away from my face, waiting until I make eye contact before he asks, “Which is it?”
I shoot him a cheeky smile, “You figured it out, I’m secretly plotting your demise. Took you long enough.”
He simply raises an eyebrow at me, not even humoring me with a response to that.
“Fine, I’ll go on one date with you, but I’m not going to enjoy it,” I pull a pen from my bag, then grab his arm and scribble my phone number on the inside of his wrist. “Text me, I might even answer.” I don’t stay for a response.
Atlas
This woman was as frustrating as she was persistent.
I felt her eyes on me the moment I entered Pages.
I always do. No one else in this entire world makes me feel the way she does.
Now that I know she’s my stalker, she’s usually easy to spot.
I don’t always find her, but that’s only because I don’t try to.
I let her think she’s winning this game we’re playing.
I worry that if she thinks she’s losing, she’ll grow bored and move on.
I can’t let that happen. It took everything in me not to push her against the book shelves and kiss her.
She still reacts to me the same way she used to.
I thought the shelf was going to crack under my grip.
I didn’t want to push her too hard and scare her away before I even got her back.
I finally asked her about her book obsession and her answer floored me.
I didn’t think her answer would’ve been so meaningful.
My heart broke for her. The fact people in her life had made her feel that way makes my blood boil.
The fact I was one of those people makes me want to put my fist through a damn wall.
My guilt eats at me a little more as the weight of what I did, how I treated her, really sinks in. I know I fucked up, but I didn’t realize how badly until now. I don’t deserve her, but I’m too selfish not to try to get her back.
I asked her to go out on a date with me. I thought she’d jump at the offer, but I should’ve known better. She made me work for it. She stalks me but still doesn’t make it easy on me. She’s going to be a handful and a pain in my ass, but she’s worth everything she puts me through.
I want her back any way I can get her. Even if she never remembers me, I want her in my life. I’ll do everything I can to earn her love again, but I hope Maizyn comes back to me in the process. I know her real name is Emily, but she’ll always be Maizyn to me.
There’s a reason she told me that name, and I might not know what that reason was, but coming from her, I know it was a good one.
She wouldn’t do something like that for no reason.
Maybe one day, if she ever remembers, she might tell me why.
She’ll always be my Chaos, no matter what name she goes by.
I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.