Chapter 4
Monday morning, Olivia was in the back of the candle shop, making candles to replenish her stock for the Christmas season.
She almost started on the special order the church usually put in for Christmas Eve, but with the new pastor, she wasn't sure that the standing order Pastor Johnson had would hold.
She had liked the pastor well enough the day before, what little she'd heard of the sermon.
She had gotten up early so she could get some more work in before she went to church, and then ended up realizing that she had more to do than what she thought, and hurried to get as much done as she could.
She hadn't left enough time to get herself and the twins ready, and she had been sitting in the service for fifteen minutes before she realized she had come with her apron and not her coat.
At least she had shoes on. And the kids did too. One Sunday she had shown up with both of her children, but only one of them had shoes.
Still, she hadn't had a chance to talk to the pastor, since he had been surrounded by people once the service was over and she needed to get downstairs because she taught Sunday school and needed to be in her classroom.
She was sure she would be introduced to the pastor at some point, and hoped that she would have enough presence about her to ask about the candle order.
She didn't want to sound desperate, but she also needed to know if she needed to sell more candles some other way, or whether she could depend on the church to be business as usual.
"Mommy? Is it almost time for lunch?"
She looked down at Aiden. The kid seemed to always be hungry. Ethan, on the other hand, had to be coaxed to eat sometimes.
It showed in their physiques too, with Aiden being husky and with chubby baby cheeks, while Ethan was slightly slimmer and just looked a little less healthy to her.
Not that he was sick all the time—far from it—but as a mom, she worried a bit. She really couldn't afford for either one of them to get sick anyway. Or herself. An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure in that regard, so she tried to be careful.
"I just have about forty-five minutes more work to do. You two can get the crackers that are on the shelf behind you, and you can munch on them while you're playing with your trucks on the floor if you'd like."
He nodded eagerly, and then ran to the shelf to grab the crackers.
She didn't like to let her kids eat too many snacks, but sometimes when she was working, she didn't have a choice.
The bell rang, indicating someone had stepped into the shop. She was open, but didn't typically have too many customers this early in the morning, so she didn't hesitate to work in the back room.
She couldn't see the door from where she stood, so she just called, "Go ahead and look around. I'll be out in a minute!"
There were footsteps, and then a voice made her glance up.
"If it's okay, I actually came to talk to you. I'll just stand here?"
It took her a moment to recognize the new pastor. He looked a little different when he wasn't wearing a suit and tie. He had on jeans and a sweatshirt and looked very casual. More casual than Pastor Johnson ever did.
"Did Mrs. Tucker approve that outfit?"
She could've slapped a hand over her mouth after she said that. Maybe the new pastor didn't have a sense of humor.
But he laughed. "She does have a lot to say about what goes on in the church, and I'm guessing she has just as much to say about what goes on in the town. But I could be wrong."
"No, you're exactly right. She's a great lady, though. She watches my children on occasion, and is always first in line to cook a meal if we're under the weather. I love her, but I'm pretty sure she would shake her head at what you're wearing right now."
"I see. Well, maybe I'll have to talk with her and explain that my wardrobe might not be up to her standards."
"You can do so at your own peril," she said with an exaggerated shudder.
She really did love Mrs. Tucker to death, and didn't mean anything unkind. Mrs. Tucker would be the first to say that she liked to see people dress in what she called an old-fashioned way, where they were still fairly formal for today's society.
"She gave me a little bit of grief when she saw that I had worn jeans to church on Sunday, and I guess it's a good thing I realized I wore my apron and got it removed before she saw me, or I might've gotten in trouble for that too."
"I saw you in your apron. So now I have blackmail material I can hold over your head. I think I'll tuck that in my back pocket for when I might need it."
She looked up at him, her mouth open, and then realized he was joking. But it was still a little shocking, since he was a pastor. She wasn't used to a pastor having a sense of humor.
"All right, I'll remember that and watch my p's and q's around you."
She straightened out the wick, and then said, "Is it okay if I continue to work while we talk?"
"Sure. I didn't want to interrupt you. But I saw you come into church... Although I didn't know it was you until you mentioned wearing your apron. Then I put the two together."
"I guess I made quite a first impression," she said, laughing to herself a bit. Of course he remembered the person who came in late wearing a work apron.
"Twins, right?" He nodded at the boys playing on the floor in the corner. They were used to people coming in and out of the shop, and Aiden especially could be quite friendly. But other times they didn't even notice where there were people around.
"Yes. They're four."
"Does your husband work in the shop too?"
She blinked, looking at her hands holding the wick without really seeing it.
She took a breath and looked up. "My husband was a marine who was killed in a training accident before he even knew I was pregnant with the twins."
"I see. I'm sorry for your loss."
"Yeah. I am too. Sometimes I wonder what in the world God is thinking. Actually, sometimes I have a hard time forgiving the Lord for allowing that to happen to me. You know? He's supposed to be good. Leaving two little boys to grow up without their father doesn't seem to be very good to me."
She had lowered her voice so her boys wouldn't hear her talking like that. She didn't want them to be mad at God. She didn't want them to blame Him either, although... who else was there to blame? If God really was all powerful, then he could've kept Cam from dying. And he didn't.
There was no other way to look at that other than that was not good.
"I've found that sometimes the things I think are the worst things that could possibly happen to me turn out to be some of the best. Not to belittle or make insignificant your loss. Just more of a defense of God, I guess."
"Yeah. You can defend God if you want to. I suppose He deserves it, but I guess there's just no way you can look me straight in the eye and tell me that those boys should not have a dad."
"Of course I wouldn't say that. But there are instances all through the Bible where bad things happen, and God worked good out of them.
I guess the first thing that comes to mind is David and Bathsheba.
That was a really, really bad thing. No one could say that adultery was good.
That murder is good. And yet, Bathsheba was the mother of Solomon, who was the wisest man who ever lived.
So God did work good out of it. It just wasn't the way we thought it should look, you know? "
She didn't say anything. She could definitely relate to Bathsheba, losing her husband in war no less. Although, Cam had not been deliberately killed. It had been an accident, no question. She looked down. He couldn't have chosen a better, more relatable story.
"So where do you think the good has happened?" she asked, working a little more slowly than she normally did, because she was thinking too. Had she missed an angle?
"I don't know. Your story isn’t over yet, is it?"
"No, I suppose it's not. But isn't it best for a child to have both mother and father?"
"And maybe there will be a father in the picture at some point."
"Well, he's gonna have to come here and court me here, because I don't have time to go running around trying to find someone."
"Maybe you'll find someone at church."
"Hardly. There really aren't any eligible men under sixty. And... I'm not robbing the nursing home just to give my kids a dad."