Chapter 6 #2
"It's a good thing too. Lilly was sick for a while over the summer, and I'm still paying on the hospital bill. Thankfully, they've allowed me to set up a payment plan, or... the creditors would be after me right now."
"Oh, that's too bad. She looks perfectly healthy."
"She is now. It wasn't anything to do with her muteness. It was just a summer fever that turned into strep throat, and her throat hurt so bad she wasn't drinking anything, so then she was dehydrated on top of it and... they just needed to keep her for a bit."
"And she couldn't tell you, or wouldn't tell you, that there were any issues?"
"No." He sighed again, tidying up the area where they had been rolling out the candy.
"The last school counselor didn't seem to be super interested in her. I'm really hoping that... something changes."
"Well, I'm definitely interested in her, so there's a change."
"Obviously, since you're here after school. You don't have to visit your students outside of the classroom."
"I might not have to, but sometimes that's what a good professional does."
She knew there were teachers who just taught because they got the summers and holidays off.
She'd heard them talk about it in college when they were taking the classes.
And a person only had to glance at them to know that they felt like their job was confined to the school and the classroom.
Some of them didn't even take work home to correct, but only did what they could while in school.
"It's rare to find someone who's so dedicated to their job."
"I don't know if it's dedication to my job, as much as I just care about people, and kids in particular. Lilly is so sweet, and it's so heartbreaking that she lost her mom so early."
"Yeah. I've felt bad for her, having to put up with me as both mom and dad. I don't feel like I do a very good job of either one."
Jack didn't sound like he was fishing for compliments, and he wasn't that kind of person anyway. He was just stating what he felt were obvious facts.
"I don't think any one person would do a good job of being both mom and dad.
That's why God gave kids both. Because women are specifically created to be good at the jobs that a mom needs to do, and men are specifically created to be good at dad jobs.
And God meant for men and women to pair up and to raise children together. "
"I wonder why I ended up raising mine by myself then, you know?" He lifted his shoulder. "If God was so set on moms and dads and about a kid needing a mom and dad, why did my wife die?"
That was a good question, and she didn't blame him for struggling with it.
"I wish I could answer that. I don't have a good answer, other than I don't understand God or His ways, and I'm not supposed to. Isn't that where faith comes in? We just trust when we don't know the answer. And that's how we live by faith."
He huffed out a breath, a short laugh, maybe.
"Yeah. That's kind of the conclusion I came to too.
God didn't want man to fall into sin, but now that we live in a sinful world, things aren't perfect.
Nor should we expect them to be, and it's our own fault.
Beyond that, I just have to trust and have faith that God will work things out.
That's what the Bible means when we walk by faith and not by sight.
I want to see, though. I want to see the why, the purpose behind everything, so then I can know for sure that this is what I'm supposed to do. "
"And then it wouldn't be faith, would it?
" Kate said, thinking about what he had said and agreeing with him.
When the way wasn't clear ahead, or the reasons why weren't given to them, it was just a matter of having faith.
And it seemed so simple, so easy, but it's where a lot of people stumbled.
Because they couldn't just trust God and His inherent goodness.
They saw something bad happening and their faith wasn't strong enough for them to keep walking anyway. So they quit and turned away.
"Life isn't all bad," Jack seemed to be shifting the topic, and Kate appreciated it. While their former line of conversation wasn't exactly depressing, it could be, if she thought about all the people in her life that were no longer living for the Lord.
"It's not. It's mostly good," Kate said, nodding emphatically as though that would make it so.
"I think a lot of it is how we think about it. After all, a situation that looks bad in my eyes could be good to someone else. It's about how we frame it."
"That goes along with the Bible verse that says to focus on things that are right and true and good."
"It kind of does, because there's always some kind of good in a situation, but it's up to us to choose to look at it that way."
"I read a Christian writer at one point, and I remember him saying that when we're saved, God does the sanctification, but our part is the thousands or tens of thousands of small moral choices we make every day."
Jack nodded, setting the bowl in the sink and turning the faucet on to wash his hands. "I think that's true. And those choices begin with the decision of how we're going to allow ourselves to think."
"What you think is what you are," she said a little lightly, because for some reason with Jack, their conversation had gotten serious right away, and she hadn’t intended for that to happen.
Although, she didn't mind. In fact, she enjoyed finding someone with whom she could share ideas and thoughts and things that she hadn't quite figured out on her own.
"You've got quite a lot of ideas for a candy maker, not that candy makers can't be deep thinkers," she said, afraid she might have upset him.
He laughed instead. "I probably have a lot of things going on in my head that candy makers don't normally."
"Like?" she prompted. She wasn't sure why she was so curious, but she didn't stop to examine it.
He shrugged his shoulder. "A lot of the things that I want are things I can't have, and I'm better off if I don't focus on them."
"I see," she said, more curious than ever. His answer didn't answer anything.
The bell jingled above the door as a cool rush of air floated in, along with a ruggedly handsome man with a thick beard and shining eyes that could possibly contain humor, although they looked somber and serious tonight.
From his uniform, Kate assumed he was the sheriff.
"Everything looking good tonight, Jack?" the man said, his voice businesslike but also concerned. If Kate had to guess, she would say that Jack and the man were friends.
"Looking good, Ben. Appreciate you stopping in."
A shadow of a smile crossed Ben's face. "It's my job." He nodded to Kate and said, "Ma'am."
That was it, and then he turned and walked out the door.
"He's a good sheriff. I never saw hide nor hair of the last guy, but Ben stops in every single night, unless he's out on a call somewhere, and even then, I've seen him walking the streets long after his shift should have been over."
"Quite admirable. Someone who's dedicated to their job."
"Not unlike you." Jack's voice might have held admiration, or perhaps a compliment.
"I don't know that I'm doing a job, so much as I truly feel drawn to Lilly. I can relate to her."
"You've been mute before?" Jack asked, as he finished drying his hands and hung the towel back on the rack.
"No. Of course not."
"I don't know that I would say 'of course.' If Lilly grows out of this, there'll be a lot of people in her life that didn't know that she had several years of never saying anything."
"I suppose you're probably right. But no.
She just... there's a lot of potential in her, and.
.." Kate took a breath. How much of her family history did she want to get into?
She wasn't sure if she wanted to get into any of it, honestly, although there was something about Jack that made her want to share.
"I never lost my mother. She's still alive. But I guess I just felt alone a lot of times, because she wasn't very affectionate. And while she was interested and a good mother, for the most part, she just didn't have any emotional connection to me."
"I see. That must have been hard, especially because anyone who looked at you might have thought, 'Oh, she's got a great home life, she's lucky.'"
"Exactly. How could I complain? I couldn't. So I just kind of kept it to myself. But it hurt."
"That makes sense to me. I know that everyone's trial is hard for them, even if someone else might look at it and think, 'Oh, that I could handle that easily.' Probably that's why God didn't give you that trial."
She laughed. "Right? He already knows what we can handle easily, and He gives us something else, because we're not supposed to just have a life of ease and happiness. We're supposed to be growing and becoming more like Jesus. And how else are we going to do that if we don't go through hard things?"
"Yeah. I would agree with that wholeheartedly. Even though the hard things are usually not fun. And sometimes it seems like they're never-ending."
She wondered what felt like it was never-ending to him. The grief from losing his wife? She wanted to ask about her, if they had been high school sweethearts, and if she was his soulmate, and he would never get married again.
But why did she care? She shouldn't. Not about that.
So she kept her mouth shut and didn't say anything.
Not about that. Maybe someday they'd be close enough friends that she could ask.
"I better get upstairs to Lilly. She can take a bath by herself, but I still put her to bed. I know someday she'll not want me to anymore, and I try to always make time for that. Every night."
"I think that's really good. I wish all parents were that conscientious and tried to make time for their children."