CHAPTER 23
SASHA
I'd tried everything beside hiring some detective to find out where she lives so I could break down her door to make love to her. But I was thinking about it.
I didn't care, I'd void my contract, I'd give it all up as long as I didn't have to lose her. I just needed to tell her.
I can't do this right now.
That is what she said. Not that she didn't love me or she hated me. She just couldn't do it right now. A panic grew in my stomach to think that maybe there was much more going on than I thought. There was more to it than just privacy, the game.
The pain in her eyes at my mother's house cut me down to my knees. Literally on my knees trying to feel the scar that cut her open. Thinking she would look hobbled and bent, but no. She was fucking beautiful in her jeans and work boots and a long sleeve shirt that still had dust on it.
She was more important to me than a game. And I was pissed that I waited. I was starting to think I'd done everything wrong. Everything was completely fucked. Shouldn't I have fought for her? Why did I let her go so easily?
“Get your heads out of your asses, this is only game three! I want to see the fire in your eyes! Let's go boys!”
We were tied 2-2 but we were skating good. We just didn't have a spark. I could feel the season wear on us, wear on me. I was shoulder to shoulder with Luca, yup that Luca. Just waiting for the puck to drop.
“Is your wifey here?” he snickered.
But the term wifey did exactly what he wanted it to do to me, it shattered me, because it is what I wanted. It's what I wanted more than anything. Fuck dating, fuck being her boyfriend, I wanted all of her.
I lost my focus. Luca got the jump on me. They score a point.
Shit.
The walk to the locker room was a quiet one. We could feel it in us that something was off. Colton threw his gloves, Reeds went right to his phone probably texting his mom and Murph ate a mustard packet, trying anything to get him jazzed.
Then a silence grew over us, a dense fog of the realization that this was game three of the second round. If they won tonight, they would only need one more and we were out of the playoffs. Our long-fought season would be over, all that hard work for nothing.
I pulled at my hair and dug around for a stupid candy cane. They had become my superstition. I couldn't skate without a candy cane. But I was all out. My mind had been an absolute blur since I saw her.
So, I wrapped my stick, red and white stripes, just to burn my hands on the flame of her memory.
“I didn't want to have to bring this up Sarge but..” A voiced pulled me from my wrap. “Do you think Lucy would be happy with how you are playing right now?”
“Excuse me?” I went red.
How dare anyone bring her up right now. How dare they hold her over my head when they saw, they knew, how I ached for her.
“She left because she wanted you to succeed, not lose your edge. You're kind of shitting on her sacrifice right now.” Colton crossed his arms over his chest.
“You guys are really taking it out on me right now, huh? I don't think she ghosted me because she wanted me to play better. And fuck all of you for bringing her up right now.” I shook my head, unwilling to get read the riot act.
The entire locker room groaned.
“Oh, please.” Murph throws up his hands.
“She gave up your money and your status, your dick, just so she wouldn't be a burden on you and she doesn't text you back now that we are in the playoffs and you think it's because she doesn't love you?”
“She left because she didn't want her privacy invaded. Not because of me.” I threw my gloves in my cubby.
“Oh buddy, you better realize women can have more than one thought in their head at a time, I'm sure there were a million reasons. Didn't she scold you after the game when she found out she needed surgery and you were playing dirty?”
“Don't fuck up her sacrifice.” Jonesy mumbled
“Don't fuck up her sacrifice? Don't fuck up her sacrifice? I'm the one sacrificing! She was keeping her privacy and pushing me away! Fuck!” I kicked my helmet across the room.
I exploded. It was bad timing. I was being dramatic, I knew It. They knew it. I was just so tired of being without her I was going insane. We were all over stressed with the game. They picked at me and I picked at them. We were in a giant nest of frayed live wires.
All eyes were on me and I was about to take my shit out in the entire locker room. “This is so fucking stupid. I just need to talk to her! Just fucking talk to her!” I screamed.
“Then win.” Jonesy squeaked.
“What?” I huffed.
“The sooner we win, the sooner you can find her.”
It took me a moment to realize he was right. The kid was right. Enough of this waiting. If she didn't want to be with me, she was going to have to say it to my face.
“Yeah, we need to win. I miss my fucking wife.” Colton clapped his hands.
“Yeah.” A slow chant started in the locker room and I could feel the adrenaline mainline my veins. My chest heaved and I felt feet taller, looking down on the guys like I was a god.
“Get up! Everyone up!” I shouted. “We have come too far to go home empty handed. Lets get our asses up and win this damn series!” I shouted.
“Yeah!” Reeds stood.
“Hell yeah!” Colton jumped.
“Let's go boys! Let's go boys!” Murph found his spunk.
Our voices could be heard out on the ice from the locker room. Our feet rumbled the stadium. We raced out of the tunnel like mad men.
My jaw was tight with all the hype that flowed through me. I was about to fuck up anyone who got in my way. Shoulder to shoulder with Luca for the puck drop, I knew he was going to poke me again. That's just the player he was, dirty, like Lucy said.
“Call your wifey in the locker room and cry did you, eh?”
But his words had no effect on me. They steeled me to my skates. I couldn't help that surging feeling that made all the pain go away. All the blood sweat and tears fade. All I saw was the puck. Where it was going. Where I needed to be.
And in the excitement of stepping back on the ice, fire raging in our bellies Jonesy, the kid, scores a goal. We all go crazy. We're not out of this yet.
There were two minutes left of the second period and could feel Luca's eyes on me.
He was rough with Reeds and had eyes on the back of his head for me.
But I saw an opportunity that I couldn't pass up.
Luca was pressing Colt up against the boards when I slammed him.
I could hear the sounds of his moan echo off the ice. I didn't even feel it.
Luca was still, but had enough in him to look up with choice words.
I interrupt. “Keep my wife out of your mouth or I'll make sure to knock your teeth out next time.”
I didn't give him the opportunity to say anything else as I got ready for the face off. I was blistered with the heat that was raging from my body.
I needed this win to get back to her. I knew she loved me and the fact that she wasn't fighting for me or with me proved that I had to go get her. She was confused. She was afraid. Whatever the hell it was, I was going to make it very clear to her, we could work this out. We have to.
Colton won the puck and passed to Reeds, Jonesy was already by the net waiting, but getting interference from a defense man.
It all happened so fast it didn't even register.
As Reeds takes a slap shot at the net, the goalie deflects it into the pole.
The puck wobbles over into the neutral zone, right to my stick.
In the chaos of it all the net is wide open.
So, I take my shot.
It seemed as if it was slow motion. Colton gets knocked to the ice and almost lands on it, Reeds has to skip out of the way, and in a flash, I scored a goal. I put it in the net. I lit up the lamp.
The world goes silent. All I see are the faces of my line raging at me, smiling with shock and awe as I scored. I wanted to look up at the stands and see Lucy, but she wasn't there.
I wanted her so badly that over everything, a literal fucking vibration of the stadium, I thought I could hear her howl.
I felt my eyes mist and shook the sweat off my face. But then I heard it again.
I pick my head up quick and search the WAG section. But she wouldn't be there would she? But I could hear her, I swear I hear her.
“Is she here? I think I can hear her.” I scan the crowd frantically. The guys help me look.
And I fucking hear it again. That howl, that unmistakable call that had been haunting my dreams since I first heard it at Paulie's game.
For the life of me I howl. I'd never howled in my life. But I howled on the ice, scanning where the sound is coming from and I spot her.
Lucy. She came back.
Our eyes met. The buzzer for second period sounds and the guys start pulling me back to the locker room.
I wanted nothing more than to rip off my sweater and jump over the glass to her. I rubbed my chest, my heart feeling like it would burst. I point at her and she nods her head, this strained expression on her face.
She came back.
“Holy shit, Sarge! That was amazing.” Reeds pressed his head to mine.
“She's here, dude!” Murph had tears in his eyes.
“This is a fucking movie right now! Was she howling? She was howling for you!” Jonesy couldn't contain himself.
Colt shook his head in disbelief.
“I have to see her.” I tried to push out the door.
The guys held me back. “No man, finish the game, we have one period left.”
“Yeah, send out Bobby into the crowd and get her a pass to meet you in the tunnel after the game.”
I couldn't believe it was all happening. My emotions were wild and I couldn't get the stupid grin off of my face.
Third period felt like a minute and at the same time a day. Every time I was on the ice I was unstoppable, but when I was on the bench it was agony. Agony I couldn't touch her, taste her. For the first time in my life, I just wanted the game to end.
The buzzer went off and I ran to the locker room waiting for coach to talk to us, to release us.