CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
---------------------
Vesper
MY CLAWS WERE OUT.
I wanted to sink them into Ryder and pull him back. I wanted to scratch the she-devil walking beside him across the meadow to the dog’s barn. And yet all I could do was stand there. Like an idiot. With a damn bleeding heart and snarling stomach.
Rupert came up beside me and nudged my shoulder with his. “I figure you understand enough to know who Michelle is? She’s the one who lied and made Ry a laughingstock at school. I don’t like her.”
“I don’t like her, either.” My voice was venom inside my throat. “Bloody ex-girlfriend. What the hell is she doing here? Where did she come from?”
“Not just an ex.” Rupert lowered his voice. “ The ex. She lives in this town. Always has. But you have nothing to worry about. She never deserved him, and she will never be welcome here. Ever. Ryder will finally give her a piece of his mind and kick her out. Don’t you worry.”
I swallowed my raging pain, howling at how quickly today had gone from perfect to painful. “Don’t experts say that if you’re still pissed at an ex, it means there’s unsolved emotions? That if you can look them in the eye and feel nothing then you’re truly over them?” Angry tears balled in my throat. “Ryder looked at her with rage. Rage is an emotion. Hate is love with a little poison mixed in.”
Oh God, could he still have feelings for her?
I didn’t see a wedding ring on Michelle’s finger which meant she had a child and was most likely on the prowl for a baby daddy.
Rupert took a sip before passing me his beer. I clung to it even though I didn’t like the tangy stuff. “Don’t torture yourself, Ves. I’ve never seen my brother with anyone the way he is with you. You gotta know that he cares a lot for you.”
Cares but has never come out and said how much.
Neither had I.
Did that mean we were both uncertain about the longevity of what lived between us? Were we still on the lookout for something better without even knowing it?
Without thinking, I tipped the beer bottle to my lips and drank the entire thing. Gross cold stuff mingled with the buzz from the vodka mixes. The moment the bottle was empty, I threw it at Rupert and sprinted after Michelle and Ryder.
“Hey!” Rupert called, but I didn’t turn around.
I just kept running like a spy, dodging around the large oak tree, and ignoring the way my heart bled at the sight of a little boy walking in the middle of a woman I hated and a man I loved as if he belonged to both of them.
* * *
“And this is Corn and Chip. They’re Chiweenies.” Ryder scowled, unwilling to do any more than the bare necessities of introduction.
“Oh, they’re so cute!” Nate dropped to his knees and bear hugged the two tiny critters. Instead of running away, the dogs stayed put. One even tentatively licked the little boy’s face.
Ouch, that hurt.
It hurt because I’d earned a whine and terror from that little dog when trying to heal him. And now a complete stranger from a woman who had Ryder’s heart before I ever did, earned a lick.
It was a slap in the damn face.
Hiding around the barndoor, I spied on the trio.
For fifteen minutes, Ryder had leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and barked off names and breeds whenever Michelle pointed to one of interest. The dogs came ambling over from the garden, all wriggling and wagging.
Even the happy dogs didn’t mellow him.
His voice remained cold but Michelle put on the best freaking act of the century.
“Oh, Ryder,” she cooed. “You have so many. You always did like to fix things.”
He didn’t reply.
Scooping up a Yorkiepoo, she smiled. “Remember my mum had one of these? Remember that night it got into bed with us when we were—”
“Enough,” Ryder snarled. “Your kid is present.”
She waved Nate away who was still obsessed with the Chiweenies. “He’s too young to understand the birds and the bees.” Moving toward Ryder, Michelle murmured, “But we weren’t too young, were we? We understood.”
Ryder didn’t move but his body language turned colder and blacker the closer she got. “I’m not here to reminisce, Michelle. Your time is running out. I want to get back to—”
“Your hussy?”
“Fucking excuse me ?” Ryder’s voice slipped into a menacing growl. “Don’t you ever—”
“Oh come on , already. You were screwing her in the corridor. If you loved her, that’s not something you’d do. You’d treat her with kiddie gloves; just like you treated me. You protect those you love, not use them.”
“Stop it.”
“No, not until you admit it. You still think about me. Think about us. ” She had the audacity to reach out and touch his chest. “I do. I think about you often. How good we were together. How you took a part of me just like I took a part of you. I miss how gentle—”
Ryder grabbed her wrist, tearing her touch from his body. “You always did live in a delusional world. Don’t touch me. Don’t speak to me. You don’t know a thing about me. You never did. Time to leave.”
Michelle bounced on her high heels, swaying into him. In one awful horrifying moment, she kissed him.
She. Kissed. My. Man.
The bitch.
The cow.
The shock of what happened made time freeze.
He shoved her away and wiped his mouth. “Pick a dog and go.”
How could he even consider giving a dog to her?
“Only if you promise to come to check on us next weekend. We’ll pick up where we left off…for old times’ sake.”
Ryder prowled toward her, grabbed her shoulder, and whispered something violent in her ear.
I couldn’t hear.
I strained to hear.
But all I got were doggy whuffles and curious barks.
And then he let her go, storming from the barn in the opposite direction. I stood there in shock as Michelle gloated, rubbed her lips, and bent over her son. “You like those two, baby?”
“Yes, yes, yes! They’re the best. Can I have two not one? Please ?”
“They do look adorable together and the best things come in pairs.” She grinned. “Done. Let’s take them with us before that grumpy man changes his mind.”
Nate nodded, hastily scooping up Chip while Michelle grabbed Corn. My heart cried, but I didn’t move fast enough, and Michelle strode toward the door where I was hiding.
“Oh, it’s you.” She wrinkled her nose.
I didn’t reply, merely glared at the dogs in her and her son’s arms.
I really didn’t want her to have them.
How could Ryder do it?
A snarky gleam filled her gaze. “You know, he’ll never feel the same way about you as he does about me.” Nate dashed past, kissing the Chiweenie as it bounced in his arms. “I was his first, you see. He was mine. There’ll always be something special between us.”
Once the boy had flown away, Michelle crowded me against the door. “Do you know why I tracked Ryder down? Do you know why I ran the risk of upsetting him by showing up unannounced?”
My throat was dry.
I wanted to know. But I didn’t.
Just go away.
I wanted her to never have existed.
I wanted her gone so I could pretend this never happened. Hell, we all had a past. We all had baggage. I just didn’t want to be on a carousel that proudly displayed said baggage. It was meant to stay with the skeletons and bad decisions of days gone by.
“The silent type, huh?” Michelle smiled. “Well, seeing as you’re too polite to ask, I’ll tell you.” Her voice dropped to a secretive whisper. “The truth is, and I’m so sorry to say this because you obviously thought you stood a chance with him, but Nate…he’s Ryder’s.”
“What?” My mouth hung open. “That can’t be.”
“Oh?” She tossed her brown hair smugly. “Why not? He fucked me. Actually, that’s a lie. He made love to me. He loved me. He begged me to stay. If I’d been a little smarter when I was younger, there was no way you’d be shacking up with him as a convenient blow-up doll with a pulse.”
My hand itched to slap her horrible face. Like literally burned to connect. Hard.
“Anywho, thought you should know. I’m not going to give up because it’s about time he took some responsibility for his own offspring and not just stray dogs, don’t you think? He’s mine. Always has been, so I’d move along and find some other dick to claim.”
I stumbled.
This can’t be happening.
Ryder…he wouldn’t—
But what was wrong about him having a kid to another woman? His relationship with Michelle was before me. Before us. His past had every right to make a claim on him .
But did I have a right to ask for a future when he already had a readymade family wanting him back?
No, no, no.
I can’t deal with this.
I’d opened my heart and soul to him.
I’d willingly fallen, believing he’d be at the bottom waiting to catch me. Now I’d found out he’d not only fallen the wrong way but he would never be there to catch me because he’d have to play house with her and his son.
Michelle laughed softly. “I’m not going to stop until he’s mine again. I should never have left it so long, but I didn’t know where he’d gone. I had no idea he was close by. It wasn’t until an old high-school friend came into the salon the other day and told me about this awesome place and who ran it that I realised he’s been waiting for me all this time. Why else did he move back here? Especially after his parents left him such a legacy.” Her eyes gleamed. “He’s got money now and well….” She ran her tongue over her lips. “Nate needs his father to step up, so I suggest you stay out of my way.” Brushing past me, she headed up the meadow to her car.
I stood there, breathing erratic, thoughts colliding.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw Rupert and Polly on the deck to the side of the house. Polly waved, trying to get my attention. And Ryder appeared from the front door, his body facing me and not the mother of his child.
He held up his arms in a question. Probably wanting to know what I was doing out here and not spread-legged and waiting for him to slide back home after talking with this hoe-bag (and yes, the title was entirely apt).
What does he expect will happen now?
That I could share him? That I could be step-mum with custody dealings with Michelle freaking Homewrecker?
Hell no.
I just couldn’t do it.
I loved him.
I was in love with him.
I thought I could keep him all for myself—minus family gatherings and social engagements. I didn’t want to share. With anyone. Let alone an ex-lover.
It hurt so goddamn much.
I need…I need.
I need to think.
To hide.
To run.
Turning around, I bolted.