Chapter 30
Sanity rushed backto Cyra like a punch to the face. She was still the captain. Dez was still cargo.
She’d reacted on impulse to Bodi touching him. Cyra should have kept walking. She’d tried to deny her desire for him, but it kept sneaking out. And after what they’d done, their situation was completely confused. She’d claimed Dez and told him he was hers. He wasn’t going to let her take that back.
Fuck.
She had to get out of there. She swung her leg up and around as she pivoted on the bed. Once free of him and off the bed, she grabbed her discarded clothes. “I have to go.”
Dez didn’t say anything. His face impassive, but his gaze held disappointment and determination. Tension squeezed Cyra’s shoulders. He was a man still on a mission—one that wasn’t going according to plan. What was she going to do with him? No idea. She fastened the final clasp on her top and walked out the door without another word.
Since she couldn’t talk to him, she went in search of Veda for a reality check. Maybe the situation wasn’t as dire as she imagined. Maybe it was worse.
“I should have known to look for you here first.” Cyra told Veda when she found her in the makeshift greenhouse in the cargo bay.
Veda shifted her focus from her plants and smiled. “I seem to spend more time here than in the med lab. After Dez helped me set it up, the work really began. I had no idea that growing things from seed would be so challenging.”
At the sound of Dez’s name, as a series of images of them together flashed through Cyra’s mind. She mentally kicked herself for leaving when they were just getting started and again for ever starting at all.
“What’s wrong?” Veda pulled off her gloves and moved to Cyra. Veda took Cyra’s hands in hers and led her to the bench at the back of the room. “What happened?”
Cyra tried to tell her friend what she’d done but the words wouldn’t form.
“Just tell me from the beginning.”
“Bodi was in Dez’s quarters.” Left over rage sizzled up briefly.
“Were they together?” The shock in Veda’s voice made Cyra feel a little better about her own reaction—a tiny amount.
“No. Bodi was propositioning Dez. She wanted him to submit to her. Sexually.”
“What was Dez doing?” Veda asked. How could she be so calm?
“I don’t know. Nothing? I didn’t wait long enough to find out. I lost my shit and kicked her out of the room. Then I closed us in there and took advantage of him.” Cyra dropped her head in her hands and stared at the metal panels of the floor.
“You had sex with Dez?” Veda obviously didn’t believe her. And maybe she was kind of right.
“Not exactly, not intercourse.”
“Were you naked?” Her doctor voice had kicked in.
Cyra gulped and met Veda’s gaze. “Yes.”
“Was he naked?”
Another image flashed through Cyra’s mind. All those beautiful markings. His thick, veined cock glistening with desire. “Yes,” she answered breathlessly.
“Ok, so aside from wishing I owned that memory, I need you to explain. What exactly happened that has you so upset?”
Cyra dropped her head again unable to face her disastrous actions. “I took advantage of him. I told him he was mine and no one else could have him.”
Veda rested a hand on Cyra’s shoulder. “Does Dez think you took advantage of him?”
“I don’t know.” Cyra put aside her pride and shame and faced her dearest friend. The only person she trusted to help her. “After he, after we— Afterward, I told him we couldn’t do this, and I left. He looked sad.”
“Of course he’s sad.” She tilted her head and her gaze softened. “His body knows you’re his mate. He is convinced of the validity of this. You finally gave in and had a sexual encounter and then immediately rejected him again. He’s going to be sad.”
Veda’s words stabbed Cyra in the gut. “It sounds so bad when you say it that way.”
“I’m just explaining it from his perspective.” Veda barely lifted a single shoulder, a hint of a shrug, as if all of what she said was obvious.
“I can’t do this Veda.” Cyra stood up. She paced the short distance to the tables where palettes of growing medium held a smattering of tiny green shoots. “If I give into my lust or mating or whatever this is, I lose everything. Am I supposed to just toss my life away with no concern about your future or my future or the rest of the crew? Am I supposed to just park The Treasure at Cassan and let Varik have it? What would I do then? Live on a jungle planet, dependent on my in-laws making black and blue babies that look like bruises?”
“Just because you’re blue and he is charcoal doesn’t mean your babies would look like a bruise. You’re just being dramatic.” Veda laughed.
Cyra couldn’t pull back from full meltdown mode. “It wouldn’t matter what they look like. You know I would love them dearly. But don’t you see, that isn’t my future? I gave up my whole family and my life on Chalcanth to not stay home and make babies. I wouldn’t be happy. The Treasure is my home. Being on this ship makes me happy.”
“How do you know that being with Dez means the end to your transport business?”
“Because I’ll have defaulted on his contract. The contract that I’m now responsible for, not Auvi. If I don’t deliver Dez to the mining company on Kolben, on time, I’ll owe them the entire amount that was already paid plus a stiff penalty. It will kill us financially. No recovery.”
“Dez has negotiated two contracts for us since then. Recurring contracts that will bring in revenue for far longer and they don’t require you to give him up.”
“I know that. And I appreciate him doing that.” Cyra scraped her hair away from her gills. “But it won’t be enough.” The amount was astronomical. “I don’t see a time where I will ever have that many credits.”
“Cyra, there is always a way.” That was Veda’s faith talking. Faith Cyra didn’t share, having grown up completely differently.
“Not in this case there isn’t. There is only one way this can go. And it doesn’t end with me and Dez and purple babies.”
Veda sighed and clasped her hands. “Your stubbornness is your greatest asset and your worst weakness.”
“I’m sure your right.”
“I am.” Veda paused and pressed her lips tightly together before she continued. “And you have to talk to him.”
Cyra’s stomach soured. “I don’t like you right now.”
“Don’t have to, but you do have to talk to Dez. Sooner the better.” Veda guided her to the door. “I have to check on Queen and Princess.”
Cyra would love to stomp her foot and refuse to face Dez. Not very captain like. The better option would be to go back in time and not have interfered with Bodi. Or have left instead of closing herself in with Dez. Where was a wormhole when she needed one? “How are the dogs doing? Maybe I should check on them with you.”
“They’re fine. But Queen isn’t ready for visitors. She’s barely tolerating me and Dez.” Veda said. “Quit trying to distract me and go talk to him, Cyr.”
Cyra rolled her eyes. “I’m going.”
Dez strode to the galley as if his heart was still in his chest and every muscle didn’t ache for his mate. They should still be in bed together, making love. But Cyra had run. No matter, he still had a crew to feed. He would find a way to connect with her again, to bring her back to his bed. He froze. As if his thoughts had called her, there she was, head down mumbling to herself. She stopped. Turned. Still hadn’t made eye contact. “Cyra?”
She startled and spun back. “Uh. You. I mean, I was coming to talk to you.”
How could she be on her way to him when she had turned around? Dez let his confusion twist his expression.
“I mean, I was as soon as I figured out what to say.”
If he said the wrong thing, he could push her away. He held still, patiently waiting for her words.
“I’m sorry I rushed out.”
He nodded in agreement. That had sucked. He’d planned to show her how perfectly their bodies would fit together, how whatever pleasure she may have experienced before was nothing compared to mate bonding sex. Tasting her had set his world on fire. He’d traveled the stars when she sucked him into her warm mouth. Couldn’t she tell how different sex was with her mate? Dez had nothing to compare it to, but he’d heard the stories. He’d saved himself for his true mate, had given up on finding her, only to discover Cyra.
Could she not feel the joy?
“I don’t know what to say, Dez.” She crossed her arms, a protection move. “Nothing’s changed about our situation.”
Dez closed the distance, she backed against the wall, eyes wide. “I disagree. Everything has changed, at least between us.” He stroked his fingers through her deep green locks, like silk. “I know what you taste like. I know how you shake when you’re riding my tongue.” He caressed her shoulder. “I know how your breath changes right before you let go.”
Her breath hitched and her pupils expanded.
“I know what it is to erupt in your throat and have your sweet mouth all over my cock.” He kissed her neck, just below her shivering gills, teasing her skin with his tongue.
“But Dez.” She clasped his shoulders, clinging to him. Her knees trembled. “I can’t— It’s wrong when I know this can’t last.”
So it was guilt, not fear. She didn’t understand that as fated mates, they would be together for as long as possible. “I.” He kissed the dip at the base of her neck. “Don’t.” He kissed up her skin to the edge of chin. “Care.” He clutched her hips and tugged her to him, pressing his hard cock to her soft lower belly as he took her mouth. He couldn’t change her mind with words. He couldn’t explain why he had faith that they would be together for as long as they were both alive. He could only show her what he felt. If she let him.
She turned her head and pushed against his shoulders. He stepped back, releasing her.
“But, I care. I care, Dez, and I don’t want to hurt you or imply promises I can’t keep.”
He smiled. “Of course my queen. But while we are here, on this ship together, I will show you what it means to have a mate who loves you.”
Cyra’s mouth dropped open.
Dez refused to remain an audience to her arguments. He hurried to the galley already late to prepare the mid-cycle meal. There would be plenty of time between wherever they were in space and the godforsaken planet of Kolben to create a lifetime of memories for his mate. Because it nearly impossible she would succumb to the mating illness the way he would once they parted.