Chapter 33
Cyra pulledout the bottle of grain alcohol she’d found in Auvi’s quarters. Last meal was over and everyone was sitting around the table in the galley. Everyone but Dez who had left as soon as he’d finished eating and he’d eaten quickly. He was avoiding her, using the dogs as an excuse. She didn’t care. She didn’t. She just wanted to have a drink with her crew and relax. It had nothing to do with him. She set up five small glasses and poured a healthy shot into each one.
“To the crew of The Treasure.” She lifted her glass and threw back the drink in one swallow. It burned her throat and based on the four sets of watering eyes starting at her, she wasn’t alone.
“The second shot is always better.” She poured them another round.
“Goddess bless, this stuff is horrid. What the hell is it? Cleaning fluid?” Bodi asked after the second shot was gone. Her golden skin flushed copper.
Cyra was wrong, the second was just as bad. But, it was starting to have the desired effect. The ache in her heart eased a little, growing numb which was fine with her. “Have you ever liked someone you couldn’t have?”
They were her crew and she probably shouldn’t be discussing personal feelings with them. Too late. After the two drinks, she didn’t really care. She probably just needed another drink. She filled their glasses, drinking quickly to maintain a buzz. Even with the strong liquor, her metabolism would process it rapidly and she would be sober before the next shot. She didn’t want to be sober.
“I’ve never wanted anyone like that,” Veda admitted.
“You’ve never been with anyone?” Rhysa asked.
“Nope.”
“Aren’t we a pair?” Rhysa nudged Veda with her shoulder. “I’ve been with everyone and you’ve been with no one. But neither of us have wanted anyone the way they want each other.”
“What are you talking about?” Cyra demanded.
“It’s obvious that you and Dez are gagging for each other. If the sexual energy was any hotter when you two are in the same room we’d need to be issued sun shields to work on this ship.”
Cyra wrinkled her forehead. “You think our sexual energy is hot?”
“Yes!” A chorus erupted from the entire crew.
“Well shit. How am I supposed to get good advice about how to avoid a sexual entanglement with him when all of you seem to be in favor of it?”
“We are in favor of it,” Veda told her.
“I only hit on him to test if he was really into you after they told me the story,” Bodi admitted. “Curiosity always gets the better of me.”
“You weren’t going to fuck him?” Cyra didn’t quite believe that. She couldn’t have misunderstood so completely.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Captain. I absolutely would have fucked him if he was willing. I just wanted to find out if he was willing. He wasn’t, by the way. He was on the verge of pushing me out of the doorway and running if you hadn’t showed up.”
Cyra gaped at Bodi. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“Sorry.” Bodi’s wings flittered.
“Why are you so hung up on this? You want him, he wants you. Why don’t you just fuck until we get to Kolben? I mean, you shouldn’t waste the opportunity,” Rhysa said.
Cyra shifted her attention to Blaize. She had been quiet through all of this. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I trusted someone once, and that has caused me more heartache that I thought I could survive. But Dez isn’t Varik. Not in any way. Except that they are both fucking gorgeous. You have to do what you think is right. I can tell you that sex with Varik was awesome and as long as I imagine him being someone else, those memories still supply context for my personal sessions. If you know what I mean.”
Cyra disagreed with Blaize about Varik’s bedroom skills, but she didn’t interrupt.
“It’s difficult to form relationships in space. You’re traveling, they’re either on a station or planet or another ship. It doesn’t lead to long-term things. You need to find a way to take pleasure when it’s offered. At least I think that’s what you should do. I’m kind of too drunk to even know if I’m making sense.” Blaize hiccuped.
Everyone at the table laughed. Blaize was cute when she was drunk and she clearly was based on her slurring words. Even drunk, she spoke the truth. Varik was decent in bed, but it was all performance with him. No emotion. With Dez, it would be the complete opposite. He was all emotion, completely real, and would give her anything she wanted. What was Cyra doing squandering a chance at happiness just because it was temporary?
She rose from the table, “You’re right. I’m going to find my happiness.”
Bodi poured another round of shots. They lifted their glasses, and she hollered out after the Captain, “Go get ‘em.”
“To happiness,” Blaize said, and they slammed drinks.
“However fleeting.” Rhysa called.
“To love.” Veda’s words echoed in the hallway.
Cyra made her way slowly down the corridor to Dez’s door. She moved slowly to give the alcohol a chance to clear her system and to see if she would change her mind. It cleared, and she didn’t. She knocked on his closed door.