Chapter 37
Kolben cameinto view on the screens mounted like windows on the deck. A frozen round ball floating in a dark drink but much more deadly. Cyra shivered as if she could already sense the horrible cold air crossing through space and filling her heart. It was nothing like Din’Gale. The complete opposite. Dez would hate Kolben.
The contract that had seemed like such a lifesaver was actually killing her. Leaving him there would break her, and, if what Veda said was true, kill him.
She still hadn’t asked him about that. They’d spent their rest time making love as if they had all the time in the universe.
“Captain?” Bodi’s voice roused Cyra from the sweet memories of Dez. “You missed first meal?”
Cyra checked the time, she’d been on deck a lot longer than she realized. “Did you need something?”
“Dez doesn’t look good either. You should talk to him.” Bodi took her position at the comms station. “I’ll contact Kolben and get authorization to land. I’ll verify with Rhysa, but I think we’re about twenty clicks out.”
A twist of dread knotted in her stomach. A single cycle before they landed. She stood up from the captain’s chair, stiff from not moving and from everything Dez had done to her body. Had he known how close they were to parting?
“I know it’s not my place, but if I were you, I’d keep him.”
“If I did…”
She didn’t finish her explanation, but turned for the exit and walked slowly through the halls of the ship. Her feet dragged along the textured floor and she inspected the pattern for the first time, noting the detailed valleys and mountains that created the anti-slip surface. The shine had long worn off the metal panels that were riveted together creating the hive of storage behind the extents of the corridor. The lighting, set for daylight circadian rhythm would dim later in the cycle, a nod to their planetary origins that circled various suns. The Treasure was huge, had flown for galactic years before Cyra had ever joined Auvi’s crew. Ships like her weren’t made anymore. Owning her had been more than a dream come true.
But as she lingered in the galley door, her gaze locked on Dez. Mesmerized by the way his muscles shifted and bunched as he cleared the remains from the earlier meal, she may have stopped breathing.
“Hungry, my queen?”
How did he know it was her? He didn’t even turn around. And yes, she was ravenous, but not for food. For him. “Yes.”
“Sit, I’ll make you something.”
His movements were sparse, directed, economical. He must have rearranged the contents of the cabinets at some point. Another item on the list of things big and small he’d done to make her life better. The thump of her heart filled her ears, every part of her body weighed down by the reality that he would be gone too soon. Forever.
He placed her tray of steaming food in front of her. She lifted her chin and met his heated yellow gaze. Guilt twisted her stomach in a knot. “Eat.”
He sat down across the table from her, waiting for her to lift the fork to her mouth. She couldn’t deny his gift, his nourishing of her body. But the food, which was probably delicious, tasted like dust. She ate it anyway if only to keep her mouth engaged with anything except expressing her regrets. Her apologies. Her excuses.
“We’re nearly at Kolben.”
She froze with her fork midway to her mouth. After a pause, she found the courage to look at him. His eyes were sad. She set the fork on the half-empty tray. “Yes.”
He nodded, crossed his arms, leaning on the table. “I’d like to see if we can secure a contract to deliver goods leaving Kolben. It doesn’t make sense for The Treasure to travel such a distance empty. Would you let me see what I can arrange?”
“Dez?”
He closed his eyes. “Let me do this for you, Cyra. Let me take care of you until I can’t.”
He made it sound like he was dying. “You’ve already done so much for me. For the crew. For The Treasure.”
“The least I could do.” He raised his eyelids exposing his beautiful golden gaze and lifted the corners of his lush mouth in the imitation of a smile. Cyra clenched her jaw and willed the tears back.
“There you are.” Veda burst into the galley, saving Cyra from completely falling apart.
“Me?” She asked hoping for a reasonable excuse to leave the conversation with Dez.
“No, Dez.” Veda turned her back to Cyra. “Could help me check the misters? The upper levels seem to not be flowing as well as they should, and I’m worried about the flowers not getting enough moisture to make the transition to fruit.”
“Of course.” Dez rose from the table. “It would be my pleasure.”
“Perfect, I’ll meet you back there. I just need a quick word with the captain.”
Cyra winced. The conversation with Veda might be worse than the one she was getting out of with Dez based on Veda calling her the captain. Veda sidled over to the door and peeked into the corridor. She rushed back across the room and hissed at Cyra, “Why haven’t you stopped this?”
“What?”
“You know perfectly well what. Dez. There is no way you can leave him on Kolben. You have to fix this Cyra.”
“I can’t.” A ball formed in Cyra’s throat, watery and spiky, threatening once again to bloom into tears. “I literally looked through every bit of our finances, and the credits to buy out his contract and pay the penalty for non-performance aren’t there. Won’t be there for g-years. Even if we kept every contract we have. And even if we did have the ability to pay, there’s no guarantee the mining company would agree to it. They have no incentive to release him from his contract.” Cyra swiped at the stray tears that had slipped out.
Veda dropped into the chair next to Cyra and tugged her into a side hug. “This is awful.”
“I know.” Cyra sat up tall pulling away from Veda before she fell apart completely. “But there’s nothing to be done. If Dez can keep a positive attitude about it, so can I. He wants to help us secure another contract with the mining company so we aren’t returning to Cassan empty.”
“Even now, he helps you.”
Another tear slid down Cyra’s cheek. She brushed it away and stood up. “I need to check with Blaize on our fuel.”
“I should get back to the greenhouse.” They parted when the corridor forked. Veda going to the cargo hold where her tomato plants were thriving. At least one good thing was happening on the ship. Maybe Blaize would have positive news. Cyra could use some. She continued on to the engine room.
“Blaize?” Cyra called over a mechanical roar. If she had ear protection in, Blaize would never hear her. Cyra searched the room and finally found Blaize back at her station. They must have been circling each other.
“Captain?” Blaize freed one of the devices from her ear canal. “What are you doing here?”
“Checking in. We’ll land at Kolben within the coming cycle. Everything good for docking? Do we have enough fuel to get back to Cassan?”
“Yeah, of course. All good.” Blaize’s head bobbed. She bit her lip.
She was holding back. “What else?”
“It’s about Dez. Are you sure you want to leave him on Kolben? I mean, he’s such a great guy and his cooking is amazing and everywhere we go, he gets another contract. And it just seems like such a shame to leave him in such a nasty place. He shouldn’t have to spend his days underground mining in dangerous conditions. He’s worth so much more than that. I mean, not that he has to have a worth, but he’s a really good guy and I feel awful leaving him. Especially when it’s clear how much you two love each other and then Veda mentioned that if you leave him, he could die?—”
Cyra held up her hand to stop the flow. “It’s not my decision.”
“But you’re the captain.”
“Exactly. I’m the captain, who’s contracted to deliver Dez to Kolben.” The one whose stomach was in knots over the situation. “But I’m not Dez who indentured himself. I’m not the mining company executive that authorized the purchase of his contract. And I don’t know what Veda told you, but Dez hasn’t said anything about dying to me. And yes, I crossed a line. One I never should have. That’s on me. But there is nothing else I can do. So if our systems are prepared for a solid landing and we have the fuel to leave, I think I’m done here. I’ll be in the wet room if anyone needs me.”
Cyra spun on her heel and left before Blaize could start again. If she ran into Rhysa on the way to her water tank, she might just punch her to avoid another conversation about how she was failing Dez and how she should change the outcome of a situation she didn’t create and had no power to fix. Not unless she was willing to sacrifice everything and everyone else.