Chapter 30 Daniela
DANIELA
When he says it—I love you—the words hang in the dark like something alive, something trembling between us.
My throat closes. For a moment I forget how to breathe. He’s clinging to me, still inside me, my legs still anchored around him.
He loves me.
And I love him.
I love the way he carries his guilt like a shield, the way he tries so hard to be the good man his family needs even when he’s breaking under the weight of it.
I love his laugh when he finally lets himself have one.
I love that the Huntington’s gene doesn’t scare him.
That he went after Jordan, Reyes, and so many others when he thought they were tormenting me.
But love is a luxury. It’s the cruelest thing in the world when you know you can’t keep it.
I open my mouth, close it, open it again. “Hawk…”
He brushes a thumb along my jaw.
“I love you too,” I whisper.
The look that crosses his face almost undoes me. It’s like watching sunlight break through a storm that’s gone on too long. He exhales a shaky breath and pulls me back to him.
Everything that happens after that feels like surrender.
He removes my tunic and my bra. I help him out of his clothes. We move to the bed.
I crawl over him, kiss his hard chest and abs. Lick the salty perspiration from him as if I’m dying of thirst.
He gasps as I run my tongue along the hard ridges of his body, fisting his hands in the sheets.
His beautiful blue eyes, so full of desire and raw emotion, remain locked onto mine with an intensity that leaves me breathless.
Slowly, I trace a path down his body, stopping to tease his nipples, to admire the way his muscles tense beneath my touch.
His groan echoes in the room, filling the space between us with more than just sound. Filling it with affirmation. With love.
“Hawk,” I breathe, my voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart.
“Dani…”
I look downward.
His cock is hard again. How is that even possible? But I don’t think any further. I slide between his leg, grasp his hard length, and flick my tongue over the tip.
“Fuck…” he growls.
The sound makes me smile, a wave of desire coursing through me as I take more of him into my mouth, the taste of him both foreign and familiar. He tenses beneath me, threads a hand into my hair, and pulls the tie from my ponytail. My dark hair splashes over him like a curtain.
“Daniela,” he gasps again, the ragged edge to his voice sending shivers through me.
I move slowly at first, savoring every tremor that passes through him, every hitched breath, every whispered plea.
And then I move faster, urged on by the sounds he’s making, by the way he tightens his fingers in my hair, the way he lifts his hips off the bed to meet me. He hardens even more, the pulse of his cock beating against my tongue.
“Oh, God, Dani…” He moans, a deep sound that vibrates through me.
I’m loving this. His cock in my mouth.
Something I never thought I’d actually want to do to a man.
And now? I can’t get enough of Hawk, of his cock, of all of him.
This is love.
Love can’t erase the past, but it can make the present wonderful and the future—
No.
No future.
Hawk and I—though he doesn’t know it—have only tonight.
I stop the thought.
Concentrate solely on what I’m feeling.
The desire, the passion, the love…
I moan around his cock as I take him deeper, my hands braced against his rock-hard thighs. His body tenses, and his grip in my hair tightens.
“Daniela...” His voice is strained and desperate.
I quicken my pace, slipping one hand between his legs to gently caress his balls and drawing a choked gasp from him. He moves his other hand to my head, grasping both sides to guide my pace.
He pushes me down, down, down…
I gasp.
No! No! No!
Too much like the others…
Too much…
But I force myself to calm. This isn’t Reyes or Vega or any of those other men.
This is Hawk Bellamy. The man I love.
So I let him guide me. Let him fuck my mouth. My throat relaxes, and I take him.
I take all of him.
And when he shudders and spurts into me, I gladly swallow every bit.
“God, Dani...” he murmurs, pulling me up to lie beside him.
He wraps an arm around me, drawing me close against him. I burrow into him, love and desire humming beneath my skin. The weight of his body against mine is a comfort, a home I never knew I needed. His breath against my ear soothes the chaos of my thoughts.
“Mmm…” he says. “I’m going to pay you back in the morning. I’m going to eat that pussy so deep and fast that you come so hard you’ll be begging me to stop.”
“Now,” I say softly. “Do it now.”
For I’ll be gone in the morning…
“Sure. Just give me a few minutes, baby.”
I snuggle into his shoulder. “I love you, Hawk. I love you so much. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.”
“God, Dani. Baby. I love you too. I’m going to give you everything you deserve in this life. Every-fucking-thing.”
His breathing becomes shallow before I’m ready.
Just give me a few minutes, baby…
He didn’t lie to me. He meant to pleasure me.
But he needs to sleep. He hasn’t slept much.
Neither have I.
And I can’t sleep now.
We lie there for a while, our bodies tangled together, hearts beating slow and steady.
When I’m sure Hawk has drifted off, I slide away and return to the living room where I left my purse. I take out my phone and arrange for a rideshare to meet me about a block away from Hawk’s place at three a.m.
I could stay later, but I can’t risk Hawk waking up when I leave.
I return to the bedroom with my phone. I’d set an alarm, but again, I can’t risk Hawk waking.
No matter, I won’t sleep anyway.
I snuggle back into him.
“Mmm…” he says. “Missed you.”
“Just went to the bathroom,” I whisper against his ear. “I’m here now.”
“Don’t you ever leave.” He pulls me close to him and lets out a soft snore.
His heartbeat thuds lightly against my hand on his chest. Steady. Safe. Everything I’ve ever wanted and will never be able to keep.
My heart is full and broken at the same time.
* * *
At two-thirty, I carefully move Hawk’s arm from around my waist.
For a moment, I let myself think about the life we might have had together.
I imagine him stirring awake beside me, hair mussed, that sleepy grin I’ve come to love. I picture him making breakfast—eggs, maybe, or pancakes. He’d kiss the syrup off my fingers.
I imagine a life where that’s all we are—two people with nowhere else to be.
Then the dream grows bigger. A wedding, something small and bright. White lights strung over Hawk’s deck. Raven as my maid of honor and sweet Belinda as my flower girl.
Then children, at least three. Two boys with my dark eyes and a little girl with Hawk’s blue ones. They’re running barefoot through tall grass, chasing fireflies. Hawk’s voice calls them in at dusk. The sound is so vivid it hurts.
And after that—travel. France, Spain, Italy.
I’d eat my way through the world—bread in Paris, olives in Madrid, paella in Barcelona, bulgogi in Seoul, sake in Tokyo. Cooking classes with each trip.
I live a lifetime in this moment.
Until reality crashes back in like a tidal wave.
Memories. The girl in my father’s office. The one who looked like Belinda. Her eyes, wide and terrified. The gun. My father’s voice saying choose.
I’ll never forget her scream when they dragged her away.
I swallow hard. The air suddenly feels too thick to breathe. I turn and look at Hawk’s face, peaceful in sleep, and my heart breaks cleanly in two.
He deserves the version of me that could stay. The one who could wake up tomorrow and choose love instead of sacrifice.
But that woman doesn’t exist.
I can’t let another girl—especially not one I love more than my own life—be destroyed because of my cowardice.
Belinda is my chance to make something right, to balance the scales my father shattered years ago. Saving her means losing everything else.
Including this. Including Hawk.
I have no choice.
I slip out of bed quietly, careful not to wake him. My legs feel heavy, my chest hollow. I amble to the kitchen and grab a pen and notepad.
I stare at it for a long time before writing. Just three short sentences.
Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. I meant it when I said I love you.
The ink blurs where a tear lands, but I don’t fix it. I fold the note, return to the bedroom, and set it where he’ll see it first thing—on the pillow beside him.
Then I dress in silence.
Outside, the world is still asleep. The stars are faint and fading.
I walk and find my rideshare waiting for me.
He’ll take me to Vinnie’s house in Austin, where I’ll sneak quietly into my suite, grab the dress, and take my own car to meet Chef.
Because it’s what I have to do.
Funny.
I’m not afraid of dying.
Only of leaving Hawk having to live without knowing why I left.