Chapter Twenty – Abby
I am riding cloud nine after the night I spend with both Royal and Hawthorne.
Hawthorne would’ve been enough to satisfy me, but Royal’s impromptu addition to the party?
That’s the stuff dreams are made of right there.
The ultimate threesome of a girl’s dreams, even if they didn’t really both have me at once. For a first time, that was enough.
And, I mean, if there’s a first time, there will probably be a second time, then a third, then a… you get the idea. If it happened once, it can happen again, and that possibility is enough to keep me happy.
Well, happy enough to make me stop thinking about my sister and what happened, and lately, that’s more than enough for me. That day defined the rest of my life, shaped who I am today, so it’s something impressive that a group of serial-killing men can make me feel like this.
Your girl is content. Happy. Things couldn’t get any better, and because of that, the days pass in a blur.
At least, that’s what I think until Hawthorne pulls me to the side one day, sits me down in his office, and tells me the news. Hint: it’s news I never thought I’d get, not here. Out in the real world, let’s just say I would’ve waited until I was more confident in my abilities.
Now? It’s not just my abilities. I’m not alone anymore. Now I have multiple guys who would help me.
Hawthorne sits at his desk, his hands folded on his closed laptop. His amber eyes are crisp and clear, and though he holds my stare easily, I can’t help but wonder if he’s also thinking about the last time I was in here, how we ended up in the bed with Royal as an eventual third.
“The Benefactor finally got back to me,” he tells me. “I passed along Connor Connair’s name once I did some research on the man. The Benefactor has approved Connor as our next target.”
My breath catches. My heart does something funny in my chest. All the years of planning, all the years of vengeful hope. It’s going to happen. It’s really going to happen. Connor will get exactly what he deserves and then some, and maybe, finally, my sister’s memory can be at peace.
Maybe I can be at peace.
“That isn’t to say we are going to jump on him now,” he continues with a knowing nod.
“We still have to be smart about it. The Benefactor is having a team surveil Connor. They’ll learn his routine, tell us when and where to strike.
I’ve done my bit of research on him, and it seems he doesn’t tend to stick in one place too long.
It’s going to be a challenge. Not impossible, but a challenge nonetheless. ”
I don’t care how much of a challenge it turns out to be. Taking him down would be enough, even if I had to go away to do it. I don’t want to get caught and go to prison, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made.
D.D.K. can’t go on forever. Sooner or later the jig will be up. If I have to take the fall so these guys can stay out of prison, then that’s what I’d do.
I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Swallowing hard, I say, “Thank you for doing that. You didn’t have to.”
Hawthorne gives me a soft smile. “Actually, I did. With everything, helping you get the man responsible for your sister’s pain and suicide is the least we can do.
We dealt with our demons, so it’s only fair we help you handle yours.
” His gaze falls to the bracelet on my wrist, the tracking device that I honestly forget exists most of the time.
“What’s more,” he says, “is that the Benefactor is continuing to open up to the idea of permanently allowing you to join us. That would mean you no longer have to be tracked, that you could leave the house whenever you wanted, provided you’re smart about things.
Obviously, it does not mean you can go back to your old life and resume your old… solo activities.”
I can’t help myself. “By solo activities, I’m assuming you don’t mean masturbating.”
Even now, after everything, the man blushes and looks away. I’ll never get tired of that. His blushing is silly but so adorable.
When he doesn’t say a word, when he continues to stare to the side like he can’t believe I said what I just said, I decide to really beat that horse until it’s dead, and then some. “You know, flicking the bean? Going to town on myself? Petting the ol’ kitty cat? I can keep going, if you want—”
He lets out a long breath and pinches the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses. “I’d rather you didn’t.” Once he recovers himself, those amber eyes return to me. “For the record, I don’t mean any of that. I mean the killing.”
“Obviously.”
“Is that something you would be okay with? Could you give that up?”
“Would I have to? I mean, I’d still be here, wouldn’t I? I have a mask that matches Royal’s and Ezra’s. I might have to give up my solo activities, as you so weirdly described them, but I wouldn’t have to give it up completely… unless after Connor you guys are going to be done with killing.”
Hawthorne relaxes somewhat, leaning back in his leather chair. “I don’t think D.D.K. is done yet. I’ve no doubt it’ll happen in the future, but for now, we are still good to go.”
I grin at him. “So, when you talked to the Benefactor, did you mention us?”
He coughs awkwardly, just as I imagined he would. “I, uh, did not tell him about what happened between us, just as I didn’t tell him what happened between you and Royal—” He barely gets the words out, but that’s okay. I don’t need him to say it.
I can say it.
“Or between me, Royal, and you.”
Hawthorne manages to frown, something that must’ve taken a lot of work on his part. “Nothing happened between me, Royal, and you. It happened between you and me, and you and Royal, but it’s not a triangle. There was nothing between Royal and me.”
Sighing dramatically, I say, “No, but a girl can dream, can’t she?”
That catches him off-guard, and all he can do is stare at me like I’ve grown a third eye right in the middle of my forehead.
He really has to think about it, about what I mean, and then he blushes even more and gestures for me to leave.
The man is so flustered at that that he can’t say a single word more.
How cute.
I don’t want to push my luck, so I get up, blow him a kiss, and walk out. I skip down the hall, excited beyond all belief as I replay that interaction over and over again in my head.
We’re going after Connor next. Shit, if I would’ve known it’d be this easy to get them to be on my team, so to speak, I would’ve spilled my guts a long time ago.
Nah, that’s a lie. It was hard opening up, and I only did it because Royal and Ezra didn’t give me a choice. They had their own intervention, shared their trauma, and basically forced me to share mine. In a way, I kind of owe them. Connor was out of reach before, but now? Now he’s close.
So close I can taste his sleazy self.
I thought I was riding cloud nine before, but now?
Now I’m so high I’m afraid I’ll never want to come down.
Not once in my life did I ever think a girl could have it all, but look at me: a team of serial killing men with the same code as me, and at least two men losing their minds over me.
Is it weird to think about them like my boyfriends?
Yeah, probably super weird, but I don’t care.
Ezra is in his room with the door closed, which I take to mean I shouldn’t interrupt him, so I find Royal in the basement, working out. I practically hop to the machine he currently uses, and I wear a grin that spreads from ear to ear as I say, “Guess what.”
Royal grunts as he sets down his weights and looks at me. The muscled man is covered in sweat. His charcoal gray hair leans more on the dark side thanks to the sweat. He looks good. He looks damn good. “What?”
“Hawthorne said the Benefactor gave the go-ahead,” I tell him. “Connor is going to be D.D.K.’s next victim.”
He smirks somewhat. “Good. I’m glad you’re happy. Even better that we get to take an asshole like that off the streets. Did you tell Ezra the news yet?”
“Not yet. He’s in his room, I think. I was going to, but the door was shut, so I thought I should just leave him be.”
Running a hand through his hair, he shakes his head. “Nah. Just go in. It’s what I do. You know what he’s doing most of the time that door is closed?” A moment passes. “Sitting on his bed, staring at the ring he was going to give his girl.”
Really? Damn, that’s downright depressing.
“I think all this is dredging it up again. Out of the three of us, Ezra was always the one who hung on the tightest to the past, but… I don’t know. It’s like ever since you, he’s been worse. More quiet. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say—”
“You’d say what?”
Royal stretches his arms behind his back, then over his head. “I’d say something about you makes him feel kinda shitty.” When I gasp dramatically, he adds, “No offense. Not that it’s your fault or anything.”
“Seriously, how would I make him feel shitty?”
“For starters, all the comments you made in the beginning about stress relief. I don’t think he took them so well. As far as I know, Kaitlin was his only, and he really thought they’d spend the rest of their lives together.”
Shit. I didn’t think about that. That not once crossed my mind.
I knew these guys had pain in their pasts like me, but it didn’t occur to me that Ezra’s pain still lingers in a way that mine, Royal’s, and Hawthorne’s doesn’t.
When it’s a friend, it’s one thing. When it’s family, it’s another.
But when it’s your significant other? That cuts deepest, I imagine.
Royal must sense my wandering, guilty thoughts, because he tells me, “Don’t worry so much about it.”
“Maybe me telling him about Connor will only make things worse.” And, it should go without saying, but I don’t want to make things worse when it comes to Ezra. I don’t want to make any of them feel worse. If anything, I want to make them feel better.
“You never know. Maybe it’ll give him something else to focus on,” he offers with a shrug, and then he gets back to his workout, leaving me with those words of wisdom.
Hmm. I don’t know if going to Ezra and telling him is a good idea or not, but there’s only one way to find out.