24. Sienna
SIENNA
“ Y ou will sit on my lap,” Nikolai states.
My brain short circuits. There’s no question, just pure demand, as Nikolai sits down and pulls me onto his lap.
“What the fuck?” Romi blurts. She looks like she’s going to lunge, so I quickly put up my hand.
“It’s okay,” I say on a breath. Not because I want to sedate the tension in the room, but I know Nikolai is doing all he can to regain control in a situation that he’s permitting to happen for my sake.
This situation is so fucked-up. I don’t know what to listen to lately—my head, my heart, or my pussy.
The latter begins to throb subtly as I feel the press of his cock against my ass.
Because it’s very evident that even now, under such intense situations, he still wants me.
And, God, does my body crave his touch .
Romi’s eyebrows dip in confusion, and I elaborate. “It’s okay. I’m safe.”
Dante steps forward, and she raises her finger to him. “I am not sitting in your lap,” she says as she sits across from us, and he grumbles his complaint under his breath as he sits beside her obediently.
I feel like a child in Nikolai’s lap, but I lay my hand gently over his where it rests possessively on my knee. Romi takes it all in but doesn’t push further for answers. Because if I wasn’t okay, I would tell her that.
I’m not, however, about to get into a conversation about my fucked-up non-relationship with my protective captor. But as I take another look at the two masked men remaining close to the elevator door, I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness and betrayal.
“So, it’s true, all the stuff I was told about you being involved with the Italian mafia?” The hurt is evident in my tone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Romi looks away, ashamed at my direct question. And that’s when Agata enters with a tray laden with cups, a carafe of coffee, and a pot of black tea.
“Thank you, Agata.”
She nods. “My pleasure, little miss.” Then she goes back into the kitchen.
No one makes a move to drink, so I lean over, my ass shifting against Nikolai’s cock, and I feel his grip tighten on my leg, as if in warning to not tease him.
I can’t help but feel a little smug, having a particular fondness for unnerving this man in any way I can. It’s a dangerous game, one that I should know better than to reignite, and yet… I can’t seem to resist. I pour two cups of tea, one for Romi and one for me.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. It just got … very real, very fast. And I didn’t want to endanger you by association.”
Look where that got me.
“Did you think I couldn’t handle it?” I ask more quietly. Does Romi think I’m weak? I mean, Lily seems equipped for this life, and she’s one of the gentlest spoken people I know.
“No,” Romi is quick to say. “When Dante moved in as my roommate, I didn’t know he was a part of this world. When I did find out, I stole his motorcycle, left him stranded on the side of the road, went home, and threw all his shit out the window.”
The masked man with the blue gem clears his throat, smothering what sounded like the start of a laugh, and the one with the red gem nudges his arm.
Dante seems unfazed at her retelling, just leaning back and getting comfortable, as if this were his home. Though, his eyes don’t leave Nikolai’s as they glare at one another.
“What changed?” I ask, bringing the tea to my lips and blowing on it, purposely adjusting my position to rub against Nikolai’s cock a little more. A low, guttural noise escapes him, and my entire body feels it, that throbbing between my thighs becoming more insistent .
No, Sienna, this is not the time to have some perverse, intoxicating reaction to this man. But I feel entirely in control, and maybe that’s what I like about it—bringing a deadly man such as him to his knees.
Romi looks at Dante, and her gaze softens a fraction. In that moment, I’m envious of her. I once thought I had that. And I thought I knew what it meant to be desired the way Dante clearly desires her.
How wrong I was. Until now, as I notice Nikolai’s finger slowly drawing circles on my leg. My mind tracks his every movement, and I realize he’s buying into the same game. A wave of pleasure washes over me as I look at his jade bracelet that he not so long ago used to pleasure my asshole.
I look away, trying my hardest to stop the obvious arousal that is burning my cheeks.
“ I changed,” Romi finally confesses after giving it some consideration. “No matter how hard I tried to fight it, he just ended up being the right person for me; unhinged asshole that he is.”
“She shot me in the leg,” Dante adds, as if in his defense.
My jaw drops, and Romi slaps him playfully in the chest. “That’s because you killed a bunch of guys in a bar for talking to me and then chased me through the fucking woods. What the fuck did you think would happen?”
Dante smiles as he shifts his gaze to me. “I just want it noted that I’m not the only unhinged one here. ”
Romi’s head slowly turns back toward me, and I can see the uncertainty in her expression.
How scared she must be that I’ll judge her.
Any sane person would let this information hinder their friendship, I imagine.
But after what I’ve seen over this past month, and the strange liberation it’s given me, I don’t.
“You could have trusted me with this.” I look down into my tea.
“Ara, you, Lily, and even Elanee,” I say, almost pleading, as I meet her eyes.
Why did they all leave me out of this? I thought they could depend on me.
When I was in London, I missed all of them because they were my truest friends.
My ride or die group. Yet, they were all in on this, leaving me in the dark.
“Everyone seems involved, and I didn’t even know.
How long have I been on the outside without realizing? ”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me how it is!” I shout as I slam my teacup down on the small saucer I’m holding, surprising myself by my own outburst. The hot tea spills on Nikolai’s pants, and as I fret, he takes the cup and saucer, unfazed.
“It’s okay, mishka .” But it can’t be. It’s too hot for me to even drink, but he seems not to notice. Now I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I clench them as I look back at Romi, tears springing to my eyes.
“I feel so stupid right now,” I confess.
“Do you know how ridiculous I felt being kidnapped? That should have been the only fucking problem I was worried about. Yet, since I found out about all this underworld shit, all I’ve thought is, why was I not enough to trust? Did you think I couldn’t help you?”
More tears spring to my eyes, not just from this, but from the scandal with Michael.
My guilt for hiding my own secrets about my infertility while demanding more from my friends.
From realizing I don’t even know what parts of my life or myself I even like.
I’ve blindsided myself over so many things.
“I literally got plucked out of my life, and no one even realized I was gone. Do you know how scary that is, to realize I had no one to come back to? That it took weeks for anyone to notice something had gone awry? Do you know how isolating that feeling is?” I hiccup, surprised by the intensity of my emotions.
Romi gets up and walks around the coffee table, then drops to her knees at my side, placing her hand on my thigh. Dante stands, warily keeping an eye on Nikolai.
“It was never like that. I swear. It was so hard when we found out you’d been taken. We’ve been so scared, Sienna.
“Not once did we think you wouldn’t be able to handle this truth.
After you told us about Michael, how could we possibly throw this at you as well?
I despise that you’re in this situation simply because of us.
” She shoots a glare at Nikolai. “We’d been careless to think no one would target you.
I swear, if I could throw you over my shoulder right now and leave, I would. Just give me the word, okay?”
I wipe my eyes, hating how weak I look. I’m being a fucking cry baby because I was left out of crimes.
But I know that’s not the real reason. It’s because I feel even more distanced from them.
I feel like they’ve all found their happily ever after in the most unconventional ways, and I’m only relearning who I am, realizing that the person I’ve become isn’t who I’m comfortable with anymore.
I don’t want to live within this box anymore.
What if they don’t like the new me, whatever she turns out to be?
It’s like I need to burn the old me, to feel new, but that unknown is terrifying.
“Ara hates not being here, but we advised against it,” Romi says, glancing at Nikolai for a moment. And I understand, because she’s a mother now. “Are you really okay? Because?—”
“I’m okay.” I wipe at my tears and put on a brave smile. Because the truth is, right now, I am. Nikolai’s fingers are digging into my hip, and it’s strange to feel more comforted and grounded by his touch than by my friend giving me the answers I’ve agonized over the past few weeks.
“I don’t want Ara involved. She has a baby now. If all I need to do is sit here and be pretty for a while, until the bratva and mafia discuss business, then so be it. It’s not like I haven’t been doing something similar my whole life, right? ”
Romi’s eyes widen. “Sienna, that’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” I say quietly as I fold in on myself, overwhelmed from the jet lag, the shift in my bubbling emotions, and the uncertainty of what’s to come. But maybe I needed the comfort of my friend in order to finally pull all of these thoughts out of me.
In the past, I’d willingly abandoned myself and prioritized others’ needs first. Why? Because I thought that’s what the perfect version of me should do. But I’m oh so tired of that now.
“Sienna?” Romi says gently, then leans back as Nikolai stands, sweeping me up bridal-style.
Dante is quick to step behind Romi as she slowly stands.
“It’s best you leave now,” Nikolai says coldly as he holds my body closer, as if trying to shield me. I imagine for someone like Nikolai, things such as tears are viewed as a weakness. Yet, I’m grateful to him as I hide my face in his chest. “As you can see, she is quite all right.”
“Like fuck she is. She’s literally crying and?—”
“Uncomfortable because she realizes her friends have been lying to her, and she needs time to process the truth,” Nikolai asserts.
Then he looks down at me as I all but cower in his arms. It’s not fair to hide behind him, but I’m so tired.
Not because I can’t stand on my own two feet, but because I’m exhausted.
And, strangely, in his arms is where I feel safest.
Nikolai takes my silence as admission as he says to Andrei in English, “Please show our guests out.” Then to Romi and Dante, he says, “And I suggest you don’t pull any funny business. I have no desire to punish Sienna today because of it.”
“Liar,” I say in a voice so quiet only he can hear. And through the few tears that remain, when I look up, I see the twitch of his smile, and my heart cracks open at that little bit of warmth from the man who is as cold as he is calculating.
It’s fucked up, but there’s no doubt I’m falling for my captor.
And just like how it started, I feel like I’m free falling, unable to listen to logic or reason.