Chapter 17 - Taz #2
Hope was glaring at me like I'd kicked a puppy but I wasn't going to apologize for looking out for Penny. Someone had to, and not someone trying to get laid.
"You better not be a bitch about this, Taz," Hope said, crossing her arms. "I saw you walk in with Dargo. You agreed to be his mate."
"No, I made a deal I'd be his mate if he helped me save you two. That deal doesn't apply if you were both here and safe when I made it." Just remembering Dargo's stupid face made me mad all over again.
"That raging asshole is trying to get paid without doing the work," I muttered, mad all over again that I was a tiny bit disappointed I wouldn't be taking him up on any of his sexy offers.
Whatever. Getting all swoony over a guy wasn't my thing. No matter how bold his flirting or nice his muscles were.
Hope didn't look convinced.
"You know mating isn't just about getting laid to them, don't you?"
I rolled my eyes, ready to hear a buttload of romantic delusions from the girl in the honeymoon phase of her relationship.
"Sure it's not. They're guys, alien guys, but still."
"It's really not, Taz," Penny piped up, looking a little more relaxed now that she wasn't the center of attention. "Their culture revolves around Ulto, claiming their mate. They don't date or sleep around or anything."
"They also don't have divorce," Hope jumped in. "So you can't piss him off until he bows out. If you slept with him, you're stuck. I mean you could ignore him, but he’s going to follow you around like a lost duckling."
"I didn't sleep with him," I snapped, feeling cornered. I'd thought about it, sure. Dargo had pretty much introduced himself by saying he wanted to go down on me. Who wouldn't think about sex after that?
"I thought I was getting a bath and snacks, not a lecture on the care and feeding of an alien mate."
"Oh." Penny jumped up and ducked behind the curtain. The clamor of metal banging together filled the tent and I wondered what she was digging through to make so much noise. "Is cold water okay or do you want to wait for it to warm up?"
"Cold is fine." I was suddenly hyperaware of the sheen of sweat that had dried to my skin while I'd been puking my guts out. I was sticky and I smelled terrible, I could bathe in beer and I’d be cleaner.
The curtain fluttered and I spotted a makeshift tub that looked like a giant metal barrel that had been sawed in half.
"You have a tub?" I'd been barely surviving, living off snack food and sleeping in a folding chair and these two had been living in the lap of apocalyptic luxury.
Penny whipped the curtain closed, hiding the shallow tub, her eyes darting all over the room.
"Yeah, it takes forever to fill up, I was just going to get you a bucket and a wash cloth."
"Okay," I said, wondering what had her so jumpy all of the sudden.
"Here." She shoved a bucket my way, and water splashed over the sides and onto my lap. "There's fresh soap, too."
I caught the unopened box of soap in my free hand.
"That's my contribution," Hope said looking proud of herself. "We raided a bunch of stores while we were looking for you two."
"You were looking for us?" I set the bucket down and started stripping out of my clothes. If they were uncomfortable with a little nudity, they could look away because I was too eager to get clean to care.
"Aeko claimed me almost as soon as I stepped outside. It took a couple days for me to get back to town and by then you guys were gone."
"If we'd stayed put one more day, we would have been reunited way sooner," Penny's voice was morose.
"You didn't know I was coming back," Hope reassured her. "It means a lot you guys went looking for me."
I snorted, dunking the soap and lathering up my uninjured arm.
"She was climbing the walls when you didn't come back. If you thought I was hard to live with, you'd have been shocked by Penny."
The conversation lapsed into awkward silence as I focused on getting as clean as I could with just a bucket. Soap and water had never felt so luxurious and I rubbed the bar directly on my short hair, not caring that I didn't have proper shampoo.
Finally clean, I hesitated to put on my filthy shirt, but I couldn't exactly wander around topless in a camp full of alien males, so I reluctantly pulled it over my head. To think I used to bitch about laundry day.
"So," I broke the silence, meeting their eyes. "What's the plan?"
"Plan?" Hope frowned. "We could head back to the party if you want, but I think it might get a little crazy once they start fighting."
"Fighting?"
"Yeah," she said, rolling her eyes. "They're trying to choose a chief, so they've been beating the shit out of each other every night. Pretty much last man standing wins."
"Wow." What did it say about me that I wanted to see that go down? I forced myself to get back on subject.
"I meant, what's our plan moving forward? If you two are shacking up with your aliens, I assume you don’t want to get out of here."
Hope and Penny exchanged a cautious look before turning back to me.
"I go wherever Aeko goes," Hope started cautiously. "I don't know what Penny's situation is, but if you two really wanted to leave, I think he'd go with you."
"I could leave right now," I said, half ready to march out into the darkness. The only thing that stopped me was the memory of the percer charging out of the shadows.
"I think staying is the wisest choice," Penny said, rubbing her hands over her knees, looking way too nervous for someone happily mated. "We aren't equipped to deal with percers, or other aliens. And let's not forget that humans can be dangerous, too."
"Aeko and I had a run in with a band of turochs who weren't as friendly as our mates." Hope touched her forehead and for the first time I noticed a scabbed over cut over her temple. "It sounds bad, but when it comes right down to it, having a mate is in your best interest."
Great, it looked like I was keeping my word to Dargo after all.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered.
“If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to,” Hope said. “But be prepared to be the center of attention, because every male here wants a mate, and you’d be the only available female.”
I waved her words away. “Dargo’s okay, I guess. At least I know him, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him. But the whole picket fence and kids thing was never part of my life plan.”
Hope smirked. “Oh, we know. Honestly, I’m shocked you made that deal.”
“It’s wasn’t my Plan A. Actually, I knocked him out and threatened to torture him to find out where you guys were.”
“You didn’t!” Penny sounded horrified and I grinned at her.
“Yup. Tied him to a truck and everything. I’ve been outside camp for a few days, trying to spot you. But then a percer crashed my party and I ran out of options.”
“Wow,” Hope blew out a breath. “And I thought I had an adventure.”
“Those things are terrifying,” Penny muttered.
I brushed my fingers over my bandaged arm. “And ugly.”
Hope snorted. “Yeah, one look at a percer and Aeko became my favorite person. Can you imagine if we’d stumbled on one of those before we found the guys?”
We shuddered in unison at the horrible possibility. Earth had never felt less like my home since aliens showed up. There was a new and exciting way to die waiting behind every corner. Eager to get my mind of my near death experience, I changed the subject.
“Since you two are experts, is there anything I should know about the bedroom with a turoch?”
“Only that it's amazing.” Hope shrugged. “Seriously, one night with Dargo will blow any past experience right out of the water.”
Jokes on her, I had no past experience and that was just one of the reasons I was so nervous about following through with this deal.
“They really are good,” Penny agreed.
“Yay for you two, but how can you be sure my guy isn’t a dud?”
Hope crooked an eyebrow. “The first time you have sex, it completes the mating. They believe that it sets the precedent for the entire mating. If you don’t come until your bones melt, it's a bad omen or something.”
She took a sip from a bottle of water and cleared her throat.
“When Aeko gentled me, I thought I’d died and that was only the first half.”
Well then. Three cheers for turochs.
Feeling a little less panicky, I pushed myself to my feet and sighed.
“Guess I’m getting married then.” I still wasn’t thrilled about it, but I had my friends, we were safe, and I’d just been promised the sexual awakening of a lifetime. Things could be worse.
Penny smiled, “We can start a club. The Real Housewives of the Apocalypse.”