Chapter 28
I needed to talk to Penny. My head was a mess and I needed someone else to tell me what to do.
My gut was telling me to go back to the tent and face Dargo like a big girl.
But there was a sick tightness in my chest that I couldn't fight and all I wanted was to get far enough away from him to clear my head.
How could he say he loved me like it was nothing? The three most loaded words in the English language and he’d just laid it out there, raw, no prep.
Just remembering his face when he’d said it made my stomach cramp. He’d looked so sincere, so damn happy as he’d blown my world apart. I’d almost let myself believe him. But people said things they didn’t mean all the time, and I couldn’t handle him being so casual with the ‘L’ word.
Love, if it even existed, was a big fucking deal. Too big for me to handle right now.
Striding through the camp, I ignored the stares of the males near the fire and headed toward Penny's oversized tent. A low moan froze me in my tracks and I listened to the muffled murmurs coming from inside. A feminine gasp sent me stumbling back as I realized what was going on.
Nope, not talking to Penny if she was getting down and dirty with Adak.
What was I supposed to do now? I wasn’t going back to my tent and Dargo’s heartfelt arguments. The last thing I needed was to pull a stupid and believe him. Experience had told me that I was volunteering to be gutted when shit went south.
And it would go south. Everything did. How many times had people said ‘it’s not like the world's ending’? Then, bam, aliens invaded and the world ended.
Walking blindly, I headed to the edge of the camp. The darkness away from the fire was intense but I couldn't force my feet to carry me back to the safety of camp. Camp meant Dargo, and he’d become the trigger for a boatload of ugly feelings I didn’t want to deal with.
My heart felt like it was trying to squeeze itself into a little lump of rock and I tried to ignore the terrifying realization that I’d started to care for the big charmer. Dargo had gotten under my skin and I needed him gone.
He was too easy to be around, he took my shit in stride like no one ever had, and I’d started to feel like he was a safe place to rest. And that was very, very bad. I liked him, I liked fighting with him, and I liked touching him, but I wasn't made to be with someone the way he wanted.
Hope and Penny had fallen so easily into this new world. But I couldn't seem to figure it out. Every instinct I had screamed that it was only a matter of time until it blew up in my face. I was picking fights with Dargo, snapping at him over stupid things and I hated it.
The only reason I was here was because my friends didn't want to leave. I'd known I wouldn't fit in and I'd stayed anyway. Now Dargo thought he loved me.
Fuck. I blinked back a burst of tears and forced myself to strangle the beginnings of a sob. I wasn’t having a panic attack at the thought of him loving me. I was stronger than that.
I moved faster, jogging blindly into the dark, leaving everything behind me.
Before I knew it, the camp had disappeared and I was alone. The sounds of crickets and the rustling of scrub grass around me was all I could hear and I took a deep breath, savoring the taste of the cool air. This was what I needed. Just some peace and solitude to figure myself out.
No friends giving me disapproving looks, no crazy aliens crashing through tents as they fought over who got the last leg of deer on the fire. No Dargo, trying so hard to make me happy, when it wasn't his fault. I slowed down and let my eyes adjust to the cast of moonlight over the barren ground.
Maybe I should just keep walking. Strike out alone, taking shelter in abandoned buildings and scavenging for food. I'd always preferred my space, and if I was alone I wouldn't have to walk the exhausting line between being myself and upsetting the people around me.
The thought of leaving Dargo without a word sat heavy in my gut, but I remembered the look on his face when I pulled away from him and felt my resolve harden. I wasn't the kind of girl that fell in love at the drop of a hat, and he was just going to keep running into my walls and getting hurt.
My friends were safe with their mates, and Dargo would get over it. Mind made up, I set my course for a large clump of rocks in the distance and kept walking.