24
Fuck trip
Andrey
R age consumed me from within. How wrong I was, and how fucked up expectations versus reality can be.
I spent a fortune because the only available flight from St. Petersburg to Malaga, with a layover and urgently, was in business class. I had spent ten damn hours from the moment I left Koroleva's house until I reached Aleksa's fucking room.
Six hundred minutes spent racking my brains, trying to figure out how to console Aleksa and control the words that threatened to spill out at any moment. Because, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop my heart from racing with every thought of him. I had never obsessed over anything so much. One thing was clear: I needed to find the right moment to be honest with him. However, I would be patient. After losing Pavlik, I learned that when you love deeply, the mourning is long. Aleksa was very fond of Dante, always spoke highly of him, and they were very close, as was he with Romeo.
These were the kinds of friendships that endure over the years, that take root and become a part of your very being. Your essence merges with theirs, and no matter how much time or distance passes, it doesn't matter because you are already part of the same whole. That was what was starting to happen to me with the Croatian-Colombian. Every cell of mine missed him; he had infiltrated every damned neuron, sending impulses of all kinds to my brain. Sometimes, it was through songs, scents, or memories. The fact was, he was everywhere, and when I cautiously opened the door to his room, the last thing I expected was to find him with a naked guy.
Nikita assured me he was devastated, that he needed me more than ever, that I should drop everything and come back. She knew about us, and I just needed a good reason to return and stop fooling around with him. In my mind, I envisioned a sweet, tender reunion, filled with kisses. Instead, I walked into a porno festival to which I hadn't been invited.
I should have held back, said nothing, left without a word. But I couldn't. It hurt me, especially since I'd spent the flight blaming myself for not being there in his darkest hour. And a dark hour he surely had, but on his knees on the floor, taking thrusts from the fencer.
I didn't stop when I heard his shouts. What for? I grabbed one of the company cars and took off. I didn't give a shit about the looks from the other guys who didn't understand what the hell was going on. If I had stayed, I would have done something stupid in front of everyone, which wouldn't have been good for either Aleksa or me. We didn't fuck around with guys, or at least not openly, only in the broom closet.
I floored the accelerator and headed straight to my boss's house. When I arrived, she wasn't there. The cook told me she had spent the night at the hospital and had personally taken Adriano to school with one of the guys patrolling the neighborhood.
I asked her to get some clothes for Koroleva, as well as some personal items. My boss would appreciate it; she always said you need to project who you are, and for her, her appearance was as important as a venomous snake's colorful patterns.
My phone hadn't stopped ringing since I left Aleksa's place. I could have turned it off or silenced it, but I didn't. I wanted him to know I was ignoring him on purpose. Knowing him, I knew he wouldn't stop until I answered, and now that I had calmed down a bit, I was ready to do so while waiting for the clothes.
"What?!"
"Stubborn damn Russian! Why the fuck did you leave like that and not answer sooner?!"
"What did you expect? That I would get in bed with you two and join the fun?" I heard him curse.
"It's not what you think."
"No, of course not. It never is. It's usually worse. It wasn't what I expected to find, either. I spent ten hours traveling, imagining how I would console you because Koroleva told me you were devastated, and like an idiot, I didn't think twice. What I didn't imagine was that someone else would be giving you that comfort and that what you had destroyed wasn't your heart, but your ass."
"Go to hell, Andrey! You don't have anything to reproach me for! You were the one who left, you were the one who set the rules and the distance."
"I see how deep your feelings for me were when you become the sheath for any sword." Jealousy spoke through my lips.
"And what the fuck does it matter to you? You and I are nothing. It's as if I slept with the whole fencing club!" he claimed.
"You're right, there's nothing between you and me. And you don't need my permission to sleep with whoever you want. Everyone handles grief in their own way."
Ana María came down the last step, holding a travel bag in her hand. I murmured a "thank you," and she nodded briefly.
I returned to the car. Aleksa had fallen silent on the other end of the phone. Reminding him of Dante's death was a low blow. My heart threatened to leap out of my chest to slap us both.
"I wasn't okay last night. I went to a bar; álvaro came with me and..."
"He fucked you," I finished for him.
"I don't know; my last memory is of tequila."
"Aleksa, you were in your bed, naked and aroused. And you weren’t wearing a damn thing, don't take me for a fool."
"I'm just telling you what happened. I don’t know if it went that far."
"Well, look, if you go to the bathroom and your ass feels sore, start suspecting. I would get a thorough anal examination if I were you." When I started spouting nonsense, it was hard to stop.
"Go to hell, Andrey!"
I was angry and couldn't think about anything other than him betraying me, even if it wasn’t true.
I hung up and turned off my phone. I didn't want him to mess with my head anymore. He had moved on with someone else, which was great, a sign that I was on the right path before I got this temporary insanity over him.
Next stop, the hospital.
I knocked gently on the door, not knowing if they were attending to Romeo or if my bosses were asleep. I waited a few seconds and quietly opened the door. Romeo greeted me with open eyes and his index finger pressed against his lips.
My boss was asleep in an armchair.
"I've brought you some clothes," I muttered. He gestured with his hand for me to come closer.
I closed it very carefully so as not to make noise.
Nikita had purple marks under his eyes that would normally be camouflaged. Romeo wasn't at his best either, discomfort was evident in every line of his face.
"I'm very sorry, I know Dante was very important in your life," I told him.
"I appreciate it, Andrey." His voice was still very weak. Nikita told me that he had damaged his vocal cords.
"Andrey, what are you doing here?" asked my boss, stretching. "This armchair is so uncomfortable!" she complained, moving her neck stiffly.
"I thought you might like to change." I shook the bag in front of her eyes.
"You know me well. How was the flight?"
"Long and tedious, as they all are," I confirmed without further explanation.
Romeo's hand reached for Nikita's, and with effort, he told him to go home and rest.
"The doctor told you to better use the whiteboard if you want to communicate and not to strain your throat," he scolded. He nodded his head affirmatively and wrote:
My father said he would come by at eleven, he must be almost here. Go home with Andrey. I'll be fine.
I saw her hesitate, though she ended up agreeing. She stood up, came over to me, took the bag I had brought her, and went straight to the bathroom.
Once she had disappeared, I felt uncomfortable staying alone with her husband. I didn't know what to say or do.
"Tell her I'll be waiting in the café, I need a double coffee." He nodded but stopped me to whisper, "Take care of her." "Don't worry, sir, I would give my life for your wife, I owe her what I am." I saw his expression relax instantly. "Get well."
Twenty minutes later, my boss occupied the stool next to me. She ordered a coffee and a toast.
"Why didn't you go straight to see Aleksa?" she reproached.
"Who says I didn't?" She waited for me to speak, and when I didn't, she insisted.
"What happened?"
"I arrived ten hours late, Aleksa found comfort." She opened her eyes surprised.
"How?"
"Relax, it's okay. I'm not made to be in a relationship." My boss sighed.
"What crap! You know what? I'm tired of being kept in the dark.
"Has something happened?" I asked as I saw her hit the bar.
"A lot has happened. I don't trust anyone, Andrey. Only you," the statement set off all my alarms. "I need to talk to you, but not here. Someone could be listening." I looked around worriedly. "Let me have breakfast and meanwhile, find out where Adriano's grandparents live. I have a promise to keep and you know I'm a woman of my word."
"Of course, allow me to make a couple of calls."
I let her eat in peace while I phoned my contacts. It wasn't going to be difficult to find the address. If she hadn't asked her husband, she had her reasons.
"I have it."
I waved the notebook with the address.
"I'm done."
She wiped her lips, clearing away the few crumbs that dotted them. Half a toast was still on the plate, but she had finished the coffee.
"Aren't you going to finish it?"
"I have enough carbs to last the morning. Being a bit hungry always helps me stay crankier. Do you have enough intimidating weapons in the car?"
"The doubt offends."
"Then let's go. Along the way, I'll tell you what's going on, and get ready, because nothing here is what it seems."