Chapter 9
The week flew by, and suddenly it was time for dinner at her parents’ lavish home. Harper stood outside the grand entrance, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. She could still hear Anders’ words of encouragement in her head as she pressed the doorbell. There was no way she was going to enter on her own. That’s not how her family rolled. And honestly, she didn’t feel as if she were truly part of the family anyway.
One good thing that happened during the week was hearing from her cousin in Boston. Turns out, not only was she married, but she also just had a baby boy. As they caught up with each other, they talked about family expectations and not giving a fuck about what other people thought. After a bit of research, she also found out that there was a reason her father didn’t speak to Camille’s side of the family.
Being an attorney, it should have been an issue that she had family members who were involved in the underbelly of society. It didn’t. Harper had also looked up Camille’s husband, Tristan Lucarelli. And that surprised her even more. Yes, he had legitimate businesses that appeared to be on the up-and-up. But the more she dug around, the more she saw what was behind the veil. Admittedly, that had given her some pause.
Camille hadn’t given anything away herself, but Harper was nosey. It was something about the way her cousin was so vague about her husband that piqued her interest.
It was one thing to have a parent who did nefarious things, but to actively choose to be with a man who was the rumored head of a mafia family? That seemed a bridge too far. But then again, who was she to judge? Her entire focus was living on her own terms. Loving who she wanted. Being the person she was meant to be without apology. If Camille married a man who literally treated her like a queen, and everyone around him did the same, who was she to judge that?
Being an attorney did not stop her from being a human being. And right now, she needed a connection with someone she could talk to and just be herself with. They even talked about Camille’s best friend, Shandra. A blurry memory of hearing that name when she was young popped up. Something about her friend always being there for her in the neighborhood. At the time, Harper was too young to understand what that meant. With the people in Camille’s life and knowing what her father did, some of the puzzle pieces were finally coming together.
Either way, with Anders in her life and reconnecting with Camille, Harper was feeling good about things.
And yet, here she was, standing on her parent’s porch, filled with nervous anticipation. Palms sweaty. Knees shaky. She had no idea how or why they affected her this way. They were her parents. It was their job to make sure she was loved and protected. As their child, wasn’t it their job to love her? Well, they sure as shit failed in that area.
Harper decided in that very moment to stop feeling sorry for herself. People had it so much harder than her. Yet, here she was, crying and whining about not being loved enough. She needed to get a fucking backbone with her parents. At least, that was the advice she saw Messy Mandy give to someone earlier this week when they’d written in about being afraid to confront the people who bullied them for years.
“Alright, listen up. You deserve to walk with your head high, not in fear. Bullies thrive on intimidation, but it’s time to flip the script.
Remember who the hell you are. Powerful. Important.
Stand tall, look that bully dead in the eye, and tell them their crap ends now. No need to scream, just be firm: “I’m done with your bullshit.”
If they push back, you stand your ground. Get backup if you need it. Tell someone who’s got your back. You’re not alone in this fight.
Bullies are cowards at heart, trying to feel big by making you feel small.
Handle your business with confidence and grace. You’ve got this.” ~ Mandy
She knew there was a reason she read that gossip column every week. There was nothing like a dose of reality to get her ass up and ready to face the world. Just then, her mother opened the door, her expression caught between surprise and forced politeness. “Harper! Dear, we’re so glad you could join us,” she said, gesturing for her to come inside.
As Harper stepped into the familiar foyer, she noticed the subtle changes in decor and the tense atmosphere that seemed to hang in the air. Her father sat at the head of the table, his face a mask of guarded civility as he acknowledged her arrival.
Her brother sat on one side of the table, and her place setting was on the other side. Another empty plate was there as well. She was curious about it, but didn’t care enough to ask. “RJ,” she greeted her brother.
“Sis. You’re in for a surprise tonight. I hope you’re ready.” His cynical words caught her off guard. He also had a look on his face that resembled pity, but he adjusted his features too quickly for her to be sure.
“Ready for what?” She sat down in the chair as her mother spoke with the housekeeper. “I was told to be here tonight. I’m here. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
“Yeah, well, Mom decided she was tired of you being single. She found you a man.”
Oh, hell no. “I don’t need help in that area. I already have a man. I don’t need to be set up.”
“Well, too late. But I’ll let Mom tell you more.” He cackled with laughter, which grated on her nerves.
Her father harrumphed—something he often did to express his displeasure.
She ignored him tonight. She had Anders on her side. She had Camille supporting her. Although both relationships were new, they provided more for her than her own parents and brother. Just the thought of how she had lived her life for so many years made her disappointed in herself.
She was successful in her own right and didn’t need anyone to tell her how to live.
“So, why are you here, RJ? Were you summoned as well and told to get a mail-order wife?”
Her mother gasped. “Harper. You will watch your tone in our home. I didn’t raise you to be so dismissive.”
Harper couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mother’s mouth. With everything else on her mind, that was her breaking point. “Raised me? You didn’t raise me. I raised myself. You raised RJ. Your golden child. I was the one who had to live in his shadow. I love you, but we’re not going to rewrite history.”
RJ guffawed, almost choking on his wine. “Did you really just say that to Mom?”
Her father finally lifted his head from his mobile device to pay attention to the people around him. “You will apologize to your mother. I swear, you’ve always been a disappointment.”
Harper didn’t care what either of them had to say. The only person she was focused on was her mother. The woman who should have been her biggest champion. The person who was meant to help Harper grow into the woman she was meant to be. The only one who never stood up for her. When her father ignored her, compared her to RJ, and shooed her away from him when others were around, she always expected her mother to stand up for her. To push back. To tell her father to stop being such as ass.
But she never did. Not once. Her father behaved as if she meant nothing to him. Like she was just another mouth to feed. Never a kind word. Never a hug when she had nightmares as a child. No, all his attention was focused on RJ.
Every football game. Every school competition. They would stay up for hours talking about RJ’s future and what he wanted to do. But those conversations were never had with her. Not once. Oh, she had tried. Several times. He would tell her it wasn’t his job to help her with her future. That she knew what was expected of her as a Bryan, so she needed to make sure it happened. No excuses allowed.
That was it. When she asked her mother for help, she would usually say. “Just listen to your father. He knows more about that stuff than I do.” It was pathetic. She always saw her mother as a strong, fearless woman when she was a child. But she wasn’t. The sad thing was, Harper only saw her now as weak. A woman who had no mind of her own. Someone who wouldn’t protect her own child from hurt.
Harper turned to look at her father. “Why do you hate me?”
RJ looked shocked again. Luckily, he kept his mouth shut this time. But his eyes were wide as he leaned back. For a moment, she thought she noticed a look of pride on his face and a subtle nod in her direction. As if to say, “It’s about time.”
Her mother stood from the table. Her hands were laid flat on the surface. “Listen, little girl. You will stop this disrespectful behavior right now. What you’re not going to do is come into my house and speak to me and your father this way. What the hell is wrong with you? You have lost your damn mind talking to us that way.”
Laughter bubbled up, and Harper couldn’t stop herself. That was the first time she’d ever heard her mother use language that she’d always referred to as ‘those gutter words’ that no self-respecting Black person should say. Which, interestingly enough, told Harper she was onto something. Looking back and forth between her parents, she saw them communicating silently with their eyes.
Goosebumps rose on her skin. “Oh, fuck no. You have got to be shitting me.” Her hands raised to her temples. She thought about her father’s behavior over the years. The preferential treatment of RJ. How she was almost invisible to him. His borderline contempt for her very presence.
“Mom, please tell me this is not true. Because you got me fucked up right now.”
RJ must have caught on to what was happening, because he was finally engaged in the conversation beyond looking like a deer in headlights. “Wait a minute. Harper, what are you accusing Mom and Dad of?”
She threw him a look of disgust. Did he know? Is that why he treated her so horribly over the years? “Don’t act stupid, RJ. You’re too damn smart for that. So, tell me, Father. Why do you seem to hate my mere presence? Why am I never as good as anyone else in this family? Hmmm? Something you two want to tell me?”
The sinking feeling in her stomach ballooned when her mother started silently crying. Tears fell down her face as she retook her seat. Her father leaned back before dropping his head in what appeared to be defeat.
“Who was it?” Harper needed to know the truth.
It wasn’t even that she wanted to know the details. But if what she fully expected was true, that would change her life. Everything she thought she knew about herself would be a lie. All the struggles she had gone through to make herself the perfect daughter in the perfect family were for nothing.
No matter what she did, Rodney Bryan, Sr. never would have loved her. And her mother was too afraid to do anything but live in a world where her daughter was ostracized.
“It doesn’t matter now.” Her mother finally said into the silence of the room. “Your father and I were separated. We didn’t think we would ever get back together. He had someone he thought…”
Her father interjected. “She doesn’t need to know all that, Athena.”
Harper thought it was completely relevant. “Did you leave Mom for another woman?” Both her parents chose not to answer.
Athena continued. “Yes, you’re right. It’s all water under the bridge now. Well, as I said, your father and I were separated.”
RJ was shocked. “When was this? I don’t remember that at all.” He genuinely looked upset, which was a first.
“You were too young, RJ. Anyway, things happened. And then your father wanted us to come back home.” She looked at Harper. “I loved your father so much.” Athena realized what she said and quickly corrected her words. “Rodney. I love your father, Rodney, so much. He is the only person I have ever loved this way. Everything that happened back then was a mistake.”
“You mean, I was a mistake.” No matter how prepared she was to come here and burn it all down and not look back, hearing the words still tore her up inside. It explained so much and nothing at all.
“No, you were not a mistake. You’re my child,” Athena said. Her voice was shaky. Uncertain.
Of course, Harper felt for her. Any woman placed in that situation would probably do the same. She only hoped and wished her mother had shown her she loved her as much as she said she did. At this point, words meant nothing.
She turned to her father. “Am I your child, too?” At his blank stare, she shook her head in disappointment. Harper stood from the table and looked at RJ. “Well, now we know. As I said the last time I was here. Don’t call me. I won’t be picking up again.”
“Wait, Harper,” RJ spoke up. “Why am I getting blamed? I didn’t know either.” It was true, he didn’t. He was only a child. But he must have picked up on how their father treated her. Nature vs. Nurture, after all.
“I’m not saying I’ll never speak to you again, RJ. I’m simply saying you need to give me time. Plus, I’ll be going out of town.”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I’m going to visit our cousin Camille in Boston. I hear she just had a new baby. Her husband treats her like she walks on water. It’ll be good for me to be around people who don’t hide who they really are.”
“You will not go see those people,” her father spat.
There was a fleeting, petty thought of calling him his name, Rodney, just to see how he would react. “Why do you care?”
“They have no home training. Camille’s father is…” He was so flustered at the thought of her going up there, his words would not come out.
“I know exactly who her father is. But after tonight, I still have questions about my own.” It was a low blow, but she was hurt. “Listen, I don’t mean to hurt either of you, but clearly, this was a secret that needed to come out. When you’re ready to be honest with me, we can talk again. But until then…” She shrugged her shoulders and made her way to the door.
Behind her, she heard her father’s voice. “You’re still my child. It was just… difficult.”
She turned to look at him, nodding. “Yeah, just imagine how it felt for me.”
After exiting the house, she took a deep breath and walked to her car. Unlocking her phone, she called the one person who could make her feel better. Anders.
“Hey, babe. Done so soon?” he asked as soon as he picked up.
“I need you,” she said. Her voice hitched with unshed tears, which she knew he could hear over the line.
“Come to me, princess. My place is closer to your parents’ house. I’ll meet you there. Use the key under the mat to let yourself in. I’m on my way now.”