Chapter 15
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
HARLOW
I roll to my side, taking in his profile, debating his words. One thing I have learned about Carbon is that he is always very deliberate with the words he chooses. With that being fact, that can only mean that he is invested in me, that he sees this as a thing. “Can I trust you?”
“Don’t you already?” His head turns back so he can look at me, Ron Ron purrs up a storm on his belly as his fingers keep up a gentle scratch. He seemed really upset about what could have happened to me.
I broke down with him. I don’t even break down with myself. “Is it deserved?”
“Love, I am done pretending. If someone—other than you—wants me gone, they will have to kill me.” His words feel like a tender caress, one my heart really needed.
“I’ll gut them if they do,” I whisper, grinning a little at him. He chuckles. I scoot closer to him and decide to go out on a really concerning limb. I have never been much of a risk taker, but this feels worth the risk, the payout is potentially everything. “So, what does that mean we are?”
He looks up at the ceiling, thinking. “I suppose the term partner could work, but it seems wholly inadequate.”
“Mine,” I whisper.
His head shifts, our eyes connect. “Mine.”
We both smile at one another, Ron Ron gives a meow, we drop our eyes to him with a laugh. Carbon gives him a gentle scratch. “Don’t worry little buddy, you are ours.”
Did my heart just totally melt? Yup. Damn, how does this man just…
how does he just fit me? I can feel the shift in him, my gut is telling me he isn’t going to back out now.
He moved me into his house. Temporarily, but he did that.
That will not escape my brother and father’s notice, and they likely will have opinions about it, even if he does just say it is for my safety. Or whatever.
Am I ready for my family’s potential anger? Ugh. I can’t believe I am a thirty-year-old woman that is worried about her brother and father throwing a fit over her boyfriend. Oof. Boyfriend. Is that what Carbon is? He said partner and he said mine. That’s boyfriend, right?
Something else hammers me in the skull… I have family that cares enough about me to shit a brick over a boy. I giggle to myself at the thought. I’ve never had that before. Carbon’s fingers dance along the edge of my face. “Tell me.”
“I have a dad and brother,” I whisper, my eyes connecting with his again.
He gives me a tiny tip of the lips. “You do. You have family. People who fucking care about you.”
“I know you said it, but…” I trail off shaking my head a little, I actually have people that care about me.
“But sometimes it takes time for it to sink in,” he fills in. I nod my agreement. The feelings for that feel a bit intense, so I decide to move away from it for now. I focus on the other thing, the thing that makes me feel a little dumb for needing this. Needing clarity and definition.
“You said ‘partner’ and ‘mine.’” It isn’t really about having a title, more about needing to understand what he thinks we are… what our plan is here.
“You want to call me your boyfriend?” he makes it sound like a quip, his face splitting into a smile.
“I dunno… maybe.” I stare at his lips, my cheeks burning up.
His hand cups my head. “Hey. Hey. Look at me.” I flip my eyes up to his.
“I know I did a shit job for a few years. I knew how I felt about you but knew your brother in particular would be pissed at me. He knows my past, my lack of interest in dating, the other stuff, and he would have held that against me because you are his sister. You were new and he was afraid of anyone running you off. I kept you at arm’s length in the worst possible way, but I didn’t know how else to handle this because this… between us…”
“It’s electric,” I whisper.
He smirks. “It really fucking is. We have reached the point of no return and not because of outside forces, but because I am done. I am done not being at your side. I am done not being the place you turn. I am done watching from the sidelines. I am so fucking done. I have a lot to make up for, but I will. I want to make you happy.”
I snort a laugh, which gets his brow to lift. I fill him in on why I am a bit amused by his words, “We both did it. We both fought this… almost like a team.”
He laughs. “Fair point.”
“I am done too,” I tell him.
His fingers slide down my jaw. “I would kiss you right now, but I have a big black cat purring up a storm on my stomach.”
I push up, scoot across, lean in. “Then I guess I can bring the kiss to you.” Pressing my lips to his, his hand sifts into my hair, clutching at my scalp.
My lips part, his tongue surges forward, leaning into him I let my tongue explore his in smooth soft licks.
His hand cups at the back of my head as he encourages me closer.
Ron Ron apparently takes the hint, I am vaguely aware of his paws touching down on the floor before Carbon is rolling, dipping me back and pulling himself up over me.
He breaks the kiss. “Do you feel we need to settle things with your family before we take this to the next level?”
I snort out a laugh. “Fuck no.”
“Good.” He goes to drop his lips to mine but pauses. “I’m talking about sex.”
My hand dives into his hair giving a little tug. “I knew exactly what you were saying and just for the record, I’m on birth control and I literally got all of my STD testing results back yesterday. I always test when I end a relationship.”
“I am clean too, so does that mean we can?—”
“Fuck without a condom. Yeah. Also to be clear, this will be the first time I ever do that, so…” I bite my lip not sure if I should have said that or just let it go.
“I haven’t without a condom either.” He eyes me. “Would you be more comfortable with a condom? I have some.”
I raise my brow at him. “Do you now?”
He gives me an unamused look. “Sexy, of the two of us, you have had a shit ton more sex than I have in the last couple years since I haven’t, and you have.”
I blink. I blink again. I know I must look like a dope with my exaggerated blinking. “You haven’t had sex in a couple years?”
“Not since I met you.” He shrugs.
My eyes track the movement of his shoulders as he looms over me. “Does it bother you that I have?”
“Does it bother me that you have had sex? No. Does it bother me that you had sex with someone that was not me? Yes. Not because I take issue with you having sex, but because it was my own damn fault, that is what bugs me.” He shrugs again. “Also, I didn’t like Austin.”
“We both were fucking idiots if we are stating things for the record. Austin wasn’t that bad, he just wasn’t…
you.” I meet his eyes feeling bad for Austin, but also not able to hide shit from Carbon because…
well… I trust him with me, and apparently that means I trust him with the inner thoughts in my head.
And yeah, I’m choosing to just embrace that shit because, I remind myself, some risks have a reward that can mean everything.
His fingertips brush lightly along my ear, and his eyes follow the movement before coming back to my face.
“Everyone before now, that was then, here forward… Harry, not going to lie, I am a possessive motherfucker. I have been keeping my impulses in check, but now that you are mine, you are going to bear the brunt.”
“Bring it. I apparently thrive under your version of crazy.” I beam a smile up at him because I mean it.
Also, he is the first person I don’t just feel like I can tell my shit to, but that he won’t hold it against me either.
More like he just wants to hold it with me and that is pretty fucking liberating.
“Can we get back to the kissing and fucking now?” he questions with the cutest grin on his face. It pushes up one side, looking a little boyishly handsome, but also a little deviant and I am not sure how those seem to mix, but they do on him. I am so here for it too.
“Yes, please.” I lean up to meet his lips as they come down.
His forearm comes up along the side of my head, his other hand sifts into my hair, sinking the pads of his fingers against my scalp.
His tongue going stroke for stroke with mine, deepening the kiss.
I widen my legs a little, which gets him to shift, both legs going between mine, pressing his very apparent excitement against me.
I got to feel him hard against me once, when we had that amazing kiss, but now, now I am actually feeling just how long he is as I give a rock of my hips.
His fingers tighten against my scalp, giving a light pull of my hair and fuck. His mouth travels down to my throat, his teeth scrape against my skin. He groans, “Get your fucking nails on me.”
My hands were wrapped around his side and bicep, but I was trying to be careful with my nails.
Some men don’t like them, but clearly my man does.
Don’t worry, I’m not surprised, just thrilled.
I press my nails in on his bicep as I slide my hand on his side down, finding the hem of his shirt, I pull it up, slipping my fingers below.
My nails drag lightly along his side toward the middle of his lower back, then scrape slowly back and I swear the pressure and sensation of them dragging over his skin is just as pleasurable to me as it is to him.
A deep heavy, and so fucking heady, groan drags from his chest, his lips shuddering against my throat. I press my nails in harder, dragging them against his delicious skin, and he pulls back enough to press his forehead to mine. “Fuck. Fuck sexy girl, I could cum just from those fucking claws.”
His lips crash back into mine, his kiss consuming, my brain focusing down on his mouth and the feel of his skin beneath my nails, the rub of his jean covered cock against my core.
I pull my knees up, chasing the friction in just the right spot.
His fingers tighten in my hair more, directing my head as he eats at my lips.
My nails pressing more into his flesh, dragging.
His hips grind into me and the pressure and location are perfect.