Chapter Ten
Peyton
WAKING UP, I stretch out my sore as hell body.
It’s been a week since those pictures and everything else were left on the porch of Carbon’s home.
Each night I spend hours in hell and it takes Carbon forever to wake me up and comfort me until I stop crying and rest comfortably against his chest. He wipes the tears from my face, keeps my hair brushed back, and does anything else he can to take care of me.
Right now, Marie and Rooster keep the kids during the day and bring them home each night.
It’s not because they don’t trust me to be with my own children, right now they understand I’m not in the right frame of mind to be with them.
Not while trying to work and take care of the house.
Even if it feels as if I’m only moving through the motions and not really paying much attention to anything I’ve done each day.
It all blurs into nothing and I can’t answer what I’ve done when I’m asked.
My dad is here every single day to spend time with me.
He cooks for me, helps me get the house clean, and just hangs out at the house.
Like usual, my dad never pressures me to talk about anything.
He’s simply a steady presence as I try to navigate through the turmoil in my heart and mind.
There’s so much going on in my mind that I can’t help but try to figure out what I’m feeling and thinking before I can talk to anyone else about it.
Matt also doesn’t pressure me to talk about anything I’m not ready to discuss yet.
He’s a strong, silent presence in my life and takes what I give him right now.
When the kids are home, he helps me take care of them and doesn’t bitch or complain when they have a bad day.
Caydence has been having a hard time going to sleep lately and it takes hours.
We rock her and hold her close until she’s ready to give up the fight.
More often than not, she falls asleep in Matt’s arms with her head nestled in his neck.
Matt hasn’t been working as many hours a day.
He goes in for maybe four at most and is back home with me.
My mom and sister have been to see me, but their visits aren’t very long.
Both of them understand I now work from home and that’s mainly how my days are spent.
They typically come over around lunch time and Marie shows up with the kids so my family can spend time with them.
I’m not about to deny any of them the pleasure of seeing one another and spending quality time together.
My parents and sister love my kids and are excited for the babies to be born.
I know they’ll always love any children we add into our family.
My nephew is upset he can’t come see the kids and me.
However, he’s old enough to understand things are going on here and it’s not safe for him to be around.
The second this situation I find myself in is handled, I plan on spending the day with my family away from the compound and make my nephew feel as special as I possibly can.
Guys have surrounded the house so no one else can get close again.
Matt told me they’ve updated the security system but they’re still trying to figure out how the person who left the shit on the porch got in to begin with.
Brick has been working nonstop to figure everything out, but he’s coming up with nothing.
That leads him to believe someone is helping my stalker from within the compound and he’s looking into everyone.
No one is safe from his investigation for any reason.
Even the fully patched members aren’t safe from him and they all know it.
To say Matt was pissed when he learned someone from inside is helping my stalker would be an understatement.
He rushed out of the house and went straight to the clubhouse.
It was hours before he came home, drunk and barely able to stand.
If Brick and Omen weren’t helping him, he would have face planted more than once.
They assured me they were with him the entire time and after spending a while in the ring, he got drunk as fuck until they cut him off and brought him home.
He passed out in bed and didn’t wake up once throughout the night.
I remained awake and watched over him and the children.
Matt wasn’t happy when he woke up to discover the secret of me remaining awake.
He sent me to bed and remained with me until I fell asleep and stayed that way.
The only person he allowed in my room while I was sleeping was my dad when he brought me food.
Dr. Matthews has been to the house twice so far this week.
She wants to keep a close eye on me and the babies.
So far, everything looks really good and she doesn’t see any issues or the babies in distress.
She’s keeping me off of bedrest for now, but if anything changes, she won’t hesitate to take me out of work and make sure I’m on bedrest only.
I love her and how patient and kind she is with me.
Especially when Matt comes in with a million questions about the pregnancy and babies in general.
Dr. Matthews answers everything he asks and doesn’t make him feel stupid or small for being worried about our babies.
This is why the ol’ ladies must love her and all continue to use the same doctor to deliver each of their babies.
“Dad!” I call out, walking out of the bedroom after taking a shower before Matt left for work for a few hours. “Dad, are you here?”
“I’m here. Are you okay?” he questions, rushing from the kitchen and up to my side.
“I’m okay. The babies are okay. I just wanted to make sure you were here. I’m not, um, I’m not ready to be here alone yet,” I inform him hesitantly because I’m not sure how he’ll take hearing that news.
“I know, Baby Girl. You’re doing really good.
I think Matt is truly helping you through this situation and you need to let him be there for you the way I used to,” he tells me, his voice soft and gentle as he leads me to the island in the kitchen.
“I used to be the keeper of your secrets and the person you turned to when you needed someone in your corner. Now, that man has to be Matt. He’ll keep all of your secrets and be the comfort you need when you have a nightmare and get lost in your head.
He’s a good man who will be the strength you don’t always have and have your back when the days are too long and hard.
He’ll also be the man who lets you stand on your own and fight the battles you can without hesitation,” he informs me as I watch him make our lunch and prepare for my mom and sister to come rushing through the door of the house as they do every single day around this time.
“He’s been that man for me, Dad. I don’t want to push you away or make you feel as if you don’t matter to me any longer though,” I tell him as my eyes fill with tears and I try to hold them back.
I swear all I do is cry these days. Even when I’m sleeping, I’m not truly sleeping because I cry and live through nightmares every single night. Matt is always there for me and he keeps the demons at bay. The same things my dad used to do when we were growing up.
“You will never make me feel as if you don’t need me any longer, Baby Girl.
I’m your dad and I will always be the holder of your secrets and the healer of your heart.
Matt already knows this and understands I will be there for you when you need me.
It’s why I’m the one in the house with you each day and no one else is allowed inside.
Seth is the only other man besides Brick who can step foot through the door and not have the shit beat out of him by Matt.
Let him in and help you work, through the commotion and chaos in your mind.
It’s what he wants to do and he’s just waiting for you to tell him it’s okay and to talk,” my dad says, giving me the words of wisdom I never knew I needed to hear right now.
“I’ll let him in, Dad. Promise,” I tell him just as the front door opens and I hear my mom and sister laughing and talking loudly as they make their way inside the house.
“That’s all I ask, Sweetheart. Matt will stand right there with you as long as you don’t keep him shut out.
Let him in and be there for him when he needs you.
He has an entire clubhouse full of men to talk things through with, but they aren’t you.
The woman he wants at his side to share everything with him.
The good and the bad,” my dad says as Mom and my sister enter the kitchen with us and take seats next to me after giving me a hug in greeting.
“How are you feeling today, Sweetheart?” my mom asks, accepting the plate of food my dad offers her with a smile before turning to look at me.
My mom and dad have the kind of love that has overcome everything thrown in their path.
They’ve weathered being broke and having nothing to their name, living in a cramped apartment with two small children.
Now, they’re comfortable and living the life they want full of love and happiness with their daughters and grandchildren surrounding them.
If you ask them, they’ve always had every single thing they ever wanted in life no matter what their circumstances were.
They were happy when they had nothing and will continue to be happy when they’re comfortable and don’t want for anything.
It’s the kind of love I hope to have with Matt.