Chapter Eighteen
Peyton
TWO WEEKS HAVE passed since I had the twins and we learned of Chayne’s health problem.
The guilt has weighed heavily on me and I don’t know what to do in order to relieve it.
My family and Matt have been trying their hardest to get me out of my head and assure me this has nothing to do with anything I’ve done or the stress I’ve been under because of my stalker.
Nothing has worked so far. Every single night I cry myself to sleep once Matt has already fallen asleep.
I’m sure he knows I do this because he always knows what’s going on in my life.
The man knows me better than I know myself and always has some kind of sense of what I need and exactly how to get me out of my head when I can’t do it myself.
He truly is the man I love and has quickly become the center of my world with our children.
Matt still hasn’t gone back to work yet.
The only time he’s been there is during the day for about a half hour just to check in with everyone and make sure things are running smoothly.
Next week he’ll go in overnight once the bar closes to do inventory.
He tries to do that once or twice a month.
If he doesn’t do it that often, it gets too hard and takes him even longer than usual.
I’m certainly not going to hold him back from working and I know he has responsibilities and he’s been putting them off in order to remain home with the kids and me.
That’s the last thing I want him to do when the club and the life he’s built means everything to him.
My mom and dad have been here on a daily basis.
They’ve been a great help with the kids as we all try to ensure Cedric and Caydence don’t feel left out.
That’s the last thing any of us want right now.
I love all of my children equally and don’t ever want a single one of them to feel as if I don’t love them as much or in the same way as the rest of the children.
Cedric is always with us and has helped as much as possible with the twins.
He always wants to be right in the middle of whatever we’re doing and loves holding the babies.
We have so many pictures of him with the little ones and I plan on hanging them up on the walls.
When Cedric’s not with the babies and me, he’s with my dad.
The two of them are extremely close and I love watching them together as my dad teaches Cedric the same things he taught me and Jennifer when we were growing up.
Everyone from the club has stepped up in one way or another.
The guys have been helping Matt take over his shifts at the bar and gone on the run he was supposed to go on.
Matt refused to go because he’d be gone for a week and he didn’t want to leave us for that long.
Kimber has been my lifeline. She’s here on a daily basis and makes me laugh with her stories more than anything else.
The only reason I haven’t completely lost my shit is because of her and that’s why she’s been spending so much time with me.
Barb has been trying to stop over and be at the house with me as often as possible too.
My best friend has been busier than normal and I know she hates that she can’t do more for me.
I understand she’s busy though and don’t blame her for anything.
Barb is one of the best people I know and there’s a reason she’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember.
She deserves to live her life the way she wants and that doesn’t include spending hours and hours catering to me.
Though, we have done that for one another over the years and it’s part of why we’re so close now.
“Peyton, where are you?” Kimber asks, walking through the house to find me.
“Nursery,” I call out, looking down at Cooper in my arms.
Chayne is already fed, changed and sleeping once again.
He went down easy today. Usually whichever twin is fed first won’t go to sleep until the other one is in the crib with them.
My boy must be tired and that’s why he fell back asleep so quickly today.
It’s also one of the reasons I haven’t left the nursery yet.
Every little thing about Chayne scares the hell out of me.
I honestly have no clue what to expect when it comes to everything we’re dealing with. Matt and my parents are the same way.
“We’re getting you out of the house today,” Kimber says, walking in the nursery and leaning against the dresser.
“Um, what do you mean?” I question her, my voice hesitant as the thought of leaving the house fills me with fear.
“We’re going to the clubhouse for a while.
Everyone wants to see you at the same time instead of taking shifts to come to the house.
So, I’m bringing you down to the clubhouse for a while.
The kids and you need to get out and beyond the walls of this house,” Kimber states, her voice leaving no room for me to argue with her about this.
“I guess that’s okay. I’ll pack a diaper bag for the kids. It’s gonna take me a little bit to get ready,” I say, looking around the nursery for the diaper bag my parents got us.
“I’ve got the diaper bag. You finish nursing Cooper and then get dressed.
Throw your hair up and put some make-up on your face.
Callum is even on his way over to the clubhouse to see you and the twins.
I have a feeling he’ll be spending more time around here because of you and the kids.
We’ll always be happy as hell if that happens.
He’s been gone for so long and we’ve all missed him,” Kimber informs me, a somber tone to her voice as she talks about her oldest brother.
“I’m glad he’ll be around here more. You all deserve to spend time with him and get to know the man he is now,” I respond, lifting Cooper in my arms to burp her so I can get her changed into something else if we’re going down to the clubhouse.
Once she’s ready to go, I change Chayne and he doesn’t wake up at all.
That’s not unusual for him though. Already he can sleep through anything just like his dad.
Matt can sleep at any time and not a lot wakes him up.
If the kids or I call for him, he wakes up, but that’s about it.
I know if he’s on a run, Matt wakes up even easier so he can be there for his brothers.
Right now, he’d be sleeping like a rock and wouldn’t hear his sister in the house.
The second the twins are changed and ready to go, Kimber and I place them in the car seats and carry them out to the living room of the house.
My dad is there with Cedric and Caydence as they stand waiting for me.
He’s gotten them ready to go which means Kimber had this planned and I was the last one to find out.
“Are you going to the clubhouse with us, Dad?” I ask him, looking at Cedric as he makes his way over to the twins where Kimber and I hold them.
“Yeah. I thought I’d go down there for a little bit,” he answers me, a smile on his face because he enjoys hanging out with the guys from the club. My dad walks over and grabs the seat from my hand so he can be the one to take it outside to the SUV.
“Let’s head out then. The quicker I get down there, the sooner I can get back home,” I say to no one in particular as Kimber frowns at me.
The three of us head out with the kids. My dad helps me get them in the SUV as Kimber puts Cedric in her car.
He wants to ride to the clubhouse with his aunt and I’m not about to stop him.
I’ll always give my kids what they want when I can.
A short ride to the clubhouse with Kimber is nothing but it will make my oldest son happy as hell.
That’s all that matters to me in this world if I’m being honest.
It takes longer to get Caydence and the twins in the SUV then it does to actually get down there.
I sit in the passenger seat as my dad drives us.
Yes, I’m still moving a bit slow from the surgery to have the twins and I still ache with certain movements.
That’s why no one will allow me to carry the kids around very often.
It’s not because they’re worried I’ll drop or hurt them, but because they don’t want to see me in pain.
“Are you okay?” my dad asks as we pull into the parking lot of the clubhouse.
“I’m as okay as I can be,” I answer him honestly, taking a deep breath as I look around the area for any signs of a threat.
“You’re safe here, Peyton. No one is gonna get close to you when you’re in the compound.
Prospects are on the gate and there are a few members here already.
They left work early specifically so you could come down and hang out with everyone today,” my dad informs me as I release the breath I’ve been holding for longer than I’ll ever admit.
“Rationally, I know I’m safe here. Carbon and the guys won’t let anything happen to me.
Mentally, it’s another thing altogether.
I have a hard time believing no one’s gonna get past the gate like they did before.
It only took a few minutes for someone to breach the gate and get on Carbon’s front porch to leave all that stuff for me.
Now, I’m out in the open here in front of the clubhouse and it’s terrifying,” I tell my dad honestly as I unfasten my seatbelt and get ready to get the twins and Caydence out of the SUV.
Kimber and Cedric make their way over to us, allowing me to hand one of the car seats over to her while my dad takes the other one.
Cedric grabs my hand after I set Caydence down on the pavement next to me.
Together, we make our way across the short distance of the parking lot and to the front door of the clubhouse.
It opens before we can get too close and I see Brick standing in the doorway with a smile on his face.