19. Ryan
Ryan
FUCK.
I mean… FUCK.
Brody is staring at me, his eyes full of intense concern.
I know I need to say something, but it feels like my brain has completely short-circuited.
I’ve been under a massive amount of operational pressure recently, yep, absolutely, let’s go with that.
That is the reason why I can’t string a coherent sentence together, let alone speak a single word.
It has absolutely nothing to do with what I shoved under my pillow the exact second it fell out of Jackson’s envelope.
Nope. Nothing to do with that fucking picture.
“I’m good. Just tired. Going to…” I point lamely toward my bunk and dive for it.
Fuck, I’m acting like a total teenager. I’m twenty-nine years old, and it feels like I’ve just been sent my first official dick pic.
“What did you get this time?” Brody asks, walking over to stand by my bunk. I swear to god, it feels like my pillow is actively on fire.
“Erm, just a few cookies,” I stammer. “I’m not sure where they’re from this time. I haven’t even read the letter yet.”
Brody reaches down and picks up the empty bakery bag. “Crumb he’s my best friend, he’s all I have out here. “Erm, I’m ok,” I say, forcing myself to take deep, ragged breaths.
“Ry, look at me.” Brody’s voice is steady and full of deep empathy. I turn my head and stare into his eyes. “This is me, Ry. I know. And it’s ok. Fuck, I’ve known for years.”
I sit up, completely paralyzed by shock. “What are you talking about?” I try to joke.
“Ry, don’t do that,” Brody says softly. “It’s me. You’re being one hundred percent honest with a guy you haven’t even met yet. Extend that same honesty to me now. I don’t give a shit who you love, man, just as long as they make you happy.”
And just like that… I’ve been outed. The air in the barracks seemed to thin out, leaving me gasping in shock.
My heart, which had been hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird, suddenly stuttered.
Brody knew. He’d known for years, while I’d been meticulously constructing this reinforced vault, layering brick after brick of “don’t ask, don’t tell” until I was more vault than man.
The realization that I’d been hiding in plain sight from the person I trusted most made my skin feel too tight.
It was a terrifying, dizzying drop, like stepping off a ridge in the dark and finding the ground much closer than expected.
“Years?” I rasped, the word tasting like dust. “How? I never… I was so careful, Brody.”
Brody let out a soft, huffed breath of a laugh, his eyes never wavering from mine.
“Ry, you’re my brother. I’ve watched your six in the worst hell holes on this planet.
You think I wouldn’t notice the way you never talked about the girls back home?
Or the way you’d go completely still whenever the guys started their locker room talk?
It wasn’t one big thing, man. It was just…
you. And I don’t care. I was just waiting for you to feel safe enough to tell me. ”
A massive, hot lump formed in my throat, making it impossible to swallow.
The relief was a physical weight, a staggering tide that washed away a decade of constant, grinding vigilance.
I’d been so afraid that the truth would be the one explosion I couldn’t survive, the one that would finally isolate me from the only family I had left.
But instead of the rejection I’d prepared for, there was just Brody, sitting on my bunk, looking at me with the same steady, unconditional loyalty he’d shown in every firefight we’d survived.
“I thought I was alone,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I thought if you knew, you’d… You wouldn’t want me around. That you’d look at me differently.”
Brody reached out, his hand gripping my shoulder with a finality that grounded me.
“Ryan, listen to me. You’re the best soldier I know.
You’re my best friend. That doesn’t change because of who you want to come home to.
This Jackson guy? If he makes you happy, then he’s in our squad, too. I’m happy for you, Ry. Truly.”
The tears I’d been suppressing for years finally carved clean tracks through the grime on my face.
I slumped back against the wall, the tension draining out of me until I felt light, almost buoyant.
For the first time since I’d signed my enlistment papers, I could actually breathe.
I wasn’t just a serial number or a closeted soldier, I was Ryan Carter, and for the first time in my life, I was completely, deeply seen. Well, fuck me—I actually had a brother.